AN: This is set some years after the whole Gambit and Mystique thing. Did they or didn't they?
It was dark outside the restaurant. How long had we been here? One, maybe two hours? One thing was for certain it had been for too long. There was a awkward silence at the table, ever since that damn phone call. I looked over at her, trying to see wither she was still mad at me. Nothing. Her face was as impassive as ever, she was still angry with me. After the phone call I had to tell her everything.
I always knew one day I'd have to explain, but I hoped that it didn't have to be this soon. Things had been going well. We had actually begun to live a normal life, or something of the sorts, and then she called. She always did have the best timing in ruining my life. Always when things were going well she'd step in and ruin it. But that might just be my bitterness at her breaking up with me.
I had to say something, the silence was killing me. Freezing me like ice, and I knew exactly how that felt. Something had to be said. "Chere"
"Don't speak, jus' don' say a thing." she said in her drawl.
Her face might have been impassive but there was an edge in her voice that told me that inside her, she was raging. I turned to look at her and found her staring straight back at me. "Why didn't ya ever tell meh"
"How was I supposed t'?" I said avoiding her eyes, I knew how too.
"Ya know, ah used t'a think that there was sometin' wrong with meh. There were times when ya couldn't even look at meh and ah used t'a think that ah'd done something wrong. Now ah know why." she sat back on the chair holding a hand up to her face. Slowly she said, "Remy, ya gotta tell meh the truth…did ya love her?" I nodded. "More than ya love meh"
I didn't answer at first, I couldn't. How was I supposed to answer that. Some things should be left unsaid.
"I don' know chere. After it happened…I was so confused, I, I didn't know what t'do"
Silence again. We were always good at not saying things to each other. I would never tell her how much I hated her stew and she'd never tell me how much she hated my gumbo. But now everything had to be said.
"Ah don't think," she started, "that you've ever said ya love meh"
"Dat's not true"
"What ah mean…you've nevah said it and meant it. Ah cry myself t'a sleep, waitin' fer ya t'a turn round and say, 'it's alright chere ahm here'. but ya never did. All ah wanted was fer ya t'a love meh. And now ah know why ya cant, and nevah will"
She was crying now. I hated to see her cry, I hated to see anyone cry but most of all I hated to see myself cry and I quickly wiped the tears that were threatening to spill onto my cheeks. "Chere"
"I'M NOT HER REMY!" she shouted.
Finally. She said it. And she was right. She wasn't her. She never would be, and I was wrong to think that she could ever be.
"I know darlin"
"Ah wanna know everythin' Remy. Ya haven't told meh it all. Tell meh everything"
She was right, I had to tell her everything.
"The first time Mystique," I started seeing her flinch as I said that awful woman's name, "came t'me, nothing' happened. I swear"
"But ya were tempted"
"'Yes. Being with an untouchable woman fo' several years gives ya those sorta feelin's. So yeah. I was tempted." sure I sounded confident inside but inside I was feeling ashamed. "But I didn't give in to it. But dat didn't stop people from t'inkin' we had. Dey were all so suspicious, nothing' was de same after dat. I tried t'make t'ings better, but it only got worse. I swore I'd never see Mystique again. But not even dat worked"
I was playing the sympathy card, and I knew she wasn't buying it. She wanted the truth, that was all. She wanted to know what happened. It was one of the things that drew me to her. She could see right through me some times.
"And then?" she asked.
"Well she came back didn't she. Things weren't goin' too well, no one would trust me. Not even she trusted me. Everybody thought I'd done it the first time"
"So ya gave them what they wanted the second time"
"I was tired of denyin what dey were sayin'! It was jus' easier an, an it was out of spite, bitterness, I wanted t'make her pay for ruining my life. But dat didn't mean I wanted t'get caught. Course eventually dey found out…and ya know what happened after dat"
I couldn't go any further. This was hurting too much and I knew if I didn't stop there, the tears would fall and I'd do something incredibly stupid. Just like I had tried to do years before.
"Remy, ah only know what Mystique tol' meh, ah wanna hear it from ya." The anger had gone from her voice, she sounded almost sympathetic.
I'd never spoke to anyone about what had happened. Well. I had spoken to Logan, but even then I didn't tell him everything. "Alright." I looked at her and saw the shock in her face, clearly she hadn't expected me to agree, "the second time, as yo' know I got caught. It hurt her real bad. She was comin t'apologise fer bein de way she'd been, and she found me in bed wit Mystique." The tears where falling again, "I tried t'go after her, but she was too fast. I spent three nights wit'out sleepin or eatin' looking' fo' her. I didn't find her. De police did. And de next day I had t'go t'de mortuary and identify the body." I couldn't look her in the eye, I couldn't even wash the tears away.
"She'd killed herself. T'me, she was indestructible. But seein' her lyin' on that cold steel bed, her face all puffed up, her eyes open but not seeing, she looked as fragile as a china doll. She'd takin' a drug overdose. I didn't even wait fo' de doctor t'tell me what she'd taken. I still don't know today. I ran out of dat place. I couldn't believe what had happened. I wouldn't believe it. But it hit me eventually, she was gone. I couldn't stand de pain, I tried t'drown myself in drink but not even dat worked. It got so bad dat I couldn't take it anymore. I…I tried t'kill myself." She gasped and held her hand up to her mouth, Mystique hadn't told her that, "but I lived, as yo' can' see. And…dat's de truth"
The silence was there again but know I was glad of it, I couldn't say anything else, I was all dried up, but she wasn't.
"Ya didn't kill her Remy." I turned to look at her. "it wasn't ya." she reached and took my hand in hers, "It was suicide Remy. She killed herself"
"I still killed her. Inside. If she hadn't been so, so upset she wouldn't have done somet'in so stupid. T'ings like dat never happened to her. I still killed her. And dat'll stay wit meh fo' ever. And den dere's yo'. I tried t'replace her, I found yo', I ruined yo'r life too. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"
She reached brought her other hand up to my face and wiped away the tears, "Ya aint ruined my life sugah. Ya gave meh some things ah nevah thought ah'd have and ah love ya. Ah don' care bout whats happened in yer past. Ah'll always love ya. An maybe, right now, right now ya cant love meh. But ah understand now and maybe one day…you will"
She was right. I would always love Rogue. Always. I would always remember the times we spent together. The times we spent apart. And I would always carry the guilt of her death. But as I reached over to my fiancé and kissed her I thought, 'yes, maybe, maybe one day.'
But nothing ends happily as the woman that had been watching them from another table slowly stood up and walked towards them pushing a white streak behind her ear.