Hey guys! I am so sorry that this took so long, but I was so stuck and I had, like, well 4 other stories going on at once hehe! But I finally got unstuck...not much unstuck, but still pretty unstuck! This chapter is pretty short, but I didnt want anything too long. Please read and review, I love them! And I promise, promise, promise, that I will update soon!

I dont own friends/actors/characters, but I do own my little toy dog! It's name is Chandler and its the cutest!...not as cute as the real one, but then that would be impossible!

Darkness lingered.

But it was slowly disappearing.

He was slowly seeing colours, seeing shadows, seeing images.

He was slowly awakening, and he didn't want to.

Being awake meant nothing but sheer terror. Being awake meant memories and touches and smells.

Things he didn't want to remember.

But it was impossible to forget.

The memories were burnt into his mind, like someone had stamped them there. They were impossible to get rid of, impossible to forget.

Chandler's eyes fluttered slightly, trying to stay open. But he didn't want them to stay open. It was possible for him to pretend if they were shut. It was possible for him to attempt to forget. Seeing colours, shadows and images wouldn't help. They would only prove to remind him. But he couldn't keep his eyes shut forever.

"Hey sweetie."

Chandler surprised himself by not flinching. He hadn't realised that Rachel was there; hadn't realised that she was sitting next to him. On his bed. Looking down at him.

He was surprised that he didn't flinch, because she was in such close proximity.

But he didn't flinch.

Instead, he let his eyes open once more.

And this time, he kept them open.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel's voice was soft and filled with concern and Chandler found himself thankful that she hadn't used a sickly sweet voice. It would have reminded him of something that he was doing an adequate job of forgetting.

"Chandler?"

"I-I'm okay," Chandler whispered, staring down at his hands. They were shaking slightly and he quickly hid them underneath the covers. Rachel couldn't see them, she would realise that something was truly wrong.

"Are you sure? Joey said you have a panic attack." Chandler finally flinched, the mention of Joey's name making his blood run cold.

His friend had been close; too close. Closer then what Rachel was now. He had touched Chandler, and Chandler had panicked.

He didn't want Joey near him; not then, not ever.

"I was thinking about taking you to the hospital…but I knew that you would have been angry at me," Rachel continued when Chandler didn't speak. "Maybe I should have…I'm sure you would have forgiven me. Wouldn't you?"

Chandler shook his head.

"You wouldn't? Why not? It's only a hospital."

"I don't want to go there," Chandler muttered, playing with the covers. Rachel sighed, running her hands through her blond hair.

"Chandler-"

"I don't want to go there."

"I realise that sweetie, but you should really get checked out," she reached forward and touched his cheek gently; touched the place where Chandler knew he was bruised. He flinched away from her touch and she sighed again. "These bruises are pretty bad Chandler. And you just had a panic attack. And…"

"And what?" Chandler's voice was harsher then he had intended, but he didn't care. He wanted her out. He wanted to be alone.

"Joey said that you….never mind." Rachel shook her head, smiling down at him.

"What did he say?" Chandler asked, scowling slightly.

"That you…you seemed scared of him. I told him that was impossible; he's your best friend. You couldn't be scared of him…Chandler?"

"Where is he?" Chandler's voice was small, not angry anymore.

"He's across the hall. He thought that it be best if I talked to you."

"He's staying there?"

"Well…for now."

"I want him to stay over there…I don't want to see him." Rachel frowned at Chandler's words.

"Chandler…why don't you want to see him? You aren't really…are you scared of him?" when Chandler said nothing, Rachel continued. "Or are you embarrassed? Is that it? Chandler, this could have happened to anyone! You said it yourself, people get mugged all the time, and you are no different. There is no reason to be embarrassed, especially not around Joey. He loves you-"

"Stop." Chandler closed his eyes briefly, swallowing heavily.

He loves you

He didn't like that. He didn't want anybody loving him. Not Rachel, not Monica, not Joey. To him, love didn't mean good things. Not anymore.

To him, love meant pain, sorrow and humiliation.

"Chandler-"

"I'm fine Rach…just leave me alone." Chandler rolled over, turning his back to Rachel. He heard her sigh.

"Keep this up Chandler, and I'm not going to care that you wouldn't forgive me. I'll take you to the hospital."

"No you won't," Chandler whispered, shaking his head slightly. He felt Rachel's weight leave the bed and suddenly she was in his face. He let out a small cry, backing away slightly.

"It's okay Chandler…I'm not going to hurt you." Rachel's face was full of compassion and Chandler relented.

"You just startled me, is all."

"Is that all?" Chandler didn't answer, instead choosing to close his eyes. "What exactly happened last night Chandler?"

"I got mugged," Chandler snapped.

"Is that all?" Chandler's eyes flew open at her words and he saw the suspicion on her face. She suspected something. He couldn't allow that. They weren't supposed to know. They weren't allowed to know.

"No, I got beaten up too," he said harshly. Rachel took in a deep breath.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, I got pestered by my friend, who insisted on asking annoying questions." Rachel rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Fine, forget I asked," she muttered, heading for the door. "You can hurt me by snapping at me Chandler. I don't care, it doesn't matter to me. But don't you dare do that to Joey. He's your best friend and he needs you."

"I don't care."

Chandler knew that Rachel was angry at him; he could practically feel the tension in the air. But he didn't care. If they were angry at him, then they would leave him alone. Then they wouldn't be able to touch him, hurt him, shatter him.

They wouldn't be able to ruin him, and they wouldn't be able to find out.

"You should Chandler."

The door closed and Chandler rolled over. He stared at the closed door, breathing a small sigh of relief. She was gone. Joey was gone. He could attempt to relax now.

But that wasn't going to happen.

He couldn't relax now; he could never relax.

They would be back. Not just his friends, but the monsters that had done this to him.

We might just come after you later…to finish the job

The words echoed in his mind, a constant reminder of his pain. Of his terror.

They had promised they would return and Chandler had no doubt that they would.

He needed help; he needed protection.

But he wasn't going to get any. Not because he wasn't able to, but because he didn't want any. The only people who could help him were his friends, and he couldn't tell them.

He needed help, but he wasn't getting any.

He needed a shower.

Their smell; their stink was still all over him, consuming him and suffocating him.

He needed a shower, but he knew it wouldn't help.

The smell would still remain.

Most of all, he needed to be numb.

He needed to be numb so he could forget.

The touch.

The smell.

Them inside him.

Them violating him.

Them ruining him.

He needed to be numb, but he wasn't going to be.

He couldn't stand.

He couldnt climb.

All he could do was fall.