Chapter 2

Gary was having a fairly uneventful morning. After keeping himself up half the night thinking about everything Dumbledore had told him, he had finally drifted off into an exhausted slumber filled with images of Mary, freshly polished and shined, dressed in mosaics, screaming in front of Voldemort. Unfortunately, Gary had no idea what Voldemort actually looked like, so to his imagination He-Who-Has-Never-Been-Known-To-Flagstones looked rather like a large, iron brick filled with menace.

He was woken up rather abruptly by what felt like thousands of feet all tramping rudely into his face. He winced, doing his best to ignore the pain and pray today wouldn't be one of the days where the students with weird eyes stared down at him. It was really quite uncomfortable being stared at like that.

His musings were interrupted by the sound of voices coming from above him.

"So you don't think I can do it? You don't think I can perform a simple spell? I'll show you?"

Gary heard the other stones putting down bets, and was about to join in when he heard the fateful words.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

A bright light hit him, and he suddenly felt himself being flung into the air, turning nauseating circles, only barely aware that he was screaming before-

Thud!

Groaning softly, he slowly realized that he was face down, and far above the ground. It took another few seconds to realize what he was face down on.

"Mary?"

She smiled seductively at him before leaning foreword a millimetre and capturing his stone lips with a kiss that warmed him all through his cracks. He gave in, happily forgetting everything, ignoring the cries of "What the fuck?" and "Eww." Mary was all that he cared about, the only thing in his tiny, cold life.

It was a long time before they abandoned their passion, but when they finally did stop, Gary knew what had to be done. He relaxed, pressing himself closer to the warmth of her tile. "Mary."

"Gary."

"I have to tell you something, my love."
"I have to tell you something as well, darling."

Gary took a deep breath. "I'm actually Voldemort's son, and Lily's brother, and Dumbledore's twin."

Mary looked startled. "But...that's impossible!"

Gary drew away a little, saddened by her astonishment. "I'm so sorry, dearheart. You see, there was this vegetable-"

"No, that's not why it's impossible," she interrupted. "It's because I'm secretly your long lost half-sister from when Voldemort had a drunken encounter with Bellatrix LeStrange."

Gary blinked, puzzled by this new revelation. "But…I'm in love with you! How can this be so?"

"That's alright, sweetie. The no-having-sex-with-your-cousin rule only applies to humans."

"Oh." Gary relaxed relieved. "Okay, then." And he surrendered himself once more into her embrace, forgetting all about Voldemort. He'd deal with it when he had to.