Author/Banshee Queen: "I am back! Life called so I had to hang up my Parody shoes for a bit & take the call. Don't you just love assignments/assessments/tests etc? Gee I know I do. (Rolls eyes) Anyway, the Eighteenth chapter has arrived, this one is not as good as my normal humour may be, but nonetheless here it is.

Oh and a little message to Fanfiction's Antichrist-

I wanted to thank you for your "cringeworthy effort" at a flame of my Parody. Fanfiction said something along the lines that you should appreciate a review froma reviewer so that it may help you in your writing. Your review pointed out that there are people in the world who would rightly so realise that jokes about gay men, hair colour & penises are stupid, but only to them in their opinion.

My author's notes said nothing of the sort saying that what I spew forth is bollocks, am insecure or "please like me for my cringeworthy effort at humour." If I was insecure why would I have vomited forth 17 chapters of pish? Oh wait...now its 18.

And as for my five 'idiot reviewers/best friends', they have the choice, & the right to review my Parody if they want to. And as long as they continue to do so, I will spew forth more of this 'pish' as you so call it.

Oh and one last thing...I love you Fanfiction Antichrist...for bothering to look up 17 chapters worth of this pish. :D

Disclaimer: "I don't own Troy...except 17, no 18 chapters worth of cringeworthy humour, bollocks & pish of this Parody." :D

Chp 18: Stop Stealin' My Lines!

Its morning & Achilles is sitting watching Briseis sleep. Eudorus comes into the tent ringing a large bell.

Eudorus: "Wake up everybody up & at em'!"

Achilles: (Grinds teeth. Turns his cup upside down & hits Eudorus over the head with it) "Are you crazy? What the hell are you doing you moron!"

Eudorus: "Owww! (Rubs head) Geez sorry alright, how did I know you were going to have company." (Gestures to Briseis who's face is now red with anger)

Achilles: "Aaah weren't you the one who put her in my hut in the first place?"

Eudorus: "Good point. Odysseus is waiting outside."

Achilles: (Groans) "Tell the men to start manual labour, we're going home."

Eudorus: (Looks at hands) "Me? Manual labour? Pouts Oh you're so cruel!" (Stomps feet then walks off.)

(Odysseus gets up to meet Achilles. Achilles is smiling)

Odysseus: Sighs "What have you done now?"

Achilles: "Mmmm you really don't wanna' know."

Odysseus: "Good point. I'm here-

Achilles: "Let me guess; you're here to apologize on Agamemnon's behalf because of all the mistakes he's done so far in his life. Starting with number 1, bringing us here. What are you doing enthralled to that pig of a king?"

Odysseus: "Well actually I was thinking of seasoning him with some Rosemary, maybe a little-

Achilles: "No! I mean why do you follow the sun-uv-a- beeps bad word -around?"

Odysseus: "Meh I don't know. The world seems simple to you my friend but-

Achilles: "That it is Odysseus because I am simple." (Grins stupidly)

(Hector walks on set)

Hector: "Hey that's my line!"

Achilles: "Shove it daddy's boy, this is my scene!"

(Hector walks off with shoulders hunched)

Odysseus: "As I was saying, Ithaca cannot afford an enemy like Agamemnon dude, he's so fat he'd eat the whole bloody island!"

Achilles: "Am I supposed to fear him? Coz' really he aint goin' no where near these babies." (Slaps buns)

Odysseus: "We need you back…I need you back." (Gives Achilles a little too-friendly pat on the back)

Achilles: (Raises eyebrow in disgust) "Ok dude, I don't like where this is going, let me remind you that I'm you're friend. FRIEND Odysseus. Can you spell friend? Do you know what the word friend means?"

Odysseus: "Oh for the God's sake Achilles! I'm not coming onto you, I just want you & the Myrmidons back to fight for us ok?"

Achilles: "Hmmm let me think about it…aaah no."

Odysseus: "Oh well no one can say I didn't try.

Achilles: "Things are less simple today. Rather like me." (Grins again)

Hector walks back onto the set

Hector: "Stop stealin' my frickin lines!"

Achilles: "Beat it! This is my movie & my scene, so whatever I say goes, goes. As for you…go!"

(Security guards drag Hector off set)

Odysseus: "Yes woman have a way of complicating things."

Achilles: "Damn straight they do. (Whistles) Should've seen the little fox I had last night, she-

Odysseus: "Dude no! Gross man I don't wanna' here about your sex life." (Throws up into wine goblet then walks off)

Patroclus: "We're going home?"

Achilles: "We sail home in the morning."

Patroclus: (Puzzled) "But it is morning."

Achilles: "Good point. Man I gotta' lay off the coffee. Well we sail home tomorrow morning."

Patroclus: "Greeks are being slaughtered like pigs, rather like Agamemnon, but besides that, we can't just sail away!"

Achilles: "Look little brother from another mother, I know you want to fight & all but there will always be another war."

Patroclus: (Looks annoyed) "Achilles, I'm not talking about playing war-tanks in the sand pit."

Achilles: "Oh he he he, my bad."

Patroclus: "These are our countrymen. You'd betray all of Greece just to see Agamemnon fall."

Achilles: "Someone has to lose."

(Patroclus walks off pissed off)

Scene changes & we see Hector, King Priam, Glaucus, the High Servant of Apollo & the whole court of Troy at a council meeting.

High Servant of Apollo: "Now is the time to attack the Freak army."

(Whole court looks at HSOA)

High Servant of Apollo: (Stutters) "I mean Greek army."

Glaucus: "Their morale is battered. Hit them now, hit them hard- (Winks at Hector. Hector once again throws up) -and they will run like Paris."

(Paris walks past)

Paris: "Hey!"

(Security guards pull Paris away)

Hector: "The Myrmidons didn't fight yesterday, maybe they had the trots."

(Whole court throws up)

Hector: "Nah I'm just screwin' with ya. But if we attack their ships they will stick together like play-dough. Let em' attack us. They're not smart enough to use ladders since they haven't even been invented yet, but nonetheless we will beat them back again."

(Whole court tug at their collars)

Hector: "Yesterday those little bastards underestimated us, let's not return the favour."

Priam: "Sorry son but I'm in a giving mood, prepare the army we attack at dawn."

Hector: "I hate you! You're the worst father in the whole world! I'm never talking to you again!" (Hector throws hissy fit then storms off)

Priam: "Well that went well."

Author/Banshee Queen: "Don't ask me where I got theidea to chuck in a few security guards, because I have no idea. Oh & Jim...you made them kiss! I love you! (Squeals with delight)