Disclaimer: Saiyuki ain't mine. Neither is Zelda. If I owned either (or both), I could afford to hire many antique hunters, paranormal investigators, and normal private detectives to find me magic instruction books on 'How to Build A Magic Portal to the Fictional World of Your Choice", actual workers of magic so I wouldn't have to bother with the instruction books, or a magic pencil, so I wouldn't need either books or workers of magic.
Warnings: ... none really. I don't know why I keep bothering with this part. The only thing I can think of is possible OOCness for Kanzeon and Jiroushin. And very mild language.
Well I did it. I posted early AND made the chapter of a decent length. And I'm also halfway pleased with how it turned out. YAY! Or I was until I actually looked over it after the initial typing... mleh. Next up on iceblitz's list; the Kougaiji-tachi. I'm looking forward to that chapter as much as I'm dreading trying to write it... mleh. I can't wait till everything is explained and I can just throw stuff in without having to explain WHY it makes sense.
Oh yes! Thanking reviewers! Thanks to JuniperTree and ofudamaster for reviewing! To JuniperTree, I'm trying to tie this all together, hopefully it will come out right when I do. To ofudamaster, have no fear, the bashing continues! The Kougaiji-tachi is up next!
Now, on to the chapter before I bore everyone to tears with my blabbing!
In which a fanfic author tries to make up for the last chapter being so short and a cliffhanger besides, by either updating super-fast (for her), or making the chapter of a decent length this time (for her), and succeeds at both!
Also known as
In which everyone's favourite bodhisattva is annoyed by certain happenings, and is visited by a glowing ball of light with wings
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Kanzeon Bosatsu was annoyed, to stay the least. Someone seemed to be having some fun at hir expense, and se hadn't realized that there was anyone left in Heaven who had the capability, not to mention the balls, to do so. As a result of this more-than-annoyance, se had been trying out some of those glares that hir nephew Konz- no wait, Sanzo now, was so fond of on the people se passed in the hallway. The results were quite satisfying. No wonder Sanzo glared so much.
But now se was back in the pond room, and had no one left to glare at. And se didn't feel like making another circuit through the halls. So se tried glaring at the pond instead. It wasn't nearly as satisfying. Though it did look like those four weren't having the best of mornings either…
That cheered hir up a bit. Though not enough to stop hir from glaring. And from planning much retribution for whoever had played this little… prank…
While thinking thoughts that were almost certainly on the list of 'Top Ten Things of What Good Bodhisattvas Should Under No Circumstances Think About,' se spied Jiroushin from the corner of hir eye, hovering at the entrance. Upon which hir thoughts quickly ranged from, Oh good, some else to glare at, to, If he cracks so much as the SLIGHTEST smile…
But we all know Jiroushin is not stupid. So the smile stayed suppressed. It helped to think that he now had to find a way to get Kanzeon Bosatsu-sama to sign the papers. In normal circumstances, he would just have to track hir down, and with much cajoling, and great reluctance on hir part for being bothered with Paperwork, the documents would be signed.
These were NOT normal circumstances. THESE circumstances could land him in a whole jeepload of trouble if he put a foot wrong.
Fortunately, Jiroushin was given a moment's reprieve, at the appearance of a glowing-ball-of-light-with-wings.
He blinked. The glowing-ball-of-light-with-wings was still there. Repeated blinking did not remedy the situation.
By this time, Kanzeon had noticed Jiroushin's odd behaviour, and looked over in the direction Jiroushin was blinking.
And stared. And grew steadily more annoyed at someone's very poor sense of humor.
Kanzeon spoke very slowly and steadily, in the tone of someone who is desperately trying to hold on to every scrap of dignity they possess and NOT lose their cool, "What the hell is a fanfiction author's emissary doing here, and WHY do you look suspiciously like Saria's fairy from Zelda?"
The glowing-ball-of-light-with-wings hovered uncertainly, before replying, "Well…umm…as to the Zelda thing… mleh. The fanfic author has no originality. Plus she likes fairies. And the colour green. And I'm only going to be here for maybe two to three more chapters, and she doesn't want to waste the effort to make something completely different. I don't even get a name."
The glowing-ball-of-light-that-was-supposed-to-be-a-fairy paused, and floated back a few more feet, hopefully out of range of any retribution. "And as to why I'm here, it's a couple of reasons actually. One is to introduce me to the story line. Because I'm supposed to explain What The Hell Is Going On two chapters from now."
Kanzeon Bosatsu was clearly displeased with this answer. Se now had at least two veins popping, and one of hir eyebrows was twitching.
"May I ask why two chapters from now?" Se hissed through clenched teeth.
Jiroushin blanched. And was glad none of this was directed at him. The winged-light-ball backed up another few feet, and somehow managed to look nervous, despite the setback of a noticeable lack of a visual body, and replied, "Well, um, two reasons actually. One is that she wants to keep the readers in suspense. The other is that she doesn't want to explain it three times."
Another popping vein had joined the other two on Kanzeon. The glowing-puff-with-wings hurriedly continued on, "Oh! I almost forgot to mention, I'm also here to make a delivery." And somehow managed to produce two small black books from nowhere.
Jiroushin's curiosity overcoming his fear at accidentally pissing off an already Pissed Off Kanzeon Bosatsu,walked over and picked up the little books.
"AUs But Not," he read, "Your guide to Universes Alternate. (The not quite Alternate Universes)"
"AUs But Not!" Kanzeon nearly shouted. Se was definitely losing what was left of hir control. "What the hell is THAT!"
The not-so-original-fairy was starting to look a little annoyed. After all, it wasn't its fault the fanfic author was having so much fun tormenting people. Of course, due to the fact that it was not-so-original, it had a great deal of the original's intelligence. So it replied as calmly as possible, "They're personalized guides to What The Hell Is Going On. That way everything only has to be explained once. Everyone gets one, but all are slightly different, tailored to fit each person. In yours should be an explanation of how to fix your little…" the winged-light gestured, "problem."
Kanzeon Bosatsu's face became noticeably less frightening at that last piece of information. The eyebrow twitch disappeared, and there was only one popping vein left.
Jiroushin, noticing this, grabbed what may have been his only chance to complete his mission that day. While Kanzeon was reaching over to take the book with hir name on it, he moved it slightly away and replaced it with the unsigned papers, while saying, "If I may take a moment of your time, Kanzeon Bosatsu-sama, these important documents require your signature if they are to be of any use to anybody." Somehow he managed to successfully blend diffidence, pleading, and iron hard will.
Apparently that was close enough to the right approach. Though hir face did darken again considerably, se took the offered pen and signed the papers, before nearly yanking hir copy of 'AUs But Not' away from him.
The unoriginal-winged-glowing-ball bobbed up and down uncertainly. Finally it said, "Well I guess that's everything. I'll be heading over to Kougaiji and the gang next."
It started to fade out, but came abruptly back, and asked, "Oh yeah, the fanfic author wanted to know if you were the one who was sending her the writer's block, and if so, how did you know what she was planning to do this chapter?"
Kanzeon Bosatsu glared at the ball-of-light-with-wings, hands possessively clutching the little book. Finally, se said grudgingly, "I had an automatic alert on to send writer's block to anyone who tried to write me into a fic like this." Se paused. "Incidentally, how did she fight off that block?"
The winged-glow-ball didn't even need to think about it. "Hot chocolate, and the denial of access to the computer caused by thunderstorms. I should probably go now. It may be morning here, but it's way past her normal sleeping time there, and the fanfic author wants to sleep soon. Bye now."
And with that, the not not-so-original-creation vanished. After a moment, Jiroushin came to himself with a start, realizing he still had the documents in his hands. So, with a last look at the spot the light-blob-with-wings had hovered, he left to deliver them. After making sure his copy of 'AUs But Not' was safely secured behind his belt. After all, just because he didn't have a problem like Kanzeon Bosatsu-sama's didn't mean it couldn't be useful…
And Kanzeon Bosatsu, seeing that se now had a good chunk of time in which se wouldn't be disturbed, sat down in hir accustomed chair, and opened the little black book. And started looking for the explanation of how to make hir now opaque-and-much-more-form-fitting clothing, see-through-and-elegantly-draping again.