Disclaimer: "Do not, do not, do not own any Troy rights & all that.
Chapter 1: "Good day for Buttock-Groping"
Agamemnon & Triopas's army assemble themselves. Both King's get down off their chariots to talk.
Agamemnon: "Good day for the buttock-groping."
Triopas: "Remove your hand from my buttocks."
Agamemnon: "I like your buttocks, I think I'll stay."(Looks startled)Oh shit are you talking to me? (Eye's soldiers) I like you soldier's too." (Winks at a random solider in the front-line)
Triopas: "They won't fight for you."
Agamemnon: "That's what the Messenians said. And the Arcadians & the Epeians. And…Oh I can't be bothered, too many syllables to utter. Let's say your best man against mine."
Triopas: "And if my man wins?"
Agamemnon: "I'll touch not another cheek in sight."
Triopas: "Boagrius!"
(Army roars & Boagrius comes forth)
Agamemnon: "Achilles!
(Tumble-wheat blows past. Triopas looks at watch)
Agamemnon: "Dangit! Where is that blonde son-uv-a…?"
Rider: "I sent a boy to look for him."
Scene changes to Achilles lying on rug, the messenger boy goes to touch Achilles hand but Achilles grabs boy's shirt.
Achilles: "I was having a good dream."
(Looks downstairs & grins)
Achilles: "A very good dream by the look of things…"
Achilles gets dressed & rides through army.
Agamemnon: "I should have you whipped for your impudence you sexy sexy beast!"
Achilles: …
(Achilles walks away)
Nestor: "Achilles! Listen to me you peroxided bimbo! You can end this war with a swing of your peni…I mean sword. Let em' go home to their bo…I mean wives."
(Achilles raises eyebrow at Nestor)
Achilles: "Imagine a king who fights his own sexuality, wouldn't that be a sight."
(Agamemnon & Nestor tilt heads to side)
Agamemnon: "Damn! Look at those legs!"
(Rider looks at Agamemnon funny)
Agamemnon: "I mean damn I hate that boy! Aah forget it."
(Boagrius throws spear at Achilles. Achilles kills Boagrius)
Agamemnon: (Muttering under breath) "Hmph. Thinks he's so good…"
Author/Banshee Queen: "I'm gonna' keep belting these chapters out so keep tuned guys."