Author/Banshee Queen: "I really enjoyed writingthis chapter,the thing about the urn licking was thatIcould actually imagine Agamemnon doing that & thought that would be really funny to chuck in.God sometimes I crack myself up which is kinda' sad in some aspects.If anyone finds this too much, then bugger off. If only your mother knew...Lol.
Disclaimer:(Askslike a dumb blonde)"What's disclaimer mean?"
Chp 11: Spoils of War: Urn Licking
Achilles walks into Agamemnon's tent.
Nestor: "My dad Neleus, had this urn made to put my mum's ashes in when she died, it is very delicate & breakable so please handle it with care."
Agamemnon: "Oooooo such a lovely gift. Thanx a lot!" (Throws into air over his shoulder where a servant barely catches it)
(Nestor's eyes widen in horror.)
Achilles: (Looks over Nestor's shoulder at Achilles) "Oh, it's you. Ok everybody bugger off I can't work in these conditions."
(Kings of Greece walk off grumbling. Odysseus walks up to Achilles.)
Odysseus: "War is young men dying & old men talking. You know this…(in hushed voice) See if you can put something in his drink to make him sleep!" (Walks off looking sheepish.)
Agamemnon: "I understand you won a great victory today, though it wasn't over Hector I'll wager…" (Licks lips)
Achilles: (Raises eyebrow) "No…but…"
(Sees Agamemnon licking Nestor's urn)
Achilles: (Looks repulsed. Under breath) "Freak…"
Agamemnon: (Looks up from licking urn) "You were saying?"
Achilles: "Umm yeah, the beach is taken, & so is the temple, take whatever treasure you want… (points sword in Agamemnon's direction) but not the girl!"
Agamemnon: "Whoopsy's, too late!"
(Aphareus & Haemon drag in Briseis.)
Achilles: "Awwww dang, if you don't give the girl back I'll have to kill you guys. Decide!"
(Solider's come running in with swords drawn.)
Briseis: "Stop! Too many men have died today, & I don't want to be another one to add to your collection!"
(Agamemnon, Achilles & Soldiers all stare at Briseis in disbelief)
Briseis: "I mean, if killing is your only talent that's your curse."
(Achilles & Solider's place hands on their hips with smirks on their faces)
Achilles: "Aaah hello! Do I exist? What do ya think I'm doing here? Community service?"
Agamemnon: (Tightens belt) "Well I could think of one thing…"
(Achilles, Briseis & Soldiers all stare at Agamemnon)
Agamemnon: "Aaah, I mean, Mighty Achilles! Silenced! By a slave girl. Tonight, I'll have her give me a bath, & then, who knows…(Licks urn seductively towards Briseis)
(Briseis, Achilles & Soldiers look disgusted)
Agamemnon: "Hey! Do you use Herbal Essence?"
Briseis: "Pantene idiot."
Achilles: "Oh man, you sack of crap. I mean sack of wine, before your time is done, I will look down on your corpse & smile!"
Agamemnon: "Oooooo, will you be looking down from sitting on top of me?" (Looks hopeful)
Achilles: "No! (Looks disgusted) Ewwwww…(Shudders then walks out of tent.)
Agamemnon: "Meh, oh well, no one can say I didn't try."
Briseis: "Yeah & failed miserably…"
Author/Banshee Queen: "Gotta love my humour...Lol."