Part Five

Lindsay hadn't been to this part of town in a long time. She glanced nervously over her shoulder and pushed open the door of the seedy, little bar. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the bar and almost gagged on the stench of stale beer and cigarettes that permeated the air. She couldn't believe she used to spend hours at a time in this place.

"Lindsay Spencer! You are a sight for sore eyes." The burly bartender called out from behind the bar. He flashed a grin at her and his gold tooth flashed in the neon lights. "Rum and coke is your poison of choice, right? I've got a mind like a steel trap, little lady."

"Not anymore." She couldn't remember the old bartender's name and she really didn't want to stick around long enough to find out. "You said that my friend was here."

"Back table." He said, gesturing toward a dark corner of the bar. "When he first came in, we were talking and he said he knew you and Lucky. But then he started downing them real quick and I just figured I should call you."

"Thanks." Lindsay looked at the table where Jax sat all alone, nursing his beer.

"He kept muttering something about a baby." The bartender called after her as Lindsay walked over to Jax's table.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join in?"

Jax looked up from his mug and saw Lindsay standing next to his table. He smirked and kicked out the chair across from him so she could sit down. She did and he shoved his beer in her direction, then pulled it back again. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you don't drown your sorrows anymore."

"Sure I do. Only now I drown them in chocolate ice cream." She answered, trying to lighten the mood. "I didn't figure you for a beer man, Jax."

Jax snorted in reply. They were quiet for a few minutes before Jax said, "I'm not good company tonight. And this is not your type of place. You should leave."

Lindsay glanced around the bar and said, "Actually, I used to spend quite a bit of time here. And I know all about not being good company. That's why I'm here."

"Are you trying to save me?" Jax remarked dryly.

"No, I'm trying to be your friend." she said quietly.

"Everyone needs a friend." Jax said more to himself than to her.

"Yes, they do. I don't know where I'd be without mine..."

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink?" A bearded and tattooed biker called out to Lindsay from across the bar. "Lou, do you make them fancy pink drinks like them girls drink on that TV show?"

"I'm fine, thanks." Lindsay called back. Then to Jax, she said quickly, "Let's get out of here."

"Where's your car?" Jax asked when they were outside the bar, looking around.

"Lucky dropped me off. We're taking your car. Hand over the keys." Lindsay put out her hand and then had to stifle a laugh as Jax almost fell over trying to get the keys out of his pocket. He grinned and gave her the keys.

Once they were settled into the car and Lindsay was navigating her way through the downtown streets, Jax said, "I would have defended your honor back there at the bar by beating up that biker dude, but I was afraid that if I stood up I would have fallen over." Lindsay laughed and he said,

"I forgot how quickly beer goes through your system."

Lindsay pulled into the parking garage of Jax's building and he invited her to come up. Lindsay protested at first, but eventually joined him on the elevator up to his loft. "I want to commend you for not crashing my car for the second time this week." Jax said as the elevator opened up onto his floor and he led her to his door.

"Well, no one jumped out in front of me like a maniac...so I had that working in my favor." she teased him.

"Yeah." Jax said, opening the lock and letting them inside. "You really don't blame me for the accident?"

"No. And neither does Liz. Or Lucky. You seem to be the only one who blames you. So stop it already."

"Can I get you anything?" Jax asked her, ignoring the comment about the accident. Lindsay shook her head and they sat together on the couch in his living room. They were quiet for a few moments, then Jax said, "Liz and I buried our daughter today. We planted a tree in the park."

"Did it help?" Lindsay asked quietly.

"A little." He turned to look at her. "It's more difficult than I thought it would be. I started to feel like a parent. I keep telling myself that if I can keep looking forward and stay focused on the future, things will get better."

"That's assuming you can get through this next hour." Lindsay finished for him.

He looked at her strangely for a minute. Then gave her a sad smile. "Exactly. But I guess it's all a question of letting go." Jax shook his head and then looked back up at her. "Youtold me once that Lucky and Nickolas and Liz are where you go when the world falls in around you. I envy that. I realized today that I don't have it. Or anything close to it. Not here in Port Charles anyway.I have everything in the world except what I really needed today. Nobody knows how I'm feeling. I have never felt more alone in my life."

Lindsay took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "Don'tget lostinside yourself, Jax."she whispered. "You aren't alone."

"Who do I have?" he asked, the tears forming in his eyes.

"Me." she told him and pulled him close to her. And for the first time since his baby's death, Jax began to sob.