Title: Wanting Harry Potter

Rating: PG-13

Authors: Iris Kravitz and Roslyn Knight

Summary: After Harry has an adventure on Privet Drive and his appearance changes for the better, everyone suddenly wants Harry Potter. What's a boy to do when everyone around him is turning gay? Why, flirt of course.

Authors note: Anyway, this chapter gets things going. There is a little bit of outrageous activities and you really have to put your sick minds to use! These is the second last chapter in this part, but have no fear, there are still three more parts to come out! They will come out under different names though and we think the next one is 'Getting Harry Potter'. Ah who knows?

Be warned: extreme OOC-ness and mild swearing ahead!

On with the story!

Chapter 3

By the time Remus had calmed Sirius down, the sun had set and dinner had started. Sirius, being the completely stubborn man he was, stomped into the grand dining room with a scowl on his face and a glare in Draco's direction. The blonde just smirked. Remus followed Sirius, a puzzled look on his face. Narcissa Malfoy sat at the head of the table, fluttering her arms around and gossiping about some other upper-class women.

Lucius and Severus were sitting to the left of her, side by side and Lucius had a rather peculiar expression on his face while Severus' hand had disappeared under the table. Draco was sitting next to his father, a sickly pallor having taken over his face after glancing under the table. He suddenly slammed his hands on the table:

"Father! We-are-about-to-eat," Draco's eye twitched and Narcissa shot her son a strange look.

"What are you on about, Malfoy?" Sirius snickered at the teenager, but took a seat quickly after Remus elbowed him.

"Nothing, Mother," Draco replied glaring at his father, who still had a strange expression on his face while Severus sipped his drink with his spare hand, smirking.

Remus decided it was time to divert the situation.

"Where's Harry?" Sirius instantly began swinging his head around, looking for his godson. He stuck his head under the table for some strange reason and upon inquiry later; he explained he had been looking for Harry. That was not what he found however.

"AHHHHHHH, My eyes," Sirius began scraping at his eyes as he emerged from under the table. "You better be lucky that Harry isn't here at the moment or you would be in for a world of trouble mister. How dare you engage in such activities at the dinner table! You could blind someone,"

Suddenly the door bell rang.

"Dammit!" Sirius said. "Do people have to come over just as we're about to eat? I'm starving!"

Severus rolled his eyes and got up to answer the door, wiping his hands on his robes as he went. Lucius looked disappointed and pouted at Severus' retreating form.

The doorbell rang again; it's annoying shrill was pissing the shit out of Sirius even more. Severus opened the door, to reveal Oliver Wood; former Gryffindor Quidditch captain and Seamus Finnegan; Gryffindor tower's resident gay playboy (in the absence of Wood).

"What do you want?" Severus glared coldly, ready to slam the door in their faces.

"Professor Dumbledore offered to take us in for the summer and sent us here." Oliver replied. Severus scrutinized them skeptically, then turned and led them towards the dining room.

"Stupid Stumblebum," He muttered under his breath.

Severus explained the situation to the rest of his housemates, and they all sat down to eat again. Sirius was just about to take his first bite when the doorbell rang again.

"Who the fuck is it this time!" He screamed and ran down the door to fling the door open. "Who the hell do you-oh, hello Ron."

"Um….hello." Ron waved gingerly.

"Won't you join us for dinner?" Sirius asked with fake lightness.

"Okay…" Ron laughed nervously and followed Sirius into the dining room.

Ron's eyes widened when he saw Severus. "Aaaaagggghhhh! Snape!" Ron fell flat on his ass.

"Oh grow up, Weasley." Lucius counted icily.

"Aaaaaaagggghhhh! Malfoy"

"Up yours, Weasle." Draco replied.

"I'm surrounded," Ron muttered before taking his seat next to Remus. Oliver and Seamus soon started a conversation about Quidditch and the three of them began discussing the advantages of having a big broom. Heh heh.

Twin pop's interrupted dinner yet again and the two new figures found them selves at the wand point of nine people.

"Wow, peace," Charlie muttered, his hands up in defense.

"Yez, peaze," Fleur repeated, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Everyone lowered there wands and soon the dinner had become a…relatively peaceful affair.

Harry woke from his sleep as a loud struggle was heard from outside the doors. They suddenly swung open, slamming into the wall as Sirius and Draco burst into the room.

"Harryareyouokay!" Draco yelled trying to stay out of Sirius' grasp, as Sirius tried to cover his mouth.

"Don't listen to him Harry! He's just a Gaylord poonanny!" Sirius exclaimed. Harry and Draco looked at him strangely.

"That was random," Harry muttered, sliding under the sheets further. Draco glared, however.

"Piss off, smartass motherfucker," Sirius looked at Draco incredulously, while Harry sunk into the duvet, covering his ears and muttering under his breath. Sirius dragged Draco out into the hall where Harry couldn't hear them.

"Look, if you use that language around my godson again I'll drill holes in your dong so that when you pee it will shoot in all different directions," Draco scowled at the threat.

"Yeah well, I'll cut off your balls and shove them up your ass so that when you shit, you'll be shitting all over your balls," Draco and Sirius scowled at each other while Harry covered his ears and sang so that he couldn't hear them.

Draco broke the staring contest and began drooling as Harry continued singing:

'I don't care who you are

Where you're from

What you did

As long as you love me

Who you are

Where you're from

Don't care what you did

As long as you love me'

Harry stopped singing when he could no longer hear the profanities.

"Wow- I mean, that was good, not great, but it was alright." Draco lied.

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "What are you talking about? That was amazing."

Draco tried to force a sneer. "I suppose."

Harry got a funny look on his face. "Right…well….I'm going to get up now and get changed….so…yeah."

Sirius grabbed Draco's arm. "We get the picture, Harry. Let's go Malfoy."

"What picture? What the hell are you trying to say, you senile old bastard!"

Harry sighed and shook his head as the door slammed shut behind them. How was he going to survive until school?

He slid from the bed and had to climb down, the mattress was so high and his form so slight. A wardrobe sat at the opposite end of the room and he assumed it held his own clothes. Instead, a whole set of clothes, obviously made for someone else, hung in the monstrous structure. He shrugged, not really caring what he wore and slid on the first thing available.

Fleur hummed as she glided down the hall. The day was going very well, if she did say so herself. Se had just cursed Charlie Weasley something awful and successfully knocked him out of the competition for Harry Potter. Speak of the Angel, a set of double doors to the side of the hall swung open silently and He wandered out. Fleur very nearly fainted at the sight of him. He wore an emerald green shirt that complemented his newly exposed orbs and was so big, it slid off his shoulder and showed a stretch of pale skin and his collar bone. His pants were supposed to be form fitting, but were too big at the waist and hung precariously around his hips.

Fleur rushed forward and slid her arms around his waist from behind, hugging him to her chest.

"You look gorgeous, 'Arry," she gushed and then giggled for good measure. Harry, who had stiffened the instant she grabbed him, smiled weekly and struggled against her iron-like grip.

"Thank you, Fleur," he gasped in air as his attempts proved futile "You look very pretty yourself," He chirped politely, still struggling.

"Ooooh, you are such a dahling, 'Arry," She began stroking his hair like you would a kitten and then started dragging him outdoors. No-one would find them there.

They had almost made it to the front doors (Harry still struggling) when Oliver stepped out from a side room off to the side. He took a moment to take in the two of them, blinking stupidly, before processing that Fleur Delacour was all over his future seeker (:cough boy-toy cough:). It took a moment for him to recognise the younger boy, the disappearance of his glasses and a year of not seeing him making the world of a difference.

"Ohm God! Harry-baby is that you? Sweetie! Honey! You're on fire!" He wrenched Harry out of Fleur's grip, manoeuvring them so that their back was facing Fleur.

"You sexy bitch, you!" Harry's eyes filled with tears, not realising that Oliver was complimenting him.

Oliver slapped Harry on the ass with apparent enthusiasm.

"Wow! Really firm! You sexy son of a gun, you could be Satan's whore with an ass like that!"

"Satan!" Harry cried in alarm.

"WOOD!" Fleur, Oliver and Harry turned around to see Sirius marching toward them angrily. Lucius, Severus and Draco were following behind him, Severus clapping his hands gleefully.

"I just love a good fight!" He exclaimed.

Sirius grabbed Oliver by the front of the shirt, jerking him forward so that their noses were almost touching.

"You just made my godson cry," he whispered sinisterly. "Nobody messes with my godson and gets away with it."

In the background, Lucius and Severus had conjured up popcorn and were chanting happily. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Draco watched sympathetically as Harry fled the room in tears.