ICU

I hate hospitals.

I stood next to the window and looked at the lights of London. I needed to hear the facts.

"This isn't exactly what I had planned." He said weakly, looking over at me. I quietly walked to his bedside and looked down at him. My eyes were full of tears and my cheeks were red from holding back sobs. I was a wreck and I knew it.

"What happened James?" He blinked slowly…too slowly. He was fading. James had seen me in hospitals a couple times but it had never been like this. It was never to the point of no hope. And they told me there was almost no hope. He started to talk.

A few minutes later I sat in the chair in his room, thinking of everything he had just told me. I looked out the window onto the night as he started to sleep. It came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time. You decide what you think should happen…but just because it's what you want, doesn't mean it's what you'll get. I couldn't believe it. I was sitting here staring at my shoes in the ICU in the St Thomas hospital in London. For once I was the one worried, the one waiting for James. I couldn't stand it.

It smelled like hospital…piss and cleaning supplies. Hospitals are ironic. Things look too clean, but smell horribly dirty. And the food could kill you faster than your maladies. I was in a place reserved to say goodbye.

I was rationing my breaths and talking quietly to myself as I sat in that uncomfortable square chair.

"You're alright Lily. You've just taken in too much today; everything's going to be alright."

I glanced over at all the screen James was hooked up to. Each descending peak on the LCD was taking him further away from me. I stood up; I couldn't look at him anymore.

I walked into the waiting room and saw the faces of others who were obviously feeling the same as I was. Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines, I realized how much it hurt me that all I would have left of him were memories.

"But it was better to have him while he was here, than it would've been to never have him at all." I muttered quietly to myself. "I'm going crazy."

An older man sat across from me. He had thinning grey hair and wrinkles on his face. He held and hat in his lap and looked at the floor sadly. I glanced quickly around the room and saw that everyone was looking at the floor. The sitters on the chairs, the pacers on their feet, even the leaners on the walls were all staring at the floor. The TV was on for no reason, it was just entertaining itself.

I looked up at the old man again.

"There's no comfort in the waiting room." He said to me attempting a smile. I smiled back.

"It's just nervous people waiting for bad news." I stood up and sat down beside him. "Lily." I stuck my hand out. He took it and shook it gently.

"Charles."

"Nice to meet you Charles, although, the circumstances are not ideal."

"Not at all my girl…" His voice trailed off and he looked from me down at the floor again. "If you don't mind my asking…why are you here?" I furrowed my brow for a second and looked at the man beside me.

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere." Just then, the nurse walked in and everyone lifted their heads. She grabbed two middle-aged brothers and walked them out of the room.

"Alright." I started telling Charles my story: the attempted suicide, James, the Marauders. Of course I skipped the part about how all the players were witches and wizards. And I got to last May…when I called James to come back.

"I didn't really understand completely why he left. I felt a little betrayed, and almost like I wasn't good enough." Charles nodded, his eyes not leaving my face for the floor anymore.

"And he came back."

"Yes…he did."

……………………………………………………………

It was breakfast and The Marauders (save James) sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Lily had just become an animagus and the real test would be the next full moon.

"Oh Lils, you won't believe how much fun it is romping around, being animals." Sirius whispered excitedly. "We communicate so well with Remus in his…special state. Peter can dodge things easily and quickly stop the willow, I'm big and scary and terrify everything that comes along, and James…" He stopped. "James…"

"James." Lily muttered, looking down at her food.

"James!" Remus shot up from the table and bolted to the doors of the hall. Standing there in ripped clothes, with windblown hair, bruises, broken glasses and a lopsided grin on his face was James Potter.

Peter and Sirius quickly followed Remus, but Lily was dumbfounded. She had quietly told the wind that she missed him last night, and he had already returned. She was amazed. He ran over to where she was sitting and sat down beside her on the bench.

"Lily." he said. It wasn't a question, or the beginning of a sentence. It was just her name, and it was the way she had been waiting to hear it said for a month. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled his lips to hers.

"I hate you." She said into his lips.

"I know...can you forgive me?" He said back, in-between kisses.

"Maybe if you shut up." She replied.

……………………………………………….

"So you got together in the end?" Charles said a little smile on his face. "That's nice for you dear."

"I'm afraid it wasn't that simple."

……………………………………………………

James' return to Hogwarts had caused him little strife in the areas of friends and girlfriends, but great tribulations in his schoolwork. Being a sixth year he did not have OWLS or NEWTS but he had missed a whole month of classes. Trying to make it up was almost impossible.

But the year finished, everyone doing well (passing in Peter's case) and making plans for the summer.

"I can't go home." Lily said quietly one night in the common room. She was curled up in a chair with James and had just gotten a letter from her mother. "I have been officially kicked out."

"Live with me." He looked over at her.

"Thank you for the offer James, but…"

"I'm serious. Live with me." She shook her head. "I've gotten a job in London and will be staying at my uncle's flat while he's in the states. It's in a muggle part of London, but I'll manage I'm sure. So…stay with me. My parents won't object. The boys will be around loads. It's a great idea."

"James. We've only been together for a short amount of time and I'm…"

"There are two bedrooms." She smiled at him. "Not that we'll need the second or anything." He winked and she hit him playfully.

………………………………………………………

"You moved in with him?" Charles asked, obviously a little surprised.

"Yes."

"How old are you?"

"16. James turned 17 on July 13th."

"And you're living together? Called me old fashioned but…"

"No, it's not like that. My mother is a horror, and hates me, so she kicked me out. If James and I were still just friends he would've asked me to stay with him anyways."

"Alright, I understand. But now you need to explain why you're HERE."

"I was getting to that." I said, not smiling anymore.

"Two nights ago James and I decided to go to dinner. Since James' uncle had left a car to use once he got his license (the day of his 17th of course) we took advantage of that and chose a restaurant on the other side of town.'

It was a busy night and we were unable to park close by. After a tremendous meal James decided to go get the car. He left me waiting at the restaurant for him. I waited for what seemed like ages. After ten minutes I was worried, but thought maybe he was just around the corner. But after five more minutes."

"You knew something was wrong."

"Yes. I asked the Maitre D if someone would come with me to find James. He was very nice and asked one of the waiters on a break to join me. We walked towards the car and as we walked past this alley, the worst feeling came over me. I looked into the alley and sure enough, there was a crumpled body."

"James."

"Yes. I ran to his side and saw what had happened. He had been mugged. He wasn't carrying a lot of money, and the mugger had gotten mad and beaten him very severely. Or so the doctors tell me. The waiter called an ambulance and we got him here as quickly as we could. But there's internal bleeding and other complications. His parents are in South America and I can't get a hold of them. The boys haven't come yet and this was all I knew how to do." Charles smiled sympathetically.

"So I'm here; Stuck in this rotten hospital waiting to hear if he'll live or die. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit."

"You're a tough young lady Lily Evans."

"Thank you." Just then, the nurse came in again. Heads whipped up from the floor. She slowly started walking towards us.

"Mr. Irwin?" Charles stood up. I grabbed his hand.

"Thank you Charles." He grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and gave it to me. It had a phone number on it.

"If you ever need someone to talk to." He grabbed his hat, nodded at me and was gone.

I looked back down at my feet again.

I hate hospitals.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I'll try to get better, but probably won't. It you noticed the song you probably know its Death Cab for Cutie – What Sarah Said, and if you didn't notice it…not a big deal. Hope you enjoyed. (I own little…it's DCfC or JKR)

Kaccee