Author/Banshee Queen: "Ooooo I just love family love, dont you? Aren't Priam's sons sooooooooo hot? God they should win a bloody medal just for being hot. And I would be the one to pin the medal on them. (Lick lips) But you know what would look good on Eric Bana & Orlando Bloom? MEEE! Mwhahahahahaha!"

Disclaimer: (Yawns) "Oh did you just say I owned something?"

Chp 12: Bird Signs…As in Bird Poop

Hector, King Priam, Paris & whole court of men sit in long hall talking about war

Glaucus: "If they want a war, we will give them a war. I would match the best of Troy against the best of Greece any day!"

Priam: "Glaucus, you have fought with me for god-knows-how-long. Can we win this war?"

Glaucus: "No army has ever been smart enough to think about using ladders on our walls. We have the finest archers in the world. And we have Hector! (Winks at Hector)

(Hector throws up)

Glaucus: "Hell yeah we can win!"

High Priest of Apollo: "I spoke to two yokel's today. They saw an eagle flying with a serpent clutches in its talons. This is a sign from Apollo. We'll win for sure!"

Hector: "Bird signs. You want to plan a strategy based on bird-

(Bird poop lands on Hector's shoulder)

Paris: "…Shit."

Priam: "Dangit Hector! Do I have to get the cane out to make you show some respect? This guy is a high servant of the gods!"

Hector: "And I'm a servant of Troy. I've always said my prayers before I go to bed, you know that. But today I 'attempted' to fight a Greek who chopped off the statue of Apollo's head. Apollo didn't burn him! Instead he burned his best friend! I mean come on dad, what the hell is our religion coming to?"

Paris: "There won't be a war. And this isn't' World War III. It's simply a cat fight between two men, naming the first, me." (Smiles toothy smile)

Hector: (While wiping shoulder) "Oh God…"

Paris: "Yes I know what you're thinking Hector. A challenge would be a great idea. The winner will take her home, the loser will burn before nightfall."

Hector: "No I mean 'Oh God' as in I don't think this stain will come out in the wash unless I've got some Napisan."

Priam: "Could I get that in writing Paris?"

Paris: (Looks fearful)

Scene changes & we see Paris & Priam sitting in a courtyard talking.

Paris: "Father, I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you.

Priam: "Meh it's ok, the old knee has a funny way of poppin' out at the worst of times." (Cracks knee back into place)

Paris: "I love Helen like the bird's & the bees, & the flowers in the trees…"

Priam: "Ok please don't tell me you've become a poet. I couldn't bear to have a gay son…"

Paris: "Ummm…sorry dad, too late."

Priam: (Throws arms up in the air) "Great! That's just great! What else could go wrong now?" Knee pops out of socket "Goddaaammmitttt Paris you irritating little beast of burden! I won't be fighting, but here's a sword you can amuse yourself with."

(Chucks sword to Paris)

Paris: "Whoo hoo!"

Author/Banshee Queen: "Keep on reading guys I'll just keep dishin' em up. I know how you kids like them' sloppy joes! Lol."