Title: What happened on 94X-234?
Title: What Happened on P4X-234?
Summary: What happened during that week that Jack, Sam and Teal'c were stranded on P4X234? Sam/Jack/Team
Rating: T for safety.
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Genre: Comedy, Action/Adventure, Romance
Spoilers: The first four seasons- especially for Nemesis and Small Victories!
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 does not belong to me. I make zilch profit writing this… except for the grins I get from reading my reviews.
A/n: This came to me after watching Small Victories for the hundredth time. This story is not to be taken seriously- it's a comedy, for cryin' out loud!
(Grin!)
On the Asgard ship The Belisknor...
"CARTER!" Colonel Jack O'Neill yelled impatiently; he was getting more and more worried as they hurled ever closer to Earth's atmosphere.
"Now!" Sam cried from her position next to the Stargate, taking out four Replicators as they swarmed ever closer.
Jack pressed the bomb trigger. It exploded and the Belisknor started an uncontrolled re-entry into Earth's atmosphere…
Stargate Command Control Room
Major Paul Davis was talking frantically into the phone. "I understand that, Captain, what I need to know is what do you see! Do you have a visual?" He listened for a second then looked up. "Tenth's squadron's airborne on intercept course." he informed General Hammond who gave him a small nod.
Walter Harriman's eyes widened as news came through his headset. "Sir," he began hesitantly, "the target has changed heading! It's dropped out of controlled entry vector… The target is breaking up!"
The control room burst into applause; the Pentagon officer gestured for them to be quiet as he received a new message. "We have visual confirmation. A fireball heading for the Pacific Ocean. Four hundred miles off the coast of California!"
General Hammond gave Daniel a concerned glance. But what of the fate of SG-1? was the silent question that passed between them.
Davis glanced at the General. "Naval recovery teams are moving in to deal with any wreckage."
The archeologist looked at Major Davis who continued, "I'm sure you were right, Dr. Jackson. The point of commandeering the Stargate had to be an escape."
Daniel looked at the gate room; the Stargate was still being set up. "I just hope they made it out on time," he said quietly.
And no one argued with him.
A week later...
Stargate Command's Control Room
"Receiving SG1's IDC, sir!" Sergeant Harriman called triumphantly as the screen flashed with the 'approved' sign.
"Open the iris!"
Daniel didn't wait for the General to go first; holding his side slightly, he ran into the gate room, Hammond only a few steps behind.
The wormhole rippled and the three members of SG-1 stepped through; they appeared to be in excellent healty.
"Well, it's about time!" Jack complained as he spotted his commanding officer.
"We've been dialing home for over a week," Carter commented, making her way to the bottom of the ramp.
"Oh…it's great to see you guys too!" Daniel said sarcastically.
"I am pleased to see you well, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c informed him, giving the archeologist a pleased smile.
"Thank you, Teal'c," he said, returning the smile. He eyed his friend's goatee for a moment. "You've got a…" he began, reaching to touch it.
"Don't touch it," Jack warned quietly. Daniel dropped his hand and Teal'c gave him another smile.
"I'm glad you made it, SG-1," Hammond said sincerely, unable to control the broad grin on his face.
"Where's the fanfare, General?" asked Jack curiously.
"We did kind of save the planet, sir," Carter offered her one hundred mega watt smile.
"Again," Jack reminded him. "This should not get old, General."
General Hammond smiled. He had missed Jack. "Job well done!"
"Thank you, sir…it was nothing." the Colonel modestly answered.
"What happened to Thor?" Daniel inquired, hoping the small Asgard was all right.
"We got him out in a stasis pod-" Carter began.
"And it was retrieved when we passed though the Stargate on P4X-234." Teal'c finished.
"It must have had a locating beacon," Carter murmured thoughtfully.
"They left you behind?" the General asked curiously.
Carter glanced quickly at her CO and then back. "We were fine, sir," she hastily assured him.
"I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower," Jack offered.
"Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel."
Jack looked over at Daniel. "Bad?" he asked quietly.
"I wasn't going to say anything."
Later... Major Samantha Carter's lab
"What ya doin'? " Jack asked, peeking through her magnifier.
Carter smiled as she set down the small piece of metal she held and looked up. "They salvaged a couple of Replicator pieces from the ocean. I thought I'd have a look."
Jack stood up. "Is that wise?" he asked, understandably concerned.
Carter gave a slight shrug. "Well, there's no discernible energy being emitted. I think it's pretty safe to say they're dead. Besides, it's only just a couple of little blocks." She leaned back in her chair.
"Well, I'm off…" Jack trailed off meaningfully.
"Still going fishing?"
"Yep…" he cocked his head. "Still staying here?"
Carter nodded. "Yeah... I think I've had enough relaxation for a while, sir," she muttered wryly.
Jack gave her a small wink. For the Major, the 'week' hadn't been quite as much fun as for him… "Okay."
"Have fun."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Yeah-sure-you-betcha!" he called over his shoulder as he left the lab.
Carter turned back to her fascinating Replicator blocks; the phone rang a second later. She grabbed it. "Carter." She paused, taking in what she was hearing. "Yes, sir." Hanging up, she raced out of her lab after her CO. "Sir, wait!"
"Deja vu! " he cried, turning around. He risked a glance heavenwards and then looked at her, a quizzical expression on his face.
She smiled and said, "General Hammond just called. Major Davis is on his way back from the Pentagon. He'll be here within the hour."
"Not going fishing?"
"No, sir." she stepped past him and made her way up to the briefing room.
"D'oh." he muttered, following her.
Part 2
"The Pentagon wants to hear our briefing?" Jack asked curiously. "Aren't they going to be reading this in… a week?"
Major Paul Davis shifted slightly. As youthful as it sounded, SG-1 were his heros. How they managed to get themselves out of yet another predicament was fascinated him. "I uh... wanted to hear it, sir."
Davis was on of the people at the Pentagon who supported the Stargate program; General Hammond thought it best to oblige the Major's request, even if it was a bit unusual. Besides, he thought he guessed Davis's motives. "Go ahead, Colonel."
"Where to start..."
"How about your escape from the ship?" Davis suggested eagerly.
Jack smiled. "Well..."
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Jack hit the trigger and followed his team through the gate. On the other side, they could only hope it had succeeded…
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"We blew the C-4 and headed through the gate. On the other side, we just waited for the gate to be set up." He smiled, hopeful that he could still go fishing. "Finished."
"Could you elaborate?" Paul Davis asked after a moment's hesitation.
"Why?"
"Colonel O'Neill, please." General Hammond 'requested'. The stern voice made Jack sigh and wearily mutter:
"Once through the gate..."
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"Think it worked, sir?" Carter asked as she dropped her backpack to the ground and began rummaging through it, looking for bullets. P4X-234 has been deemed a safe planet but one never knew.
"Carter," Jack began, as casually as he could, "we could possibly be stranded on here for weeks... call me Jack."
"Sir?"
"Sir is stricken from your vocabulary as well."
Carter couldn't help but grin. Her CO seemed positively... giddy! Saving one's world does tend to make you feel good. She nodded. "Yes, s-Jack."
He gave her a Cheshire cat grin. "Excellent."
Å
"I ordered Carter and Teal'c to help me set up a makeshift camp."
Å
"Carter, we are not sleeping in that."
"Come on, sir," she teased, a sparkle in her eye, " Where's your sense of adventure?"
Jack eyed the 'house' with skeptism. It had obviously been made a VERY long time ago and had been abandoned almost that long ago. "It's falling apart!"
"It is most unusual to see a house suspended between two trees." Teal'c commented.
Jack continued to eye the house. It was about the size of his cabin and was suspended midway between two huge trees that were bigger then Earth's sequoia trees. A curious 'staircase' led up to it, the staircase being carved into the tree. "There's gotta be a thousand steps," he grumbled.
Without a glance backwards, his second-in-command began up the steps. Jack watched her for a moment before yelling, "Carter!"
"Yes, Jack?" She didn't stop, just kept winding her way up.
"What are you doing?"
She didn't answer for a minute- she was on the other side of the tree. "Climbing the tree," she called once in sight again.
"Why?"
"I'm sleeping up there."
"Why?"
She stopped for a moment and flashed him a brilliant smile, her white teeth noticeable even from that height. "I always wanted to sleep in a tree house."
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"We found a structure that served admirably," said Teal'c stoically.
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Jack groaned and followed his 2IC up the tree. She looked down from her position halfway up the stairs. "So far I count five hundred and three stairs," she announced cheerfully.
"Carter! This is bad for my knees!" he complained. Still he ploughed on. Three hundred twelve…
"O'Neill!" Teal'c called from the ground. Jack halted and looked down. Teal'c looked like a doll from his present height.
"Yeah?" he called, curious that the Jaffa hadn't started up. "What's the problem?"
Teal'c moved a small stone and a beam transported him up to the small house. "Nothing, O'Neill," he shouted down from the balcony.
"Oh for cryin' out loud!"
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"It had advanced beaming technology," Jack mumbled, "It beamed Teal'c right up to the house."
"Up?" Hammond questioned, "House?"
"Yeah…" The Colonel realized that they hadn't explained their shelter yet and quickly added, "There was one suspended between two trees, sir. A tree house."
General Hammond nodded his understanding. "Continue."
"Well, the Asgard had left some supplies for us..."
Å
"Teal'c any food up there?" Jack yelled. According to Carter, there were still four hundred more steps to climb. He stifled a groan and continued on his way.
Teal'c appeared on the balcony on the house. "Indeed." The Jaffa's voice floated down to he Colonel's grateful ears. " There are much of your frozen confections up here. There is also Major Carter's blue gelatin, your pie and various bread and sauce meals with cheese and other toppings."
Jack contemplated this. "Pizza?"
"Indeed."
Carter reached the balcony and sighed with relief. Teal'c handed her a bottle of water and a plate of pumpkin pie. She began eating it as Jack wound his way around the tree. He paused as he caught sight of her, perched on the railing. She waved the piece of pie at him.
"Carter!"
She took a huge bite. She wasn't particularly fond of pie but… "Sir... Jack?"
"THAT'S CRUEL!"
Sam shrugged and then relented. She broke it in half and dropped half to him. He tried to catch it but missed.
"YOU WASTED GOOD PIE!"
She shrugged. "There is still a piece left!" she called.
Jack gave her a big grin. At that she couldn't resist adding, "But... not for long!"
" CARTER!" he whined, "That's insubordination!"
"You told me to take it easy!" she reminded him.
"Did not."
"Did too!"
Å
"Carter, Teal'c, and I, once we reached the house safely, checked it out, and found it safe."
Å
Jack jumped off the step onto the balcony, sending twinges of pain up and down his leg. He frowned at his knees and went to find Carter. He found her and Teal'c jumping up and down on the floor.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"We are dancing, O'Neill, could you not tell?" Teal'c said as matter-of-factly as if he often danced around.
Jack vaguely recognized the bunny hop. "Yeah, looks great," he said sarcastically.
Teal'c bowed his head. "It is an most unusual dancing ritual."
"Didn't know you danced, Carter." Jack watched with amusement as the Major blushed.
"I don't now, sir," she explained quickly, "I was enrolled in ballet until my mom finally got that I didn't want to be a ballerina. She insisted on 'International Folk Dance'. I danced for six years."
"Why'd you stop?"
She paused. "Her death."
Jack winced. Duh, Jack! "Sorry." he muttered.
"That's okay." She stopped and grinned. "Now we know the floor is safe!"
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"Then what did you do?" General Hammond asked, his voice cutting through Jack's reverie.
"We..." Jack stopped and turned to Carter, "What did happen next, Carter?"
"We made dinner."
Å
"I thought you said you could cook!"
"MRE'S!" Sam stepped back, eyeing the stove with loathing. There was a reason she put up with the commissary's food.
Jack eyed the black mess in the frying pan and shook his head. "Okay, I'll cook. I'll make my famous omelets. With my special ingredient."
She raised her eyebrows. "Beer, sir?" she guessed, watching him search through the mountain of food. (The Asgard apparently thought that humans consumed as much food as elephants.)
He stilled. "How'd you know?" he asked, disappointed.
"I've heard stories."
"From whom?"
"General Hammond."
"George talks to much," he grumbled.
Carter scanned the food supply and grabbed a long box, sending the top boxes flying. Jack ducked before he could be brained by the canned pineapple.
"CARTER!"
"Sorry, sir," she muttered, preoccupied. "Diet soda," she whispered, clutching the box tightly.
Jack threw a candy bar at her. "You are too weird," he muttered as he moved the pasta bags, still searching for his beer.
Carter calmly opened the box and pulled out a soda. After along drink, she reached over and poured the rest of it all over Jack's head.
Jack looked up. "What was that for?" he sputtered, diet coke dripping down his face.
Carter grabbed a granola bar, horrified at what had come over her. What had come over her? "I think I'll go..." she began edging out of the room.
"Carter..."
"Bye sir! See you later!"
Jack lunged for her.
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"We took baths," she continued.
"Why is that?"
"The Colonel collided with my soda," she said, giving Jack a daring glance. Let him contradict her in front of everyone... it'd just make things more awkward.
Å
Carter beamed herself down and headed for the beach as fast as she could.
"Teal'c!" Jack roared from the balcony as he searched frantically for the device that would send him down. "How do you get down?"
Teal'c appeared. "Move that stone, O'Neill," he directed.
"Thanks," he muttered. "See ya!" he cried once on the ground. He started off in hot pursuit of his pretty 2IC.
Teal'c watched him run. 'Perhaps I should assist O'Neill,' he thought transporting himself down.
Å
"So you went swimming in an alien lake?" Paul Davis asked. scandalized.
"Well, yeah…" Jack trailed off, not wanted to elaborate. "General-"
Hammond gestured for him to continue. He sighed. "Well…"
Å
Carter was running faster then she had in a long time. A quick glance revealed Jack very close behind. She shrieked and kicked off her shoes. Seconds later, she was knee deep in the water, Jack right behind her.
Teal'c watched his female team member plead for mercy. O'Neill obviously did not believe her excuse that it was an 'accident'...
"Jack, I'm so sorry, here, I'll wash it all out," she began.
He blinked. "You'll wash my hair…"
She shrugged. "Yeah."
Jack nodded in agreement, thinking meanwhile, 'What am I? A sick creep? She's like ten years younger then me for cryin' out loud!'
Å
"My hair being washed, we headed out of the water and turned in for the night."
Å
Carter had quickly and efficiently washed his hair. She had just finished when Jack did the ultimate evil thing- he ducked her. She came up sputtering to see him running full speed for the tree house. She clenched her teeth and started after him. He was already up in the house by the time she reached the spot. With a sigh, Sam beamed herself up only to an extremely curious sight.
A large Jaffa dancing the 'Hokey Pokey'... music blaring.
"Where'd he get the CD player?" she whispered.
"I don't know," he whispered back.
Carter yawned. "Suddenly I'm very sleepy," she informed him.
Jack pointed to the heap of sleeping bags and pillows in the corner. "Whoever picked up Thor did a good job outfitting this place. It has EVERYTHING!"
"Shower?" she asked eagerly.
"Just might," he replied with a smile.
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"That's all?" Daniel asked as if he suspected his friends of holding back details.
Jack nodded, his face a blank mask. "Yes."
Å
Carter walked out of the 'bathroom', shaking her hair. "Sir, it's opened!"
"I'm gonna skip!" he called from a back room.
Carter went hunting for him "What in the world..." she began as she walked in. They had built a HUGE slide, using crates, boxes, pillows, and blankets. They were using snow sleds to sail down.
"Carter, come on, it's fun!"
She watched as Teal'c made his sled slide to a stop. He got off and handed it to her with a low bow. "Major Carter, we were only given two of the devices. Please, enjoy yourself."
She smiled. "Thanks, Teal'c, but I'll-"
"Oh Carter, where's your sense of adventure?" Jack called, mimicking her words from earlier.
She gritted her teeth and 'dragged' her sled up the slide, then, with a great push, sent herself sliding down.
"WOO, CARTER!" he cried, clapping wildly.
An hour later...
Teal'c watched as his two comrades fell asleep. He permitted himself a small smile. Major Carter was happily snuggled around several pillows, on top a small hill of sleeping bags. O'Neill had watched herself fall asleep then permitted himself to slumber. Teal'c returned to his kelnoreem with a big smile, rather pleased how their unusual day had turned out.
"Jack?" a voice asked. The Colonel started. Looking up, he saw everyone's eyes fastened on him.
"Nature calls, sir," he said abruptly, "may I be excused?"
General Hammond nodded and Jack dashed out of the room. They all could have sworn that he burst into laughter once beyond the doors...
Italics represent their thought process.
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