Author/Banshee Queen: "Praise the Good Gods! Finally I've got chapter 9 written & published. Lol. This chapter is dedicated to my good friend Jim (who is a very talentedauthor here on Fanfiction. She goes by the name ofjimmieiscool7). Anyway me & Jim have a little "inside joke" if you will call it that. Ignore all the monkey boy & crushed grapes bit to all of you out there who read this, but to Jim; read it, enjoy it, I hope you like it." :)
"To Jim, may your grapes vine never taste of a smoothie filled with apricots, lemon, lime, strawberry, raspberry, & vanilla. AND...may it never be dry, smokey, & oakey...&barkey. :D This one's for you Jim."
Disclaimer: "I own crushed grapes...that I will admit to. Lol." :D
Chp 9: Monkey Boy! Crush Some Grapes!
Achilles' & his Myrmidons land on the beach of Troy & are confronted by the Trojan archers & swordsmen. Agamemnon on his boat looks towards the shore & sees Achilles & his men fighting.
Agamemnon: "The man wants lipo…"
Scene changes back to Achilles & his Myrmidons who are now forming a protective wall with their shields.
Achilles: "On my command!"
Eudorus: "Moon em'! Moon the bastards!
(Myrmidons moon the Trojans)
Trojans: (Back away & shield their eyes with disgust) "Awwww, ewwwww, omg, gro- (Trojans throw-up)
Scene changes to Ajax on his boat.
Ajax: "Look at him, look. Goddam that man has a sexy ass." (Looks at rowers)
Ajax: "Row you lazy whores row! Greeks are mooning! Row!"
Scene changes again & we see Hector on his horse looking out at the invading Greek ships.
Hector: "Sweet mother of Jesus, so many!"
Scene changes yet again & we see Achilles & his men moon their way up to the Temple of Apollo killing every last man.
Achilles: "Ya'll know the Sun God'll kill me aye?"
(Myrmidons nod in agreement)
Achilles: "Go steal treasure."
(Myrmidons looks limply at Achilles)
Achilles: "Now…"
(Myrmidons stand there still with vacant expression on faces)
Achilles: "Sack the Temple!"
(Myrmidons blink)
Achilles: (Sighs) "Go steal some treasure & if you get hit in the head with a ball of fire that means you've pissed off the Sun God!"
Myrmidons: "Oh…Yay!" (Run into the temple)
Achilles: (Rolls eyes) "You'd think I was a leader or something."
Eudorus: "Yo with your permit Lord, I don't think stealin' is the best way to get in Apollo's good books aye."
Achilles: (Chops off head of Apollo's statue) "How's that for permission?" (Squints eyes then looks up after a moment) "Aaah, isn't he supposed to hit me with that fireball?"
(Tumble-wheat blows past)
Achilles: "Awwww come on, give me a sign!" (Waves arms up in air frustrated)
(Bird fly's past)
Achilles: "Anything?"
(Eudorus coughs)
Achilles: "No? Well ok then." (Walks into temple)
(Ball of fire comes out of sky & hits Eudorus)
Eudorus: "Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" (Squirms on ground)
(Achilles comes running out of Temple. Looks at Eudorus then points & laughs, clutching his tummy)
Eudorus: "Help meeee…" (Falls unconscious)
(Hector & his men come riding up on their horses)
Achilles: "Oh meeeeen! We have some guests coming to tea!"
(Myrmidons come running out & groan. Achilles & his men run back into the temple. Hector & his men cautiously make their way up the steps of Apollo's temple. They see Eudorus lying on the ground.)
Eudorus: "Help meeee." (Falls unconscious again.)
(Trojans back away from Eudorus.)
(Once inside the temple both the Greeks & Trojans start fighting. Hector goes on alone into the shadows. A voice comes from the shadows.)
Achilles: "You are very brave or very stupid to come after me alone. Hmmm, I'm guessing stupid."
(Hector growls)
Achilles: "You must be Hector." Gets up & walks into the light "Do you know who I am?"
Hector: "Pfft, f... if I know who the hell you are & frankly I don't care lipo-boy! These priests weren't armed & neither will you be once I'm finished with you!"
Achilles: "Oooooo feisty are we?" (Winks at Hector)
(Hector looks repulsed)
Hector: "Fight me!"
(Achilles jumps onto alter holding sword towards Hector's direction)
Achilles: (Looks thoughtful) "Well I could if I really wanted to but…nah. Anyway no one would see you trip & fall over a rock like you will when you di- I mean…"
Audience: "Awww thanks Achilles just wreck the movie for us!"
Achilles: "Sorry, sorry." (Walks outside of Temple)
Hector: "Why did you bring you & your tanned perfected buttocks here?"
Achilles: "It's called liposuction! Geez don't you read Cleo?"
Hector: "Ummmm…no comment…"
Achilles: "That's what I thought."
(Myrmidons surround Hector)
Achilles: "Go home Monkey-boy! (Prods Hector with a stick) Drink a smoothie, crush some grapes, oh well you get the drift. I'll be here tomorrow if you want a war."
Hector: (Closes eyes & licks lips) Mmmmmm crushed grapes…(Eyes flicker open & looks startled) "Aaah I mean, you speak of war as if it's a beauty pageant. But how many wives will wait at Troy's gates for husbands they'll never see again?"
Achilles: "He he, perhaps your bro' can love em good, I hear he's quite the rascally devil in bed…" (Unconsciously fixes hair)
Hector: "Well now that you mention it…(Tightens belt)
(Achilles & Myrmidons look funny at Hector)
Achilles: "Dude you need help, seriously man. The whole incest thing just does not work for me. I think you should leave."
Hector: "Fine! But when I come back, it'll be because I've killed your love- I mean cousin Patroclus!"
Audience: "Come on! Stop wreckin' this movie for us!"
Hector: "Whoops sorry, my bad." (Walks off)
(Eudorus crawls to Achilles feet with third degree burns all over his body)
Eudorus: "Yo you let him go?"
Achilles: "It's too early in the day for crushing grapes."
Author/Banshee Queen: "So Jim...did you like it? Get back to me on that..." :D