Title: Birthday Boy

Rating: Mature

Ships: Does it really matter?

- Thanks to Hotaru-san. I think my British usage might have improved somewhat since the last time I wrote. I spent three weeks with my British cousin. Never ever heard them say bloody…I'm so disappointed. They used wicked though….wicked! Sorry for taking so long to update. Started reading Sparrington and got hopelessly addicted. Oops! -

Chapter 3: Must've Been…American

Harry blushed fiercely, reminding Sirius of the time he caught Ron and Hermione snogging in the broom closet. Lip wrestling like he never saw before…amazing.

"Because, we, unlike you, can manage a few words of civilized conversation with other people between our passionate animal frenzies." Draco smoothed his disheveled hair, seeming to apologize for its rough treatment.

"At least I don't try to answer the phone during our 'animal frenzies'."

Harry choked.

"You guys knew and you didn't tell me?" His indignant face brought another bout of laughter from Sirius. His laughter rendered him unable to speak for a while.

"Nobody tries to cover up a moan with a cough, Harry." Remus spoke up quietly, smiling calmly at Harryas if they were discussing the weather.

Draco snorted, obviously remembering the incident.

"Allergies…in winter. Brilliant."

"It was lame!" Sirius crowed, tears of mirth leaking from the corner of his eyes. He wiped them away roughly with his shirtsleeve. "What were you two young people talking about anyways, before we so rudely interrupted."

Draco shot him a cocky grin and opened his mouth to retort. He was stopped by Harry's warning glare.

"Not a word."

"Telling me what to do, Potter?"

"Say it, and I'll tell them about Pansy in the locker room."

Draco's grin faltered and his eyes widened in disbelief.

"You wouldn't."

"You know how much I love telling that story." Harry's green eyes glittered, his tone jovial. "Anything to spark up a lovely conversation during breakfast." His lips set back into a firm line. "Not a word."

Remus and Sirius shared a look. Ah, young love. Reminded them of themselves about…two hours ago. Sirius gave Remus a wicked look, wiggling his eyebrows with fervor. Remus sighed. Spending his entire school career with Sirius did have its perks. In Sirius Code, wiggling your eyebrow could been thousands of things. One: Let's have a go at it in the dark corner. Two: Let's spell Severus' nose hairs into the colors of the rainbow. (And God knows he has a lot of it) But right now, it seemed to mean, "Let's wreak havoc and make Harry and Draco's lives hell!" Joy.

"Hareeee." Sirius fluttered his eyelashes at Harry, his smoky grey eyes emanating innocence.

Harry's goosebumps raised as the impression of Fleur Delacor swept across the room. Even Draco had to wince.

"Sirius." Harry's eyes narrowed, experience teaching him to be on guard.

"Remember that promise you made me?"

"What…promise?"

Sirius feigned hurt. His hands fluttered in an exaggerated movement toward his heart.

"The promise you made on your father's grave, on the essence of your being, on your manhood! On your magic, soul, and life, the one and only promise slash favor that I have ever, ever asked for from my beloved Godson, and he tells me 'what, promise'?"

Harry's eye twitched.

"First of all, my father doesn't have a grave. Second, don't say manhood. It's wrong and its disgusting. And one promise?" Harry trailed off, Remus and Draco's snickers explaining it all for him.

"One promise!" Sirius declared, indignant. "You just try to name another one."

"Well…what about that time Remus stuck your pubes to the ice tray because you insulted him at his time of month? Who was it that held your hand and rippedit from whence it was firmly implanted? Who couldn't write for a month afterwards, having to purchase one of those, trashy Rita Skeeter quills to compensate for my handicap? You know how much trouble that stupid quill got me into? I got stuck with him!" Harry scowled at Draco, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius.

Sirius's hands went to his crotch.

"Good God, that was hell."

They all looked at Remus. He stood in the corner with his arm crossed, an amused smile playing at his lips.

"Lilly tutored me in Charms."

Sirius's eyes darted to Harry's, catching the flash of happiness that shown there as his mother's name was mentioned. Draco shifted uncomfortably, sensing the change in the atmosphere.

"Anyways!" Sirius burst out, clapping his hands together. "You and You," He gestured at Harry and Draco, "Are taking us," He gestured at Remus and himself, "on a tour."

Harry cringed. Oh yeah…that promise.

"You've been in this sunless, God-forsaken place longer than we have. By all rights, you should be taking us on this bloody tour." Draco scowled.

Remus wandered off to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"My sentiments exactly!" Harry nodded emphatically.

The wicked gleam returned to Sirius's eyes. Draco and Harry found themselves taking an unwilling step backwards.

"Who says we're taking a tour of Europe?"

! Yea, I know. Real short. Not my fault. Drank way too much soda at a class party. So sue me, sue me, what can you do me? I LOOOOOOVE you! Thanks for the reviews lovely reader, all three of you. But why's the rum gone!