Disclaimer: No, I don't own Saiyuki. I don't even own the paperback version of the manga. As in NOT scanlated. Oh sad, sad days… On the plus side, I finally got a program that's letting me download episode one of Gunlock! SCORE!

Translation notes: Kisoakappa; shitty-kappa, damn-kappa, take your pick, the use of kisoa seems to be fairly flexible. At least I think it's spelled kisoa. If you have proof it's different, let me know and I'll fix it.

Urusai: Yeah, I know, I said kawaii would be the only non-noun I use…Oh well. Sue me. You won't even get enough money to pay your legal fees with the winnings. Urusai! if my sources are correct (which they should be), literally means "You're annoying," but it's used in the same way as "Shut up!" or "Be Quiet," though "Shut up!" is probably closer.

Ano: Yet another non-noun. I used this because I noticed Hakkai uses it a lot. Like how Goku tends to keep using 'ne.' As far as I can tell, it's the equivalent of 'Um'.

… I think that's it for translation notes. Except maybe the Hakuryu/Jeep thing. In the Tokyopop version of the manga, both are used, but mostly Jeep. In the anime, Hakuryu is universally used. (I really don't know where everyone is getting Jiipu/Jipu from, I've never seen it once in the anime or scanlated or licensed version of the manga) So I'm using both. Basically whatever fits at the time.

Warnings: Some minor bad language, major use of the word 'ch.' Possible OOC on Hakkai's part. I think. He seems much more nagging-motherish… A bit OOC for Goku. He barely mentions anything pertaining food at all.

Notes to Reviewers: Again only one person… ah well. At least all the reviews I get are nice, yes?

Psycho-CJ: I'm glad you found Ni amusing as well as creepy. : ) It was hard to not make him creepier at the end… So YAY for humour! And I'm glad you liked the part with Grasshopper and the crickets as well, it was a last second thing I threw in when I got stuck. : )

Blab: … Yeah, I know, this is frikken late. It probably would've been even longer if it weren't my B-day. (funfact: due to editing, the blab portion wasn't posted till the day after my B-day, so it's a bit out of date.) Yay! Cake and presents were yesterday, so posting is my present to myself!… I could've probably given myself a better present… meh. Grasshopper is from 'James and the Giant Peach.' The movie. : ) That was my favourite movie when it first came out... Anyways, no cyber-brownies, but at least people are trying, yes?

I had been planning on ranting about 'Flamers in Disguise' due to a Not Nice review for my one-shot, but I got that out of my system on my blog. Instead I'll just say constructive criticism is welcomed if it's constructive. Flames will NOT be tolerated. My confidence in my writing ability is shaky enough as it is. Though I haven't had any problems with the reviewers of this fic -grins happily- YAY NICE REVIEWERS! YOU ALL ROCK!

In which a fanfic author is distracted by Fluff, Pirates, Movies, Bleach, and School, yet still somehow manages to get this chapter done and posted! Oh yes, and finally gets back to the Sanzo-ikkou and Gojyo's predicament

Also known as

In which What The Hell Is Going On is getting closer and closer to being explained to the Sanzo-ikkou, the not-so-original-fairy makes its last (maybe) appearance, and Jeep shows up to remind everyone that hey! he's in this story too!

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The Saiyuki Boys had gone back to their room, as a small bathroom is not exactly the best place to hold a lengthy discussion of any kind. Besides, they wanted to get away from the 'scene of the crime' as it were. This morning was confusing and annoying enough without having to deal with angry innkeepers complaining about broken doors.

So now each of the respective members of the Sanzo-ikkou were sitting on the beds, in a rough circle around the room. And, just because the Fanfiction World doesn't have nearly enough of this, Sanzo was in his leathers, and Gojyo was shirtless. Why? Because for some reason Sanzo wears his leathers to bed, and he'd just woken up. And Gojyo was shirtless because… well… urm… I'm not sure exactly. I have no supporting evidence that Gojyo sleeps Shirtless. Anyways, the various members of the Sanzo-ikkou were all staring intently at poor, self-conscious Gojyo. Or, more specifically, at poor, self-conscious Gojyo's bright purple hair.

Well, Sanzo wasn't exactly staring, per se. He was sneaking peeks at Gojyo's hair while under the cover of lighting up. To stare would mean he was interested, and there was no way in hell he was interested in the kisoa-kappa. Pissed of though… a case could definitely be made for that.

After Sanzo had taken a few good puffs on his cigarette, just to show he couldn't care less, he asked, "So. How the hell did you manage to turn your hair purple, kappa?"

The miserable look Gojyo had been sporting on his face turned to one of slightly sullen anger. "It's not like I did it on purpose you know. Hell, I didn't even do it by accident! It was normal as ever when I went to sleep last night, and when I looked in the mirror this morning it was like THIS!" Gojyo grabbed double handfuls of the offending strands for emphasis. "Despite what you may think, Sanzo-sama, I am not so stupid as to play with things that mess around with my hair!"

"Ch. Whatever."

"Now, now," said Hakkai, his normal smile firmly fixed to his face (if not as firmly as normal). "Sanzo, you know better than to needlessly provoke confrontations."

(Like he really cares?)

"Ch. I just asked the kisoa-kappa a simple question."

"And Gojyo, responding to provocation is only going to make it worse."

"My hair is freakin' PURPLE dammit! How could you think I'd do this!"

Ok, that's it, they're ignoring me, time to remind everyone that I'm here too.

"Because the ero-kappa is the one most likely to be experimenting with hair products?" put in an innocence-radiating-Goku, as if everything he said was the simple truth.

Which it was of course. Putting aside the question of exactly whether Goku is capable of deceit, Gojyo's nickname isn't ero-kappa (or "Ladies' Man" as he calls himself) for nothing.

Gojyo launched himself across the room at Goku. "Shut up! You asked for it bakasaru!"

"OwowowowOW! Pulling hair's no fair! Red cockroach kappa! No wait, purple cockroach kappa now!"

Instead of watching the scuffle across the room, Hakkai instead watched the steadily growing vein-pop on Sanzo's head. He ticked the seconds off in his head,

Let's see now, three…two…one…

"URUSAI!" -BANG! BANG!-

Ah yes, good old predictable Sanzo.

The two across the room had frozen at the sound of the gunshots, Gojyo with one of his hand still pulling at Goku's hair. In an unspoken agreement, they both scooted to opposite ends of the bed (Gojyo being too lazy and scared of retribution to cross the room back to his bed).

The silence lasted all of three seconds until Goku got a glimpse of himself in the mirror (there are a lit of conveniently placed mirrors throughout this fic, aren't there?) He frowned and ruffled his hair with his hands.

When that didn't make an appreciable difference, he said, "Oi Gojyo, what'd you do to my hair? It's not stickin' out like normal."

As Gojyo had realized he was currently smoke-less, he had used the three-second interval to get out a cig and light up in record time, (defying all laws of physics, but hey! if Sanzo can pull a fan out of nowhere, why can't Gojyo find a cig and light up in less than three seconds?) he mumbled around the cigarette, "You're imagining things baka. Your hair's not gonna change shape just 'cause I yanked it once."

"I'm telling you, it's different." Goku insisted.

"Actually, Goku may have a point." interjected Hakkai. "Maybe not about the part where you changed it, but it does look different."

Sanzo was having a much harder time pretending he wasn't interested he wasn't interested now. "The bakasaru and Hakkai are right, it looks different."

"Really? You mean I'm NOT the only one with hair troubles?"

"Actually," mused Hakkai, "it seems like it did at the start of our journey, remember? Your hair is similar to back then as well, Gojyo. Well, except for the colour."

"WHAT?" came the two cries of angered disbelief.

"Ch. Don't whine."

"Ano… Sanzo… you might want to look in the conveniently place mirror over there before you start criticizing them."

(…Wow Hakkai's smart. He's noticed the oddness of the many conveniently placed mirrors. Well I guess there are only so many you can have in a room before it gets suspicious, yes?)

A slightly confused and worried Sanzo (not that you could tell from his face, but he was, I swear!) looked into the oh-so-convenient mirror. And nearly dropped his cig. He looked away.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

An interested Gojyo took a good long look at Sanzo before saying, "Wow,you must be blind then. Even I can see from here. And Hakkai may be on to something here, there's like a running theme of 'beginning-journey' hair. But in a… weird…way. Hey, your eyes are a different shape too!"

'Urusai!" to save on ammunition, Sanzo forsook the gun in favour of hurling pillows at Gojyo's head.

"Bastard! What'd you do that for!"

Hakkai's smile was twitching. Half of him wanted to burst out laughing, the other half… actually the other half wanted to burst out laughing as well.

Well at least I seem to have come out of this lightly. No major colour changes, no major hair changes, no major eye changes. It only seems to have changed very slightly. Just enough that I can tell it's changed, but not enough to really pinpoint anything.

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iceblitz: "Ok, not-so-original-fairy, time for your last appearance."

not-so-original-fairy: "I dun wanna."

iceblitz: "Oh come on, didn't you hear me say last?"

not-so-original-fairy: "Sanzo is pissed. Sanzo has a fan. Sanzo has bullets. Sanzo has a gun to put said bullets in. I dun wanna."

iceblitz: "To quote that same Sanzo, 'live well, and the bullets will miss.' Bye now!" -magic portal opens, fairy is sucked through opening-

not-so-original-fairy: "Nooooo! This better really be the last, or I am so suing your ass for damages!"

iceblitz: "Yeah, yeah, whatever, you still have to get out of Fanfiction Limbo first. Now BYE!"

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Hakkai's musings were interrupted by the appearance of the very reluctant not-so-original-fairy. Seeing that Hakkai was the only one who wasn't yelling or gesturing violently, and from its own knowledge of the fact that Hakkai was generally known to be the politest of the four, it dive-bombed out of the air and hid behind him.

Unfortunately for the not-so-original-fairy, said dive-bombing just attracted the attention of the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou. Which resulted in much silent cursing on the not-so-original-fairy's part when the three angry and bewildered pairs of eyes started glaring at it.

DAMNIT! Maybe I can play up the pretty factor, so at least Goku stops glaring at me? Wait, can I control how sparkly I am? Cool! Ok stop glaring, please stop glaring…

Unfortunately (again) for the not-so-original-fairy, the glares it was receiving did NOT diminish by even one iota.

…Evil fanfic author.

Now, since Hakkai is politest of the four, and the only one who wasn't currently in a crummy mood, he took it upon himself to ask the terrified fairy, "Hello there, what's your name?"

"Um… hi… I'm the not-so-original-fairy."

"Never mind that," growled Sanzo, "we should be asking why the hell there's a glowing-ball-of-light-with-wings here, not its name."

"What Sanzo meant to say was 'May we inquire as to the purpose of your visit?' Oh, and we haven't introduced ourselves yet."

…Wow, Hakkai's polite.

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary. I already know all your names."

The not-so-original-fairy had been gradually drifting from out behind Hakkai, but at the sound of Sanzo cocking back the hammer of his gun, the fairy squeaked and ducked back behind Hakkai to safety.

"How the hell do you know our names?" asked Sanzo in a soft, deadly voice.

CRAP!

"Um… uh… you mean besides the fact that you four are probably the most famous people of your time? And quite distinctive too."

Maybe making Sanzo looking foolish, however slightly, was not the best way to go about placating him.

Sanzo now had a collection of vein-pops to go with his glare. "Oi, Goku."

"Yeah Sanzo?"

"Want to find out what fairies taste like?"

"It wouldn't be more than a mouthful though!"

"Ch. Fine then. Where's Jeep? He's about the right size for a fairy to be a nice snack."

Hakuryu poked his head out from under one of the beds. "Kyu!"

The fairy cringed, Crap, I'd forgotten about him. "Eep."

"Oh there's Hakuryu. I'd been wondering where he went." Hakkai glanced over at the now thoroughly freaked out fairy. "Don't worry, Hakuryu wouldn't eat a guest unless he really disliked them."

The not-so-original-fairy hovered nervously. "…Ok…Anyways, I was going to add more to the reason why I know all your names, until the death-threats started. I'm a fanfiction author's messenger."

All four of the Saiyuki Boys + Hakuryu blanched. (Yes, the white dragon blanched.)

Gojyo stated two words which basically summarized everyone's feelings.

"Oh. Crap."

To Be Continued…

Author's notes:

Dum dum DUM! Yeah I know I split the chapter again. Blame homework. I seriously better hope that the not-so-original-fairy never gets out of Fanfiction Limbo, or I'm going to really have to start watching my back…

not-so-original-fairy: "Damn straight. I know where you live. Hell, I know where you sleep. I just can't get there."

iceblitz: "And thank god for small blessings."

Anyways, as of this moment there is no fixed update date for next chapter. I will try and have something out by next Monday, but it won't necessarily be for this fic. I have this idea for another fic kicking around in my head. But I already have an idea for how next chapter of this is gonna go. We shall see.

And just for fun, as I've gotten attached to the whole 'contest for cyber-brownies thing' let's see... ah hell. I can't think of anything funny. Let's try this then, anyone who can think of the best reason for why Gojyo would be Shirtless, (remember, I couldn't think of one) will get cyber-brownies, and the reason made official in next chappies blab. Maybe even get the reason in the chapter itself, depending on how fast it's written.

... Ok then. I think up funnier contest next time. Though I doubt it will torture anyone to try and figure out a reason for Gojyo to be Shirtless. Especially for all those who've seen 'Requiem.' Ah happy days...