Chapter 9

A/N: I know you must be super pissed at me cuz I haven't written in a wicked long time, but I had major writers block and I couldn't think of how to write this and then I was debating the 'stomach issue' so forgive me. On with the story.

The next morning Jackie woke up next to her boyfriend Steven. Oh, it was still so weird to say it. Especially since this was Steven Hyde. Steven Hyde! He was Point Places' hot badass zen master. It didn't make sense. The Badass and the Cheerleader. Which brought Jackie to another problem. What would she do when school came around. 'Will I be able to cheer? I don't think I want to do it anymore. It was all to be popular. I don't want to be popular anymore.' She though sadly. More than anything now she just wanted to blend in. Become a wallflower and mingle with the other 'sinners' of society. But she was Jackie Burkhardt. She could at least give it a shot again before saying no.

Jackie placed her head in her hands and rested on her elbow staring down at Steven. He was in a deep sleep. She didn't want to disturb him, she knew for a fact that Steven didn't sleep well. He had a bit of insomnia. It was alright, she understood, when she got back from New York, she had insomnia. Always afraid he would come back. So she would write poetry, express her feelings. This wasn't new to her either, she had always written poetry, ever since she was little. But this wasn't her old poetry; all about unicorns and rainbows and how beautiful she was. No this was dark stuff, but in a weird way it was her feel much, much better.

Jackie carefully climbed out of bed and put on her coat and shoes. She gave Hyde a little kiss on the lips and left a note on his bed

Hey, didn't want to wake you. I'll see you sometime tonight.

Jackie.

That was another problem. She if she was her old self she probably would have written love. But now, like Hyde, she had a problem with love.

Halfway to Jackie's house. Another thought stopped her. They were in a relationship. And that meant love. Which meant……

Sex.

Would she be able to do that? Could she handle being like that again? What if they were going to and she chickened out or she would cry in the middle of it. 'No' she thought 'With Steven, when he holds me and kisses me it feels right, he always makes me feel really good' She was still scared shitless about it. She didn't want to have to go in to too fast. It only happened in July. It was August 25th now. It was too soon. It had only been about 5 weeks. Steven would respect that. Right?

Jackie reached her house and picked up the mail and brought it in. Flipping through all the mail she paused on one and cautiously opened it. With a gasp she dropped the letter and backed up to the door. Oh god. Her mom was coming back. Could she tell her mother? Her mother had very old beliefs when it came to her daughter.

Her mother would blame it on her. Telling her she could of prevented it. And she could of, but that was something she really didn't want her mother to say. She wanted a hug and her mother telling her that she would be there for her and make everything better. But Jackie had always dreamed big, this is where it ended. And reality was the only thing left to grasp.

Her mother would be home in 2 weeks, Jackie guessed the younger boy had run out of money or found another sex toy. Placing the letter on the table Jackie walked to the shower and stripped off her clothes.

Stepping into the steamy water and mist Jackie turned it to cold. Bam! Thousands and thousands of cold droplets hitting her like bullets. But Jackie was once again numb, her mother always had this effect on her. Sending her into a thinking frenzy. So distracted that she couldn't feel. But not anymore. Jackie turned off the water and wrapped herself in a towel. She was so sick of her mother turning her in to a shadow of her already warped self. Not anymore. Jackie pulled on her undergarments. She saw her reflection in the mirror and paused. She moved up to the mirror closely and stared at her reflection.

Her reflection no longer scared her. Her malnutritioned body was no longer too skinny. Hyde had confronted her two weeks ago and brought her to Mrs. Forman. Mrs. Forman gave her pointers on to gain the necessary weight. She was still disgusted with herself. Tracing the scar she grimaced and winced. It didn't hurt but the mere thought of it still hurt her in every way. The memories, it still wounded her. What would of happened if she didn't? Sighing heavily, Jackie put on her clothes. A brown T-Shirt and some flared jeans, topped off with black sandals. Probably the 'fanciest' she had dressed all week.

She walked down the stairs and out of her house. She spent more time at the Forman's than ever. Ever since they found out they had insisted she come over more often. Probably thought she would slice herself and commit suicide. That would have been tempting a month ago, but not now. Now she was in lo-. No, now she had a boyfriend. She wasn't in lo-. She didn't really like someone. Nah, she just had a boyfriend. An excellent boyfriend. A loving boyfriend. An amz-. But Jackie was cut off by her thinking by Eric.

"Uhh, Jackie. You gonna go in?"

Jackie looked up "Huh?"

Eric laughed. "Well, uh, you're just standing there."

Jackie thought carefully for a moment before saying loudly "Oh!" Apparently she was still thinking and was just standing outside of the screen door to the Formans. Jackie laughed and said "Sorry."

Eric laughed as well waved it off with his hand. He had been much, much nicer now. He knew she was different now. She couldn't go back to being spoiled, and a rich-bitch princess. It would attract them all back. And he knew that. She could proudly say Eric Forman was her friend. And she liked it that way, because Eric was a great guy. He didn't really judge you as much as everyone else. And Jackie needed that the most.

Jackie walked into the kitchen and saw Mrs. Forman.

"Hey Mrs. Forman!" She greeted cheerfully. She really did like her, often she wished Mrs. Forman was her own mother. Jackie needed a mother that would watch out for her.

"Oh Jackie! How are you? Are you ok? Do you need anything? Are you hungry? I make cake and cookies!" She then laughed her eccentric laugh making Jackie smile.

"No thanks Mrs. Forman. I'm just here to see Steven."

"Oh he's downstairs dear, I'll bring down some milk and cookies."

"Okay." Mrs. Forman had become much more pleasant around Jackie after she found out about Jackie being raped. Mrs. Forman overheard Eric talking to Donna one day about it in the driveway. She nearly had a heart attack and started crying. Insisting to see her. When Eric told Jackie she knew, she wasn't really mad. Jackie really didn't mind having an overprotective mother figure in her life. It was nice, feeling loved. She could get used to it.

Jackie walked down the stairs and saw Steven watching TV alone. Kelso and Fez went to Six Flags with Eric and Donna was spending the day with her mother and father in Kenosha.

Hyde looked up to Jackie and said "Hey"

"Hey" She sat on the couch next to him and placed her head on his shoulder.

She chuckled and said "Mrs. Forman is going to bring us down some milk and cookies."

Hyde laughed as well and placed his head on hers "Nice"

In no time Mrs. Forman was downstairs, walking with her usual bounce. She placed the milk and cookies on the coffee table and looked at them.

"Haha, you too make such a cute couple! Have I ever told you that!"

Hyde looked to Jackie and said "Yeah, yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that." Earning a chuckle beside him from Jackie.

Mrs. Forman laughed. "Haha, well I'm going to say it again. You two are such a cute couple. You're turning Steven into a little softie. Haha"

Hyde looked up at her "Mrs. Forman." He said in his 'I'm tough' voice.

"Oh right. I'll be leaving you two alone now."

Jackie looked over at Hyde with a Mona Lisa smile. He looked at her "What?"

"Nothing" She said and wiped the smiled off her face, the amusement in her eyes. She grabbed a cup of milk and a cookie, and watched TV with Hyde.

After finishing the milk and cookie, she placed her cup on the table and sat back. Hyde looked to her and smiled. Well, more like smirked.

"What?"

"You've got milk on your face."

"Oh." She moved her hand up to wipe it but Steven stopped it.

"I got it." Was all he said.

He put his lips over the spot next to her mouth, lightly licking it. Making Jackie shut her eyes. His lips moved over to her pouty mouth and sucked them lightly. Drawing her bottom lip in his teeth. Jackie moved her hands to his back and pulled him to her kissing him fiercly. Hyde moved his hands to small of her back leading her down on to the couch.

Hands over clothes, tongue's battling, breath's shallow, hands in hair. It was hot and steamy. Jackie moaned as his tongue lavished her neck, sucking at the sensitive part at the base of neck. His hand moved from her back and under her shirt. Jackie's eyes shot open and she pushed him off with an airy "no!" And so they both sat at opposite ends of the couch breathing heavy. Hyde was confused and Jackie's heart was beating fast. She got nervous. Really nervous.

"Jackie, I'm sorry if I was going to fast."

She shook her head negatively. "No Steven, it's….not that…it's…uhh" She sighed.

"What is it?" He asked. A curious gaze bestowed upon her.

She met his gaze and almost immediately turned it to meet something else. Whenever she had something big to say she could never meet someone's gaze.

"I got to go" She stood up and headed for the door.

"Jackie" Hyde said standing up, he couldn't let her keep any more secrets.

"What is it, something big, You gotta talk to me man."

"Not now Steven." And she walked out the door.

It was 8 o clock at the Burkhardt residence and Jackie was fixed on having a movie binge night. She had chips and candy and soda and a good chick flick. The house was cool with the Air Conditioner running so she had on comfy pajamas and a sweater. She wanted a relaxful night. A night for herself. She had just sat down on the couch when the door rang.

'Shit' She thought. It was probably Steven. He was the only one who came around. Well, soon to be her mother. But that wasn't the point. He was here, and probably wanted to know what the hell went on with the afternoon. Figuring she had no way around it she opened the door.

Of course it was Steven.

"Hey." He said.

She didn't answer, just opened the door wider, signaling him to come in. He walked in and took off his glasses and placed them in his shirt.

"You wanna tell me what this afternoon was about?"

Jackie walked into the den answering "Not really."

He walked up swiftly next to her and turned her around by the shoulders making her look at him "Well that's just too damn bad because I decided no more secrets."

She stared up at him angrily. "You can't make me say things I don't want to Steven!"

"Well Jackie, maybe you don't want to but you need to Jackie. I'm not gonna watch you stand around and tear yourself up with these secrets Jacks, it's not healthy. And you're hurting."

Jackie averted her gaze and said softly "And if I'm not ready to tell?"

He sighed and hugged her "Too bad"

Jackie sniffled and led him up to her bedroom. She took off her sweater and stood in front of him, he was sitting on her bed. She took his hand and put it on her stomach.

"You feel that?" She asked sadly.

He nodded and said "Yeah."

She took his hand out and lifted her shirt, there was a long vertical scar around 5 inches long. It was about half a centimeter thick.

Hyde looked at the scar shockingly and looked to his girlfriend "What happened?"

His voice was laced with concern and care. It broke her heart and she started crying. Silent tears and big breaths.

She sat down on the bed next to him and he took her small hands in his own large ones. She felt so small. Too small to hold so much grief.

She looked at him and said as clear as she could, while hiccupping "There was a baby." And she broke down, heavy stress and guilt filled sobs.

Hyde almost cried himself, the pain and the shock she must have endured. It was all too much. She had to deal with so much anguish and hurt it was unbearable. He didn't know how she survived. He put his arm around her and she cried into chest and stroked her hair.

"God Jackie, I am so sorry."

She could tell he was, she lifted her head up from his chest "And I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep the baby. I was so young and this baby. If I had it, everytime I looked at it I would be constantly reminded. So I killed it. I had my doctor perform the surgery. I killed his life. And I feel selfish, so selfish. Because I killed him, to make my life better. It was a boy. And when I found out I was pregnant, I really wanted to die right there. Because I kept thinking of my future, and what if he asked who his father was. And I felt so guilty for taking his life. But I couldn't keep it, I didn't know if I could pretend to be happy with him. And I didn't want to be the one to make his life miserable." She paused to take another breathe, still crying and hiccupping.

"And every time I look at the scar, I feel like such dirt and such a bad person. Because it was my own son. I killed my own son." She cried with more anguish than before and buried herself into Hyde's chest.

Hyde spoke softly into her hair "Jackie, you didn't kill him. You did what was needed to be done. If you had him, you would be worse off than you ever were. And it would be wrong Jackie. Wrong to deprive your son of the love that should be there fully. You wouldn't be able to love him, if you didn't want him in the first place. It would be wrong to bring someone to life, it would be cruel and he would unloved. And a child can tell, when they are unloved and unwanted." Jackie nodded into chest. Feeling better, but she would always have a bit of guilt. It was to be expected.

"Thank you" She said. Feeling exhausted and weary.

Hyde kissed her forehead tenderly, this fragile being had been through so much. Much more than himself, and he had to do everything in his will, to help her through it. Because she needed him, and he needed her.

"I'm tired" She said "Stay with me?"

He stood up and helped her into bed before crawling in beside her. "Of course" He answered. Kissing her temple and gathering her in his arms. Falling into a dreamless sleep.

A/N: Wow, this is a long one. Real Sorry for the wait. But yeah, chapter 10 will be out in two to three weeks. Next Chapter: Jackie's mother and school starting. Chapter 11 will probably be 'I love you's' and Sex. Thanks for the wait and the great reviews.

R and R

Alexa