Disclaimer: Read the first chappy legal peeps. Too lazy to repeat :)
Dedicated To: Phoenix Red Lion
Chapter Seventeen: Of Tears and Moving On
Obi-Wan was exhausted. He'd only ever felt more tired than this once, and that was four years ago after fighting the Sith's apprentice and healing Qui-Gon. Now he'd fought the Sith Master, and spent half the night (so far) staying with his distraught Padawan, who was finding it very hard to grasp the senseless murder of her friend. She just couldn't make sense of it.
"This is one of those things, my Padawan," he sighed, hoping it wouldn't come to this, "that you will understand with time." Tilting her head up to look at his he smiled gently and wiped away the fresh tears, "The Sith don't have to have a reason for their hate, for their anger, they acts on motivations based on their dark emotions, their greed and liking for causing others pain. Can you understand that?"
A small, hesitant nod followed, one of only a few that night, and it was one large victory for Obi-Wan. There would be another matter to address, that of her mission to help him, but that was for another day, when both were well rested and calmer.
"Try and sleep, Padawan, tomorrow will still come and you can't hide from it, no matter how much you want to." Or however good you think you are at hiding… Obi-Wan wrapped a blanket around Ashden's shoulders and settled down for a long night of thinking. Qui-Gon… the Sith… Anakin… the Chosen One, him? His years of nightmares… the recent months of taunting manipulation in his mind… the deaths of so many Jedi… It was a lot for Obi-Wan to take in, considering he'd spent near enough his whole life thinking he wasn't worthy of the clothes he wore. Now he was the Chosen One? It seemed that only one mystery remained, that of the Sith's identity, and when he would strike again. Well, that was two mysteries actually.
Not to mention that of what the Jedi were going to do now. The Sith and their way of spreading darkness through lies and deceit and evil doings were the only enemy that had ever truly threatened the Jedi. The Sith Wars were a lot closer than many thought. Corusant was a prime example of that -no Jedi had to reach far with their senses to find darkness on any planet, but Obi-Wan had always (and now he possibly knew why, although he wasn't quite sure he wanted to) sensed it much more keenly than others. He could visualise the tendrils snaking through the planet, weaving their way into everyday life from the thickened fingers that held the giant city in its firm grasp.
What could he do about it? He was just one man, one Jedi, his primary training wasn't even in battles and war, it was in diplomacy! Though, granted since his knighthood, and even during his apprenticeship most diplomatic situations dissolved into all out war, if they hadn't started out that way already. Yet still…
He couldn't think over this many thoughts at once, his mind was in too much turmoil from what Yoda had, well, not exactly told him, from what Yoda had confirmed in his own roundabout way that involved not saying it first. Tricky little green troll, he was. He needed to meditate, to clear his mind, to concentrate and sort through all these feelings that were winding him up so tightly.
Very carefully, Obi-Wan shifted Ashden in his arms a little, loosening the muscles ever so slightly, causing her to stir.
"Sssh, Ash. I'm here, I'm here Ashden." Stroking her hair, which was much easier now, he held as still as possible before assuring himself he would wake up if she moved at all, and fell into a much needed trance, falling steadily through the levels of meditative trances, Obi-Wan soon found one he was comfortable with, not so deep he wouldn't be aware if Ashden moved, but not so light that he was distracted by other little things.
Here, inside his own mind, was where he felt remarkably safe, and where he kept the knowledge that he would prefer others not knowing, like the signature of the old evil he'd felt through the Initiates some time ago, and the feelings towards Qui-Gon that were locked away in a saddened corner. Any dreams that caused distracted were here also, there had been a fair few over the course of his life. Many involved simply the fact that people in his life hadn't died. Sometimes, he'd take them out to marvel at them, but he didn't do it often: the dead were dead, it was a harsh, horrible knowledge, but true. Tonight, he added Sa-Bay to the dreams, wishing he were still alive, for he truly was not meant to have died -his destiny was extinguished early, whatever he was meant to do, to change, to live, thwarted before it began. Obi-Wan felt it like a knife through the heart.
And so he went of for many hours that night, marvelling at the what-could-have-been's and the what-should-have-been's and still the what-might-be's, like Anakin's mother, until he forced himself to put them away again, regretful as he was, and moved on to other matters. It was only Yoda's dampener in his pocket (which the little green master had conspicuously slipped in as they parted ways) that kept the whole Temple from noticing. Cranked up to full power as it was, Ashden still knew something was different about her Master, though she had dutifully kept it out of their conversation earlier. His shielding would have to be much improved, and it was good already, as after one mission not two years ago, it was required of him that in order to live, he had to master the art of completely hiding his Force signature from other Force sensitive beings. From force of habit, he spent much of the time outside of the Temple employing that trick. However, that was his 'old' signature, this new one was different. Needed… examining further from the inside in an almost clinical fashion before moving on to the tiny intricacies that made it his own.
Once he had blocking it completely, it was just a matter of letting a small amount show, the same level as his previous 'normal' signature, no problem at all when one knew how.
It was just time-consuming.
When morning came, Obi-Wan was dozing. The dampener in his pocket having been switched off a few hours ago, his signature appeared just as it always had. Nobody would be any the wiser. His mind was still reeling, but to a degree he could deal with. During the night Obi-Wan came to the decision that he would not seek out the Sith, not now. He would prepare, speak with Yoda, learn as much as he could (and would be suggesting that soon all Jedi would know of the Sith's return that all others, from Initiate to old Master, did too) and keep a look out for the despicable, dangerous being, but he would not look for it again. Would never answer its call like a pup again. As for Qui-Gon… at Yoda's behest he wouldn't actively avoid the man again, however, he certainly wasn't going to go out of his way to find him, nor engage in conversation of his own accord unless held at 'saber point. He would simply have to cross the rickety broken bridge of their relationship when he came to it.
It was the Bell of Mourning that awoke both Master and Padawan. Once, twice, three times it tolled, signalling that a funeral for a fallen Jedi would be held in one hour.
Lately, Obi-Wan thought, it was being rang much to often. Today it shouldn't have even been in use at all.
Nudging his yawning Padawan, Obi-Wan lifted her onto her feet, "Come on Ashden, we'll get changed and then… say goodbye, okay?"
"'Kay."
----
A circle of hooded figures stood around a funeral pyre, but there was nothing sinister about them. In their silence they were bound together by grief, despite the creed of there being no death, only the Force, the sudden loss of any person is a dreadful, painful shock.
Those present ranged greatly in age, from the venerable Master Yoda, to Ashden, who was staring at the pyre intently, her gaze fixed upon it as if she could wish her friend back to life through that simple action.
Care Master Da-Sarin spoke quietly, but her words reached to all present without hindrance. Heartfelt, the eulogy was one written by a mother for her child, a position Obi-Wan thought he was beginning to understand. What if it was Ashden laying on that funeral pyre, instead of Sa-Bay? They'd only been Master and Padawan a short time, yet he already felt very protective of the child, felt his heart lift when she laughed or achieved anything, hated it when she was unhappy… if it had been Ashden, it didn't bear thinking about.
It was not long before the intense fires were lit beneath his little body, and after a time the crowd started quietly dispersing, until only Obi-Wan, Da-Sarin and the four children remained. Kneeling down in front of the youngsters, both adults took one hand each.
"We must have peace over our anger, honour over our hate, and strength over our fear."
"Yes Masters."
"We must not let ourselves fear the Sith. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. That is the path to the Darkside."
"Yes Masters."
"Sa-Bay isn't gone completely, do you know that? He lives on in the Force, as do all Jedi when they become one with it, and he lives here," Obi-Wan pointed to Ashden's heart, and then Amati's, "where nothing can take him away."
"Yes Master."
"Well come along then, we can all eat, and then you need to go back to class, little ones." Dar-Sarin said, standing up with knees that cracked quietly as she did so.
---
The single bell tolled, signalling that a funeral was beginning in the Temple. Anakin ignored it, it was of no consequence to he, the Chosen One since he was not dead, and nor was his Master.
The only matter of any worth at the moment was the curious reason why he and his Master had been called to the strange troll's rooms: there was nothing he'd done of late, having perfected the art of only revelling in his feelings, his thoughts and his dreams…
Speaking of which, they were now standing outside the opening door, beckoned inwards by the familiar voice that was a cross between rough and smooth.
Yoda looked at Qui-Gon directly in the eyes, his wide-eyed stare belying the centuries of knowledge and wisdom gained within the small being, "Come to light, since Obi-Wan's battle with Sith, information has."
"Information such as what, Master?" asked Qui-Gon.
"Prepare yourselves, you should. Grave mistake made, there has been."
Anakin struggled with the urge to fidget and tell the Jedi to hurry up and spit it out. There were surely better things he, Anakin, could be doing?
"Relates, it does, to you, young Skywalker, and your mother." Yoda refocused on the youngest present, and yet even with all his experience, hesitated before the task of continuing. "Father, you have, a previous owner of your mother, he was. Trying to protect you, your mother was, give you better life, all she wanted."
Anakin blinked, slowly, as if to do so would wipe out all that had just transpired. Mind not able tp digest what had been said, it reeled and span, feelings like betrayal and anger, feelings like the pain of crushed hope and broken dreams bubbled barely beneath the surface, threatening to take over and spill into the open and -
"Jedi, you are. Chosen one, you are not."
It felt like the world, his entire perception of everything, had come crashing down around him in that single moment. Indeed, he didn't even hear the first part of Yoda's confirmation, for the rushing of blood to his head was already so loud he could barely hear his own thoughts over the noise -
His mother, his one constant, lied to him! Made him believe he was worth something, a person that meant something! He floundered like a lost soul, he turned to his Master, eyes begging for help and comfort, for him to make it all not true, in the first real show of emotion since becoming a Jedi a few years ago.
"Master? I don't understand! How could she? Did you know too? How many people have l-lied to me?
Anakin didn't expect to see what he did. What he was expecting was his strong and silent Master, ready with all the answers and unshaken by the recent turn of events. Instead, what he saw was a greying man, fallible and thrown by this revelation. In a way, it was comforting. The Jedi weren't perfect.
"No, Ani, I didn't know about this." He replied softly, "How many others, Yoda?"
Sadly, watching the scene unfold, he shook his head, "Only Obi-Wan, told him, Sith did."
"And what will happen now?"
"Know truth finally, in times of darkness, other Jedi must. Choice, I give to you. Tell others yourselves, or let Council speak."
"How long do we have?"
"Three hours."
"If you will excuse us, Master, my Padawan and I need some time to talk." Qui-Gon wasted no further time, standing up from the cushioned floor he and a stumbling Anakin made the journey to their own rooms in silence. As soon as the doors slid shut, the Padawan turned to him with an agonised stare.
"What's going to happen to me now, Master?"
Shocked by the open insecurity in the boy's voice, he turned around and caught his gaze.
"You are still a Jedi, Ani -Master Yoda said as much. Nothing has changed, I am still your Master and you are still my Padawan. There was just a mistake, a mistake Ani. It happens."
"But I'm not the Chosen One."
"No, you're not." Qui-Gon's voice cracked at this. A memory he'd spent these years trying to forget, the memory of Obi-Wan, and the awful look on his face…
"Who am I?"
Qui-Gon sighed, "You're Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi."
The boy shook his head and ran his hands through the short spikes of his hair. Qui-Gon didn't understand. These whole past four years, he'd been the Chosen One. That was who he was: his identity, the thing that gave him status in unofficial Padawan society. His friends, the few that he had, even said the others called him the Important Padawan. And now… now he was just another run of the mill Jedi? An ordinary, everyday, Jedi…. Not the Jedi Qui-Gon thought he was training, not the Jedi he fought to train himself. "Did you only train me because you thought I was the Chosen One?"
"Why would you say such a thing?"
"Did you?"
"I-" he stopped, pulling a large hand over his face and rubbing his eyes, "I-"
"Did you!"
"I-" Did he? Honestly, that was his reason, at least to an extent, since the Chosen One had to be trained. And Obi-Wan… Was that the only reason? Looking into the blue eyes, confused and torn at the moment, the blood drained from his face as he realised he had no idea. Should he lie? Comfort him with false assurances? Another lie on top of the past four years of the constant untruths they'd lived, what could it hurt? The small voice of logic in his mind screamed at him that it as the completely wrong thing to do, but that was his primary notion. He'd been doing that since he took the boy as a Padawan. The complete opposite to how he treated Obi-Wan… But this boy, this child before him, was no longer able to hide behind the name of the Chosen One and Qui-Gon saw, just for a few moments, through the façade to the scared Padawan unsure of his path beneath it.
"It played a part in my decision, yes. But it isn't as simple as that, Anakin. I knew you were Force sensitive when I met you, before the test, and you must be strong within the Force in your own right, just look at what you've achieved, but yes. I may have fought for you to be taken by a Master more strongly that I otherwise would have, but it is my personal believe that all Force sensitive children should be trained so long as the opportunity arises. Do you understand what I'm saying, Ani? I never would have sent you back to Tatooine, even if you weren't the Chosen One. Never."
Anakin nodded slowly, still not completely convinced. The words of Senator Palpatine echoed through his head, the promises of power and recognition of his destined status as the Chosen One, highest of all the Jedi… "What will happen now?"
"We have to decided how the other Jedi are told, by us, or by the Council." Qui-Gon knelt down, placing a reassuring grip on his shoulders, "This will not be easy. The next few months, maybe even years, are going to be difficult. The fact that we made no secret as to your destiny means a lot of people know, and now, a lot of people will have questions."
"What do you mean, Master?"
He sighed; he'd mostly meant Obi. Yet that was a bridge he would cross alone, for if it broke he didn't want Anakin being dragged into the river of broken promises, negative emotions, thoughts and words and everything else too. Though it was not only Obi-Wan who'd expressed concern over the proclaimed status of his status.
Difficult times indeed -Jedi weren't above a smug 'told you so' on occasion.
"You will find out soon, I don't doubt it. I'd rather see how you deal with it yourself."
"Yes, Master. And, I think we should do it."
"Agreed. Come on, lets find out where dear old Yoda has got to."
"And then?"
"Then we are at the discretion of the Council again. Just like always."
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Author's Notes: uuuh, oops? I got stuck about a week into the original two weeks I said it would take, and then the rest of the summer jsut flew by... anyway i'm back at school now so i have time during lessons and stuff to write :D
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