(Seven)
It didn't take long for the small band of mutants to recover from Jael's little gift and life seemed to go back to what it was. Maylee returned from her trip none the worse for wear and hovered around Fallen for a few days until she was sure her mother was in fact safe and not falling ill.
Kimble went back to his isolation on the lower level, unable to look the others in the face, his guilt for this new crime too much to bear. He could feel the eyes of the alphas on him and despite reassurances from Henry and the Professor, still felt responsible for the deaths that had occurred.
The voices had come back on him, but he kept that to himself. He didn't want Fallen or Gambit to worry. Zander insisted that Kimble not blame himself but his new little girl ghost was in full agreement with the weight in Kimble's heart. She seemed to thrive on his guilt and suffering and harassed him constantly. He was resistant to her pleas of self destruction, not quite ready to go that far. Maybe he could try and make up for this somehow. In the meantime, he would look after Remy and see him back to health.
It took some time for Remy to get back to full strength and Kimble and Henry fussed over him, making sure he was eating and not smoking too much. He spent a few days in the infirmary before being released. Once he was able to really get around, Remy started leaving the house off on his own again. He wouldn't tell anyone where he was going, but Kimble knew he was out trying to find Jael once more. As Kimble well knew, Remy kept his promises.
Not long after the X-men began to recover, Kimble had overheard another vicious argument between Logan and Cyclops over the pros and cons of assassination. It was clear Scott considered himself to be of a higher rank than Wolverine and demanded that no action be taken against Jael, not in the form of murder anyway. Scott was something of a boy scout in his views on morality, he wanted to think the X-men were above the grisly tactics the other groups seemed to insist on using. He wanted to keep the X-men clean.
Wolverine wouldn't back down. How Jael was dealt with was Outer Circle business as far as he was concerned and wasn't about to let a straight arrow like Scott change his mind. Logan was on the prowl, hunting Jael down just as Remy was. If Jael had an unfortunate accident, well, gee, that was just too bad. They were keeping a much lower profile in their search, not wanting to trigger another fatal response like the last time. So far there had been no sign of Jael or any of his henchmen anywhere.
Today at least, Gambit was close by. He and Kimble were just outside the ramp of the Lucky Dragon, drinking sodas and fooling around. Kimble was roller blading and showing off. The hanger was large and flat, the perfect place to skate. Remy watched as Kimble skated faster and faster, building up speed. Kimble grunted and vaulted, doing an almost perfect back flip. He bobbled the landing, but managed not to fall on his ass. He whooped and hollered, clapping his hands, proud of himself.
"You too cool, man," Remy said, clapping as well. He was happy Kimble was trying to keep busy and was finding new activities to do. Like Kimble, he was keeping an eye on his friend, a mutual comfort circle. He knew the pilot was still upset over what had happened just as he was. Only thing was, Kimble didn't have his outlet of trying to do something about it. He wished he could take Kimble with him when he went out roaming, something that was new to him. He had always been solitary when he was working, but lately Kimble had frequently been on his mind. Sometimes he heard Kimble muttering softly to himself when he thought no one was near. Remy wasn't sure of what to make of it, maybe his friend was just lonely, but it concerned him.
Kimble took a bow and skated over, his face split in a wide cheerful grin. One of the wheels was sticking on his skate and it was bugging him. It hadn't appreciated the abuse of his wobbly landing. He stopped and tried to yank off the boot, shifting the shape of his furry pawed foot to facilitate the process.
"Sumptin' wrong?" Remy asked when he saw Kimble wrestling with his skate.
"Stupid fuckin' wheel is stuck again," the pilot grumbled good naturedly. He was never really angry when Gambit was around, it just wasn't possible.
Kimble moved next to the work cart that was always outside of the Dragon and lay the boot down on it. He fiddled with the uncooperative wheel and cursed when he couldn't get the bugger to obey. He reached for some tools.
" 'Ey, Kim. 'M gonna go see a man 'bout a horse, ey? Be right back," Remy said, grateful for the interruption. He had drunk the lion's share of the soda and was ready to overflow.
"All right," Kimble laughed as he watched Gambit go up the ramp to use the bathroom, he thought Gambit's weird expressions for things were funny. He paused in his work when he heard the tram pull up and watched warily as Rogue came out and walked over to him.
Rogue was a powerhouse and she knew it, it carried over in her body posture. She was an athlete like all the others here, her back was tall and straight, confidence oozing from every step. She was a woman with something on her mind and looked to have her way. She came right up to Kimble, her eyes mischievous and overly friendly. As confident as she was, her shine was shimmering with nervous tension as she tried to ask casually, "Hey there, Kimble. Can Ah talk to ya for a minute?"
"Uh, shure. Whatcha want?"
He couldn't help but be a little suspicious. The other alphas didn't come up to him like this, not even after he had helped out so much in the lab. Rogue made him especially nervous because he couldn't sort out just what he felt about her. She had come to see him today almost naked, dressed only in a string bikini with a towel draped over one shoulder. She had dressed this way on the pretense of going for a dip in the hot tub in the gym, but had made her way down here when she thought no one would notice. The body stocking and gloves were gone and he could see her gorgeous, luscious white skin. She was very pretty to him and appealing, but she had hurt Remy so very much. He couldn't help but distrust her a little.
"Ah wanted ta thank ya for helpin' out so much before. It meant a lot to me."
"Yer welcome," Kimble stammered, still unsure. She sounded sincere enough, but he didn't like her shine. "Anaone woulda done it."
"Oh, Ah don't know about that. You're special - thoughtful and kind. Not everyone is like that in this world." Rogue came up close, boldly invading his personal space and warming the air around him with her bare skin. "It got me ta thinkin'... You remember when Ah was sick an' you were touchin' me? Henry said that nuthin' happened, Ah didn't absorb your memories or hurt you. He said he thought maybe it was because Ah was so sick, but Ah'm not so sure."
"And?" Kimble asked, stepping back a pace. He now had an idea what she was all about and it made him instantly furious.
"Well...Ah was wonderin' if you'd let me touch you again, you know? Just ta see?"
Kimble snorted and made a face, showing her his anger. "An' if ya kin touch me, what then, huh? You allava sudden gonna be my best friend an' all? Last I knew you wuz thinkin' I was some kinda fuckin' pervert, that alla them folks is dead cuz a me. Fuck you! Whatever yer lookin' fer, darlin', you ain't gonna find it here!"
Rogue turned a little defensive. "You've been makin' moves on everyone here 'cept me. Why is that, huh? What is it about me y'all don't like?" she asked with a pout, angry, but her body language saying so much more. Kimble could see the hurt, the jealousy and the repressed sense of being constantly rejected. She had missed out on so much and couldn't help but gravitate towards anyone who could provide what she had been lacking. She wasn't just some floozie flinging her body about, her desire and curiosity were real, she was just like everyone else here – complicated.
Kimble wasn't about to be tempted by her, by his built in desire to please. He could see in her shine what her intentions were, she was interested in him for only one thing, his ability to touch her. It was the same reason she had dumped Remy for Manny. Now she was here, ready to do it all over again. Kimble might not be real, but he did know a thing or two about loyalty. He couldn't hide his indignation. "I don't likes ya cuz yer a selfish little cunt what don' appreciate what she's got!" he replied with as much cruelty as he could muster, hoping she would just go away.
That hurt, he saw the blast of pain rip right through her shine. She reacted to his childish taunt with one of her own. "You're in love with Remy, aren't you? Ain't that just the cutest thing?"
She was better at this than Kimble was, she got right under his skin. He turned away from her and slammed his tools down. "Git out!"
"He's never gonna give you what you want, Sugah. He's never been with a man and Ah don't think you're near pretty enough to turn him. Best give that idea up right quick."
Kimble growled. He was aggravated that he was forever being judged by this skin. "I ain't no man. I ain't no girl, neither. I'm me. I'm Kimble!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you assholes keep judgin' me by what's on the outside, not what's on my insides where it really counts. The only one who ever really sees me is Remy an' all he fuckin' thinks about is you. You don' deserve his love, his carin'. All you ever thinks about is yerself!"
Rogue pouted some more. This was getting uglier than she had intended. She really hadn't come her to start a fight. "Ah just want to be touched by someone, just like you. Is that so bad? Ah thought of all the people here you would understand."
Kimble sighed, understanding that, but was still angry. He grinned impatiently and walked right up to her, holding his chin up high. He couldn't believe the hypocrisy of these stupid alphas. He was going to give her a taste of her own medicine, the little bitch. His immaturity caught up with him in spades as he let his anger swamp his reason. He met her eyes and boldly kissed her. Nothing happened, just as he expected. He kissed her deeper, tasting her mouth and letting her feel just a little of his power. She responded eagerly, he felt her come against him, blasting him with her desire.
It was enough to make him gloat a little inside, to take over as he pushed this little game farther than he should have. Their bare skin collided and she shivered, unable to hide the pleasure of it. She clutched at him and he palmed her face with one hand to show her just how much he could actually touch her. The other he slid down between her legs and skillfully worked around her tiny bathing suit. She had been dressed for sex and was ready for him, irritating him with her sense of his predictability.
He laughed maliciously and nibbled at her ear. "You like that, huh? Want some more, baby doll?"
"Please...!" she gasped, all she could manage.
He just grunted at her. "Well, too bad, darlin'! I'd sooner fuck old man Logan than you!" He shoved her away, making her gasp in surprise and disappointment. "You got yer answers, hope yer happy. I'll tell ya this fer free, darlin'. You even think of pullin' this crap on Seth when he comes out, I'll kick yer fuckin' ass! Not a one of yous got a clue what I'm capable of an' you don' wanna be findin' out the hard way!"
"Why are ya bein' so mean ta me?" she demanded, raising her voice. "Ah've never done anything to you!"
"Cuz you made Remy cry!" Kimble howled back at her, giving up any pretense of control. "You took his heart an' fuckin' stomped on it like it wuz nuthin' but a piece of stinkin' garbage! By god, if he wuz mine, I'd be holdin' him close ta me each an' every day! I'd tell him how much I loved him and made sure he knew it evra time I lay my hands on him! I'd make him laugh an' cook his supper an' clean up his shit, thankin' the spirits each time fer givin' me someone so fine!"
He paced as he continued to rant. "Huh! Look at me! I gots nuthin'! No friends, no Mistress, no Remy, no fuckin' life! Now look at you, you gots it all an' you throw it away like ya jus' don' care! Geez, you make me wanna fuckin' puke!"
Rogue cried out, seeing his pain and rage, and burst into tears. She was humiliated and horrified by the truth of his words. She ran away quickly and fled to the tram, unable to get away from him fast enough. Kimble watched her go, his own angry tears pouring from his eyes. He had been working so hard to keep his emotions in check and now it had taken all of five minutes for her to rip him open wide.
He pawed uselessly at his face and startled noticeably when he heard Remy come down the ramp. He had gotten so carried away with Rogue, he had forgotten Gambit was still here. The thief stood there now, halfway down the ramp, the strangest of smiles on his face.
Kimble looked up at him, his eyes pleading. He knew from the smile just how much he had hurt his friend. Gambit had seen and heard everything. "Aw, Remy. Don' be mad at me. Please, don't."
"Mad at you for what? Pawin' up my girl or you still t'inkin' you got no life after all I done for you, eh?" Remy asked bitterly, coming down the ramp to stand eye to eye with Kimble.
Kimble dropped his head down, unable to meet Gambit's heated gaze.
"Is dat true, eh? You t'inkin' you got no friends, no life?"
"You don' loves me," Kimble said very quietly.
"Oh, Gambit's gettin' it now. If I don' wanna fuck you den my love ain't no real love at all?"
"I didn' say that." Kimble sniffed and started to cry some more. He was horrified at how quickly this day had gone all to shit. Gambit's fury was washing over him and making him feel sick.
"Yes, you did," Remy insisted, not letting him off the hook.
"I'm sorry."
"You should be. You got lots of t'ings. You say Rogue is selfish, but I'm t'inkin' you an mon chere ain't so far apart, man. Neither one of you satisfied wit what you got."
"You don' know nuthin' about me!" Kimble cried petulantly, sounding very much like the child he was. The tears running down his face didn't help his case any.
"Non. Gambit knows everyt'ing 'bout you. Everyt'ing. You want what you 'ad wit Sheyman an' you won' be satisfied wit nuthin' less. Well, dat kind of love ain't easy to find an' even 'arder ta keep. You awful short on patience an' even less on t'inkin' 'bout what you sayin'. Fallen say you a little kid an' dat's all I see here now standin' in front of me. 'Ow dare you say you got no friends, eh? You got Fallen, Seth, 'Enry an me and still you ain't satisfied? I oughta slap you upside yo' 'ead for bein' so fuckin' greedy!"
"I needs more'n that. It ain't enough," Kimble replied softly, his eyes still down.
"Ain't enough for what? To keep you 'ere? Don' you even t'ink 'bout goin' off campus, little brother. It ain't safe for you. It ain't safe for nobody. Look what 'appen de las' time, eh? Damn, you don't learn from nuthin'!"
"Teach me how ta fights."
"Non! Den you be even more a pain in de ass den you are now."
"Fuck you!" Kimble blurted out in a sob, withering under the strain of Gambit's censure and wrath. He regretted it as soon as it was said, but it was too late.
Remy just grinned that same pained smile. "Now dat wasn't too nice. Dis gonna get ugly now, 'tween you an' me? You ain't gonna be 'appy 'til you push' everyone away. Den you gonna look up at de sky an' cry, 'Look what de worl' done to me!', 'Feel bad fo' me!'. You doin' all dis by y'self, little brother. You doin' a right fine job makin' y'own pain. Damn, you even better dan me.
"You need ta take some time an' really t'ink 'ard 'bout what you got, Kim. You do got friends, you got a life, and you do 'ave me, just not de way you want. You leave 'ere, you gonna find a whole new definition of 'avin' nuthin' an' bein' all alone. Dat's a fact...dat's a fact. It's a cold, 'ard , kick ass worl' out dere wit no pity an even less justice. Folks out dere dyin' every day jus' tryin' ta get by an' it ain't gettin' no better.
"You stay 'ere. Stay safe. You smarten' up an' learn ta live wit de folks 'ere. I mean, t'ink about it. You can't hang 'ere? 'Ow you gonna do it out dere, eh? You t'ink about dat some, you t'ink on dat real 'ard. Comprenez?"
Remy backed up and walked away, leaving Kimble standing there, broken and sad. Kimble fell to his knees and bawled, but Remy just kept walking. He'd had enough of Kimble's never ending soap opera for one day. He disappeared down the tramway without looking back.
Kimble cried on his knees at a total loss. He startled when he felt a spike form in his hand. Please, jus' end this. It hurts so bad! Zander's ghost pleaded.
Kimble tossed the spike with a vicious burst of anger, shattering it with his mind. "Fuck you, Zander!"
You both make me sick, yer so weak.,Zander replied in his low growl. As if I'd tell you ta spike yerself silly!
"I don' know what game yer tryin' ta run, but I've had enough! You cain't break me!"
I ain't tryin' to, Zander insisted, his voice a little more gentle. But seein' as how I gots yer attention anaways, ya knows that Cajun piece of shit is all wrong, right?
"Go away!" Kimble whined, sick to death of the voices and Zander's pathetic, endless persuasions.
Folks out there dyin', shure. But lots more of 'em are livin'. Yer stronger than them. He's just preyin' on yer weakness an insecurity, keepin' ya down. You wanna die in here or live, Kim? You ain't gonna find what you want here an' you knows it. Sheyman's work is out there. Yer angel is out there. Maybe even a Master worthy of us. Let's go!
"I cain't..."
Only if ya keep sayin' that to yerself. We go, jus' a little at a time. Then you'll see.
"I don' know how."
Yes, ya do, Zander insisted, flashing snippets of Remy sneaking him out, reminding him of just how easy it had been to bypass the bracelet and the rear security door.
Kimble calmed and wiped at his face, understanding. He could do this, oh yes. It wouldn't be that hard at all. Maybe it was time he stood up on his own two furry paws and stopped depending on others to help him. If he could score a girl or two along the way, even better. The memory of the cleansing bliss of Raul's love came to him as well. Just the thought of that was enough to get him going.
He got up and went up the ramp to his room, leaving the skates behind. He took out the clothes Gambit had given him and counted the money he had left, about two hundred dollars. Fallen was downstairs, he knew. He crept into her lav and opened one of the glass jars she had. Sure enough, there was a huge wad of bills. He took some, knowing she was stupid with money. She would never miss it if he didn't take that much at a time.
That settled, he went down the stairs and into the Engine Room, looking for scrap metal. He found some and spent a couple of hours making his own lock picks. It would have been faster if he could use the shop tools, but he didn't want Fallen to ask him what he was doing. She had dropped right back into the routine of ignoring him, and for once, that was just fine with him. As far as he was concerned, right now he had no Mistress, no owner at all. How could she be his true Mistress if she left him so alone all the time and never seemed to want him around?
He recalled perfectly how Remy had picked his bracelet and had enough basic knowledge of wiring to understand what Gambit had done to by-pass the security door. He could do this easy. He would wait until tonight and sneak out after Fallen was asleep.