Author/Banshee Queen: "Wow wow wow it's been so long since last I updated. Along four or fives months ago I'm estimating. Thanks to Queen Arwen's lovely, humourous reviews (thank-you sooooooo much :D) & reading my dear friend's illigitimate luv child's Troy Parody which she has finished (BIG BIG CLAP, HUG AND CHEER TO HER:D) I suddenly felt exhilerated to pick up the pen (or keyboard lol) and post up another chapter. I'll admit it's not one of my best and even now as I write up the 20th chapter in the Parody, I'm still shaking off the cobwebs so it might take a while to get back into the rythm and beat of things again guys. So without furthermore delay, here is the 19th chapter in the emotional saga of my Troy Parody "Troy The Parody Uncovered" (bows). :D

Disclaimer: "Do you think if I owned Troy I would be sitting here writing this fanfiction? I dont think so..."

Chapter 19: Bitter Selfishness

The morning after the Trojans play rolly-polly ball with the Greeks, we see Hector standing at the frontier of his battle-line banging his spear on his shield. The others soon join in.

Odysseus: (Scrambling from his tent) "What the hell? It's Sunday morning!" (Sees Trojan army) "Oh yeah that's right, we had company."

(Lots of fighting. Greek & Trojan army clash together. 'Achilles' meets Hector in the middle & they fight. Hector slashes 'Achilles' throat and stamps his foot into the sand when he sees who it really is under that helmet.)

Patroclus: "Surprise surprise! Yours truly!"

Hector: "Damit! Jesus fuck! Of all the bloody men I could've killed, it had to be you! Ya little Greek punk! Achilles is gonna' have my ass for this!"

Eudorus: "You're damn right he will. Awww geez, now I'm gonna' have to clean up this mess! Hey wait, I thought he loved me!" (Bursts into tears on the spot)

(Greek & Trojan soldiers all back away)

Patroclus: (Taps Hector's ankle) "Uhhh hello up there? This cut is kinda' killin me so could you please hurry up and-

(Hector stabs Patroclus and shuts him up aka killing him)

Hector: "Enough for one day."

Odysseus: "Agreed dude, I'm already shittin' myself about what Achilles is gonna' do to me once he finds out I was here witnessing this. Oh and by the way, nice stab, you put him out of his misery."

Hector: "I what?"

(Odysseus looks mortified)

Odysseus: "It was his cousin numbskull."

Hector: (groans) "Awww now I'm really in for it."

(Odysseus kneels by Eudorus who is still crying out his eyes)

Eudorus: "What a tragedy!"

Odysseus: "Yeah I know what you mean. He was so young."

Eudorus: "He doesn't love me anymore!" (Bursts into tears again)

Odysseus: "What? Eudorus you nancy little- ugh fuck you." (Walks off disgusted)

Eudorus: (Yells after Odysseus) "We were going to sail home today."

Odysseus: (Turns around & yells back:) "Yeah maybe we should get your hormonal ass on a boat right this instant ya' little bastard!"

Scene changes to Myrmidon encampment with the Myrmidons removing their armour etc. Eudorus stops outside Achilles tent, we hear moaning sounds coming from the tent.

Eudorus: "Achilles."

(The moaning doesn't stop)

Eudorus: "Achilles!"

(We hear a murmer of voices & Achilles comes out with a grin on his face, it disappears once he sees the Myrmidons.)

Achilles: "You violated my command, and my fucking session!"

Eudorus: "No My Lord I would never- what?"

Achilles: "Never mind. I ordered the Myrmidons to stand down, you led them into combat."

Eudorus: "I didn't do jack My Lord, we thought you did."

(The light suddenly flickers on in Achilles head & he wonders where Patroclus is)

Achilles: "Where's Patroclus? Patroclus!"

Eudorus: "Dude, dude, dude, haven't you figured it out already? He's dead."

Achilles: "Dead? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Eudorus: "He wore your armour, your shield, even your spanky pants!"

Achilles: (Eyes widen in horror) "My spanky pants?"

Eudorus: "Mmm hmm."

Achilles: "That little bitch!" (Pummels a fist into his palm)

(Myrmidons, Briseis & Eudorus look at him in horror)

Achilles: "I mean you little bitch!" (Chokes Eudorus)

Eudorus: "Hector cut his throat! Not me!"

Achilles: "Whatever dude, it feels good to strangle an annoying little SOB like you." (Sighs with relief)

Scene changes to Troy where we see Hector leading Andromache down a tunnel. Hector stops at a door.

Hector: "Do you remember how to get here?"

Andromache: (Looks excited) "Do I ever!"

(Hector frowns)

Andromache: "I'm sorry go on."

(Hector goes to open the door but not before Andromache grabs his arm)

Andromache: "It's a puppy! Please tell me it's a puppy! No wait, its an ensuite for both of us!"

Hector: (Ignores her & opens the door. Its just an empty tunnel. Andromache looks disappointed.) "There are no turns so you can't get lost. Just keep walking. When you get to the end you'll be by the river-

(Hector is cut off as he is pushed up against a wall by Andromache who is completely lost in the moment as she pashes him)

Hector: "God this is why I love you." (Continues pashing)

Author/Banshee Queen: "I'm not gonna' drag on about reviewing coz' I'm feeling like shit lately so- what? Huh? Oh sorry, got carried away for a moment there. Just review damit. :D