A/N: Still English is my second language. There is more to follow but this is all for today. I have duties in the real world to attend to.
Dagdrommer: Of course this is tearing at Greg's patience. But he is so hooked on having the perfect relationship, so he'll wait.
There was only six minutes till his shift started and he had just parked the car. Greg had never been this later for work and his usual parking space was taken and it had taken forever to find another. His mom had called earlier tonight and talked for two hours. Her old aunt Ingrid was going in for heart surgery and his dad was somewhere in Canada fishing without a sat-phone. So he was the only shoulder she could cry on. His mom had never been good with health scares in the family. But she never showed it to anybody except him and his dad. Normally it wouldn't have annoyed him being late because of a family emergency, not that he had ever been. But tonight was exactly one year ago that he started working here in Vegas.
The worst part would be that he wouldn't get his coffee until much later and he could really do with a big cup right now. He rushed to the locker room first, dumped his backpack and put on his lab coat. Two minutes; he could just make it to the break room and start the coffee. Catherine and Warrick were already there and the coffee had been brewed.
"Hey I thought we had lost you. You usually have the coffee ready 10 minutes before shift, something wrong?" Catherine sounded very motherly.
"Hmm nah my mom called and talked for two hours totally delaying me tonight."
"Something wrong?" She was always so caring.
"Well my dad is of somewhere with no phone and she just needed a shoulder." He didn't feel like explaining everything and poured his coffee and left the break room as Sara entered.
"Oh man! Don't they work during the day?" His desk was littered with samples that awaited processing. After a few minutes of reorganizing he was ready to start work and drink his coffee. A big gulp and he would feel so much better. Once the coffee hit his taste buds he urgently returned it to the cup, something was wrong. Swearing to himself he headed for the break room. Coffee brewing was not to be left to amateurs. He dumped the content of his cup in the sink and let the rest of the coffee follow.
He took the machine apart and examined all the obvious places for contamination without finding the culprit. Then he poured out the contents of the filter and went through it and bingo there was something alien. He bagged it for further investigation and started a new pot brewing. Off course he made sure the new filter was normal and that the beans weren't contaminated.
With a fresh and normal tasting coffee in head he returned to the lab.
"What the fuck!" There was a cupcake in the middle of his desk and it had a birthday candle in it. The candle was the shape of the number one; he hadn't seen candles like that since his tenth birthday. Somebody had remembered that it was a year ago that he started.
It made him smile widely and lifted his mood considerably. He slipped on a pair of gloves and moved the cake, thinking that Nick could help him dust the cup for fingerprints later. Greg opened his drawer to get a CD out and there was something amiss or actually there was something extra in the drawer. The number of CD's had gone up by one he quickly went through them and found the addition. It was Herzeleid by Rammstein. He had talked about getting it for a while and if people had bothered listening anybody would have known. So the list of suspects was still pretty long. His gloved hands carefully opened the CD cover and placed the CD in the player. An anomaly inside the cover caught his eye and he carefully fished the foreign paper out.
Dear Greg.
Congratulation with your first year here in the Lab.
Your arrival has meant the world to me. You have given me the possibility to be who I am. You are my unmovable rock in this crazy whirl pool. You can always cheer me up. When I am around you I feel safe and loved for whom I am. Your smile can erase so many bad memories in a second. Your embrace is my safe harbor. I love you.
I sincerely doubt I would have made it through this year without you to lead me to safety. What you did for me after Holly was awesome and terrifying and there is no way I can ever repay you. I will try but you know what a fool I am when it comes to emotions; especially my own.
I am so sorry Greg that I can not be the one man that you need. I am too scared.
I wish I could be like you. Be able to love unrestrained and be honest with my self.
I love you.
Nick
Greg could feel the tears well up in his eyes. He couldn't even begin to imagine how long or how hard it had been for Nick to write this letter for him. He knew it all already but it was the first time that Nick had put words to it. Greg's biggest wish was that one day Nick would love himself enough to be able to love somebody. It didn't have to be him even though that would be great. Greg only wanted for Nick to be happy.
Greg carefully folded the letter and put it into a small evidence bag and then into his wallet. It took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and then he began processing the samples sitting on his desk.
Two hours later Nick knocked on the doorframe and turned the volume down. Greg wanted to jump over and hug him and kiss him all over. Instead he looked up smiling and mouthing a thank you. Nick smiled but there was an obvious nervous edge to him.
"You know somebody left a cupcake in here. I thought you might show me how to dust for fingerprints, so I can find out who to thank for it?"
"You can't lift prints of a cake!"
"Not the cake you fool, but the paper cup." Greg said laughing and pointed to the cake with the candle.
Nick looked as a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"You know such a small person as me can't really eat a whole cupcake. So I've been trying to find some one to share it with. But I know better than to ask the girls and Gris would test it endlessly and Warrick he would probably take it in one mouthful."
"Well I guess I can handle eating a small bite without ruining my figure." Nick was regaining his confidence and he even managed a coy smile.
Greg held the cupcake up inviting Nick to take a bite.
"Thank you for the note. It means everything to me." He whispered to Nick when he leaned forward for the cupcake. Nick avoided answering by taking a bite of the cake.
Greg returned to normal talking voice and started a monologue on Rammstein and their CD's knowing that Nick would listen just to avoid talking about his declaration of love.
Catherine interrupted his monologue asking Nick if he intended to help her anytime tonight with the remains of Mr. X found in a dumpster.
The shift was busy and as Greg had already wasted plenty of time he was hard pressed for the rest of the night.
He caught up as usual and proudly handed dayshift his result and then headed for the locker room. It took him a moment to find out what was wrong in his locker. There was a tuxedo hanging in his locker. Starring in disbelief he pulled it out and hung it on the door. In the breast pocket there was a piece of white paper instead of a handkerchief. He figured that it would be from Nick and took out the note.
I thought we should learn to dance properly. Meet me in the PS.
The PS was their pick each other up without any witnesses parking lot a block away.
Greg donned the tux complete with sash and bow tie in a dusty dark blue color. There was even a pair of shiny black shoes and a luxurious pair a black boxer briefs to complete the outfit.
Sara stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the locker room.
"I would never have guessed you owned a tux." She added an appreciative whistle.
"I don't, someone put in my locker and has asked me to go to a place I have never heard of." Greg tried to sound as mysterious as possible.
"Wow, if it was me I'd be dusting for fingerprints and calling Brass to go as backup."
"Oh Sara live a little." He smiled and left her gawking after him.
He took great care not to crumble his outfit when got into his car and double checked that his wallet was in the backpack in the passenger seat. He simply couldn't loose that letter from Nick. A year gone by a year of slowly unthawing Nick of walking on glass around Nick a year revolving around Nick. Nick had become the sun in his galaxy.
Buying stuff for him had become Nick's way of expressing his feelings for him. Nick had bought two expensive red wine glasses for him just because he had mentioned that he liked them. The TV-table was also one Nick had bought and his coolest party jeans. He had bought a shirt for Nick one day and Nick had practically thrown a hysterical fit over it. Stating that he didn't need presents he just needed Greg to be there to hold onto.
They agreed that Greg could give Nick presents for Christmas and his birthday and that Nick could shower him with presents whenever he chose. Simply because it was the only way Nick was able to ease his guilt over using Greg as a comfort blanket. The blow job when Holly had died had not been talked of at all. Two weeks ago Nick and Warrick had worked a case where a baby and a dog had been left in a car with the windows closed.
The car had been sitting in a fairly deserted parking lot and when someone finally raised alarm it was hours too late. Nick had been so upset that Greg had taken him straight home after the shift and performed another blow job. Nick had collapsed on the floor afterwards crying in a way that broke his heart in a million pieces.
Nick was standing next to his SUV dressed in a tux as well. He had a dusty green sash and bow tie on, Greg smiled knowing that he had spent hours finding the perfect colors for them. The butterflies in his stomach did summersaults when he got out of the car. Some small part of him hoped that Nick would follow through on his declaration of love and come out just for his sake.
"You look amazing!" the nervousness in Nick's voice carried clearly through to him and made the butterflies go even more crazy.
"Sara thought so too. I think flabbergasted is the word that would describe the way she looked." Greg did nothing to hide his pride.
"Oh. Did you… Does she…" Today wasn't going to be the day; Nick was nowhere near ready if he got so upset over Sara having seen Greg in the tux.
"She doesn't know. I told her I had been dared to a date by someone unknown. She thought I was mad to go without backup." He posed for Nick to let him get a real good look of his creation.
"Hop in we have to be there at 9!" They drove in silence, Greg barely concealing his curiosity to what it was all about.
The dance studio was old fashioned in its interior design, but had a very welcoming atmosphere. The teacher Nick had arranged their lesson with was in her early fifties and had a mother earth look round and strong. She started with the basic steps for ballroom dancing and soon they were waltzing around the room. It hadn't take her long to figure out that Greg should lead and Nick took it real well that he was better suited for the female part. Greg liked the way she instructed them, she knew how to handle them. They danced for 1½ hour and they were absolutely exhausted.
Before leaving the studio they signed up for dancing lessons twice a week and to his big surprise Nick agreed to sign up for a class rather than private lessons. This particular class was in the morning so it was perfect for them. She assured them that is was very normal with same sex couples and suggested that Nick should buy some high heels for dancing and that Greg should consider some shoes with more heel.
If he hadn't already been in love with Nick, today would have made him fall in love instantly.
"Thank you Nick! This was so great, I absolutely loved it!" His voice carried high with sheer joy.
"Well I've got one more thing planned."
"What?" Greg was jumping up and down around him eager to know.
"Hey my little energizer Bunny you've gotta wait till we get there." Nick took him to a posh restaurant and they had a nice meal to finish a perfect day.
On the way back to Greg's car they talked about the dancing and the food and Greg just had to know.
"Nick how far do you want this to go?"
"I… want it to… you know… go all the way. But I know your rules and I am not ready… for it… my parents I can't… I tried talking to momma a couple of days ago… but she kept steering away from what I tried to tell her." Nick let out a deep sigh and shot a glance at Greg.
He reached out and touched Nick's arm in a comforting way.
"I love you. But I hate that you don't love yourself."
"Your letter Nick it must have been so hard for you to write it. But I am so glad you did it means everything like I said earlier."
"It took a week to get it right and I was ready to tear it up a million times. I am sorry that I'm such a…" Nick's voice became tearful and he trailed of.
"Nick it is ok. I understand and for now I like things as they are. You are an amazing friend. Nobody has ever done something like you did today." Nick had pulled into the space next to his car and Greg kissed him lightly on the cheek and got out of the SUV. The butterflies had reappeared and tied a knot somewhere in his stomach and he really just wanted to cry in solitude.
"I am glad you liked it." A tired smile spread across Nick's face.
"See you tonight Greggo."
"Yeah see ya."
When he came home he took the letter out and read over and over again. He cried himself to sleep; he had never cried so much over anybody as he had over Nick.