Fourteenth Century Man
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh! Excluding that first 'ha'."
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ACT 11 – Love letters straight from your heart
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Team Forge have arrive din Bordeaux, where, once again, Forge wins a joust. "I have vord", says Kurt, bamfing over.
"What?", asks Forge.
"Logan's been called back to the free companies", says Kurt, "The Black Prince commanded it. He could be gone all season"
"First Ororo, and now Logan", says Todd unhelpfully.
Forge has a mini-tantrum, tossing his helmet to the floor and stalking off.
"Well done", Wanda snaps at Todd.
"Yeah, well done", quips Kurt.
"What?", asks Todd, blinking.
We move to the Southern Fornt of the Battle of Poitiers, where Logan is commanding, of course. Kelly, rather nervously, walks over with a pile of papers.
"The..um.. tournament results, my lord", he says, handing them to Logan.
Lorgan takes them flicking through them seeing the triple phoenix insignia of Forge's shield.
"Forgeich. Forgeich. Forgeich", he mutters, flicking through them, Forge winning each one, "Forgeich"
Kelly winces.
"Don't kill the messenger, please"
Logan snarls, popping out his claws, spearing the paper right through Forge's shield.
"Ooooh", says Hank, "ominous"
We got back to the group, after the tournament, Forge wandering around their barn, holding a rose in his hand.
"I need to write a letter", says Forge, looking at the others, "Dear Ororo…no, My dearest Ororo…"
"Better", nods Kurt, jotting it down.
"Uh…"Forge blinks, obviously not used to this lark, "I miss you".
Kurt winces.
"Was that wrong?", blinks Forge.
"Well", Kurt shrugs, "it's up to you, really. Um. It's your funeral….I mean, letter"
"Say something about her breasts", says Todd in-between mouthfuls of food.
"Yeah, you miss her breasts", nods Freddy.
"Who wouldn't?", grins Forge, then winces as thunder sounds, "her breasts?"
"Yes…you could", Kurt sighs, "Uh…but I vould tend to look above her breasts, Forge"
"I….I miss her throat?", tries Forge pathetically.
"Still higher, really", says Kurt, "towards the heavens"
"The moon, at least", says Wanda, then adds rather bitchily, "He breasts were not that impressive"
"The moon?", blinks Forge, then recites for his letter, "It is strange to think I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face"
"That's very good, Forge", blinks Kurt, surprised.
"I used to know this girl once, who….", says Freddy, "well she broke my heart"
"Was it Jean?", asks Wanda, "it was, wasn't it"
Freddy gives her a glare, before continuing.
"But I used to say the pieces.."
We move to Storm, who is reading the finished letter, obviously Freddy's piece being snuck into it.
"..The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they can be passed through the eye of a needle", she reads, "He writes as though I had died"
"Yes, madam", says Todd form the corner, where he ahs delivered it, "He dies as well"
We switch back to the barn scene, where Todd is adding his bit.
"She used to cook for the Duke of York", he says, then gives a sob, "I miss her like the sun misses the flower"
"I miss you like the sun misses the flower", reads Storm, forward in her time, "like the sun missed the flower in the depth of winter. Instead of beauty to direct it's light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to"
Back to the barn.
"I next complete in the city of Paris", says Forge, "I will find it empty and in the winter, if you're not there"
"Does anyone find these season puns a little….odd?", says Hank.
"I like it", nods Kurt:And now to finish it"
Everyone turns to blinks at Wanda.
"With hope", she says, "Love should end with hope. My husband, God rest him.."
"You had a husband?", squeaks Todd.
"….Only in the parody….idiot", sighs Hank.
"Told me something I'll never forget", continues Wanda, "Hope guides me. It is…"
We go forward to Storm again.
"I'm getting motion sickness", complains Hank.
"It is hope what gets me through the day, and especially the night", reads Storm, "The hope that after you are gone from my sight, it will not be the last time I look upon you"
Todd offers her a hankie, which she takes with a grimace, considering he's already blown his nose on it.
Back in the barn, Forge smiles.
"And finish it with…", he pauses, "With all the love that I possess, Forge"
"You mean Forgeich", corrects Kurt.
Forge's face falls as we cut forward to Storm.
"With all the love that I possess", she reads, "I remain yours, the knight of your heart"
She closes her eyes, hugging the letter to her. Todd clears his throat.
"My master hoped you might have something to send him in return", he says.
Storm pauses to think, before a slow smile crosses her face.
In Paris, we see a random mad person standing outside the area, rambling about cockadoodling and denying. The team are getting ready when Todd rides up on Jott, after delivering the letter
"No Logan", Forge grumbles, then looks at Todd with a smile, "Todd, tell me. Did you see her? Did she read the letter?"
Yes", grins Todd, "and yes"
"And?", prompts Forge.
""She's coming to Paris!", grins Todd, watching as Forge does a happy dance.
"…Disturbing", blinks Hank.
"Well, did she give you anything for me in return?", asks Forge, "did dhe…did she give you a letter?"
Todd grimaces slightly.
"Or a token?", tries Forge, "Did she give me a token? She did. Well? what is it, Todd? Come on, give it to me!"
"The laws of cartoons should prove you should never say 'give it to me'", says Hank.
Todd grimaces, glancing around, before giving Forge a kiss on the lips, then turning away spitting.
"Told you", says Hank.
Forge blinks, mildly disgusted for a moment, before realising what it meant, grinning happily.
"Yes! Yeah!"
"…Maybe it is true about Toads and their drug-like qualities", blinks Hank, as Forge dances around happily.
We move to later that evening, where the group are in a pub (or whatever they are called in France).
"Cinquante", says Kurt, "That's a nice, round number"
With that, he makes his way back to the table with the others on.
"All right", he says, "the vager he vishes to make is that a Frenchman and not Sir Forgeich vill vin the tournament"
Freddy glances over to where Remy is on another table, giving them a wave.
"Yes, we know he isn't French", says Hank, "but he's the closest thing we have"
"However", adds Kurt, "the amount is 50 florins"
"That's all we got", points out Wanda.
"Yes", says Kurt, "and if ve had 60, the bet vouls be 60"
Even money", says Freddy, "But Forgeich against every Frenchman here?"
"Come on!", whines Kurt, "He's von four tournaments in a row, and again Logan isn't here"
"I check shields too", says Freddy, "Duncan Mathews is here, Count Teryn of Chartres, Petronette of Burgundy. All three French champions"
"And Englishman will not with this French tournament", slurs Remy drunkenly form his table, "English legs are unsteady on French soil"
"…Forge isn't English", says Hank, "…and who said you could have alcohol"
"Dis is a bar, isn't it?", blinks Remy.
"Shut your mouth, alright!", snaps Todd as Remy imitates a chicken, "come on, Freddy, it's a good bet!. Win, and I can buy my own tavern"
"I could vrite full-time", says Kurt.
"And a forge for me", says Wanda, then blinks, "the building, not the person….definitely not the person"
"….Hey", blinks Forge from backstage.
"And because French wine is too much for English bellies", taunts Remy some more
"All right!", snaps Todd, standing up, "I'm about this fonging close, mate. I swear, Quasimodo…."
"Listen", says Freddy, "all I want is to go home, and I already have enough to make that trip a hundred times"
"And most importantly", continues Remy, "because the pope himself is French!"
Freddy frowns.
"Well, the pope may be Frenhc, but Jesus is English", he says, "you're on!"
The team cheer.
"And he won't lose", says Fredyd, "not with the princess watching him"
Kurt starts up a drinking song, as is customary for his Germanic race.
He's smart
He's pissed
The others join in drunkenly.
He'll see you in the lists
Lichtenstein
Lichtenstein
He's smart
He's tan
He comes from Gelderland
He comes from Gelderland
Gelderland, Gelderland, Gelderland
Gelderland, Gelderland, Gelderlaaaaand.
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We'll leave them get drunk as we go to…the next chapter!