NOT A STUD, NOT A BABE- mypseudonym
All the usual disclaimers apply
AN: Okay guys, I told you to give me some time to get settled at school. I'm slowly finding the time to work on this, but my updates will not be every day or every couple of days like they once were, I just don't have that much time.
Chapter 3: Convincing
Ginny and Hermione
Ginny Weasley stepped into the humble flat of her best friend Hermione Granger. To say that the place was a wreck would have been the understatement of the year. Hermione's usually immaculate apartment was in utter disarray. Dirty dishes were scattered about on nearly every flat surface. The television was blaring announcements to an empty room. Hermione's desk was piled so high with parchment that they had spilled off onto the floor around it. It looked as though Milo and Crookshanks had turn up everything. Clothes and shoes were strewn around. Ginny nearly choked on a feather from a pillow that Milo was destroying. Hermione was no where to be seen. With a few waves of her wand, Ginny returned the main room to rights; she wasn't a Charms professor for nothing.
"Hermione, are you here?" she called down the hallway as she cleaned her way to the back of the flat.
"In the bedroom," was the muffled reply. Ginny walked to the bedroom, cleaning up the hall as she went.
"Hermione, what are you doing living in such a sty?" Ginny asked. She found Hermione in her bedroom, hanging upside down off her bed.
"It's awful!" Hermione cried out.
"Well, yes, but it wouldn't be if you'd just spell things clean every now and again." Ginny reprimanded.
"Not that." Hermione snapped.
"Well what then?" Ginny asked, now mildly concerned.
"I'm going to be a decrepit old spinster with a billion cats, yelling at children to get off my lawn." She whined mournfully.
"Well, yes, if you keep this up you will. At the moment, you're still rather young for a witch; you've only two cats, and you have no lawn. Things could still work out in your favor." Ginny said rationally.
"I don't see how! I'm over thirty, and there is no man in my life!" Hermione groaned.
"Excuse me! I'm also over thirty with no man in my life and you don't see me wallowing about in my own filth all day!" Ginny snapped.
"It's different for you Ginny. You've got a career working with children. Working stiffs like me need another person to create the excitement in our lives." Hermione whined again.
"Then you should date people." Ginny reasoned.
"It's no use, Ginny. They're all gone." Hermione noted solemnly, sinking onto her bed full of clothes.
"Who's all gone?" she asked.
"The single men! All the worthwhile single men are taken; they all got taken while I was off getting my mastery in Transfiguration and Potions!" She cried.
"What if they aren't?" Ginny asked, seeing her opening.
"Oh trust me, they are. I've dated every single loser left- wizard and Muggle alike." She said.
"What if I set you up with someone? A single, decent wizard that you would like?" Ginny asked.
"Who are you thinking of Ginny?" Hermione asked.
"No one in particular yet, but I know a lot more wizarding people than you do, so I may be able to find someone that you hadn't even thought of. Just tell me what you're looking for in a man so I'll know him when I see him." Ginny said.
"Well, he needs to be between my age and 150. He should be educated and interesting. He should be sophisticated to some degree. He shouldn't care that I can't talk about work at all." She listed, lying back onto her bed.
"Is that all?" Ginny asked as she jotted down those requirements.
"Ginny, if you could find a man who meets all those requirements, I might marry him on the spot." Hermione said, laughing under her breath.
"Okay, I'll see you later!" Ginny said, hopping up from her place in the room.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Hermione asked, craving not to be alone again.
"Hunting remember? I've got to find a wizard who meets your requirements." She said.
"Okay, good luck with that. Let me know when you give up so that I can go buy more cats." Hermione said, flopping back onto her bed while Ginny scurried from the flat.
Ginny Apparated to Hogsmeade and settled at the Three Broomsticks to await Remus Lupin's arrival.
'That was almost too easy' Ginny thought as she glanced over Hermione's list. She was so pleased that Professor Snape fit so neatly into each and every requirement.
Remus and Severus
Later in the evening, after his discussion with Ginny, Remus made his way to the dungeons to visit the Potions Master. He carried with him a bottle of his favorite mead, knowing that Severus Snape didn't take kindly to uninvited visitors. Remus' relationship with the dour Potions Master had become a friendship over the years, but it was a friendship of Severus' terms. Remus was mildly shocked when he knocked on the door to find an already drunken Potions Master, toting about half a bottle of firewhisky. Remus quietly added the mead to Severus' alcohol stores, knowing he would appreciate it later.
"Did you need something, Remus, or did you just come to watch the fun?" Severus asked bitterly as they sat in silence. The Potions Master's barbed tongue was dulled somewhat by the drink, but not quite as far as Remus had hoped. Severus Snape had questioned his presence sooner than he normally would have, forcing Remus to press onward into murky waters.
"Severus, I'm shocked that you assume I'm here for my own amusement. I was beginning to think we were friends." Remus said, pretending amazement.
"Oh yes Lupin, my world is all sunshine and butterflies when you're around." The dark haired man growled impressively.
"Where's your cat? I don't see him anywhere." Remus asked, hoping to buy more time for the alcohol to kick in. Severus very nearly snorted with subdued laughter.
"If Mortimer weren't asleep right now, he'd probably have your leg for calling him a 'cat'. Mortimer is a domesticated black panther, thank you very much. Now stop trying to change the subject. What do you want from me?" the grouchy man asked.
"Oh now, calm down. I simply wanted to ask how your date went." Remus said innocently. "I assume it didn't go well since it's 10:30 and you're sitting here drinking yourself into oblivion."
"She has 11 children and she wants more, Remus! Even if I wanted to have children, I'm getting a little on in years to chase after them. Imagine, while Harry bloody Potter is off playing catch or something with his son, I'd need mine to help me get up the stairs." Severus said bitterly.
"Oh Severus, you aren't that old." Remus chimed in, doing his best not to smile.
"Even if I did agree to her choices, there's simply no way I could live in a house with so many children needing my attention every moment of every hour of every day. I know that's how her kids would be too; she told me she can hardly bear to be away from them for long, so I'm sure they're all brats."
"You're probably right on that count." Remus conceded, nodding thoughtfully. "Have you given any thought to your next romantic endeavor?" he asked.
"There will be no future romancing on my part. I'm giving up on women. There is no one left that I could tolerate, let alone enjoy the company of."
"Would you be willing to bet on that?" Remus asked slyly.
"What's your game, Lupin?" he sneered as he drained the bottle.
"It's quite simple really, at least on your part. You give me your requirements for a suitable witch, within reason, and I attempt to find one for you. If I can't find someone who meets all of your requirements, I will buy you a case of firewhisky. However, if I do find someone, you have to take her out to dinner and give her a fair chance. Do we have a deal?" He asked, knowing Severus was drunk enough to agree but not drunk enough to forget they'd had this conversation.
"Fine. I'll play your game, but only because I know I'll win."
"Jolly good, now, if you would please tell me what you are looking for in a partner." Remus suggested, pulling a tattered scrap of parchment and a muggle pen from his cloak.
"She must be no less than 30, no more than 70. She mustn't have children! She must be educated, well read, and well mannered. She must be a least passably attractive. She must be witty and mildly sarcastic. She mustn't be needy, clingy, or gold-digging. She must not have emotional baggage extreme enough to merit consultation with a therapist. Finally, and this is an important one, so be sure to write it down, she must NOT have CHILDREN!" Severus bellowed, slamming his bottle down so hard that it shattered on the table.
Remus repaired the glass and looked up at Severus, who had fallen into a drunken stupor after his outburst. Remus pocketed the list and pen and let himself out.
'Everything he described fits Hermione to a tee. I do hope Ginny has had similar luck.' Remus thought as he made his way to the Three Broomsticks to meet Ginny.
Remus and Ginny
When the two met up at the pub, they had a few drinks and chatted about they're new business on the walk back up to the school.
"Well," Remus asked, "how did it go?"
"Better than I expected, actually. I've got a list and he fits all the qualifications. How did your meeting go?" she replied, waving her list.
"I got his list and she seems to fit as well." Remus remarked gleefully. They traded lists and verified their findings. Remus and Ginny carefully set up a date at a fancy Italian restaurant in London- a Muggle one of course so that if worse came to worse, at least the two couldn't hex each other on the spot.
The date was set for the following Friday night. On Monday, the two informed their friends that a suitable candidate had been found. Hermione and Severus were both secretly astonished that their friend has succeeded so quickly where they themselves had long been inadequate.