Well, it's been all of one week and I already had enough homework to spend all day Saturday working on it. Ah, the joys of being in college. Anyway, here's the next part. I'm thrilled that everyone's enjoying the story so far, I've loved reading your reviews. Miki, you sound like me. Sometimes I read/watch something and end up having a really strange dream. When I went back and reread the entire HP series in preparation for the HBP, I had a series of several weird ones. Katharina-B, James should behave better from now on. As for Peter...well, the reason he's barely in any of my stories is actually explained in one of my stories (which is all about Peter). I just haven't posted it yet. Oh, and jojo, you didn't annoy me. Leave as many reviews as you'd like, I certainly won't complain. BTW - just because I don't respond personally to your review doesn't mean I don't appreciate them. They make my day!
Sirius:
Remus had taken what was his normal pre- and post-moon position. Sitting with his back against the wall, he was hugging his legs with the desperation of a man clinging to floating planks of wood while drowning. His chin was settled into the space between his knees. His eyes were open but unmoving, almost unblinking.
His gaze…his gaze made me want to cry. It wasn't distraught. It wasn't frightened. It was…dead. There was no discernable emotion there at all. It was as if he was just…there, as if he wasn't processing anything, as if he had shut himself off from his surroundings because it was simply easier than being aware of this wretched place.
He didn't even realize that I was here. He was staring right at me but he didn't even see me.
I swallowed thickly. Get a hold of yourself, Sirius. I needed to be strong. I had no right to feel as if I was about to fall apart. This Confinement Center was revolting but I was just visiting, Remus…Remus was trapped here. I had to pull myself together and be here for him. He needed a friend. He needed me.
"Can I go in?" I asked weakly, noting that Remus didn't even move, didn't make any sign of having heard me. It didn't seem as if they had harmed him, though. There were just a few scratches from last night. That was something, at least.
"You can stay for a half hour," the man informed me. "Be ready to step inside as soon as I release the energy field," he said, raising his wand.
Of course they would have time limits on how long someone could spend visiting a werewolf. It wasn't as if they could show the simple decency of letting them have the comfort of their friends and family.
The wizard murmured a charm and flicked his wrist in a half-circle. There was a loud hum as a sort of electric flash shimmered across the opening of the cell. Tentatively, I stepped forward into the filthy abode. Behind me, I heard him mutter a few more words. The following buzz told me the energy field was in place again.
"I'll come get you when your time is up," he said.
I waited until his footsteps had faded into silence before I did anything. Crouching in front of Remus, I lightly touched one of his hands and smiled. "Remus," I whispered, "It's Sirius…I'm here to visit you."
My friend didn't shift. His eyes didn't move. He didn't speak. He remained exactly as he had been before.
Merlin, what had they done to him? "Dumbledore was kind enough to bring me to the Ministry. He's talking to the Minister about letting you come home to Hogwarts. With any luck, you'll be out of here by tonight."
Nothing. No reaction at all.
Fighting off the embarrassing urge to cry, I moved my hand so that it was resting against his head. Slowly, I caressed his hair. Not knowing what else to do, I continued talking. "I brought you some things. See…I cast this concealing charm on a daypack and walked in with it strapped around my shoulder…so that no one could see that I was carrying anything. I thought – I thought they were going to find it when we went through security but Dumbledore's a well-respected man so they didn't even search us. They just registered our wands."
I sighed wearily. Couldn't he just give some indication that he was hearing me? It was as if he was in the trance that normally followed his transformations at moonset. "I brought you clothes and…and food. I think I remembered all your favorites… I have fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and mushrooms. I cast a warming charm on it so it'll be hot for you. There's strawberries too… I even grabbed about ten bars of chocolate. I know it's not as good as Honeydukes' but…" I trailed off into a defeated silence.
"Oh God, Remus…please say something," I pleaded, searching his face for some hint of recognition.
Finally, his eyes met mine. The dead look vanished and was replaced by one of utter helplessness. "I'm so glad you're here," he whispered so softly that it was almost as if I was reading his lips. "I – I'm sorry… I didn't mean to worry you. I don't know why I didn't…respond. I'm just trying to sort things out. I can't–" he shook his head, "I don't know–"
I frowned. I had never seen him at such a fumbling loss for words before. I was so often the one who wasn't able to accurately express myself. He always seemed to know how to string words together to say exactly what he meant. "It's all right," I stopped him before he could continue. "You don't have to explain."
He lips twitched. I suspected it was a failed attempt to smile. "I'm so glad you're here," he repeated earnestly.
I wasn't. I wanted to help Remus but I didn't want to be here. I never wanted to be here. I wished I had never had to see a place like this or know one existed.
"Can I have my clothes now?" he asked with the slightest hint of humor.
"Of course. Saying your nickname will reveal the pack, saying mine will make it invisible again," I explained. "That way you can hide everything so they don't take it from you."
He nodded. "Moony."
I looked down at my left side. The pack had become visible in response to Remus' use of the trigger word. Letting my hand fall from his hair, I shrugged the daypack off of my shoulder. Then I shifted back so that there was enough room to set it between us.
Opening the pack, I pulled out Remus' clothes and handed them to him. My friend shakily climbed to his feet and began dressing himself. As he did, I told him about the rest of the things I had brought him. "There's parchment and a self-inking quill…in case you want to write something. Also, there's the Hobbit, so that you can read."
A fully dressed Remus settled himself on the floor again. This time he sat cross-legged. "You're very thoughtful," he said by way of thanks. Reaching into the daypack, he pulled out the container of pasta. Then his hand delved back inside the pack again, fishing for something else. "Did you…er…bring silverware?" he asked after a few moments of fruitless searching.
The most likely horrified look that crossed my face must have provided him with his response. Before I could say anything, he briefly touched my shoulder. "Don't worry. I can eat with my hands."
Utensils. Of all the things to forget!
Remus opened the container and grabbed a mouthful of steaming fettuccine Alfredo. Bringing it up to his lips, he ate the noodles and sauce off of his fingers and then hurriedly delved back for more. Obviously, he was starved. Not wanting to slow him down, I let him eat in silence.
I couldn't help but notice how his hands shook.
I was worried about him. It wasn't because of how he had been behaving when I first entered, at least not entirely. After all, there were times when I didn't feel like speaking or having anything to do with anyone either. It was this place. It was the knowledge that he was being held for murder, the horrible fact that they would execute him if he was found guilty. It was seeing the hate in everyone's eyes. How was he coping with it all?
When he had devoured the entire meal, I asked, "How are you holding up?"
Remus paused in the licking of his fingers, eyes clouding. For the first time since the shack, I saw fear in them. He didn't respond until after he had finished lapping up the Alfredo sauce from his hands. "Not very well," he replied openly, honestly.
Feeling it best to let him continue without prompting, I waited.
"I need you to tell me something, Sirius," he turned very solemn eyes to me, "Did I kill Evelyn?"
What? I cocked my head to the side. That I had not been expecting. "Don't you…remember?"
Remus bit his upper lip and shook his head. "All I remember from last night is waiting in the Shrieking Shack for my transformation to begin. Then, suddenly, I couldn't stop coughing and I threw up. Next thing I knew, I was being…arrested."
"But why?" I asked, trusting him to make sense of my question.
"The potion. It's my best guess."
The potion. I had forgotten about the damned bloody potion. That had to be it, though. Remus always remembered the full moons. He might try to suppress the memories but they were there nonetheless. The only thing that had been different about the last full moon was his taking that accursed potion. Of course his getting sick after moonset couldn't miraculously be its only effect.
No wonder Remus hadn't been able to clear himself with the Veritaserum! He couldn't very well tell them he hadn't killed anyone if he himself didn't know.
"Sirius…I need to know," Remus pressed, studying me with an intense, questioning gaze. "Did I kill her?"
"No!" I responded immediately. "We were with you all night, you didn't kill anyone."
Remus continued to stare at me intently. "Are you certain?"
I scoffed. "Of course I'm certain! How could I not be? I think I would have noticed something like that." 'We were with you all night,' my own words echoed in my head, making my throat go dry with the realization that they weren't true. We hadn't been with him all night. We had been with him nearly all night.
In the excitement that followed moonset, I had forgotten. I had forgotten about the time Prongs, Wormtail, and I had spent searching for him in the Forbidden Forest because he had managed to get away from us. We had found him though. It had been a matter of minutes. Five, probably. Not nearly enough time for him to go to the edge of the trees, kill Evelyn, and return to the clearing where we had come across him. No, not nearly enough time. So it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all.
"No, Remus, you didn't kill her," I assured him, deciding it best not to mention the five minute gap. I didn't want him to have any doubt. Being in this place had to be torture in and of itself, I wouldn't allow him to keep questioning and doubting himself.
Remus smiled for the first time since I had entered his cell. When he spoke, relief clouded his voice and sparkled in his eyes. "I was so worried, Sirius. All my live I've been afraid of this…afraid that I would hurt someone, turn someone into a werewolf, or even kill someone.
"Then…this morning I was arrested and it terrified me because I didn't know. I didn't know whether I had done it or not. I've been in this cell… I spent all that time trying to force myself to remember but there was nothing…just blackness," he paused and continued more softly, sadness marring his tone as reality intruded on his joy. "I was scared that the monster inside me had finally tasted human blood."
I reached forward to touch his shoulder but Remus captured my hand in his and held it tightly. "This place–" he choked, eyes fleeting about the barren cell, "I think it would kill me. I think that eventually…it'd kill me."
I rubbed my thumb over his clenched fingers. "Dumbledore will get you out of here soon, Remus," I promised, praying that it was true.
"What then?" he demanded. "They won't drop the charges unless they find another werewolf. Do you think they're even looking? I'll be found guilty, Sirius, and they'll–"
"No. No they won't," I interrupted, hating to see his control stripped away. "I'll testify for you, Remus. I'll go to Dumbledore and tell him to give me Veritaserum. I'll tell them that you didn't kill anyone."
"You'll can't," he shook his head. "You'll have to tell them about Padfoot. You, Prongs, and Wormtail will be expelled."
He was right. I hadn't even thought about it, but he was right. There was no way I could explain how I had been with Remus all night without revealing that James, Peter, and I were Animagi. "So we'll be expelled!" How could he even suggest that his life wasn't worth it? "I don't care, Remus. If it'll prevent them from executing you for murder, I don't care."
Remus smiled wanly. "I care. I'm sure that Prongs and Wormtail will too."
Was he daft? "Do you honestly hold us graduating from Hogwarts as being more important than saving your life? Do you honestly think that James and Peter won't feel the same why I do?"
"James will lose his dream of being an Auror. You won't be able to do any of the things you've considered doing after Hogwarts either. Eventually, you'd all grow to resent me."
"That's assuming that we even get expelled. Dumbledore might not–"
"It's illegal to become an Animagus while you're underage. It's also illegal to become one without registering with the Ministry of Magic. Not to mention that it's illegal to release a werewolf into a populated area. Dumbledore won't have a choice. No," he shook his head, "I won't let you do it."
He wouldn't let me do it? "If it seems like they're going to convict you of murder then, I'm sorry Remus, you won't be able to stop me from doing it."
"Sirius, I don't want you to–"
"It's not your choice, Remus," I interrupted, voice quiet and firm. "It's mine."
I thought that he would continue arguing with me but when he opened his mouth all he said was, "Padfoot."
I frowned. I was about to question him when I heard them. Footsteps. That horrible man from the desk was coming to tell me I had to leave. Had it really been a half hour already? It didn't seem like it.
Remus released my hand and together, we stood up. Wanting to give him one last reassurance, I moved forward and hugged him. My friend immediately responded in kind, holding me close. "I'm glad you came, Sirius," he whispered against me.
"I won't go to Dumbledore unless I have to," I told him. "If – if for whatever reason, he can't get you out of here today, I'll come back and visit you tomorrow. Unless…unless you'd rather see James or Peter."
"Please come," he pulled back and smiled. "James and Peter are brilliant but…you're my best friend, Padfoot. You know that."
I nodded. Yes, I knew. "I wish…I wish I didn't have to leave you here."
Remus didn't respond. His eyes were distressed.
Giving his right shoulder a parting squeeze, I turned to face the disgusted looking man. Obviously, he couldn't grasp how someone could be friends with a werewolf. Shaking his head bemusedly, he released the energy field. When I stepped through, he raised it again. Then, without saying a single word, he led me out of the terrible Confinement Center.
James and Peter were waiting in the dormitory when I returned. They were sitting on their respective beds talking in quiet voices. Both turned to look at me when I entered. I could tell, by the disapproving downturn of his mouth, that my best friend was not happy. Tiredly, I wondered what I had missed.
"They made an announcement while you were gone," Peter spoke with measured casualness. "McGonagall said that Evelyn Milay passed away last night and that funeral services would be held the day after tomorrow. No word on how it happened. Made it sound almost like an accident."
I wasn't surprised. "They're just afraid a werewolf scare will sweep the school if they tell the truth." I fixed my eyes on James. "How did Lily take it?" That was probably why he looked rather gloomy.
"As well as can be expected. I was with her in the common room when we were told. She was too shocked to say much of anything for the first few minutes. Then she told me she wanted to be alone and disappeared into the girls' dormitory. She's been in her room ever since," he indicated the Marauder's Map, which was unfolded in front of him on the bedspread.
"Are you going to tell her the truth?" I lay down on my bed, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep.
"That depends on what the truth is," he replied coolly and I realized that his mood had nothing to do with Lily and everything to do with me.
Shifting so that I was lying on my side, I looked at James. "What, exactly, do you mean by that?"
James frowned and sighed as if he couldn't believe I was asking. "You're not the only one, you know," was his softly uttered reply.
"What?" Was I supposed to be able to interpret that cryptic line?
"You're not the only one who cares about Remus." He ran his fingers through his hair. Years ago it would have been a useless attempt to keep it from falling on his forehead. Now it was a habit, one that had only been broken for a short stint in which he'd been doing all sorts of ridiculous things to impress Lily.
"I know that," I responded, annoyed. Where was this coming from?
"Really?" he arched a skeptical eyebrow. "It doesn't seem like it. You snuck off to find out everything you could without telling Peter or me. When we got back we found the map and Invisibility Cloak lying on my bed for anyone to see but there was no sign of you. You haven't been in Hogwarts for the last two hours. Now you're back and you obviously know something about what happened. You don't seem too eager to volunteer the information, though."
I groaned. I didn't feel like dealing with this right now. "I'm just tired, James. That's all. You have no idea what I…saw."
"Of course not. You didn't let me go with you or even tell me where you were going."
I chuckled dryly. "I don't need to tell you where I'm going. You're my best friend, not my mum."
"I know that," he replied quietly, dangerously. "But if I had done the same thing, you'd be furious and you know it."
My instinctual reaction was to argue but I restrained myself. He was right. I wouldn't have been very happy if he had gone and spied on Dumbledore or if he had gone to the Werewolf Confinement Center without telling me. It wasn't as if I had specifically wanted to exclude him, though. "I went by myself because you said we should wait."
James jumped to his feet. "Yeah. I said that because I didn't know what else we could do. I didn't mean that I wasn't for doing something, just that I couldn't think of anything. You should have included Peter and me in whatever you did because we care about Remus too. Don't act as if it's your own personal crusade to help him just because you know that he's more important to you than he is to us."
I sighed. I should have asked him if he wanted to come with me. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about any of that. I was just…worried about Remus and what might happen to him."
James settled himself on my bed. I sat up so that we could be level. His eyes had softened and I could see that most of his frustration had ebbed. "Don't you think I know that? You care about him just as much as you care about me…just as much as I care about you. I'd be crazy with worry if you were in this situation instead of him. Just remember…you don't have to deal with all of this alone. Peter and I are concerned too and…even if we weren't… You and me, we're best friends. I'll always have your back, Padfoot."
I smiled, not really knowing what to say. James and I spent almost all of our time together. We were just about inseparable. Brothers. I would do anything for him. He would do anything for me. I had always known that. It was just nice to hear him say it.
James was blushing slightly. "So…er…tell us what you know," he said, trying to cover up his embarrassment.
Peter, who I had almost forgotten was in the room, climbed onto my bed as well. "Yeah, we want to help."
"All right," I scooted back towards the headboard to give us more room. Then I proceeded to tell them everything I had learned, including the fact that I didn't know if Dumbledore had succeeded in convincing the Minister to release Remus. Upon leaving the Confinement Center, I had found McGonagall waiting to bring me back to Hogwarts. The Headmaster was still at the Ministry.
When I finished, James titled his head back and stared at the ceiling for a good long while before saying anything. "Remus is really in trouble, Sirius. If he doesn't remember what happened and they don't find another werewolf that could have done this…" he let his words fade into silence, knowing he didn't have to elaborate.
"But we can testify, James," I protested. "If they don't find another werewolf we'll explain that we're Animagi and that we let him out of the shack. We'll tell them that he couldn't possibly have killed her because he was with us. With the Veritaserum, they'll have to believe us."
"No," he shook his head, "We can't–"
"Damn it, James!" I couldn't believe it! I had never thought James would take Remus' side on this. "Don't tell me you're more concerned about us not being expelled than Remus–"
"Of course not!" he interrupted angrily, "If I thought that us coming forward would get the charges dropped, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
"You know I would too," Peter piped in.
"Then what is it?" I demanded. "What's the problem?"
"It's the time we weren't with him, when he got away from us. It was just after moonrise, which is when Dumbledore said they found Evelyn. The investigators will argue that he killed her while we were searching for him."
"But he was only missing for five minutes and we found him in that clearing, not near the edge of the Forbidden Forest where Evelyn was killed."
James finally lowered his gaze from the ceiling. "We don't know that. We don't know that it was only five minutes. None of us was carrying a watch."
"Did you hear something?" Peter asked but both James and I ignored him.
"But you were there; hardly any time passed between him running off and us finding–" I stopped short when I saw that James was already shaking his head.
"It seemed like longer to me, Sirius," he admitted. "It doesn't matter though. Even if we could prove that it was exactly five minutes…the investigators will still say that those five minutes were around the time that Evelyn was killed. They hate werewolves, Sirius. They're not going to buy that it was just an ill-fated coincidence. And since we can't prove how long he was missing they'll more than happily say that he came across her, killed her, and then ran back to where we found him."
"Peter," I said weakly. "How long do you think it was?"
Peter shrugged nervously. "I don't know exactly…more than five minutes. I'm sorry, Sirius."
They were wrong. They had to be. I remembered. He hadn't been missing for more than five minutes. I was sure of it. James was right, though. It didn't matter if I was certain. The investigators wouldn't deny that I believed what I was saying – the Veritaserum would take care of that. They would simply point out that my estimate of time could hardly be used as an accurate gauge. They wanted to pin this on Remus because he was a werewolf. Even I – who was not blinded by prejudice – had to admit that everything was against him. They weren't about to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Do you guys think he did it?" I asked in a constricted voice. Any hope I'd had of Remus being found innocent was rapidly dying. I felt as if my heart was being held in a vice by my chest. This couldn't be happening.
James and Peter both shifted uncomfortably and shared a quick glance. "It all fits, Sirius," it was my best friend who answered. "She was killed just after moonrise and he got away from us just after moonrise. He's the only registered werewolf near Hogwarts…who else could it have been?"
I stared at them mutely. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't. James was just being honest. I could tell he wanted to believe that he was wrong; he just didn't see how he could be. It wasn't that he thought Remus was a murderer. He knew that Moony had no control over this.
"I think – I think that you would agree if you weren't so bent on proving his innocence," he suggested. "And believe me, I understand why. Even if he did kill her, you know that I don't think they should execute him. I think, though, that you might have to accept the possibility that–"
"No," I stated flatly. "I won't accept that. I won't accept that we might have to watch Remus be murdered."
"I know you want to do everything you can to get Remus out of this," he continued, ignoring my outburst. "I do too. I'll go along with anything you feel you need to do because I'm your best friend and, like I said, I'll always have your back. I'll even go along with your taking Veritaserum and telling them exactly what happened last night, even though I think it would be pointless. I just think you need to realize that there's going to be a limit to how much you can do."
"A limit that's going to let them execute him for something that's not his fault?" I asked scathingly.
"It's the system. It's entirely fucked but…we can't change it. Not in time to save him," he lowered his head. "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear it but I think you have to."
Swallowing, I closed my eyes. Everything had been fine yesterday morning. Well…not fine. We were all worried about Voldemort, his dark wizards, and all the murders and disappearances. But everything had been fine for the four of us, for the Marauders. How had it all fallen apart so quickly?
"We have to do something, James," I appealed weakly.
"I know," he assured me. "I know. Right now, I don't know what but…we'll think of something."
"Maybe Dumbledore will be able to keep them from executing him," Peter suggested. "He's powerful and widely respected."
I wanted to believe him, I really did. Even Dumbledore wasn't that influential, though. He hadn't even known for certain that he'd be able to get Remus released while they investigated the possibility of it having been another werewolf. If they found him guilty he wouldn't be able to stop them from carrying out their twisted form of justice. Not when the Minister of Magic himself hated werewolves.
Remus' only hope was for another werewolf to be found and that was as good as having no hope at all.