Chapter 7

The next morning, Jackie lay awake in her bed. Not one minute that night did Jackie sleep. Sighing tiredly and wearily Jackie got out of bed. It was 11 o clock, she had never 'slept' that later before. Jackie made her way down the stairs and was about to go into the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Jackie stopped when the knob was in her hand, she took a deep breath and opened the door. Hyde was standing was standing there, Jackie kept her mouth closed but opened the door wider signaling him to come in. Jackie led him to the kitchen.

Jackie sat on the counter and Hyde stood in front of her. He spoke first.

"Did you………feel anything in that kiss?"

Jackie closed her eyes, opened them and looked down, as if ashamed. This was the question she was dreading.

"I felt everything. I've never been kissed like that before, it was…..amazing, and I………liked the fact it was you I was kissing." She said in a small voice, the last part was almost a whisper.

"But the thing is, is that no matter how much I want this or you, I can't have it. I'm not good enough, I never will be." There were tears rolling down her face by now.

"But Jacks, what are you talking about. You're more than enough, if anyone isn't worthy it's me, not you" He wiped her tears. She took his hands.

Jackie was sobbing now. "But don't you get it, I lie and I'm not a good person for you. I'm snobby and I'm selfish and everything you hate."

Hyde took her face in his hands. "Jackie, you're not the same person, and even when you were, it made you, you."

Jackie jumped off the counter and started to yell. "God! Don't you get it Steven! I'm. Not. Good. Enough! I mean, I'm used to this pattern I have. You see everyday it's my schedule to have things not make sense in a way it makes sense. And then you come along and you show me everything I've never had. You show me trust and compassion and understanding, and you almost make me feel like I deserve it, like I deserve better. That I could get better and move on! But I can't, I can't because here you are bringing a better person out of me, and I'm scared! I'm scared to death. Because I don't know how to be myself anymore, and I'm scared because I like you more than I should. But I'm so scared of trusting you and letting you in because what if you don't like who I am, and what if I get hurt again. And then I have all these thoughts running over in my mind, and I just get so tired, so tired of it all because I'm not Jackie anymore. And I'm mad, so mad, because Jackie was fun, and proud, and strong, and confident. But now I can't stand the look of myself in the mirror, I disgust myself. Because I let this happen to me. I was a fool. And I was blind, so blind, I didn't see it coming."

She was talking in tears about something Hyde didn't know, she was so angry at herself. Because she spoke with her heart, and her heart was breaking.

Jackie was hunched over, one hand on the counter, steadying herself, one covering her face. Hyde walked over to her and took her face in his hands. She looked up at him, tears running down her face. Hyde wiped them away.

"Jackie, I don't know what happened to make you think this, but I care for you. And yes I'm scared of that too. I've never cared for anyone except the Foreman's. Everyone else has left. I pretty much learned not to care and its hard opening up that part of me again."

Jackie brought her hands to hold Steven's hands that were still on her face.

"But I would be willing to learn Jacks would you?"

Jackie looked up at Steven and wondered if she would really be willing.

Jackie took her hands out of his and he frowned, but soon enough Jackie had wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in to a tender kiss. They broke apart and Jackie said "I'm willing, but it might take a while a while, a long while. Is that okay?"

Hyde smiled down at the girl, no woman, in his arms. She was broken. But so was he, and they fit. They fit so right it had to be wrong.

"Its fine Jacks." And he gave her a sweet kiss on the lips.

However all good things must come to an end, Hyde had work to go to, and Jackie wanted to see Donna. Their days were looking bright.

AT DONNA'S

Jackie walked up to Donna's house with bit more cheer than usual, and a bit more like her old herself. Jackie knocked on the door.

"Jackie hey! What's up? Wanna come in?" Donna asked quickly.

Jackie laughed and said "Hey Donna. Nothing's up. I was actually wondering if you wanted to go for a walk?"

"Sure"

The two ladies were walking down the street.

"Donna, listen, I know you're a bit upset at how secretive I'm being, but this is a really sensitive subject towards me, and I need time. You know? It's too soon. It's not that I'm choosing not to let you in. It's just how I am right now."

"Jackie, it's fine, yeah I'm a little hurt but it's nothing I can't respect. Besides, you get cozy enough with Hyde."

Jackie laughed a little nervously. They arrived at the park.

"Donna let's sit down, I need to tell you something."

They both sat at the park bench.

"Steven and I kissed two days ago, after the pool. And we talked about it. And I think we're together."

Donna was shocked. "Wow, Hyde? Are you sure, he's never seemed like the relationship type."

"Neither did I, but I guess we have an understanding with each other."

Donna just nodded, and then turned towards the small girl. "Wait, you think you're in a relationship?"

"Yeah, well, he didn't actually say we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but he told me he cares about me though."

"Well, that's a lot coming from Hyde." Jackie nodded at that in understanding.

"Besides, I don't even know if I'm ready for a relationship." Jackie sighed. Weren't things ever simple anymore? Apparently not. Jackie stood up and hugged the red haired girl.

"Thanks Donna, I really appreciate this, but I have to go."

The red head stood up and replied "It's no problem Jackie, I'm here anytime you need me."

And the two parted ways.

The next day, Jackie heard a knock on the door. She put her book on the couch and answered the door. "Hey" She said timidly, why was she acting like a shy little school girl?

Hyde walked in and turned to face Jackie, he took off his glasses and placed them in his jacket. Hyde caressed her face and then ran his thumb over her bottom lip. Her breathing slowed. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her. He pulled away, Jackie smiled up at him. It was more of a reassurance, they would be ok.

They both settled on watching a move, not really wanting to do anything. Hyde sat on the couch, and Jackie sat next to him. The movie started. Jackie sighed and placed her head on his chest. Hyde's arm quickly came around her shoulder. After about 30 minutes through the movie the telephone. Hyde paused the movie and Jackie got up to get it.

Jackie

Jackie reluctantly got up and went to the phone, she picked it up and said "Hello, Burkhardt residence, Jackie speaking."

"Do you know how hard it is to find you?" A cold voice drawled.

Jackie gasped and froze. 'No it couldn't be him.' Everything felt cold around her.

"I would love to see you again my darling."

Jackie fought back the tears that were aching to fall. Her voice was breaking.

"What do you want?" It sounded like a plead, a beg not to hurt her. What could he possibly want? He already took what he wanted. And she was doing so well.

Hyde was standing behind her, concerned and curious.

"Why are you calling here!" It was a half scream, half cry.

"What more do you want from me? What?"

He let of a cold, long laugh "My darling, once is never enough."

Jackie let out a strangled cry. She choked through her words "It was more than enough!" She slammed the phone down, and turned to run. But was met with Hyde. He wrapped is arms around her, and Jackie cried and cried nothing but heavy, anguished tears. And it broke Hyde's heart.

"Jackie, I gotta know what's wrong. You're dying inside. God Jackie, I hate seeing you like this. Who was that guy? Please Jackie you gotta let me in." He held on to her harder, and she cried harder, trying her hardest to push her heavy, throbbing, guilt out in one go, escape as much as she could. But no avail, she had to go the hard way, by telling Steven. Her tears came to a stop and she drew in a breath to steady herself.

"Steven, I will tell you, but you can't interrupt me. And once I tell you, you have to promise you won't leave me because of it, can you do that?"

Hyde looked at his tiny, fragile, pixie and replied "Of course Jacks."

Jackie nodded and led them to the couch. She breathed, it was a long story.

"When my grandmother called me and invited me to New York to stay with her I was excited beyond belief. I thought it was a chance to make myself noticed and make an impression. I arrived there with a notion that I would be charming, strong, nice, flirtatious, witty, and liked girl by everyone, absolutely everyone. Whether I had to be witty, intelligent, charming, fascinating, or just adorable I was going to be it. My grandmother was hosting a huge party that night, and it was perfect for me to meet people. So I got dressed up in a real nice dress that said everything: Elegant, charming, beautiful, and fascinating. The party was a huge success and so was I, I had been introduced to everybody and anybody, and I was perfect tot hem all. Figuring out who they were and becoming a person they would like. Many guys asked me out. I said no to them all. I sort of wanted myself to be seen as something unreachable, it was a stupid idea. But this one guy, middle aged, a big cigar company owner. Real hot-shot, was not used to the word no. So he would always send me flowers, chocolates, tickets to cruises, and he would keep asking me out and I kept saying no. One night I met up with some girlfriends and we went out clubbing. I had about 3 beers, I wasn't drunk, just a little buzzed. My friends dropped me off ay my apartment, and I made my way up to the apartment. I reached the door and it was already unlocked. Being buzzed I didn't think anything of it, I just figured I forgot to lock it. So I went into my bedroom, and there was something on the bed. It was a note with words 'Turn around' on them. So I did and he was there" Jackie closed her eyes, trying to burn the memory from her mind.

"God I fought so hard, I kicked and I screamed and I punched. But it didn't matter. He hurt me over and over again. And after he was done, I remember he just got up and left and I was just left there, lying on that bed. But it was that look after he finished that held so much pride, like he won an award, and I couldn't help but blame myself."

Hyde took her in his arms, he felt so much pity and hurt for her. He only wanted to take it away, by any means. She was sobbing now. "Jacks, he wont ever hurt you again. I can promise you that. Never, ever. I'll help you until can let go and be yourself."

Jackie was still sobbing "But Steven, I can't be myself anymore. I look back on that girl who went to New York, that was me. I'm so scared if I be her again. I'll get hurt again. And I can't get hurt again Steven, I can't" Hyde hugged her closer and rocked her back and forth.

"I know Jacks, I won't let you get hurt, I'll protect you."

And he would, he silently vowed it. He had let a lot of people go, but not her, she was too much like himself. Afraid to be herself again and open up.

Jackie nestled her head in Steven's neck and cried, cried for herself, cried for her future, and cried for her helpless past.

Jackie eventually fell asleep in Hyde's arms. Hyde carried her upstairs and put her in bed, he was about to leave when she woke.

"Don't leave me Steven, I don't want to be alone." In all honesty, it was stupid, but she felt like he would come back if she was left alone.

Hyde crawled in bed behind her and hugged her to himself. It wasn't long before they were both safe in sleep. For now.

The next morning Jackie awoke in Steven's arms. She sighed, she felt so much freer now that she told him. Maybe now she could get better. She looked up at Steven, and couldn't help but smile. He cared for her, and he would help her and they would get better together.

Jackie ran her fingers over his lips. They were inviting and soft. She leaned up and kissed him tenderly on the lips. She pulled back, and his eyes fluttered open. He smiled up at her and pulled her back to him. The kiss was but passionate. Jackie sighed and laid her head on his chest,

"How do you feel?" Hyde asked.

Jackie said slowly and unsurely "Better, or at least I will be." Jackie say and put her head in her hands. Hyde sat up as well and rubbed her back.

"Jacks, what are you feeling?"

She squeaked out "Blame" She was near tears. Hyde uncovered her face and held it. She couldn't help bring herself to look at him.

"Jacks, look at me." His voice wasn't angry or annoyed, it was compassionate and gentle. Jackie met his gaze and she spoke knowing what he silently asked.

"I feel like I shouldn't……feel this way. Like I have no right to be grieving or upset. Because……..it's all my fault this happened. I wanted to be the liked girl, I wanted everyone to like me. I was basically prodding him to do this, because I didn't flat out tell him to go away."

Hyde brought her so she was directly in front of him "Jackie, you gotta know, that not one bit of this is you're fault. No one asks to be raped. Jackie……the person you are now, and the person you used to be are two completely different people. You've matured drastically, but the tragic thing is that when kids are forced into growing up too quickly they tend to lose all sight of reality. Jackie I don't want you blaming yourself because I know there is an amazing Jackie in there who can get better, you're strong Jacks. I know you can be the amazing woman I've learned to care for. I just want to see her in full mode."

Jackie smiled loving at Hyde before tackling him in a hug that made them both fall back on the bed. Hyde laughed heartily before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her. Jackie kissed him back, and quickly sat up. Hyde in turn, sat up. Jackie caressed his face with both hands, she slowly crawled into his lap and kissed him. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her hands in his thick curls. Hyde wrapped his arms around her waist, puling her closer and deepening the kiss. Jackie moaned trailed her hand on his chest, feeling his hard muscles. Hyde ran his hands up her back, and plunged them into her thick mane. Overcome with passion he slipped a tongue in her parted lips and moaned against her own writhing tongue. Hyde didn't want to get too into it, he wouldn't be able to go home. Pulling out of the kiss with a gasp for air, he laid his forehead against her own.

"I have to go." He said smoothly, but regret in his voice.

She pouted "No, you gotta stay with me."

Hyde laughed at her pout "I'll be back tonight, I promise."

Jackie gave a small smile, kissed him longingly, and got off his lap.

Hyde put on his jacket and gave his girl a kiss on the forehead, and said "Bye"

She just smiled and nodded. Damn! He would miss her. But he was out the door.

Jackie flopped back on the bed and heaved a happy sigh. If this was getting better she couldn't help but smile at what recovered would be.

A/N: Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be. But thank you to my reviewers, they were all great! next chapter: Telling the gang and revelations. The stomach issue will be revealed in either chapters 9 or 10. thanks!