Author/Banshee Queen: "Whoa...long time since I last posted. Newayz the excuse this time for not posting in a long time is because I had heaps of assessment that had to be "rushed" at the last moment & then the holidays stamped their foot down on my face & I went away for a couple of days. So that's the excuse. Lol. After this chappie there should be one or two more until I finish this thing, wow I can't believe that, that's kinda' scary. (Trembles & looks about self warily). Anyway here's 23, hope you enjoy, he he he, alot of "mature audience" theme in this chappie so look away & close your eyes if you're scared of kissing & more than that..." (Grins evilly)

Disclaimer: "Don't own Troy etcetera, etcetera."

Chapter 23: Bitches & Whores

(Scene changes & we see the 'Suspicious Looking Horse' falling apart as the Grecian soldiers inside climbing out and sliding down ropes to the ground. They run to the gates of Troy killing sleeping guards along the way. Odysseus looks up to one of the towers and gets piss in his eye. A lone soldier up the top of the tower is taking a leak. Odysseus grabs a bow out of nowhere and shoots the solider dead. Another solider waves a lit torch to the plains outside of Troy. The Greek army moves ahead as the gates of Troy are opened. Once inside the city, they start killing innocent civilians and burning the city. Agamemnon stands in the middle of the burning city with his head titled back and his arms spread wide.)

Agamemnon: "Burn Troy! Burn it all! Let Troy burn! Burn you humongous-wanged Trojans!" (Takes puff of cigarette & coughs.)

Nestor: (Coming up next to him.) "Dude, you gotta' lay off that stuff its gonna' kill ya."

Agamemnon: (Looks at Nestor.) "Burn Nestor! Burn Nestor!" (Nearby soldiers drag Nestor away and chuck him in the fires of Troy.)

(Scene changes & we see Paris grabbing a bow & a quiver filled with arrows. Helen watches him.)

Helen: "What are you going to do with those?"

Paris: "Use them of course you dumb-blonde."

Helen: (Places hands on hips.) "Do you even know how to use a bow Paris?"

Paris: (Mumbles) "I…saw it done on the discovery channel once."

Helen: (Rolls her eyes then mutters under her breath.) "And this is who I left Menelaus for…"

(Andromache enters the room with Astynax in her arms.)

Andromache: "We have to run!"

(Sighs when she sees Paris & Helen making out, only a moment ago insulting each other.)

Paris: "What? Why?"

Andromache: "The city is burning you dickhead!"

Paris: "Yeah here's 40 cents go tell someone who cares."

Andromache: (Yanks Helen out of the room.)

Paris: "Hey wait for me! Maybe Hector was right, I'm just a selfish little prick with a tiny little dick. Meh, too late to change now." (Runs after them.)

(Andromache stops outside the door where Hector showed her.)

Andromache: "Boy, do I ever know how to get here! Hector would be so proud!"

(Trojan civilians & Helen look at Andromache.)

Andromache: "Never mind, it's a long way so get running!"

(Trojan civilians obey. Paris stands outside the door holding his…bow.)

Paris: "I stay."

Helen: "Geez make up your mind hun, you're staying, you're going, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Paris: "Screw me?" (Looks hopeful.)

Helen: "Good idea." (Paris & Helen screw on the spot right then & there.)

Paris: (In between screwing.) "My father will never abandon the city."

Helen: "Ewwww visual!" (Clamps up…if you know what I mean.) "Paris the city is dead. They're burning it to the ground."

(Paris looks at some of the civilians & sees a boy supporting his elderly father.)

Paris: "What's your name?"

Aeneas: "Anus."

Paris: (Points & laughs at boy.) "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What kind of weed was yo' mamma on then when she gave you that name?"

Aeneas: "Uh, I don't-

Paris: "Never mind…Anus!" (Cracks up again clutching his stomach.) "Do you know how to use a sword?"

Aeneas: "Better than you can use that 'bow' I'm sure."

Paris: (Mumbles & pulls out sword of Troy.) "The sword of Troy. As long as its in a Trojan's hand, our people have a future. Protect them…Anus. Find them a new home…Anus." (Doubles over laughing again while Anus rolls his eyes & walks off.)

Andromache: "Paris, Paris, Briseis wasn't in her room."

Paris: "I'll find her…and then-

Helen: "And then what?"

Paris: "Uh nothing."

Andromache: "You know Paris, you're starting to look like Hector more and more everyday…"

Helen: "I knew this family was into incest! I just knew it!"

Andromache: "Shut up bitch!"

Helen: "Make me!"

Andromache: "Oh yeah?" (Slaps Helen across the face leaving a red handprint.)

Helen: "You're askin' for it now whore!"

Andromache: "Who you callin' whore?"

Helen: "You!"

Andromache: "Try looking in a mirror sometime!"

Helen: (Knees Andromache in the gut.)

Paris: "Ladies, ladies, there's enough of Paris to go around for everybody."

(Helen & Andromache stop trying to pull each others hair out & look at Paris. Both look at each other & start laughing.)

Helen: "As if!"

Andromache: "Yeah right! You're not even half the man that Hector was!"

Paris: "Umm excuse me Helen, but weren't you the one screwing me like 5 minutes ago?"

Helen: (Blushes & mumbles under her breath.)

Andromache: "Told you she was a whore."

Helen: "No, that was me telling you that you were a whore!"

Andromache: "Whatever…whore, just get outta' my face." (Palms Helen then goes through doorway.) "Just remember little miss sloppy-seconds, I'll be seein' you in hell."

Helen: (Gasps & starts to cry.)

Andromache: "Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!" (Disappears in doorway.)

Helen: "I'll stay with you."

Paris: "Go."

Helen: "Oh, so now you're rejecting me and sex? This a first."

Paris: "No its not that, its just how could you love me if I ran now? Anyways I've gotta' find Briseis."

Helen: "It's another woman! It's always another woman! Geez Paris, and no less its your cousin? I can't believe I left Menelaus for you."

Paris: "We will be together again, in this world or the next, we will be together."

Helen: "Oh so now you're pushing me away again are you? Well that's just great, that's just perfect."

Paris: "Would you shut up and kiss me already for old time's sake?"

Helen: "Ok." (Paris & Helen pash madly before Paris breaks the kiss.)

Paris: "Go."

(Helen looks at him one last time before running off after Andromache.)

Paris: (Quietly.) "Sucker." (Runs off to find Briseis.)

Author/Banshee Queen: "He he he, told you to look away didn't I?"