Silly Hikari
Draggy2
It is me, my hikari
who holds you so dear
and me, my hikari
who holds a secret fear
so in the end, my hikari
its my heart that'll tear
Another week has passed hikari, but you are not as grateful for our time together as I. You do not know that time may be short, that we should treasure every minute. My light, I wish- and it pains me to no end, but I wish you weren't my light! My hikari, did you hear that thought? No, you could not have, it is mine and mine alone. Oh- Ryou, if you weren't my light then you'd be free to exist, my dear, sweet, poor light. My poor, sweet hikari. Do not leave me, never leave my side.
I've told you this, my love, but you do not know. You simply smile and reassure me, my poor hikari, my poor, sweet hikari. But how could you know, you do not feel it. You do not feel the supernatural forces as I do. Two of one cannot exist. One shall have to depart. My light, I have become balanced, I am nearly human now, I am almost there and you- you my love, your use will be up, my soul will not need to be balanced any longer. I wish I could exist twice- I wish we could exist together. My light, my heart, please, oh please do not leave my side.
But my wishes are futile, my hopes and dreams- they will end with you. I am becoming mortal again, I feel again, and I feel the time is coming, the time when you will leave me alone. My light, surely you know, surely you know that I cannot allow that. The gods will feel my wrath. I am five centuries old, my spirit has power, and that power will protect you, and only you.
Hikari, Ryou, my love, I think I've failed you, and you- you have done everything for me. I cannot allow myself to fail. I will protect you, my sweet, innocent hikari. I will guard you unto the last.
I just don't know how.
Oh hikari. Why won't you hear the words I speak to you? Why won't you bode my warning. I don't know what to do, I am more than lost and I despair with each passing day. One soul, hikari. Just one. One unbalanced soul that was locked away so tight even the gods thought it was lost. So they created you to bring back that which has vanished- but then I returned. At first it had worked out. One half each. One dark and one light. One terrible- the other as beautiful as the stars. We equalled out, you and me. But your light has dimmed the darkness inside of me. I am becoming a whole soul by myself and I cannot stop it- don't want to stop it. I love watching over you, hikari. How could I not? I don't want to be what I once was.
But then there is you, untouched by my darkness, untouched by hate or greed. And just as I wish to never return to how I was when I first emerged from the Ring, I do not wish for you to darken.
Please, oh please hikari. Please don't darken your soul.
I'm selfish, I know that. I do not want to lose you so I won't let you go. I refuse to change you and oh, I'd never trade your existence for mine. My hikari… mine. I love you, my hikari, though you cannot see.
But why won't you listen to me? Are you afraid. Of my love? …Or maybe, what you fear is me? Please don't let that be it, my sweet understanding Ryou. Please let me cherish you. Let me hold you- let me never let you go. Because I won't. Not ever. Not even if you wanted me to. For you I will find a way.
I can hear them, Ryou. I know what they say. I know they think so little of me. That you should get rid of me (like I'm nothing but vermin) and you never tried to, you never did. So I respect you and love you . I know you. I know your so good. Please don't fade away.
I watch over you, day-by-day, and I snuggle with you night-by-night, though you do not know. I cannot lose you, for you will forever be my light. When they tell you about me I know you pay attention. I know you listen carefully. I know it 'cos bit-by-bit you re-evaluate me. I don't know how you do, but you do. I know you don't listen- at least not to all, but I know you compare my me-of-then to the me-of-now. And sometimes your heart weighs down with previous knowledge and sometimes it alight just a bit. But you judge me for me, so I judge you for you. And in a way its just you and me, me and you. And then the world, but only after.
You're asleep again this lonely night. My heart shatters as I watch you. I feel it cut deep in my chest for I cannot have you and soon neither will the world. Your beautiful, hikari. The prettiest thing placed in this world. And I want to keep you. Hold you. Love you. Be with you. …My heart splinters even more.
The window is closed this night and you're snug under the covers. I have no excuse. None what-so-ever. But the pain in my chest is becoming unbearable; I had no excuse the night before either, except my own. Silently I creep over to your bed. You appear so content, so relaxed, so unexpecting of the danger that exists for you. I wish… I just want to hold you safe against me. I wish to protect you. I need to protect you.
I crawl over you once more, ever so careful of your hidden body beneath the blankets. I touch your hair, softly so I do not disturb you, and let it fall through my fingers. As gently as I can I let my fingers ghost over your shoulder, one touch is all I need for your body to unknowingly shift towards me. Sighing in bliss I wrap an arm around you. Holding you so close makes me feel that I really can protect you. Holding you so close brings me so much comfort. For you see it is me, my hikari that holds you so dear. And it is me, my hikari, who holds a secret fear.
And in the end my hikari... I can't help but hold you slightly closer, as tight as I can without disturbing your sleep. -In the end, my hikari it will be my heart that'll tear, that will break, and that will shatter.
In the end.
It will be me.