Disclaimer: The characters of CSI belong to CBS and I'm only doing this for fun. No money is involved in this posting.
A/N: I am a Nick and Greg slasher. If you don't like that kind of thinking consider yourself warned. English (the UK version) is my second language, so any grammatical errors are simply lack of knowledge on my side. This is the first fic I ever wrote and I've had it posted elsewhere. For those of you who already read it, there is going to be a few changes. Most are simply grammatical but also the occasional lost word.
Dagdrommer: Thank you for the review, it seems like you are the only interested in this fic. You know how people say that bad things travel in packs. It will take time and oh how I wish I could give them a hug;-)
Eight cards only eight different Valentines cards to choose from. For the first time Greg was disappointed in his local supermarket. Maybe it was just another sign in a long row of those that said Nick Stokes is bad for you and still he wasn't anywhere near giving up.
He left the card stand and headed for the CD's hoping he would be inspired. He knew Nick liked country and soft stuff, but he had now idea about what country CD's he already owned and there was way too many to choose from. Finally he stumbled on a CD containing 20 love songs and he actually knew the majority of them; it would make an okay Valentines card.
The past two weeks had been the worst ever. It had started badly with the spiked drink, fortunately nothing happened, and all Nick's blabbing about Kristi and then her murder and himself being raped. Not something that had put him in the mood for Valentines, but he thought it might help Nick. He wasn't sure why he worried more about Nick than himself right now, but he did. The text for the card was sitting in his brain and all he should do now was put it on paper and pull the same stunt as Nick had for his anniversary. But everything happened in slow motion these days and it took him three hours to write the few lines:
Dear Nick.
I planned Valentines Day months ago, but recent events has led me to
He crumbled the paper and threw it in the bin.
Dear Nick.
My life evolves around you. Everything I do is caused by you.
He threw another ball for the bin.
Dear Nick.
I love you.
I have done so from the day you stood in my bedroom stripping wallpaper in an old pair of my shorts. You made it clear that I could only ever be your friend.
So I'll be your eternal friend, your rock in uneasy waters and your make over expert.
You may not realize but you are my live saver. You have been there every time I really needed you and it means the world to me that you care to hang out with the crazy energizer bunny.
I love you.
Forever
Greg
He read it several times and was and on the verge of crumbling it up and sending it to the bin most of the time. Eventually he slipped into the CD-cover and the CD in a fancy red and silver bag. By then it was high time to shower and get ready for work.
The bathroom mirror showed him the uncensored truth of the recent attack on his body; the bruise on his back had gone through many shades and was now somewhere between blue-green and yellow. He looked pale and his eyes still had bags under them, but no more than makeup could cure. Greg did a thorough job with concealer and foundation and added eyeliner and some shadow, it was Valentines after all. The hair took him forever as usual, nobody else around the lab cared for their hair. They all stuck to simple roll out of bed and apply water hairdos.
At the lab he snuck the CD into Nick's locker; sometimes it was a great advantage to be notoriously early for shift. These days it also enabled him to be in his lab with his coffee before shift so he didn't have to be charming and flirtatious in the break room when the others arrived for work. Grissom knocked on the door frame, he kept checking up on him.
"You ok?" Rubbing his nose where his glasses normally sat holding them in the other hand.
"Getting there. Guess it's gonna be a long walk." He gave the same answer as yesterday.
"You know where to find me if you…" He trailed off straining to hear what the commotion down the hall was about.
"It's mine and no way I'm gonna let you see it!" Nick's voice carried high and clear through to everybody.
"Nicky's got a girlfriend, Nicky's got a girlfriend." Warrick chanted loud and clear, causing a troubled frown on Grissom's face.
"Ah hmm." Grissom didn't need to say anything. Warrick stopped the instant he became aware of Grissom's disapproval.
It wasn't until much later that Nick came into his lab.
"I don't know what to say." He hadn't turned the music down and Greg barely heard the whisper.
"Then don't."
"Thank you Greg. I didn't get you one. I thought that given the last few days that…" Nick was looking down so he couldn't see his eyes. Greg hated when Nick refused to meet him eye to eye when things got serious.
"I almost didn't either only I'd been meaning to ever since you know." He wanted to say made your move, but he knew it would be a disaster.
"Care for some breakfast after shift?" Much better and far safer he decided.
Nick nodded and was called back to work by Sara.
The only one to comment on his use of makeup was Catherine.
"What are you hiding under that beautiful disguise?" always the detective.
"A tired face the bags under my eyes had upgraded to suitcases." He knew perfectly well that hiding things from Catherine wasn't easy.
"I could think of a few around the place who could benefit from a lesson." She winked at him and left with her test results in hand.
They bought Sushi and ate it at his place.
"The makeup surprised me Greggo."
"Well it was either that or a new mirror, because what I saw last night before work was pretty scary. So I opted for the makeup since I already had that laying around."
"Have you worn it before?" Nick asked with a shameful look.
"Not something noticeable. But I've often put on concealer and foundation to hide the I-am-so-tired-I'm-gonna-drop-in-five look."
"But wouldn't it cover your moles?" Nick wasn't well informed on the topic and it actually amused him; how could he not be with 5 sisters?
"Not if you know what you're doing. I could give you a full makeover if you like."
Nick shrunk in the chair by the suggestion.
"I think I'll stop at the high heels."
"Greg can we go for a walk?" They were doing the dishes when Nick asked.
"Sure. We could go to the park some blocks over from here it's real nice."
"Is that just it?" he could only guess to what "it" Nick was referring to.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean have you forgotten what has happened? You just carry on like it's nothing."
"I want to be normal again. I want to be able to laugh to kiss to hold to flirt without that creep popping into my mind all the time. Don't blame me for trying."
"Something like that just doesn't go away you know."
"It would if you didn't keep bringing it up. I talk to the shrink about it. Everybody else should just be themselves so I know how to deal with them." He was getting agitated, but knew it would be a bad idea to take it out on Nick.
"I'm just worried about you." Nick's voice sounded so soft and it made him want to cry.
"Right back at you. But we gotta start living again or we'll never heal."
"I know but it's real hard. I keep seeing you hurt and Kristi dead in my mind and it's all mixed up and I can't always tell you apart and I hate that 'cause I don't wanna loose you." He knew Nick was on the verge of crying and he couldn't stop it and he didn't want Nick to break down on him now.
"Nick it's gonna be alright. I'm still here and so are you. Let's just take from that ok?"
Both of them calmed down and they walked and talked for a couple of hours before heading back to Greg's apartment to get some sleep.
The following weeks Grissom carefully kept Nick out of harms way and watched over Greg like a hawk. Greg needed normalcy so much that he bounced around and flirted like crazy with Sara, which he knew was harmless she would never happen. Nick was more silent than normal, but had stopped moping all the time.
Twice a week he would swing Nick around on the dance floor and for those few hours Nick was back to his old self. They were getting confident with the terminology and the steps. But Nick in high heels was still a challenge on his self control; somehow they made Nick look sexier than anything else and he was happy that he was able to think like that again. Some of the others from the dance class had noticed that things had changed and one morning where Nick had to hurry off for an appointment Greg had stayed and talked with a couple of guys that also danced together and who obviously was a real couple.
"Is everything ok with you and Nick?" The guy named Jason asked.
"Well we both had some bad stuff happen and now we're trying to find our way back."
"Something to do with that Chris he talked about last month?" The other guy Eric asked.
"Kristi a girl and she got killed the other day and I just had bad date." Jason gave him the most emphatic look he had ever seen.
"But you're gonna be fine?"
"Yeah sure time heals everything right?" He was too tired to hide his emotions.
"Why don't you come by us some day, we have some great breakfast parties when we knock off." He knew they worked in a casino or did they own it he'd forgotten the details.
"Sounds good, nice to meet others with the same working hours as myself."
They arranged for a breakfast the following week.
He knew he made everything look alright but it didn't stop the nightmares and he still checked if the door was locked every so often. The pain had gone away but the fear was still deeply imbedded in him. If Nick wasn't sleeping next to him he would call him after a nightmare. Sometimes they just talked for a few minutes other times Nick would come over and twice Nick had picked him up and they had gone to some motel to sleep. He had been used to Nick having problems sleeping but he never had and what bothered him the most was that the sanctity of his own home had been violated.
His mom had cried when he told her what had happened and asked if she should come. But he knew that she had used up all her vacation time and for some reason he didn't feel like having her around. After thirty minutes of refusal she gave up with the promise to drop everything and come if he needed her. All he needed was a time machine.
Nick agreed to the breakfast invitation and they had a great time with Jason and Eric. No hard issues were discussed and no questions asked about the specific nature of their relationship. A month later Greg received an invitation to a dress up party at Eric's casino, the theme was wedding. All couples were to arrive as bride and groom and singles as bridesmaids. Greg spent two days pestering Nick to say yes to come along.
Nick finally caved in and he was so excited that nobody had any doubt about how happy he was.
Greg had just poured coffee and turned to head for the lab.
"What are you so chipper about? Gotten laid?" Warrick asked. Greg stopped mid stride for a split second and he saw the panic in Nick's face.
"Warrick I don't think that's a proper subject for small talk." Grissom said with a very stern voice, Greg hadn't seen him come in.
"Grissom's right it's none of our business." Nick added. Greg walked over to Warrick and looked mildly at him.
"No but I've got a date." Warrick mouthed a 'sorry' and Greg mouthed an 'ok' before he left. In the lab he sat the coffee down and then made a dash for the bathroom where Warrick found him a little later.
"I'm sorry, what's happened to you man." Warrick was all worried and sorry.
"Nothing I've just…" He trailed of and splashed some more water in his face.
"Have you been raped?" He looked up and saw an expression on Warrick's face that he had never seen before.
"How…" He wanted to prove Sara's theory on spontaneous combustion and just vanish.
"Been there." Warrick volunteered.
"I… But you…" He suddenly had a million questions and they were all stumbling over each other leaving him speechless.
"I grew up in a rough neighborhood and one of the older guys needed to prove himself. I just happened to be around when he got the urge." Warrick kept holding his gaze in the mirror.
"He did it 8 times before someone from a rival gang offed him."
"I brought a guy home and at first he was nice and then he went berserk. Nick found me when he came to tell that he'd been suspended because Kristi had been murdered." Warrick nodded and placed his hands on Greg's shoulders ever so gently.
"Don't tell anybody please Greg."
"I won't." He placed his own hands on Warrick's and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Thank you." He whispered and let his tears flow making Warrick go all fuzzy in the mirror.