Author's Note: Since this has now reached over 150 hits, I'm posting the next chapter—and a large thanks to Magic Swede 1965—I was thinking about whether I should post now but your kind review made my mind up—hope you like it. And a big thanks to Jen23 and Freddo for their support as well.

HAUNTING MEMORIES

Wednesday, November 12, 1980, 1:15 PST

Pete drove his car at a moderate speed along the winding back roads. He had absolutely no clue as to where he was going; he just followed the road as it twisted, his mind on the information David Slade had been only to happy to provide concerning Julie's initial meeting with Dan. His anger had turned on himself as David's words echoed in his head, causing him to grip the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles whitened under the pressure of his strength. He was extremely incensed and as he was dealing with the myriad of emotions raging inside, he nearly missed a curve in the road that had come up.

Seeing the hazard ahead, Pete jerked the wheel hard to the left to miss the curve. The Mercedes careened off of the road as Pete jammed on the brakes just before the car could jump the divider and plow into a tree. The car stopped with a screech of tires and a cloud of dust. The kinetic force had propelled Pete forward and although he didn't hit his head on the windshield, he became slightly shaken up. He cut the motor and just sat there staring ahead and breathing deeply for a few moments to collect himself. Teeming with frustration, Pete slammed his hands on the wheel. He then sighed with disgust and pushed the driver's door open to get out and survey the damage if there was any.

The Mercedes body was undamaged but the front right tire had become flat from the excessive braking and turning. Muttering a curse, he angrily kicked at the flat tire and then strode over to the still open driver's door to yank the keys from the ignition. He then made his way to the trunk, opened it with the keys and rooted around for a spare tire and a jack. He located what he was looking for, slammed the trunk closed, and proceeded over to the right front wheel to perform the repair. In about twenty minutes, he had the tire changed.

Pete took the jack and the damaged tire, carried them back to the trunk, opened it, and tossed the tire and jack inside. He slammed the trunk closed again then strode to the driver's door, got in the car and slammed that door. He inserted the key in the ignition, but didn't start the engine. Instead, he gripped the wheel and just sat there with a dark scowl, brooding. He was seriously considering going back to the ranch, getting his belongings, and leaving, thinking that maybe Julie would be better off with him gone. His mind was filled with the pictures that David Slade's words had painted and they created in him an intense feeling of self-loathing. His memory was no friend either.

Suddenly he was transported to the night over eight and a half years ago, when after going out to dinner together, he had taken Julie for a ride in the Charger with the top down on the assumption that they were going to enjoy the sunset. She was contently leaning against him as he drove leisurely along Venice Beach, but she had no clue as to the real reason why he had wanted to go for a ride. She had thought that he wanted to be alone with her, to be close and romantic, he was sure, but he had had other plans. When he stopped at a scenic bluff by a sand dune, secluded from the beach road and the public area, she had come closer to him, expecting him to enfold her in one of their usual passionate embraces. What he did instead, was shatter her. Pete winced as even the mere memory of that night filled him with enormous guilt.

The three of them, Pete, Julie, and Linc, had made the decision to quit the Squad and leave the force. They had all decided that they had their fill of deceptions, murders, mayhem, and everything else that was a part of the job they had held for five years. They had given their letters of resignation, much to the chagrin of Captain Adam Greer, who had created the Squad. Although he tried desperately to have them reconsider their decision, the three of them had their minds firmly made up. As far as their plans afterward, Linc had decided to go back east and pursue his dream of becoming a teacher. Pete and Julie, however, who had been very personally and romantically involved in the last six months before they all quit, were contemplating their own future as a couple.

Pete was very seriously considering giving Julie a diamond ring and asking her to marry him, but he was hesitating because of the knowledge of her deep desire to be a mother. He had known for quite some time that she had wanted a family because of a couple of factors. She had always loved kids and she had spent her free time being around them, volunteering regularly at a facility for disturbed children as well as showering her abundant love on an abandoned infant girl who had been adopted that she had grown attached to. Her own unpleasant childhood was always on her mind and she had confided in Pete many times that she wanted to prove that she would be a better mother than her mother was, an ex-prostitute who had shown little interest in her illegitimate daughter while she was growing up. These circumstances had made Julie determined to be a better person and it was that person that Pete had fallen in love with.

But he was concerned with the social problems of ecology and overpopulation that were residuals from the turbulent late sixties and was still ballyhooed in the early seventies. Although he too loved kids, he had decided that he would not bring any children into the troubled, overcrowded world. And this created a major conflict of interest in his relationship with Julie. He knew that she'd never marry him if she knew he wouldn't have a family with her, so he had decided to break off the relationship and free her to find someone else. That night, at the beach, he did just that, and she was so shaken and hurt that she said nothing to him and avoided him every chance she could for the remainder of the time they had working on the Squad until the last day on the force. She had even taken a cab to work the last remaining days, refusing to ride with him and Linc to the station house. She then said good-bye for the final time on the last day and walked away from him, not looking back.

Pete was miserable for several days; vacillating, fighting the almost overwhelming urge to pick up the phone, call her and plead with her that he was wrong; to come back and at the same time, trying to convince himself that he'd done the noble thing...what was best for both of them. And now to find out that she had been so deeply hurt by their parting; that the news of his engagement to Donna had caused her to be in an automobile accident, the misery he had felt then because of the break-up flowed forth afresh.

His mind reeled with the what-ifs; what if she had crashed into a wall, what if she had been driving near a cliff and drove off, what if she had been on one of the highways and hit a tractor trailer truck. Pete, for over an hour, sat there in his car and tortured himself with these and other what-if scenarios, in a guilt-ridden reverie. He imagined how he would have reacted to reading about Julie's death in the newspaper and his heart became filled with such excruciating pain at the thought, he quickly blocked it out.

He then thought about her almost getting run down by that clown Slade today and what could have happened if he hadn't been there to pull her away. He was then filled with the realization that he prevented today what could have easily resulted in her death. It then dawned on Pete that Julie needed him at the ranch and based on her glad reaction to his visit, wanted him there, regardless of what had transpired between them in the past. Suddenly, he became filled with a new resolve to help her get through the death of her husband, in spite of the roadblocks David Slade was trying to put up. His mood lightened considerably; with a glint of determination in his eyes he started the Mercedes and making a U-turn, headed back to the ranch.

Wednesday, November, 12, 1980, 3:35 PST

Julie sat at the desk in the study, examining the ledger that she and David had just completed and she sighed. They had both gone over every figure, right down to the last penny, for both the business and the house and as Dan had it mapped out, if he were alive, they would make it through the winter until the beginning of May with no problem. But with the cost from losing Dan, his funeral costs had created a deficit and now they could barely make it past January. All of a sudden, despair turned to hope as Julie remembered the check from Dan's life insurance policy that Pete had brought yesterday. She opened the desk drawer and found the check for $50,000. She ran her hand over it, and let her fingers linger over the signature. Julie then began wondering just where Pete went, and when he was coming back. She was feeling his absence acutely and she tried to think about what exactly could have taken place between him and David Slade to make him take off the way he did, without a word about where he was going. Her musings were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. She jumped up and hurried to the front door.

Pete stood there, "Hi," he said walking past Julie as she opened the door and gestured him in.

"Hi," she replied as she closed the door and leaned against it, her arms folded, fixing her eyes on him with an intensely questioning look. "So?" she asked him, waiting and wanting an explanation.

Pete gazed back, "Sorry, I needed some time to get my head together," he said casually, looking around. "Slade still around?"

"Uh-uh, he left about one thirty when we finished. So Pete, aren't you going to say why you took off so fast and didn't tell me?" Julie pressed, trying not to get annoyed with him.

"Yeah," he said in a strange tone. "If you tell me something. How come you haven't told me about the day you met Dan, or rather, the circumstances that led to your meeting him?" he countered.

Julie looked at him, "Why do you want to know about that?" she asked with an uneasy look.

"Oh, because Slade was so good to tell me that the two of you met when you plowed into the back of Dan's truck one day. And he also informed me that you had done that because you were crying and didn't see him. In addition, he was only too happy to fill me in that you had told Dan that it was my wedding announcement in the paper that had put you in such a state. So my question to you again, Julie, is why didn't you tell me?" he probed gently.

Julie sighed deeply, "I couldn't Pete, I just couldn't."

"Why not?" he persisted.

"Because I knew that you'd beat yourself up over it. I'd seen you do it so often, Pete, while we were on the force, feeling guilty for circumstances way beyond your control. You always took total responsibility for any accident or incident that took place when you were involved even remotely. Even if it wasn't your fault," she said in a soft voice, full of concern.

Pete stared at her, lips pursed, saying nothing. Julie took a deep breath and went on.

"Yeah, I was upset the day I met Dan. I had just read about your impending marriage in the society page. I was still hanging on to the silly hope that one day, you'd show up at my door, and beg me to come back to you. Then reality hit me when I saw the announcement of your engagement. I felt my world just fall apart. I got in my new car and just took off. I ended up driving down Sunset and there was a stoplight that I didn't see so I rear-ended this red pickup truck that had stopped. It was Dan. He noticed that I was blubbering and he felt so bad he invited me to lunch. He was so sweet and caring that I just burst out and told him everything. We began to see each other regularly and a month later, he proposed to me. We got married right away. And that's the whole story. So you don't have to feel guilty; you should be glad, because of you, I met the man who became my husband and the father of my child," she finished.

Pete shook his head with disgust and replied derisively, "Hurray for me. I hurt you and caused you to have an accident. If you had crashed into a wall or a semi-truck and died, I would have never seen you again and I still would have married the wrong woman. Just like I did," he added with a touch of bitterness.

Julie went up to him, "See, I knew you'd react like this. Pete, the car accident I had was nobody's fault but my own. I never should have tried to drive, as upset as I was. But if I didn't, I never would have met Dan," she added, reaching up to brush his hair back from his eyes.

Pete's eyes were locked on hers, and he reached and captured her hand as she caressed him, trying to soothe his troubled brow. "You always make things so easy for me, don't you, saying the sweetest things to help me feel better. You always had a knack for that, even when I deserved to feel like a heel. But you could always manage to find a way to make me feel like I'm ten feet tall. And you're doing that now. Thank you, angel," he whispered.

The ringing of the phone interrupted the close moment between them. Julie went over to the phone in the parlor, Pete following her. She picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mommy!" Melissa cried

Julie's pretty face broke into a wide, delighted smile, "Hi, baby, how are you? Are you being a good girl?"

"Uh-huh, I helped Mrs. Henderson, Lydia, and Rebeccah bake oatmeal raisin cookies today. And they're as good as Hannah's," Melissa declared.

Julie smiled indulgently, "You'd better not let Hannah hear you say that, young lady. It'll hurt her feelings," she admonished gently.

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I would never hurt Hannah's feelings for nothin'. Are you coming Sunday to get me?" she asked.

"Uh-huh. I'll come to Sunday service and afterward we'll get your things and maybe go out for lunch. How about that?"

Melissa exclaimed, "Oh yes, Mommy I'd like that!" She lowered her voice, "Mommy I miss you."

Julie's eyes became moist, "I miss you too, darling," she whispered.

"Are you all filled with aloneness, Mommy? I don't want you to be sad with aloneness," Melissa said worriedly.

Julie smiled through the shedding of her tears, "Don't you worry about me, sweetie, I'm all right. Hannah's taking good care of me and an old friend of mine came here to visit and stay with me."

"Who is it that came, Mommy, who?" Melissa impatiently wanted to know.

Julie laughed, "You'll meet him when you get home. He wants to meet you too. Now, you be good and mind what Mrs. Henderson says."

"I will Mommy. Bye, I love you," Melissa chimed in.

"I love you too, baby. Bye-bye," Julie replied, hanging up. She placed the receiver back and sighed. Pete came over to her and put his arm comfortingly around her shoulders.

"You really miss her, don't you?" he said kindly.

"Uh-huh. And she's only been gone a day. I can just imagine how I'm going to react when she goes away to college," Julie replied ruefully.

Pete grinned, "But that's you, honey. I knew that you'd be like this when you became a mother. To thine own self you are definitely true."

Julie smiled shyly. "I am that. I even have to fight the urge to be overprotective of her, but I can't help it. She was in my body for nine months, moving and growing, depending on me for everything. I even used to talk to her while she was in my womb. I would put my hand on my round belly and feel her move. She was life and she was in me. It still blows my mind," she said, with wonder and reverence.

Pete gazed at her raptly."You know what blows my mind? You and Donna are like day and night," he said in amazement. "And had I been smart, I never should have walked away from you," he spoke fervently, half to himself.

Julie became completely mesmerized by Pete's warm, intent gaze and she felt her heart beat faster as she leaned against his tall, muscular form. She was drawn to his strong yet gentle manner, his compassion, and his sensitivity. She felt transported in time to a place where the two of them were as close as they'd ever been. At that time, Pete was everything she had ever wanted, and she dreamed of having a future with him. And now, although they had traveled different paths, married other people and made lives with those people, circumstances have brought them back to each other.

"I was very worried when you left without telling me," she said demurely. "That isn't like you so I knew something was up."

Pete frowned as he explained,"There was a reason for that. I was so ticked off at Slade that if I'd have stayed here, I'd have gladly knocked his teeth down his throat. And then I'd have beaten him till he was unconscious. He was really asking for it, Julie, and I was ready and willing to give it to him," He scowled, adding, "I tried to calm myself down but I was really uptight and didn't want to cause problems for you, so I split."

"Well if it's any consolation, he made me angry, too. He acted cavalier toward the incident this morning and I was really surprised. But I put him in his place," she responded with a look of satisfaction.

Pete laughed shortly, "Really, honey? I wish I had stuck around for that. That guy's definitely got an attitude problem and if he keeps messing with me, he's going to get hurt. Bad," he finished with emphasis.

Julie warned archly, "You'd better keep a lid on your temper, Pete. You're not a cop anymore and even if you were you'd be out of your jurisdiction. I'd hate to see you face an assault charge or a murder rap if you lost your temper completely. I've seen you beat suspects so bad that you'd nearly killed them. David Slade isn't worth your going to the slammer, even if he is a slimeball."

Pete looked at her with mild surprise, "You've sure changed your tune. Last night you told me to go easy on him 'cause he was Dan's best friend and you said he was one of the folks here who helped you fit in. So now what gives?" he wanted to know.

Julie turned her head from him. She nodded sheepishly, "He was very helpful. But he's also tried to make a play for me while Dan was alive. Behind his back, of course, but he's tried to get me to consider sleeping with him... Occassionally making inappropriate suggestions. Then when I would get angry, he would tell me he was just joking."

Pete felt a slow burn rise in him. "You mean to tell me he had the balls to ask his best friend's wife to go to bed with him? With friends like that who needs enemies?"

Julie nodded. "I never told Dan because of their friendship. And now with Dan's death, he has been more persistent about it. Which was why I wanted you here before. He would more likely behave himself with you around to make sure," she replied.

"Wait a minute...you mean to tell me, that he tried to...?" Pete was incredulous. "When?!"

Julie sighed as the incident came back to her. "Just over year and a half ago, there was a regional competition in Casper, Wyoming. Dan, Hank, and Josh went along with three of our mares. Dan had wanted to showcase what we had to entice new stud farms to breed with us so he took Royal, entering her in a jumping tournament. David was supposed to go but begged off at the last minute, claiming he had the stomach flu."

Pete snorted in derision. "That figures… What happened next?"

She took a deep breath and continued. "I was alone… Melissa had gone to an overnight sleepover for the Honeybees. It was about 8 PM and I had just got through talking to Dan when David came into the parlor. I was surprised to see him, thinking he had been sick in bed and weak."

"But he was neither."

Julie nodded. "Oh, he put on a good front. You know me, I'm a nurturer at heart so when I see anybody suffering I step up to try to help. He looked pathetic and asked me if I would go into the kitchen to make him some tea. Feeling sorry for him that's exactly what I did. I didn't know that he had followed me into the kitchen. That's when he grabbed me from behind and was all over me, slobbering and trying to kiss me. He then pushed me hard against the counter and put his hands underneath me trying to lift me up...until-,"

"Until what?...don't leave me here, planning to commit murder the next time I see the bastard. How did it turn out?" Pete demanded.

"Well, he thought because he was taller and outweighed me by 75 lbs that terror would make me give in," Julie said with a hint of a smirk. "He must've forgotten that I graduated the L.A. Police academy and was trained in self-defense. So I used an evasive tactic we learned back then."

"Alright! That's my girl!" Pete exclaimed. "Which one?"

"A bit of an aikido move... I used his weight leverage to force him back then drove my elbow into his gut, knocking the wind out of him. Then as he had collapsed gasping for breath, I warned him that if he tried anything with me again I would let Dan know about this little incident. After that he kept his distance from me for a while." She sighed, "But now that Dan's gone, he's gotten bolder… Thinking he can take Dan's place on the ranch and in my life."

Pete's eyes narrowed, "Oh man, what a reptile! Did you have problems with him this afternoon? If he touched you-" he growled ominously, his hands clenched.

"No he didn't," Julie reassured him with a pat on his hand. "He was too shell shocked by my tearing him a new hole when he acted like almost killing me was no big deal."

"Did he actually say that?"

"Not in those words, but that was what I got from his attitude," Julie rejoined.

"Well, he'd better watch his back, 'cause I'm going to be watching him like a hawk. And if he does anything to hurt or threaten you or Melissa, I'll gladly put him in the intensive care unit at the nearest hospital," Pete promised grimly.

Julie smiled in gratitude. "Coming to my rescue yet again, huh. Don't you ever quit? I mean, there must be other damsels in distress that you can slay dragons for," she added coquettishly.

Pete stood back and folded his arms across his chest. "Yeah, I guess so," he pondered at the suggestion. "But there isn't anyone else I'd rather slay dragons for," he replied with an engaging smile and a twinkle in his eye.

NEXT….BEGINNING TO HEAL