Nick Stokes wandered around his apartment, his nerves making him edgy and jumpy at every little noise, every single raindrop that fell on the glass of his windows, every clap of thunder that shook the modest apartment where he lived. Curling up on his couch he flipped on the television and wrapped a blanket around himself fighting back the chills that threatened to engulf his body. He rubbed his forehead and switched channels fighting back a scream when he saw a woman in a horror movie being thrown into an empty grave. Memories tore at his open eyes threatening to consume him whole.
He remembered every single moment of his life, every little bad thing that had ever happened to him after that. Depression had threatened to swallow him, eating away at his mind, it was a desperation that he had never felt before in his entire life, a feeling that wasn't actually a feeling, it was just emptiness, this black whole that he'd had to claw his way out of for fear of his imminent demise at the hands of a predator even he couldn't fight without help.
The bottle of pills on his bathroom counter haunted him every morning when he woke up, knowing that without them his mind would fail him, sending him into a spiral of despair and desperation. Closing his eyes tightly he leant his head against the back of the couch wanting to scream so that everyone could hear him, so that everyone who loved and cared would know exactly how horrible he felt. Nick remembered his false, hollow words to those who called, insisting that he was moving on quite well, that he was fine. He fought to pretend that when he closed his eyes that he didn't dream of being locked in a small box, with so little air, the breath choked out of him in sobs. He continued to act like his friends, his family hadn't seen him like that, they hadn't seen his true weakness, the sobs bursting out of him at a rapid pace, the heavy breathing and the complete failure that face him when he was in that small space, all of his flaws and demons haunting him.
Not once in his life had Nick been truthful about whom he really was, what he really felt. He'd never seen reason to; after all he could be quite happy lying to everyone, especially his parents about who he really wanted in his arms at the end of the day, why he didn't have a wife and child yet. The truth was that Nick was gay; he didn't have any interest in marrying a woman. It all started when he was a child and met his best friend in public school; he'd been immediately attracted to the boy who had seemed so beautiful. But he'd denied his true self, his true nature, instead settling for a stereotypical high school roll, the quarterback dating the head cheerleader and when he'd gone onto college he had celebrated his newfound freedom by allowing himself to take home a number of one night stands, in the morning sending them away with a promise to call but never actually doing so.
However that had all changed with a pair of beautiful brown eyes and an easy smile, Greg Sanders, he was just…he was Greg. And that was the only way that Nick had been able to figure out a description of him. He was beautiful and he was Greg, the lab tech who was often geeky, but cool all at the same time, he had eclectic tastes and liked his rock music loud, the often sensual movements of his body conflicting with Nick's original assumption about the younger man being nothing but a science nerd, which he now realized had been rather hypocritical all things considered, he was often a bit dirty minded but not crossing the line into perverted. Greg was just easy to be around, his friendly smile and messy hair a comfort along with his often odd sense of style and the experiences he had packed under his belt with pride but not arrogance.
Where Nick had hidden himself behind a cheerleader, and later on a job Greg had experienced life, had tried new things that Nick couldn't have imagined before moving to Las Vegas and becoming a CSI. Every time he talked to Greg it was like a breath of fresh air, a new learning experience, sometimes he felt like pulling out a notepad and writing down everything the other man said, just so he could go over it later and remember the easy way Greg communicated with everyone around him. He knew that Greg was gay, everyone knew it, the rumours about the lab tech's supposed sexual preference had flown before he'd even arrived at the lab, and it was hard to ignore the way the younger man had looked at him and Warrick every time they'd entered the room.
Greg had been there when Nick had been pulled out, and Nick felt like crying when he remembered that Greg's easy smile, the smile he loved so much had faded, replaced with worry, and a shininess that meant that the lab tech/CSI was suppressing his own tears for Nick. He hadn't ever wanted to see that look on Greg's face; he'd never wanted to see tears in Greg's eyes again, not after the explosion.
Something else that haunted Nick's dreams, the explosion that two of his friends had been involved in. Greg's pained expression in the hospital when the morphine had worn off and he'd been subject to the agony of the burns decorating his skin. He hadn't deserved that, but then again none of them deserved the things that happened to them, the repercussions of their jobs. But Greg had been just a lab tech at the time, not a CSI, harm didn't usually happen at home, the place where they had all sought solace at times was contaminated with Greg's injuries, the memories of acrid smoke and burnt flesh. But Nick knew the lie in his thoughts, in his mind, because harm did happen at home, Nigel Crane had proven that to him. It was the reason he'd moved from his beautiful house to an apartment complex that didn't house an attic, with high class security systems and neighbors who would be able to hear screams if something horrible were to happen.
Getting up Nick shook his head rapidly to clear his mind of the thoughts haunting him. He wandered into the kitchen searching through the cupboards for anything remotely edible, having not eaten since breakfast the morning before, his stomach was beginning to protest and he could only hope that he would be able to keep the food down. Realizing that someone was outside his door Nick fought back the panic and walked over relaxing when he realized that it was Greg. He opened the door and arched an eyebrow leaning against the door jam looking down at Greg.
"Hey G, you gonna come inside or just pace back and forth in the rain until sunset?" He waited with baited breath for Greg's answer.