(Six)
Four hours later, Henry stood patiently at Remy's bedside, watching with soaring spirits as the resident thief began to gradually wake. Beast had been pleasantly surprised by just how well his cure had worked, the strongest recipients had recovered in less than an hour, the worst ones taking somewhat longer like Remy. Henry had been quick to fax off all the paperwork on the virus and the cure to the CDC, shipping off what little revised serum he had left. He had the components documented on computer, at least he could duplicate it any time he needed it.
Henry was disappointed Gambit was taking so long to recover, but after all, he had been the one who carried it the longest. Although he was the first to be medicated, he was the last to wake, so ill had he become. A moment later, Gambit groaned softly and his eyes fluttered open without seeing. "Who's dere? Dat you, Kim?"
Interesting that Kimble should be the first one he asked for and not Rogue, Henry mused to himself. Is it because the pilot spent so much time at his side or something else?
"Sorry to disappoint you, my Cajun friend. Your good friend is doing the laundry, no doubt curled up asleep on top of the dryers again."
Gambit chuckled softly and blinked as he became more aware. "Okay, what I miss dis time? Another darin' rescue by funny lookin' women?"
Henry laughed. The last time Gambit had come this close to death by illness they had been rescued by Fallen's people from the Dognan pens.
"No such luck. This one you get to thank Jael for."
"Eh?"
"Not only did he give us this nasty little bug, he gave us the cure by accident."
"I'll be sure to t'ank 'im."
"Later, when you are better. You look a little thin, my friend. Not all of this is from Jael's sickness. You've come down at least a good twenty pounds since we've come home. You were scrawny enough as it was. You've got to take better care of yourself."
"Yes, Dad. Did we lose anybody?" Remy asked, keeping his voice low.
"Unfortunately, yes. Two of the Clansmen and some of the household staff. It seems this virus was unmerciful to our non mutant compatriots."
There was something in Henry's voice that made Gambit ask, "Anyone else?"
"We'll talk about this later when you're better rested."
Remy sat up and snatched at his arm, his eyes hard. "Non. You be tellin' Gambit now."
Henry was quiet. He really hadn't wanted Remy to get worked up, but he could already see the wheels turning in Remy's mind. He was thinking back quickly to where he had gone the past few days.
"De people at de Club, right?"
"Some of them, yes."
"Vanessa? Raul?"
Henry lowered his eyes.
Gambit's whole body shuddered and he jerked back away from the doctor as if he had been struck. Vanessa had been in his arms laughing gaily, her beautiful blonde hair cascading down her shoulders as she had shivered and enjoyed his hands on her. How she had shaken with joy and rapture at his touch. This was his punishment. A punishment for daring to love Vanessa in that moment. For loving Kimble enough to share him with the world. A punishment for every crime he had ever committed. Remy's stomach clenched so tight he thought his guts were going to explode and he gasped sharply, going whiter than the sheets around him.
"Easy, Remy. Just take a deep breath."
Gambit's mind was reeling. Once more he had been used to kill. How many times was this going to keep happening to him? " 'Ow many dead?" His voice was little more than a harsh whisper.
"Hard to say."
" 'Ow many!" he shouted next, turning most of the heads in the room.
"It wasn't your fault. How could you possibly have known?" Henry soothed, trying to make Gambit see reason.
"Jus answer de fuckin' question, homme!"
"Twenty, thirty. The news has been a little vague. They don't want to start a panic."
Remy wilted and covered his face with his hands, trembling. He was trying really hard not to cry, but he didn't think he would succeed. Henry sat on the bed and tried his best to soothe him. "Don't take this personally, my friend. This wasn't you. This was all Jael. Make sure you put this blame where it belongs. It isn't yours."
"Gambit so sick of bein' used like dis," Remy said, wiping his face on his hands, hiding the tears that had leaked out. "De nex' time Gambit be doin' a killin', it gonna be Jael goin' down."
"You won't be walkin' in alone," Logan growled. He had come over to investigate Gambit's racket. "That's a promise."
"Hey, guys," Cyclops said nervously, coming closer. He was pale and drawn from being ill, but he still carried his usual authority. "We're not like Jael. The X-men don't kill. Not like that. If we do, we're no better than he is."
"What you know about it, neh? Nobody ever fucks wit you like dey do to us!" Remy snapped, giving vent to some of his Outer Circle frustration.
"Maybe that's because I know when to stay out of trouble," Scott replied arrogantly. He had never completely approved of Remy's reinstatement and it was clear he thought this kind of talk was the sort of thing only grungy Outer Circle members would consider appropriate.
"Baisez-vous!" Remy snarled, rising. He squirmed as Henry pushed him back down."Fuck you!"
"Easy, fellas," Logan said, shoving Scott back. "Let's give the Cajun some breathin' room. He just woke up."
"What are you going to do? Just start assassinating people you don't like? C'mon, now!" Cyclops complained as he was pushed away. "We're X-men!"
"This ain't the time," Wolverine warned his softer, more perfect teammate. He knew Scott didn't really have a clue just how much he had been protected from the dirty side of their work. He didn't realize just how much intelligence gathering and sneaking around went on around here. The Professor saw to it that it stayed that way. That was the way of things. It was better if they all weren't in the know. "Go grab a soda an' just back off!"
"This isn't over," Scott promised, shrugging Logan off of him and stalking off, keeping his head down. He was furious.
Meanwhile, Rogue had come close now that Gambit had awakened, drawn by his tears. She saw his anger and distress. She came to his bedside and reached out to him. She had figured all of this out for herself. She knew where the blame really lay. If Remy hadn't taken Kimble out, the outsiders would not have died. If she could make him see that, he would feel better. "Remy, Sugah? Don' be takin' this so bad. You were just tryin' ta take care of Kimble. He -"
"Jus' leave 'im outta dis! Go away!" Remy snarled in frustration. He shrank away from her touch like she would burn him.
"Leave me outta what?" Kimble asked softly, his eyes full of pain.
He had just come into the Med lab, his arms full of fresh laundry and blankets, still drowsy from the nap he had just taken. It was true what Henry had said about the dryers. His hair was decorated with some small tufts of lint and he smelled pleasantly of fabric softener.
"A bunch of people from the club Remy took you to are dead. They all got sick just like we did. A lot of 'em died," Rogue answered, a touch of accusation in her voice. She had directed her frustration towards Kimble. She believed that if Kimble hadn't been such a baby, Remy would never have taken him out and he wouldn't be all messed up right now. "He just found out. He didn't take it well."
Kimble whimpered and dropped the basket of fresh sheets and johnnys at his feet. Henry had done his best to keep the news away from Kimble and had been successful until now. Kimble's hands went to his throat and he started to shake, thinking of all the beautiful people he had seen. Vanessa, Raul...
"Raul...?" he whispered softly.
"He's gone," Logan growled, his gruffness showing he shared some of Rogue's point of view on things.
Rogue got what she wanted, Kimble sobbed softly as a tear rolled down his cheek. This was all his fault. Remy may have been the carrier for this deadly little virus, but he was just as guilty. Gambit had taken him out because he felt sorry for him. "Nnoo..."
"Easy, Kim. Gambit gonna take care of it," Remy promised in his accented Siskan. He couldn't stop another tear that leaked out of one eye. He was suffering and wanted their words to be private. He didn't want the others to argue anymore. "I'm gonna get Jael. Gonna rip dat boy a new one."
"No more killin', Remy. It ain't no good fer you," Kimble replied in kind. His eyes were woeful and sad as he continued to cry himself. "I hates ta see yer pain."
" 'E made me kill 'Nessa, Kim. What am I suppose' ta do?" Gambit said, his voice breaking a little with the words.
Kimble didn't hesitate, he moved swiftly towards the bed, almost tripping over the basket at his feet. He had to do something, anything to stop Gambit's suffering.
Logan stood in his way. "I don't think so."
Let him go, the Professor spoke from his nearby bed, using telepathy. He was well enough to speak out loud, but knowing what Remy needed, wanted to give Gambit his privacy. He felt Remy's suffering and knew Kimble would make him feel better. Remy needs him.
Logan begrudgingly stepped aside and let Kimble pass.
Kimble slid around the big blue doctor to the side of his friend. Henry didn't argue, but gave up his spot on the bed for Kimble and retreated, knowing that Kimble would be the most likely one to help Remy right now.
Kimble wanted to throw his arms around his friend and pull him right up close, but his short stay here had shown him that such open displays of physical affection between men only led to derision and uncomfortable vibrations. It would only distress Remy further. So instead he minimized the damage and took one of Remy's hands, squeezing it tightly and closed his eyes, thinking of chocolate, Coke and dancing. He thought of how good was the sound of Remy's laughter and how he really needed to hear it right now. This was the second time he had consciously tried to use his power this way. He had become aware that it was possible for him to access it at will when he had helped to ease Bruce's passing. Now he was trying to use it to take Remy's pain.
Gambit shuddered and moaned as he felt all of Kimble's love tumble into him, making him warm and washing away the sharpness of his grief. It was as if strong and powerful motherly arms had wrapped themselves around him and given him the comfort he so desperately needed. He relaxed and looked up at the pilot who loved him with eyes swollen and red rimmed from crying. "Ey, Kim. I see you," he rasped weakly, still in Siskan.
"I knows yer hurtin', but this one we're gonna share. You wouldn't've gone out if it weren't fer me," Kimble whispered softly. He lost some of his reserve and stroked one of his hands over Remy's head, something that had always calmed Seth quickly when he was afraid.
Gambit took his hand, stopping him. He was aware of their audience and although he was caring less and less about Kimble's public displays of affection, Rogue was still close by. "Non, I was gonna go anyways. I needed to go as much as you."
"Don' matter. You took me anaways. This ain't yers alone," Kimble insisted, sending out another strong vibration of love and kinship. He was going to have his way in this matter and there would be no argument.
"If you insist, little brother," Remy said with a soft laugh. "Ain't no arguin' wit' you, eh?"
"You gots to rest. You gonna be okay now?"
Gambit smiled sadly and nodded. He felt better, but some of the guilt was still there. It would never be completely gone, but that was never Kimble's intention nor within his power. Kimble had merely taken his share, easing the burden of his friend. Gambit pulled the blankets up over his shoulder and lay down, tired still.
Kimble rose, fussing over his blankets a little more. "I loves you," he said softly, taking full advantage of their Siskan conversation.
"Gambit knows," Remy replied, closing his eyes and falling back asleep almost immediately.
Kimble withdrew, moving past Wolverine and pulling the curtains tight. He saw everybody looking at him and the chunk of Remy's guilt he had taken seemed bright like the accusation of murder it was. It was there for all to see, his shame, his burden.
"Kimble, please," Henry said, grabbing for him.
"Why didn'tcha tell me, Henry, huh? Worried what yer psycho little killer wuz gonna do?" Kimble hissed, keeping his voice down so Remy wouldn't hear.
"No. I was concerned that you would react just like this. I don't know what you said to Remy, only that you made him feel better. I'm glad for it. I sincerely hope you told him not to blame himself. This is not his fault, nor is it yours. There is far too much guilt taking around here for forces not within our control. It has to stop somewhere."
"Oh, I know jus' who's fault this is," Kimble said, his eyes burning with anger and shame. It was his fault, same as always, no matter what he had told Gambit. "It's in alla yer hearts, yer shines," he finished, looking at Rogue in particular.
He yanked his arm away from Henry and walked out, keeping his head down. He burst out into the hallway and started to run as the tears poured from his eyes. He ran and ran, using the long length of the tram way to burn off most of his anguish. He went to his room and crawled into his own bed, so empty these past few days since he had been working down in the lab. He buried himself in the blankets, bawling. Raul...
Kimble, please. Let's jus' end this. All we do is cause hurtin' an sufferin'. How many more gots ta die b'fore ya do what's right? Zander's ghost pleaded from deep inside of him.
Kimble sobbed loudly. She was the last one he wanted to hear from. She and Zander had been quiet since Remy had taken him out. How foolish of him to think they would be gone for good.
"I didn' hurts no one!" Kimble said in his own defense. "I never do nuthin' on purpose, it just keeps hap'nin'!"
We hurts people jus' from bein' around 'em. It ain't safe fer us ta stay alive.
Don' listen ta her, Zander growled. She's jus' tryin' ta scares ya. We didn' do nuthin' wrong kid. Sometimes shit just happens, that's all.
"Stop playin' yer games, Zander. I'm in enough pain without ya fuckin' with my head. Jus' go away!" Kimble shivered as he heard the two voices in his head start to viciously argue with one another. He couldn't take it so he rose quickly and fled to the galley, searching the cupboards until he found a bottle of whiskey. He cracked open the bottle and drank deeply, not caring that he had dribbled it down his chin in his haste.
"What are you doing?"
He jerked and almost choked in surprise. Fallen had followed him here, concerned for him. "Nuthin'. I jus' wuz thirsty," he lied lamely, not even really trying to sound honest.
"Sure you were," she said, taking the bottle from him. "That won't help you."
He could feel the low burn from the alcohol and was glad he'd gotten a decent shot in before she'd caught him. He knew he should say something, but when he moved to speak, she shushed him and put her arms around him, squeezing him tightly and sending a love vibration his way to make him feel better. He lay his head down on her shoulder and relaxed into her embrace, glad for her comfort.
"If you really believe the truths you told Gambit, then don't do this," she soothed.
"Fallen, why does evraone keep dyin' round me?" he asked with a choking sob.
"It only looks that way, baby. It isn't really true," she said, rocking him a little. "You are good and kind and life just sucks sometimes."
He wanted so much to believe, but it was just too hard. He felt the whiskey making him dizzy and sleepy and let her put him back to bed and cover him up. He dropped off with her calm white hands touching him and dreamed of Zander's ghost crying from the darkness of the Black Room.