Author/Banshee Queen: "This chapter was a little hazy for me to write, the "writers path" was all too clear for me & I had a little bit of difficulty coming up with something to write for this this chappie. Anyway here it is guys.

Disclaimer: "Do you see the "I own" sticker on that?"

Chp 13: Pepper Spray, Not Love

Hector: "The man who killed Tecton outside Apollo's temple…I've never seen a spear thrown like that, an impossible throw! Only a computer could digitally enhance that!"

Andromache: "Ya think? Don't go tomorrow! Please Hector! I'm begging you!"

Hector: "Down on your knees?"

Andromache: "Mmmm no."

Hector: (Looks disappointed) "Ok. Well anyway Paris is going to fight… the little sissy. It's about time!"

Andromache: "Fifty thousand Greeks didn't cross the sea to watch your sissy bro fight. You know this Hector, unless you really are dumber than you look."

Hector: "He he he, yeah I am duh- hey! Wow honey, you're pretty smart. You'd make a fine general."

Andromache: "You've been fighting your whole life! Let other men go in your stead so you can stay with me…" (Leans back seductively)

Hector: Eyes boggle Damnit, why do you gotta' do that when you know I don't want to fight. I want to see my son grow tall. I want to see the girls chasing after him…lucky bastard."

Andromache: (Shocked) "What?"

Hector: "Oh nothing…"

Andromache: "I can't lose you. I won't survive."

Hector: "Figures…"

(Andromache grabs Hector & both start pashing wildly. Astyanax chucks lion ornament on the ground, leans over the rim of his cradle & throws up. Hector breaks the kiss.)

Hector: "I must see Paris." (Walks to door in a hurry)

Andromache: "Ok if there's anything you wanna' tell me Hector now's the time to say it. I know there's something fishy going on."

Hector: "You smell it too? I thought I smelt fish." (Walks over to bed & bends down to check under bed near where Andromache is sitting. Andromache closes her legs.)

Hector: "Oh well its gone again. Maybe I should call a rat catcher in."

Andromache: (Looks embarrassed)

(Hector walks out of his chamber then pursues a dark cloaked stranger out into the courtyard. He spear-tackles the stranger into the ground.)

Hector: "Whoa! Sorry Helen, didn't see you there." (Punches Helen's arm playfully)

Helen: (Starts crying whilst rubbing arm)

Hector: (Sighs then puts hands on hips) "What's the matter now?"

Helen: "I saw them burn, I saw them burning on the pyres. That's my fault. It is. You know it is. All those widows. I still hear them screaming. They're husbands died because I'm here."

Hector: "Helen, they were only pigs, & besides they were delicious. Anyway it was for your welcome feast."

Helen: (Stops short & looks surprised) "Oh yeah! He he he. Sorry. (Chuckles nervously) Well I better be going down to the ships now." (Walks off quickly. Hector yanks her back with a long hook.)

Hector: "Oh no you don't little miss blonde, you're not going anywhere!" (Holds Helen firmly in his arms)

Helen: "Hey what are you? Troy Security? Let me go!" (Struggles against Hector's hold for a while but then stops when Hector brings out the pepper-spray)

Hector: "Don't make me do this."

Helen: "Do what?"

Hector: "This." (Sprays pepper in her eyes. Helen lets out a blood curdling scream. Hector quickly clamps a hand over her mouth.)

Hector: "Sssssshhhhh! What'd you wanna' do? Wake the neighbours up?"

Helen: (Rolls eyes which are still throbbing & red from crying AND being sprayed with pepper spray.) "So I'm guessing its too late for me to go down to the ships?"

Hector: "Bravo brain-e-ac correct! Do ya think Agamemnon cares about his bro's marriage? This is about power, not love, though sometimes it is at first sight." (Flickers eyelashes)

Helen: (Eyes widen) O-k well apart from that Paris is going to fight in the morning, I don't even think he knows what the word 'fight' means. Menelaus is bound to kill him. I won't let that happen." (Grabs pepper spray out of Hector's hands)

Hector: "Hey that's mine get your own! You're a Princess of Troy now, & my brother needs you tonight but not to take my pepper spray! You're rich enough to get your own!" (Yanks it back)

Helen: "Fine!" (Walks past Hector a little too closely & quickly snatches it from his hands without him noticing.)

Hector: (To himself)"I'm bettin' that woman has an IQ like Britney, got the whole package but is as dumb as a mule."

Author/Banshee Queen: (Points sword in front of her) "Onward writer's haze!"