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Rule Number Five:
Don't expect life to be fair, because it won't be.
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Sesshoumaru could sense her presence even before he could catch her scent.
And if that hadn't been enough, he always had young Rin to point out the obvious.
"Look, my lord! It's that woman!" The little girl ran up the hill to greet the figure standing alone at the top.
Sesshoumaru paused in his movements and stood silently, staring at her silhouette against the setting sun. His eyes narrowed fractionally. 'What is she doing here?'
He moved onward, up the hill, Jaken close at his heels, pulling on the reins of Ah-Un.
"Lord Sesshoumaru." She nodded her head at him briefly before turning her eyes back to watch the little girl now scampering about the hillside before her, picking flowers.
Sesshoumaru stopped next to the youkai and turned to glare once at Jaken before gazing out into the setting sun. The green youkai caught his unspoken command and scrambled away to watch after Rin, leaving the two in privacy.
"You sought me, Kagura?"
She smirked and gazed at his stony profile. "And what would give you that idea?
He turned to look at her finally before blandly replying, "Do not play games. You followed us for nearly an hour before you decided to fly ahead and wait. I won't ask again, what is it that you want?"
She grinned and tapped her ever-present fan against her cheek, her other arm crossed across her waist. "A man who gets straight to the point. I like that. But did it ever occur to you that I might have just come to talk?"
"A woman who talks," he said dryly. "What a novelty."
She let her arms drop to her sides as she slowly circled him. "Now, now, Sesshoumaru. Such sarcasm. Tsk." She stopped on his other side, slightly ahead of him and looked out to the horizon. "Alright then. I did come with a request," she finally spoke, all playfulness gone from her voice.
Sesshoumaru shifted his gaze to the back of her head, and he could see her jaw working, clenched and trembling beneath her skin. She turned her head over her shoulder and he was startled to see sudden tears springing to her eyes. "I came to repeat my bargain. I'll beg if I have to," she added in a near whisper.
He narrowed his golden eyes. "I do not enjoy sniveling. Tears and groveling will get you nowhere. You have my answer. I have no interest in the jewel, and there is nothing you could offer me that might persuade me to step in."
Something in his mind told him that it was now time to turn his back and leave her alone on the hill, but he didn't. He remained still and watched. It was morbid, really, his fascination as he watched her. It was the same curiosity that draws countless villagers to witness some horrifying event, like a fire, or a farming accident, or an attack or fight. Everyone is pulled by some magnetic force, sucked in against their will so that they may witness the darker side of life. And so it was with Lord Sesshoumaru, as he stood there and silently watched Kagura, the powerful wind demon, crumble and break apart before him, like so many smoldering embers collapsing in their ruin.
She didn't physically fall over, no. Kagura was too proud for that, too strong. But Sesshoumaru stood calmly by and watched her last hope split and crack into hundreds of sharp shards behind her scarlet eyes. Sesshoumaru's word was final, and Kagura knew that once he refused her again, there was no changing his mind.
She let a tear fall over her bottom eyelid and she dashed it away angrily before turning her back on him once again, looking out over the valley beneath them.
She spoke finally, her words even and strong. "I knew it was pointless, really. But… I had to try. I don't belong inside someone else's fist, Sesshoumaru. The wind cannot be grasped and held…it would die."
Sesshoumaru was silent as he watched her kimono ruffle slightly in her precious breeze.
"And yet…he holds you, doesn't he?"
She turned to look at him then, surprise evident in her eyes. She swallowed. "Yes…he does."
"How?"
He watched her wipe a nimble hand across her face once more before she replied in soft tones. "He…he has my…my heart." She shook her head and stared at the ground. "No, that's not right. He…he holds my…" she scrambled for a word, "my essence, I suppose. Not my heart, but its will to beat. Not my body, but its ability to function."
"But not your mind?" He gazed steadily at her as she whipped her head around to glare at him.
"No," she said fiercely. "Never my mind."
She gave her characteristic smirk then as she sighed, staring at the fan in her hand. "A lot of good it does me. I would almost rather be like the boy, Kohaku…mindlessly obeying orders, never knowing what I'm missing in life, never knowing who I am or why I exist. It has to be better than constantly longing for freedom, always knowing that there is another reason for my existence, and yet watching all my hopes of that better life constantly drifting further and further away on the wind."
"I thought you controlled the wind."
She raised startled magenta eyes to his as she gaped, her mouth parted slightly, not breathing. She placed a hand to her forehead, and bit her lip, blinking fiercely.
"I thought I did too." She fought back tears. "But even the wind as turned against me…and it was all I had left."
She threw her fan at the ground suddenly. "It isn't fair!" Her scream echoed off the hill across the valley from them. "To have a mind capable of knowing how wonderful life can be, and yet not having any life to live with…" she closed her eyes as two more tears trickled down her cheeks, "it just isn't fair."
"If you long for your freedom and control over your own life so much, why have you not taken it back yet?"
She gave him an incredulous look. "Don't you think I've tried? Don't you think I've done everything in my power? He holds my life in his fist and the more I struggle away, the tighter he squeezes."
She shook her head angrily. "I've bargained, I've fought, I've pleaded…I've tried allies. There is no one I can turn to, and no enemy of Naraku will trust me." She chuckled humorlessly. "Even your brother, the hanyou. I've considered it…helping him. But he and his companions would never trust me or bargain. They hate me as much as they hate Naraku."
She crossed her arms and stared at him, smirking. "Life is not as easy for most as it is for the great Lord Sesshoumaru. You're the most powerful demon here. You come and go, speak and do exactly as you please. No one can stand between you and what you want. Isn't that right?"
His eyes narrowed as he glared at her, but she went on. "Your brother is taunted because he is only half demon, and he is not nearly as strong as you, and yet he fights! He is set on making things right again, and neither death nor injury stop him. And the humans alongside him…their power will never match yours, and yet they also are determined to make a change."
Sesshoumaru clenched his fists but remained silent as she went on.
"You are strong enough to make changes. You have power and control. You are the master of your domain, and do you know what I am? I am a puppet! A puppet! That's all anyone sees when they look at me: Naraku's puppet. And because I'm his puppet, I am nothing. I am no threat, I am no companion, I'm not even alive and no one thinks I can even think for myself, because it doesn't matter…it doesn't matter whether or not I can think for myself, because I can't even act on those thoughts. I obey commands, and bargain for the help of those who might actually have the power to change things."
She turned to look at the horizon again. The sun was nearly invisible now, just a slight of pink light above the hills before them. The purple darkness had settled over them like a fine dust, and Sesshoumaru fought the urge to brush it from his white clothing, to scrape it from his skin. Instead, he stood motionless as she slowly reached an arm up to her hair and plucked a white feather from it.
She turned her head over her shoulder once more and gazed at him sadly. "It seems a shame that those who were gifted with the ability to change refuse to step in and make things right. Life…life just isn't fair at all, is it?"
And with a flick of her wrist she was upon her transformed feather, soaring off on the breeze, chasing after a life that the winds of fate were constantly pulling further out of her reach.
"I thought you controlled the wind, Kagura," he whispered softly, almost sadly.
He heard her whisper back into the breeze, "I thought I did too…."
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Next:
Rule Number Four:
Learn to laugh at yourself, and to laugh at life.
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Huzzah. I wrote something. I've been editing and rewriting my other oneshots, one by one. I fixed most of Rule Number Five, and am going to look at the other rules too. I fixed Beautiful, and looked at The Tree and The Flower, but couldn't really find too much I wanted to change in it.
Anyhow, here it is… Rule Number Five. I dunno…makes me kinda sad. Poor Kagura… she fights and fights to break free only to (eep, Spoiler) go and die in the Manga. It's just not fair. But then, life isn't. Frustrating, no?
Well, I started a C2…. Just because I wanted to. Lol, it's for oneshots only, and I know there are already communities for One Shots, but a lot of times they put some really… sucky ones on there. I mean… they just weren't well-written, riddled with bad grammar, and… argh, so frustrating. I mean… no one's perfect, my stuff is full of mistakes, but not nearly so bad as many of these. It's like they didn't even try, or look over their work when they were finished. So, this one is for those with fewer mistakes than most. And, I just started it, so there aren't many in there yet. I'm working on it. If it comes to anything, and I decide to keep it, I'll probably hit some of you with Staff invitations. Woo.
(Oh, and Beautiful made it to another C2, yay!)
For those that have reviewed, I REALLY appreciate it, you have no clue. For those that have added ANYthing of mine to their fav. Lists… wow. I love you, too.
And, I'm going to have to do all my notes to reviewers on the next update, because I'm feeling rather ill at the moment, but want to get this posted today. Know that I love you, and please, IM me or something. Or email. Some have asked if I beta… I do on occasion, and I love to brainstorm ideas for fics. I could use someone to help me on a little humorous project I want to work on, so let me know if you're interested. And if someone wants to bounce around ideas for this next chapter with me… hit me with an IM, because I'm going to have issues with it, I can already tell.
Feel the love, I know I do…