Fourteenth Century Man
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Disco is NOT dead!"
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ACT 9 – Get your groove on
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We open with Forge hacking off a piece of his gold horsey thing, handing it over to Sam and Piotr.
"Ten florins", says Forge, "That should do"
"It's sixes and sevens tonight, Wagner", grins Sam, "Do you feel lucky?"
"Do you wear enough clothes?", asks Piotr.
"G one, begone!", says Kurt, "I'm done vith you!"
"…Begone?", asks Sam, arching a brow.
"Except to exact my revenge", smirks Kurt.
"What on earth could you possibly do to us?", asks Piotr, towering over the elf.
"I vill eviscerate you in fiction", says Kurt, "Every last pimple. every last character flaw. I vas naked for a day. You vill be naked for eternity"
The fangirls scream and the thought of naked Sam and Piotr.
"Actually, Simon the Summoner and Peter the Pardoner are, indeed, character in Chaucer's books", says Hank, unhelpfully.
"A'h have a feeling we shall meet again", says Sam ominously as Piotr chuckles to himself.
Wanda walks over, and Forge gives her his statue.
"Here, Farris", he says, "Take what we owe you"
"The armour you wear", says Wanda, "it wasn't made for you, was it?"
"So?", says Forge, trying to be nonchalant, "what of it?"
"I could make such armour", says Wanda, "You wouldn't even know you wore it"
"And how much would that cost us?", asks Forge.
"Just take me as far as Paris", shrugs Wanda.
"We travel alone", says Forge, "Take your gold and go"
Wanda glares at him, before smacking the horse against the cart, taking a hunk of it and throwing the other bit back at Forge, which smacks him in the chest.
"…Awww you upset her", says Todd with a sniffle.
"I gathered", whimpers Forge, then tosses it to Freddy, "Get what you can out of that. The rest of us will pack camp"
"Why are we leaving so soon?", whines Todd.
"The tournament at Lagny-sur-Marne starts in a week", says Forge, "If we leave now, we can walk most of the way and save the horse"
"Ooooh how considerate", smiled Jean.
"No", says Kurt, grabbing the saddle Forge just put on the cart and taking it off again, "You have to go to the banquet tonight. You have to dance. You have to make an appearance"
"And have Logan laugh at me again?" asks Forge, "No!"
"Yes!", says Kurt.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
As this argument goes on, no one has noticed Dani show up, bar Freddy, who clears his throat politely, until the others notice.
"My lady would like to know the colour of your lords tunic tonight", says Dani to Freddy.
"His..tunic?", blinks Freddy.
"Yes", nods Dani, "So that she can dress to match him…duh"
"Uh, ve regret to inform your lady", says Kurt, walking over, "that ve von't actually be attending…"
"Herald!", snaps Forge, cutting him off, "do not answer questions you don't know the answer to!"
"Absolutely, my lord", says Kurt, turning away to avoid punching him.
"Uh..sire", says Forge, looking at Freddy, "answer her. What colour is my tunic tonight?"
"Uh", Freddy blinks around desperately, then looks at the tent behind Dani, "Green. Uh…trimmed in a kind of pale….green. Uh, w..with wooden toggles"
"I will tell my lady", says Dani, blinking a little before leaving.
"Oh, this is a disaster!", groans Forge.
"No", says Freddy, looking at the tent, "it'll tunic up quite nicely. Give us your dagger, Todd"
"That's not the disaster, Freddy", says Forge, "I don't know how to dance. Well, I do, but apparently, not the right sort of dancing"
"You aren't doing disco and that's it!", snaps Hank.
We cut to the stables, where Kurt is hitting a barrel with a stick, keeping time as Forge attempts to dance with Todd.
"This is so wrong", says Forge.
"And one and two and three and four", chants Kurt, before slapping Forge's hand, "and your hand should alight like a birdie on a branch!"
"Oww", says Forge with a frown.
"And one, two, three and four", says Kurt, "And Todd doesn't lead he follows like a girl"
Freddy looks up from where he's sewing, and Todd narrows his eyes, punching Kurt's lights out. A few monuments later we return to the same scene, this time, Kurt has tissues rammed up his nostrils.
"And one and two and twirlie, twirlie, twirlie", says Kurt, then sighs as Forge and Todd fall over one another, "And one and two and you're still getting it wrong!. And one and two and three and four. You can hit me all day 'cause you punch like a what?"
"A girl!", grins Freddy, causing Todd to glare at him, "going back to sewing"
"That's enough of that!", screams Todd, "I'm doing this for you!. He starts every time!"
Forge sighs, trying to break up the fights as Wanda walks past, watching them and letting out a low whistle.
"Oh, and you can do better can you?", snorts Kurt.
"Of course I can", laughs Wanda.
"Good", says Forge, "Why don't you show us, then?"
Wanda gives him her glare.
"No"
"If I'm going to all this effort, you best learn to dance", chides Freddy, "Now ask her nicely"
Wanda smiles pleasantly as Forge crosses his arms, looking at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Wanda", he says, "I was wondering if you would care to show us how to dance"
"Please", say the boys in unison.
We cut to later, where the boys, now under Wanda's direction, are all actually dancing well, bar Freddy, who is still sewing.
"And one, and two, three and four", says Wanda, "five, six, seven, change partners. And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, polonaise"
Freddy smiled proudly at his tent-tunic.
"You're not gonna wear your hair like that, are you?", asks Wanda, looking at Forge.
"Is there another way?", blinks Forge, "and I like my hair, it's good hair!"
We open in the banquet, where Forge, his hair not changed, walks in, bowing awkwardly to random people as he wears his tent-tunic. He finally meets Storm by a table.
"Sire Forgeich", smiles Storm, "you look fantastic"
She smirks in her almost see-though green dressy thing, sitting down, leaving Forge gaping for a while before going to sit next to her.
"Ororo, you look", Forge stumbles on words, "uh..you..you remind me of the bible"
He stops.
"Neither of us are Christian", he says, "and neither is Todd Fan, so this makes sense to none of us"
"Just say it", sighs Hank.
"When God stopped the sun in the sky at Gibeon", says Forge, looking at his lines, "to give Joshua more time to defeat the Amorites"
Storm blinks, smiling a little confused.
"I don't understand"
"If I could ask God", Forge frowns, "The Great Spirit one thing, it would be to stop the moon, stop the moon and make this night, and your beauty last forver"
"That's no scientifically correct", frowns Hank.
"Charmer", smirks Storm.
We move to the dance floor, where Pyro is being the entertainment.
"So, what dance will you have, mates?", he grins, "A coranto? Or a bassa dance?"
"Sir Forgeich", calls Logan form the back, hoping to catch Forge out 'cause he's evil, "Why don't you show us all a dance of your country? Show us a dance of Gelderland"
"Oh", blinks Forge
"Yes", smiles Pyro, "Gelderland!"
"Uh", says Forge, "Well, i…it's a lot like the farrindal. BUt with some differences..uh"
Forge coughs, starting to make up random moves.
"Well, you should bow", says Forge, everyone copying him, "and..uhh…"
"They look like disco moves!", cries Hank, "I specifically said no disco!"
The guests start to giggle, but Storm steps in, adding some made-up moves of her own. As Bobby appears with his microphone.
"Oh Gods", groans Hnak, "Disco and Bobby…I'm going to get drunk"
Everyone begins to dance, slowly at first, before the music takes a very seventies twang, everyone breaking out into DISCO FREESTYLE! Bobby grins beginning to sing.
Golden years
Golden years
Golden years
Don't let me hear you say
Life's taking you nowhere
Angel
Look at that sky
Life's begun
Nights are warm
And the days are young
Come, get up, my baby
There's my baby
Lost, that's all
Once I'm begging you
Save her little soul
Golden Years
Golden
Logan watches the disco dancing with a scowl, his plan foiled.
"Damn", he mutters.
Last night they loved you
Opening doors and pulling some strings
Angel
In walked luck and you look in time
Never look back
Walk tall, act fine
I'll stick with you baby
For a thousand years
Nothing's gonna touch you
In these golden years
Logan growls, stalking out of the hall, not going to humiliate himself by disco dancing.
Golden years
Golden
Golden years
Golden
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There we go. Last update until Monday, as I'm in London at the weekend to see Phantom of the Opera. Weee! Do review. Until next time…