Hi ya'all! A quick update tonight, I'm very tired! That's also why this chapter is so short hehe. I promise more soon! Oh, and the phrase that I use in this chapter 'Stand, climb, and fall' I stole from a song, 'Stanley Climbfall' by Lifehouse, one of my fave bands! I thought it just seemed fitting! Thankyou for all the reviews and the support and please keep reading! Please Read and Review!
I do not own Friends/characters/actors...but I do own Fools Rush In!
The touch lingered.
Brutal, unloving, painful.
The fingers on his skin.
He could still feel them, even though they had left long before.
Long before.
That wasn't right.
It hadn't been that long.
Only last night.
It was strange; in a way, Chandler felt like it had been years since they had touched him. But at the same time, he felt like mere seconds had passed.
Neither of those two feelings was right. It hadn't been years, it hadn't been seconds.
It had been hours.
Fourteen hours.
Less then a day, but more then half a day.
Fourteen hours, and he could feel them, touching him with calloused fingers. Dirty, disgusting, repulsive fingers. Fingers he didn't want touching him. Fingers he didn't want to remember.
But fingers he couldn't forget.
Fourteen hours and the memory hadn't faded at all. The feel, the touch, the pain, the fear.
Nothing had faded.
Chandler knew that it would never fade.
That thought terrified him.
He would be scared for the rest of his life.
He would be disgusted for the rest of his life.
Nobody would be able to touch him for the rest of his life.
He wouldn't be able to cope if the memories stayed with him.
The touch, the pain.
The memory of their sickened him; terrified him, shattered him.
But their fingers against his skin hadn't been the worst thing.
We can't wait to hear you scream
The voice had affected him more then he could ever have thought.
Never again would someone be able to whisper in his ear.
Never again would someone be able to use that sickly sweet tone near him.
Not without him remembering.
Not without him shattering.
The voices stayed with him constantly; haunting him like a ghoul in a haunted mansion. The voices repeated over and over in his brain, becoming louder and louder each time.
With each whisper, an image joined.
The blood.
The faces.
The sick, twisted grins.
The look of ultimate pleasure; the result of the ultimate price.
Chandler's dignity.
Chandler's sanity.
Chandler's mentality.
Chandler's health.
Chandler's everything.
The look of ultimate pleasure on four different faces, caused by his ultimate pain. His ultimate fear.
The ultimate betrayal of mankind.
Chandler should have been used to mankind betraying him. It had happened so many times before.
Stand, climb and fall.
That had always been the case. That had always been his motto. That had always been his actions.
His entire life had revolved around those three words.
He had always been reliant on them, remembering them when the world handed him another bad hand.
Stand.
He would always stand up once more – hurt, but ready to try again.
Climb.
He would climb; a desperate attempt to leave his troubles behind. It would work. He would forget, and he would grow confident again.
Fall.
When he least expected it, he would fall. He had always fallen again.
It had always happened.
After last time-
Kathy, and Nick and his giant man nipples
- Chandler had stood once more. He had climbed. Ready to face the world. Ready to fight back. Ready to pretend he wasn't going to fall again. Although he knew he would.
He had expected it to happen. It had always happened. Parents divorcing, breaking up with Janice, every other time the world had screwed him over. He had always ended up falling again. He had expected it once more.
Yet, it still surprised him. It still shocked him, and this fall had been the worst yet.
Stand, climb and fall.
He had stood, he had climbed and he had fallen.
Like always.
Though this time, he couldn't move on. He couldn't stand and he definitely could not climb.
He was destined to keep falling.
Falling, without a barrier to protect him from the harsh wind that attacked him.
He was not numb; not anymore. He didn't have a protective shield to guard him from the pain. If he did stop falling, it was going to be a painful landing.
But he wasn't going to stop falling.
Stand, climb and fall.
He had lived by those words, remembering them when life seemed at his darkest. Letting the words remind him that it would get better. Letting those words sooth him.
The words didn't remind him anymore. They didn't sooth him. The words now failed and Chandler found he didn't have a motto anymore.
He was falling, and he didn't have a hope to cling to.
"Chandler!"
Chandler jerked out of his dark thoughts, instinctively cowering back against the chair. Trying to escape the predator that was now lurking above him.
We might just come after you later…to finish the job
"No!" he shrieked. They weren't going to take him. They weren't going to harm him. Not again. He had been weak last night; he was not going to be weak again.
Hands grabbed his arms and he screamed.
"Chandler! It's me! It's Rachel!"
The voice managed to be heard over Chandler's panicked screams. He heard the voice, and realised. After a few moments, he stopped screaming, he stopped panicking, he stopped cowering.
"Rach?" he said after a beat, opening his eyes-
Beautiful eyes
- and looking at her. Looking at her worried face. Her slightly terrified face. Her concerned face. Her clueless face. She didn't know. She would never know.
"Are you okay?" she asked quietly, releasing his arms. Chandler pulled away immediately, grimacing at the memory of her touch. It had been soft, unlike last night, but it had still reminded him.
Everything reminded him.
"Chandler?"
"I'm okay…I was just asleep. You startled me is all," he answered at her insistence. At her concern. Rachel's brow furrowed. "I'm a bit jumpy at the moment."
"I can see that," she muttered, sitting down on the arm of his chair. Chandler tensed at the close proximity, but did nothing. He couldn't do or say anything. His friends were not to know. They would never know. He couldn't give them any idea that they should know. "Are you okay?"
"I already told you I am," Chandler said, slightly irritated.
"I'm not talking about what happened just then…I'm talking about last night."
"Oh yeah, I'm okay." A lie, but she couldn't know. "I barely hurt anymore. It was nothing too major Rach. Like I said, people get mugged all the time."
"I know, but that doesn't make it any less of a big deal," Rachel said softly. Chandler frowned at her words. "You still got hurt. You still got robbed. You still got scared-"
"I know, I was there," Chandler muttered. Rachel nodded. "But I am okay Rach, really. I mean, I will be a bit jumpy for a while, sure. But I'm okay. I'm going to be okay." Chandler hated lying to her, but he had to. She couldn't know. If he lied, she wouldn't. Perhaps she would also leave soon. Chandler didn't enjoy her presence. He wanted her gone. He wanted her away from him; off the arm of his chair. He wanted her to go.
"Maybe we should-" Rachel began, but was interrupted.
"I'm not going to the hospital Rach." They would know. They would see. They would tell. Chandler couldn't let that happen.
Rachel let out a long breath, clearly frustrated by the situation. By his stubbornness.
"You aren't going to change your mind, are you?" she asked after a beat. Chandler shook his head.
"Bruises heal Rach." That was true, but Chandler knew his bruises wouldn't. The ones littered over his body would, but not the bruises that truly mattered. The ones on the inside. The ones that haunted him constantly. They would linger, just like the smell.
Just like the touch.
Just like the terror.
Just like the pain.
Them inside him.
Them violating him.
Them ruining him.
They wouldn't fade, not like the numbness he had once known.
They would stay with him, as long as he was falling.
"I know they do sweetie…but it's always good to have a check up." Rachel looked at him hopefully, then sighed when he shook his head once more. "Fine, you win. But I am going to be keeping an extremely close eye on you mister. Same goes for the rest of us."
Chandler inwardly groaned at her words. They couldn't watch him all the time. That would mean that they would have to be near him. Chandler couldn't handle them, not all at once. He was having a hard enough time with Rachel at that moment.
He knew it was Rachel; sweet, small, wonderful Rachel. No one was scared of Rachel. But Chandler was terrified. He didn't want to be, but he was. Her closeness was haunting him, reminding him, running him.
If sweet, small, wonderful Rachel had that effect on him, he hated to think what others would do to him. Joey and Ross. Any other man he came across. Girls as well. Large groups of people. Every and any body.
He was scared of them all.
"I have to go honey, I have a meeting to get to," Rachel told him after a long pause. She had been waiting for him to answer, but he hadn't. So she had continued. "I'll see you later, okay?"
"Okay," Chandler said softly, nearly crying with happiness. She was leaving. He was going to be alone again. He was going to be safe again.
"Okay then." Rachel stood, then stopped and looked at him for a long moment. Chandler didn't like her gaze, he didn't like being watched. Being looked at like he was an object and nothing more. Nothing more then-
a good fuck
Rachel smiled at him, unaware of his fear. She reached down and gripped his chin gently.
"Smile Chandler, you look weird without it," she informed him. Chandler's heart started to race at her touch, similar to a touch he had felt last night-
Look at me…watch me do this to you
He panicked, but didn't act. She couldn't know.
Chandler attempted a smile, hoping that it would help in her leaving. Rachel shrugged.
"Good enough I guess." She smirked at him. "You know, you are one of the few people I know whose eyes truly light up when they smile. That's probably why all the girls say you have beautiful eyes."
Beautiful eyes…that's what we look for in a man
Chandler froze.
"I'll see you later sweetie…take care of you." Rachel released his chin, then turned and walked away.
Chandler was unconsciously aware of the door shutting, but it was the least of his concerns.
The touch.
The smell.
Them inside him.
Them violating him.
Them ruining him.
They all hit him at once, Rachel's words reminding him again. He would never be able to escape it. There would be reminders everywhere.
The tears that had dried up long before came once more; harsh, agonising sobs that shook his body.
Stand, climb and fall.
He longed to stop falling.
He longed to stop hurting.
He longed to be numb.
But instead of receiving his longings, he cried.
Tears streamed from his eyes-
Beautiful eyes
- and he cried.
He wasn't numb, he was falling.
Sobs wracked his body, and he longed for it to be over.
He longed to be numb.