Chapter 3

I'm Still Here

Right. No one cares about my amateur righting. /3 and none of the people I reviewed had the unwritten known law of courtesy to review the people back. Sigh Never mind. More stuff to be ignored. Have fun with it.

I wasn't even listening anymore. Xu could ramble on all she needs… But… damn. Look at her. It's pathetic. What am I saying? Look at me! What am I doing Squall Leonheart thought to himself.

…………………

He was watching three certain students. But one girl in three of them stood out.

Selphie was whispering to Quistis who chuckled and whispered something back. Squall watches as Selphie tries not to look exasperated at Lixa and Irvine's vociferous giggling behind her, and Irvine's infuriated look when Selphie doesn't appear bothered. Rinoa was pretending to pay attention to Selphie and Quistis but it was apparent that she wasn't. Her brown locks fell across her face, guilty of trying to veil her gaze. Her eyes had wandered to someone over in the corner.

"After all this time… she's still not over him?" Squall muttered to himself inaudibly then watched Rinoa watch Seifer. It was a pretty miserable little cycle; no person in it got what he or she wanted.

It was also absurd. I can't really blame Rinoa for not getting over Seifer, since I myself wasn't over a certain someone. How could I get over something so quickly? I was in love. I am Squall Leonheart. I don't fall in love with every damsel that comes my way. It's a one in a million thing and she's a one in a million girl. Damn. Did I really say that? Damn. That sounded so cliquey. What has being in love done to me?

But… How could Seifer not like her? Maybe he did. He probably did. He must.

Who wouldn't?

I sound so weak. I guess I am. After all, she had me wrapped around her little finger in a snap. All it took was a little smiling and cuddling.

She probably knows I'm still at the least a little… bit still in love with her. It's kind of evident. You can't blame me; I'm a beginner at this sort of thing.

I can't seem to forget a time when I stared at her too long. I was practicing magic and dodging it. I was casting thundara spells at myself then hastily moving away. Well, she came along, giggling and tossing that hair of hers just after I had cast the thundara. Needless to say, I stared a little too much… and BOOM!

Worst part is, she saw everything and giggled, never letting me forget about it as well.

It's not like I expect us to get back together again… I just… I don't know. It's hard to forget the feeling of being in love… being so close to her; now having to look at her everyday and remember everything we went through together that became a total waste.

"…alright, that's it. You can leave now. Don't forget: You'll be receiving the information sheets for all the students you'll be watching out for tomorrow. Scan them briefly and don't forget any important facts." Xu called and Squall broke out of his reverie to see everyone exiting the room.

Xu looked at me. "You can leave now, Squall. You weren't listening to me anyhow, were you?" She asked, exasperated.

"…Don't get your hopes up, Xu." He replied and stood up.

He left the room in a hurry, knocking into someone in the process. "…sorry…" he said, turning around.

It was Quistis.

She didn't even look at him. "Whatever." She said using his famous escape word against him. She turned around, giving him the infamous cold shoulder.

"Look, Quistis…" She paid no attention to him. He sighed. "I don't even know why you hate me!" He told her, frustrated.

"Go figure it out then. You're a smart guy. I don't think I'll have to spell everything out for you, do I?" She said callously.

"Why are you so mad? What did I do?" He asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"It's really not that difficult understand, Leonheart. To be frank, it's not what you do…" She answers. "It's who you are." With that, she turned around and left him just as bewildered as he was in the first place. She sauntered over to Rinoa and Selphie without so much as a second glance. Rinoa gave Squall a sympathetic look but left with them.

"…fuck…" He says under his breath.

I don't know why she hates me so much. At first it was just small stuff… the way I acted or the things I said. Bit by bit, she began to resent me more and more. Quistis just doesn't hold back.

She yelled at him once, screamed out every bit of abhorrence that was in her. Pretty soon after that, she just stopped talking to him and gave him the cold shoulder every time they saw each other. She didn't earn the title 'Ice Queen' for nothing.


Our friendship just ended. I don't know why she doesn't talk to me. I try to apologize for what I don't know what I did but… it's no use.

Irvine doesn't talk to Squall much either. I doubt he even likes me. Selphie and Zell are the only ones who ever speak to me. I can hardly ever talk to Rinoa since Quistis is her best friend.

Quistis doesn't hang anywhere near Squall and Rinoa usually goes after.

"Hi, Squall!" Jade greets him. Beside her is Angelia, a new student from Balamb last year. The two girls have grown considerably close to Quistis, Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine. But mostly Quistis. Quistis and Jade are really close, also her and Angelia though Angelia is more like Rinoa.

"…Hi… why aren't you with Quistis?" He asks.

"We can't find her. Besides… we came from the Garden Festival Committee meeting." Angelia replied. "Selphie told us to supervise. We're free now. Want to go hang out at the library with us?" She asked with a pleasant smile.

He thought about it. "No… but thanks. I… I have to be somewhere." He lied.

"Oh… okay." Jade said. "Next time, I guess. Anyway, we'll see you around." She turned to Angelia. "Let's go."

"Okay." She replied. "See you!" They cry out as they run down to the library. Squall blinked as he realized how much Angelia looked like Rinoa, especially from the back.

It surprised Squall that they even spoke to him. They've had a few conversations before but that was because we were linked by Quistis. Now that we were barely even talking as acquaintances, he expected them to pay no attention to him. They were nice though…

Why the hell did I lie to them? It's not like I have anywhere else to be…

"Hi, Squall." A saintly voice greeted him merrily. "Want to go with me to the classroom?"

He turned around and found himself looking into the innocent eyes of a certain naïve girl.

"Why aren't you with Quistis and Selphie?" He asked blankly, unsure of how to sound.

"Because Quistis is with Xu and Selphie's trying to ward off the nasty love triangle she's in with Irvine."

"…Seifer?"

She blushed. "Oh, come on!" She hit him playfully. "Don't you enjoy my company?"

"Uh, no." He teased.

She giggled. "There you go again… Who cares, right?" she mocks badly. "I know like having me around to liven up your dingy day."

"How do you know?"

"I can read minds," She replied. "The gift of being a sorceress." She said dramatically. "Anyway, are you going with me to the classroom or not?"

"We just came from there." He pointed out.

"I have to do something…" She replied, pouting.

"What?"

She blushed. "I can't tell you."

"Rinoa, you did something wrong, didn't you?"

"Did not!" She said, defensively. "Just come with me, all right?"

"Oh, alright." He agreed grudgingly, still itching to know what she wanted to do.

They began to walk to the classroom quietly at first. Rinoa was looking restless and at fault all the while. Squall lasted all throughout the trip to the elevator and the elevator ride but when they reached the second floor corridor, he couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't take it anymore." He said. "What are you going to do?"

Rinoa giggled timidly. "You're going to scold me."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that. I know you did something."

"Well, I'm not telling." Rinoa said stubbornly.

"If you don't…" Squall racked his memory, trying to think of something blackmail-worthy. "…I'll show Cid that caricature drawing you made of him in your notebook. The one you entitled, D-"

"Hey! It's not my fault he looks like he has a… sausage-like nose."

"And Dicknose was an appropriate title?"

"Oh, fine! You win. Just try not to scold me…" Rinoa paused and looked away. Squall waited impatiently. "I kind of… 'Borrowed' Seifer's school notebook."

"Borrowed?"

"Oh, fine. I stole it. For a little while." She reddened with shame.

"You're right; I'm going to scold you." Squall said.

"Sorry." Rinoa said.

"Why the school notebook?"

"There are… poems written in the back." She replied.

"Poems? Seifer!"

"Hey, everyone has a soft side!" Rinoa scowled at him.

He laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" She demanded.

"You're so… I don't know. Defensive?"

"Yeah… well…" She brushed her hair aside, "I know. I'm obsessed. It's so weird… But I can't help it. You know?"

"I know."

After that short but meaningful two-word statement they both fell silent, pondering their own thoughts. Rinoa's thoughts of Seifer suddenly reminded her of those times when she used to think about Squall the same way. The feeling of being next to Squall and talking about another guy… It felt eerie.

Both of them were thinking about the past and both of them knew it. There was still a sense of knowing each other so well that it felt like they were reading each other's minds… and another sense of awkwardness in their relationship.

The wound that formed on their friendship because of the break-up… It never really disappeared. It left a scar, and like all painful scars you never forget them, especially if you have something or someone there to remind you of it.

"Hey, um…" Rinoa said, pausing in front of Seifer's classroom. "I'll go in alone, okay? I don't want people to see me. They'll think I'm a psycho."

"…I don't blame them."

"Meanie!" Rinoa stuck her tongue out. "Anyway, people will be less suspicious if they see only one person inside rather than two. Plus, you can stay here and watch out for anyone coming."

"…Okay."

With that, Rinoa turned her back on him so he could stand outside and guard a secret of hers, a secret that hurt him just a little. Like a scar that is never forgotten, Rinoa held on to her necklace, a necklace that left a scar as well.

The ring she had on was alone. Only a single one was to be seen. One solitary ring spoke of a million lost memories.

I'll never forget that day…

"Squall… This just isn't going to work out." She whispered softly, basically talking to his back.

After a pause that lasted for minutes, Squall finally answered softly. "I know." He lied. He didn't know. He didn't want to. He didn't want to accept any of what they were thinking of doing.

Both of them didn't move, didn't speak, only hearing their own breathing. Finally, Squall heard the soft rustling of metal and then the sound of something falling onto his desk. He turned around quickly, his mind finally absorbing all of the things he and Rinoa had been talking about. His mind screamed panic, still not ready to let go of the woman he loved.

There on his desk was his ring. The one he had given Rinoa so long ago. The one she had held onto for dear life.

Rinoa walked away slowly, evidently crying. Her tears had left stains on his carpet floor.

"Rinoa!" Squall said.

Rinoa paused at Squall's dorm room doorway. She grasped the sides and looked back at him, the tears in her eyes already falling.

She smiled sadly, crying even harder. "I'm sorry, Squall."

He didn't reply only stared at the ring she gave back. It was like a slap in the face.

"You can keep your ring…" She said. "After all, it is yours." She choked on a laugh. "It would hurt too much for me to keep it. It's yours."

Still he didn't reply. Then quietly again, "Rinoa…"

"Don't, Squall!" She yelled, then covered her mouth and softened. "Let it go. It's over. I just…" She never even completed that sentence only whispering another simple word that shattered all the hopes he held.

"Goodbye." She whispered. Not a second later did she run out of Squall room, her head in her hands, crying. Soon, he heard a door slam and it was unmistakably Rinoa shutting the door of her room shut.

Of course, it wasn't really goodbye to Squall. It was goodbye to them. Goodbye to the couple, Rinoa and Squall. Goodbye to everything they had known. Goodbye to the time they spent with each other. Goodbye to the feelings they ever had for each other.

Goodbye to their promise. All they had now was a broken vow and a friendship which would never amount to what they had before.

Squall never wore his ring again. He couldn't even look at it. The ring with the Griever was stowed away in his drawer, underneath papers, notebooks… and all sorts of unimportant things.

But the scar was never forgotten… despite all he tried to hide it.