NOT A STUD, NOT A BABE- mypseudonym
All the usual disclaimers apply.
AN: Sorry this took so long. Between house guests, power trouble, and work, I just haven't had the time to finish it up.
Chapter 2: Trying
Hermione's POV
Hermione Jane Granger sat in an upscale café, staring at her date. Trevor, no…Devin, no….George, was rambling away about something. She didn't really know what he was talking about, but it was obviously something important to him, since he'd been going on about it for half an hour already.
'This is it,' she thought 'I'm officially pronouncing myself single for life. There are no decent single men left- magic or muggle.'
Trevor, her last date, had been 100 muggle. He kept asking Hermione personal questions which, while acceptable, meant that Hermione had to do a great deal of lying. The list of undiscussable topics with Muggle men was large-schooling, work, friends, hobbies other than reading, sports, politics, vacation preferences, favorite foods, and many many more. This guy, George, got a definite no as to future dates. Hermione was grateful to be back in her humble London flat when the whole debacle was over. She took off her uncomfortable dress shoes and walked into her bedroom. Hermione changed into soft yoga pants and a sweatshirt before returning to her living room. Grabbing a can of soda from the refrigerator, Hermione plopped down n the couch beside Crookshanks, her old but faithful half-Kneazle companion. Her younger black cat, Milo, was around the apartment somewhere, probably hunting.
"He was a dud, Crooks. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life?" she asked her cat. Crookshanks responded by nudging her hand with his head.
"I guess I'm not old, hardly into middle age by wizarding standards and muggle standards. However, most, if not all, of my peers are married now and starting families of their own. It's not that I particularly want children; I'd just like to have someone there when I get home from work, happy to see me, and someone to spend the weekends with." She said. Crookshanks made a displeased noise. "-other than my wonderful, loyal, feline companions, of course." Hermione added, scratching Crookshanks behind the ears while he purred deeply.
"Well, Mr. Right, if you're still out there, you're going to have to knock on my door when you're ready, because I've had enough of this mindless dating nonsense. You hear me! I'm through!" Hermione announced to no one in particular.
Severus' POV
Severus Snape was not what anyone would call a "people person," unless maybe that person was certifiably insane and had never met the formidable Potions Master. He was the dour Potions Master, bat of the dungeons, greasy git of Hogwarts.
Tonight was different though. Tonight, he had a date. Albus had taken out a personal ad for him for him birthday- if Severus had known, he'd have hexed the old man for merely suggesting it.
Tall, 50-something educated man seeking patient caring woman of any age
Or at least it was something like that. There had been one response to the ad, hence the date. Severus originally had no intention on following up on the letter. Glades Hunchbrook, Merlin, the woman sounded uncouth even by name alone. It was only the Headmaster's threat of blackmail, humiliation, and revocation of research privileges that lead him to the point where he was, changing into fresh robes to meet a woman. Not just any woman, but Glades Hunchbrook, the only woman dim enough to respond to his ad.
Severus wasn't young by any means. He was rather set in his ways and stubborn as a mule, not to mention sarcastic and often downright mean. He was certainly no woman's dream lover, but as much as Severus wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to ruin this date. As horrible as she might be, there were few enough women brave, or perhaps foolish, enough to spend even one evening in romantic company of Severus Snape.
He set out to meet her, Glades, he mentally corrected himself, in Hogsmeade. He walked as casually as he could manage up to Madam Puddifoot's (her choice, certainly not his). He was slightly early, as he had intended. Severus gave the hostess his name and requested a dark, quiet booth near the back. The nervous young hostess eagerly complied, leading him to a dark booth in the back corner of the establishment. He waited, quietly surveying every female who walked in- witch and hag alike.
A nervous little witch, her graying hair pulled back in a tight bun, entered the restaurant at exactly seven o'clock. She spoke briefly with the hostess before being directed back to his booth.
'So this is Glades Hunchbrook.'he thought as the woman perched across the booth from him.
"Hello, you must be Severus. I'm Glades." She said.
"Good evening, Glades." He responded. She trembled slightly as he lighted their table's candle and she got her first look at the Potions Master.
"D-do you like ch-ch-children?"she stammered. Severus momentarily thought it odd that she would skip over all the usual small talk.
"I teach at Hogwarts, as I said in my letter. I am surrounded by children every day for months of the year. An unfortunate result of this is that I despise any child I have to be in the presence of for more than a few moments. Why do you ask?" Severus said. He figured that if she was going to skip straight into the heart of the matter, so would he.
He knew he shouldn't have been so blunt, but no children was a definite requirement for any witch he would spend time with. Unfortunately, most single witches his age were divorced or widowed and came with children or excessive emotional baggage. This was why he was alone.
"Oh, well, it's just that I have 11 children of my own that I simply cannot bear to be away from for more than a couple of hours, and I was hoping to have more. I also thought that, with your being a professor and all, you would be quite qualified to home school all of the children." She said. Severus stared at her, aghast. When he recovered, he was simply dying to flee the scene.
"Well, Ms Hunchbrook, I believe we're finished here. There's no sense in beating around the bush. Please stay; dinner is on me." He said, dropping several coins on the table as he left the horrid establishment. He headed back to the safety of his quarters at Hogwarts and ordered one of his favorite meals from the kitchens.
As he sat in his stone-lined den, eating dinner and feeding morsels to his pet panther, Mortimer, Severus Snape officially cut himself off from the dating pool. He had undergone enough torture in his Death Eater and spy days that it seemed ridiculous to him that he should have to subject himself romantically to women like Glades Hunchbrook. He had resigned himself long ago to the fact that Ms Right just wasn't coming.