Phantasmagoria
Chapter 6, Part II
A/n: Thanks so much for the reviews! Sorry this is posted later than usual, I had a meet after school today and then we went out to dinner, and, yeah… But enough about me.
Flangst to the max… Part II.
Vaughn held a firm grip on Sydney's hand as they waited in a cramped room of the doctor's office. She held her breath as she stared down at herself from an awkwardly angled chair, her feet held in stirrups. Very slowly she exhaled and drummed her fingers along the back of her husband's hand.
Sydney was never a nervous person, and upon taking the role of Scarlett Avery she quickly became one. She had never been so nervous in her entire life, never had she been so torn by a decision she would make in the coming future.
After another dismal day in Rome, the couple had returned home and immediately called for an appointment. Both of them had been rather quiet over the past days, saying little and speaking mostly with their eyes. Sydney cast a glance at Vaughn to find him cautiously eyeing the door. Waiting, he was waiting, they were both waiting. Waiting for the door to open, waiting for the test results, waiting for tomorrow's fate.
Two swift knocks tapped at he door, followed by the twisting of the doorknob. In stepped the doctor, a light smile stamped across his face. He carried a clipboard with several sheets of paper he flipped through. "Mr. And Mrs. Avery." It was a statement, not a question. Sydney gulped down her nerves and stared directly at the older, balding man with glasses. A fluttery feeling formed in the pit of her stomach, a torture she quickly grew irritated by. He skimmed the second sheet of paper. "Let's have a look, shall we?"
Sydney and Vaughn locked eyes as she pulled her sweater up, revealing her stomach for the doctor to apply a cold, clear jelly. The doctor prodded her with a plastic device, sliding it across the jelly in search of the perfect place. Vaughn was the first to tear his eyes away, and Sydney paused before following suit. Her eyes settled on the grainy screen before her, scanning back and forth to make sense of anything.
"I'd guess you're eight weeks along. Right there." He pointed to a dark spot the shape and size of a bean, then froze the image on the screen and fiddledg with a few buttons on the machine it connected to. Suddenly the room filled with a lively beat, the sound of flowing blood prominent in its vigorous pumping.
The sturdy heartbeat bellowed loudly throughout the room, and Sydney froze like the image on the screen. She stared at the picture in awe, her lips slightly parted, and her heart swelled at the sound filling her ears.
The doctor's vision wavered between the couple. "I'll give you two a moment." He flipped another switch before exiting the room, cutting off the audio but leaving the visual intact. Even though the plastic device no longer touched her flesh, the cadenced pulsation was forever imprinted on Sydney's mind.
As she turned to face her husband Vaughn noticed her bottom lip quivering. He looked at her face with concern, trying to meet her eyes, but she had yet to tear them away from the picture on the screen. "Our baby," she muttered, at last reuniting with her husband's gaze. She pursed her lips for a moment as the tears that had been dammed inside her for days spilled over and cascaded down her cheeks. "I can't kill our baby!"
Vaughn stood from his chair and wound his arm around her, cradling her head against his chest, and not once disengaging his grip on her hand. He rocked her delicately as she released her sobs into his shirt, all her doubts and fears forgotten in her emotions, her regretful guilt washing over her. How could she have possibly thought to terminate the pregnancy? How could she have denied herself and the love of her life from such happiness?
She lingered in Vaughn's embrace but shifted her head as her cries eased. Her tiny bean of a baby now appeared to emanate from the screen. "I want this baby more than anything," she whispered. "More than our freedom. I want to hold her in my arms and never let go… I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life. But I've never been so scared of something either."
"I'll always be here to protect you, to protect her."
"I know." She let out a shaky breath. "I wouldn't be able to do this without you." She pulled away slightly and wiped at her wet cheeks, a light giggle breaking free when Vaughn began to help her. Finally she smiled for the first time since their first night in Rome. "We're having a baby."
He smiled back and swiped his thumbs along her lower eyelids. Leaning in, he kissed her forehead, nose and lips. He rested her forehead against hers, the tips of their noses nudging each others, and whispered back, "We're having a baby."
The sunlight streams in through the blinds, a beautiful May morning after an overcast, rainy night. The warm rays fall upon the bed like layers of a blanket, wrapping around each figure with ease and comfort; another blockade to the evils of the world that once waited outside the walls.
Sydney sits with a smile gracing her face as she holds her daughter in her arms for the first time. Her tiny frame molds fluently against Sydney's body, her miniscule hand barely large enough to enclose around Sydney's pinky.
Sydney stares in awe and wonder at the sleeping child in her grasp. She is perfect, and healthy. Late last night or quite early this morning, Sydney is not sure, the doctors had whisked her away from her mother only after she stroked her precious fleshy cheek with her forefinger. Being born before term, they were not certain her lungs functioned fully and she could sustain a normal body temperature. Though after several long awaited hours a nurse delivered the whimpering bundle into Sydney's arms, deeming her extremely capable of surviving on her own. Sydney knows they will still stay a few extra days, though, her daughter is more susceptible to sickness and infection than most babies. A longer stay does not bother her, as long as she can hold her in her arms.
She had sent her father home more than an hour ago for sleep, he had stayed awake with Sydney all through the night awaiting any news of his granddaughter's health. He stayed awhile longer after the baby had been returned to her mother. He had kissed the top of her tiny bald little head, as well as the cheek of her mother and said his good-byes. He will be back later.
Jack had politely taken the liberty of calling Will and Francie as well, and inform them of the big news. The two had come to visit just as Jack left, and apparently Marshall and Dixon planned to visit later on.
Sydney's smile grew as the baby's mouth opened in a yawn before nuzzling back against her mother's breast. Never has Sydney known such an instant love for someone, a bond so unbreakable, a branch from the love for her husband. It is the most picturesque moment Sydney has ever envisioned. There is only one thing missing, and that is Vaughn.
A knock at the door breaks Sydney from her thoughts, and Eric Weiss sticks his head through the door. "Eric, come in." She cannot contain her smile as he enters, carrying a light brown teddy bear in his hand.
He props the bear up against the guard rail on the bed and leans forward to touch the baby's soft skin. "She's beautiful, Syd," he smiles, "and so tiny."
"Five pounds, six ounces," Sydney recites from memory. "Do you want to hold her?"
"May I?" Sydney nods. He brings his arms forward and Sydney carefully transfers the meager weight of her child into trustworthy hands. A muffled whimper sounds in her throat at the movement, but Weiss calms her. "Yeah," he coos, standing up straight and swaying, "I got you, I got you. I'm your Uncle Eric, and see that teddy bear? That's for you." The baby's arm slips out of the blanket, reaching out toward nothing in particular. "Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool too. Do you have a name yet, little one?"
"Not yet," Sydney answers with a pang, watching as Weiss gently bounced the nameless baby around the room. For some reason she and Vaughn have not discussed names. They had expected a few more weeks, and with Vaughn's absence she may be nameless for an indefinite amount of days. Of course she has a few names in mind, and she believes her husband does as well.
Sydney feels an abundance of love swarming about her as Eric hands her child back. With her free hand she envelops one tiny fist with her palm and laces her fingers gingerly around her wrist. She cranes her neck down and lands her lips on the crown of her head, planting a number of soft kisses there.
"You know, if Vaughn were here, he'd be really proud."
Letting go of her grasp on her hand, Sydney moves to stroke her fingers across her head, then bring her hand back to help support her baby. She glances up at Weiss, a serious look in his eyes but a generous smile on his face. "I know," she whispers, wishing desperately that Vaughn could be there to share the moment. Her mind and heart are divided; she is angry, he has missed so much, he was not there to help her through the labor, the delivery, the anxiety over the baby's potential health problems, but she is at the same time hopelessly smitten, this little sleeping angel is the best gift Vaughn's love could ever give her, and she loves him more for her.
Weiss's hand rests on her shoulder as they study her slumbering form. Sydney spontaneously looks away, settling her gaze towards the door. There stands Michael Vaughn, his arms folded over his chest, watching his two girls with a smile deeply implanted in his face, his eyes, his forehead. Everywhere he is smiling.
Weiss recognizes the intensity of the moment. "I'll, uh, leave you two alone." He turns casually and exits, Vaughn nods his head at him on the way out.
Sydney's vision stays on Vaughn as he calmly steps forward, his eyes focused on his child. She has so much to say, yet nothing is verbalized. Vaughn steps up next to the bed, his eyes watery, reaching one hand out to cradle his daughter's head– his finger grazing over her ear –the other perching on Sydney's cheek. He chuckles slightly as a few tears slip down his face, and he brushes his shoulder against his face to wipe them away before bending down to passionately kiss his wife.
When they separate he closes his eyes and holds the bridge of his nose against his wife's cheek. "I love you," he tells her; she reaches up to touch his stubbly face. "I love her."
"Hold her," Sydney calmly commands.
He obeys without protest and sits on the edge of the bed, breathless as he holds his daughter in his arms for the very first time. A few more tears slip down but this time he does not hurriedly brush them away in embarrassment. In his fragmented breaths he leans over and whisks his lips over the tip of her nose, murmuring an I love you. Sydney repositions herself at a sluggish pace, her body both sore and tired, lowering herself to rest her head in his lap. One of Vaughn's hands drifts downward, his thumb tracing his wife's lips. "I'm so sorry," his crackling voice begins.
"Stop." She scoops up his hand, kissing his fingers before balling his hand into a fist and holding it in the crook of her neck. She cannot be mad over something beyond her control, especially in his line of work, and he does not need to apologize for the same reason. "Let's just cherish this moment."
Their daughter lets out a cry, louder than her whimpers, and Sydney instinctively sits back up and takes the crying infant into her arms. After a moment of soothing, she remembers the nurses instructions and settles her baby for her first feeding. Vaughn watched in amazement as the baby suckled at his wife's breast. After a minute or so, her eyelids lift, exposing a view of her parents' faces for the very first time. She blinks sleepily a few times but keeps them open, wanting to witness any events around her.
"Hey there," Vaughn greets her. She focuses on her father while happily feasting, her dark blue irises small and round in their sockets. "I wonder what color her eyes will change to." Sydney sounds her agreement. "God, Syd, she looks so much like you."
"No… Really?"
He nods at her. "She still needs a name."
"I know," she admits, biting her lip. "Mmm, well, I was kind of thinking about it…"
"Me too…"
Simultaneously they announce:
"Nicole."
"Leah."
They smirk at each other. "I like that," Vaughn decides.
"What, Nicole Leah?"
"No, Leah Nicole. You like that? Leah Nicole Vaughn?" Sydney nods, it's perfect. Vaughn strokes his daughter's exposed back. "What do you think?" he asks the baby. "Are you a Leah?"
Leah has focused her eyes up at her mother, who beams down at her child with love. Sydney glances back at Vaughn, and he proudly kisses her on the cheek. For once, Sydney finally feels truly safe from harm. With her daughter in her arms, her husband's lips caressing her cheek, she has not a worry or fear in the world, and at last, she no longer feels utterly alone.
A/n: Gawwwww. Spy!Fam is so cute. What did you think? Please keep the reviews coming!