Author/Banshee Queen: "Kind off peeved off about the fact that you can't have asterix's in your fanfics. So I've resorted to using brackets & high-lighting in italics.Very disappointing. I knowI'm whinging on but it's something I've just noticed. (Grumbles)Anyways here is the second chapter to my Troy Parody Saga."

P.S This chapter is dedicated to Jess, you know who you are even though you said to me: "There's gotta' be at least 1/4 of the population called Jess". So true Jess, so true. This chapter is dedicated to her because of her heart-felt pain of not being able to use asterix's in our fanfics. Lol. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own jack about Troy. Cept' my fanfic of course. :D

Chapter 2: Woman in the Hills, Wolves in our Beds

Scene changes to Sparta where Menelaus & Helen 'salute' the Princes of Troy, Hector & Paris.

Menelaus: "Princes of Troy, on our last night together me & ma girl Helen salute ya'll. I have always respected your father. Priam is a good king, a good lov…I mean king, king. Come & drink with me now coz ya' know I'm only tryin to spike ya drink & get ya drunk. May the gods keep the woman in the hills & the wolves in our beds."

Hector: …

(Men cheer, music starts & dancers start dancing. Helen walks up stairs to her chamber. Paris follows. Paris locks door behind him)

Paris: "Hey sexy."

(Menelaus & Paris both scream. Menelaus covers self with dress & points right)

Menelaus: "Next room idiot!"

(Paris locks door once in Helen's chamber)

Helen: "You shouldn't be here."

Paris: "That's what you said last night."

Helen: "No I didn't."

(Image of Menelaus springs to Paris's mind. Paris shudders)

Paris: "So that's what was up with the beard…"

Helen: "Last night was a mistake."

Paris: "And the night before?"

Helen: "I've made many mistakes this week."

Paris: "Well you're a sinful bitch eh? Want me to go?"

(Helen takes dress off)

Helen: "Shut up & kiss me."

(Paris puts necklace on Helen)

Paris: "Pearls from the sea of Hippopotamus."

Helen: "They're beautiful, but I can't wear em' aye. Menelaus would kill us both."

Paris: "Don't be afraid of him, just because I'M a coward doesn't mean you have to be one too…"

Helen: "I'm not afraid of being a coward, I'm afraid of tomorrow, I'm afraid of watching you sail away & crashing into an ice-berg. Before you came to Sparta I was a ghost. Then someone called Ghostbusters & vanquished me. But I was just Casper the ghost."

Paris: "You don't have to fear tomorrow. We'll travel & all that ya know. We'll have National Security on our backs all the time. But till' the day they burn my body, I'm gonna' scream & run like the sissy that I am."

Helen: …

Author/Banshee Queen: "Hoped you liked that Jess." ;)