Chapter 3: Tests of the Best-Part I

It was the next morning and Tahitii was the first to wake up. As he did, he smiled, knowing that today was test day. It was time to test the 7 terms Wile E. described yesterday. He was gonna be strong for all the Looneys, especially his two personal favs: Lola and Wile E. Coyote. He hopped up onto Bugs and Lola's bed and licked Lola's face until he eyes opened with a giggle.

"Hey, Tahitii." She greeted. "You're up early." This woke Bugs up.

"Dat dragon's one energized little ting." He said as he sat up. He rubbed Tahitii on the head as well. "Ya know, today's da day we get to do those tests Wile E. read about yesterday. Feel up to it, doc?"

Do I feel up to it? Tahtii's thoughts rang again. Of course I am. I wanna get these tests done and overwith!

His thoughts showed once again by making a cute baby dragon roar in response. Lola giggled as she raised an eyebrow.

"Looks like he is ready! But, first, there's nothing better for starting a busy day than a nice breakfast." She said to the dragon as she sat up and put on a white robe. Bugs put on his blue robe. Tahitii stretched like a dog as he landed on the floor and walked along with the two bunnies downstairs to the kitchen. As the three arrived, everybody was in the living room near the kitchen while Sylvester was cooking the breakfast.

"I'm gonna go help Sly wit da cookin'." Bugs said to Lola as she headed for the living room with Tahitii in her arms.

"Okay, Bugs." She replied. She then sat down next to Wile E. and craddled Tahitii in her arms. He snuggled even closer into her chest as she sat and this made her giggle.

"He's so cute." She said to Wile E., who smiled and nodded in response. "So, if we do these tests he has to do, then will he be powerful enough to handle any situation?"

"Yes. By doing these tests, he'll be able to do anything nobody else can do. I'm just hoping his parents are aware of this." He replied as he tickled Tahitii's tummy. He giggled as his hind legs began kicking rapidly.

In the kitchen…

Bugs was just pouring the pancake platter in the skillet while Sylvester started on the eggs.

"Ya know, I tink Lola is really understandin' dis legend stuff better than me." Bugs started. "Do ya tink she has a superior mind, just like Wile E.?"

"Yeah! She'sth got the sthmartsth to understhtand what a living legend can do." Sylvester replied as he stood there, watching the scrambled eggs cook. "Maybe that'sth another reasthon why you married her, besthidesth the fact that she'sth very caring and loving to you."

"Yeah." He flipped a pancake over. "Should I tell her dat?"

"I sthuggestht that you do. It can make her feel more confident about herself."

"Okay. I'll tell her when we start our breakfast."

Later, at breakfast…

All the Looneys were gathered at the table for their big breakfast. Bugs served himself and Lola something new to the breakfast line-up just made for the two rabbits while Sylvester served everything else and strapped Tahitii in a baby seat at left end of the table.

"Ooh." Lola awed. "What this dish, Bugs?"

"I'd like to call it: 'Scalloped Carrots with potatoes'. I invented it myself." Bugs replied.

"It looks tasty." She picked up her fork and took a scoop into her mouth. "Mmmm! This is good!"

"Tanks." He blushed as he took his seat next to her. Tahitii took a look at it and snarled with disgust.

Well, of course she thinks it's good. His thoughts spoke in his head. To me, it looks like digested shit!

"Sounds like Tahitii wouldn't like it." Lola giggled as she heard the snarl. Wile E. chuckled as he served the dragon a small stack of three buttermilk pancakes with creamy syurp and butter with 4 strips of bacon and a bowl of scrambled eggs, loaded with ketchup, on the side. Tahitii looked at his entrée and squealed with delight.

Now, that's what I call a breakfast! He thought.

He drooled as he took his fork and knife, but before he could take in his first bite, Lola snuck in from behind him and tied a white bib around his neck.

"Don't want you to be messy before you start your tests." She told him before she went back to her seat. Tahitii smiled as he started eating.

"I see he has a big appitite." Wile E. said as he took a bite of his eggs.

As Lola took her seat, Bugs was looking very anxious. Sylvester noticed and gave him a wink. Bugs nodded as he looked at Lola.

"Lo, dere's sometin' I gotta tell ya." He said with confidence.

"What is it?" Lola asked as she looked up from her plate, then toward Bugs.

"Sly and I have been talkin' and... well, I just wanted to say dat… I really love how smart you are to undastand what a livin' legend can do."

Lola's eyes lit up. "You're just noticing that, Bugs?"

"Mm-hm." He started to look nervous as he solemnly looked down at his plate. Lola surprised him by giving him a kiss on the cheek. His cheeks turned as pink as his own nose as he turned towards her, placing a hand on the spot where she kissed.

"What was dat for?" He asked bashfully.

"That was for being very thoughtful about my smarts. I never knew you were interested." She replied.

"Heh, heh. Well, whateva you're in to, I'm in to."

"Aw, Bugs!" She passionately kissed him on the mouth this time. Sylvester smiled at this tender scene while the rest of the Looneys, including Tahitii, awed at this moment.

Oh, wow! Tahitii's thoughts exclaimed. Is it just me… or is Lola lookin' kinda sexy when she kisses like that?

After 15 seconds of kissing, the two released slowly and looked into each other's eyes.

"Bugs," Lola started in a whisper as she stroked Bugs' face. "after the tests, I'm gonna give you some bedtime fun you'll never forget." Bugs raised an eyebrow after that remark as he turned back towards his plate.

"Oh, yeah." He growled under his breath sexually.

Later, in Wile E.'s underground lab…

"Okay, now that we had a splendid breakfast, we can start Tahitii's tests." Wile E. started as he pulled out his legend book and turned a few pages. "Alright. The first is: the 'Test of speed and endurance'. Why don't we test this in my speed counting tredmill?"

Minutes later…

Tahitii was walking on a tredmill with two wires attached to each of his legs. The Looneys were watching very closely as Wile E. explained.

"The book says that 'Many baby dragons tend to run at 35 miles per hour'. The scale says that his walking speed is 17 miles per hour. For a dragon, that's pretty fast." He explained.

"Stheemsth sthlow to me." Daffy complained. As he said this, Tahitii's speed was increasing, making the bright red numbers in the scale count up extremely fast until it exploded. When it did, the little dragon stopped running and panted like a dog in a seated position, looking up at the Looneys, who had shocked looks on their faces.

"Wow." Lola managed to say. Wile E. scratched his head in wonder.

"I guess we'll try with my newest machine: The Speedometer Machine." He announced.

Seconds later…

"This machine's too tough to malfunction. It can count up to a random top speed anytime." Wile E. announced. "You can start running now, Tahitii."

The baby dragon did so. He still had two wires on each leg as he ran, but they were connected to the machine this time. He started running even faster and the numbers scrolled even faster. So fast, the ones place was unable to determine. This made Bugs whistle.

"Damn! He must go fasta dan any otha baby dragon, huh?" He complied as Lola was standing next ot him with his arm around her shoulder. Daffy and Sylvester were in the same position. Wile E. raised an eyebrow in amazement.

"Must be. As soon as he reaches his top speed, the machine will let us know by making a 'ding!' sound." He agreed as Tahitii ran even faster. As his legs got blurry for 15 seconds, the machine made its 'ding!'. Wile E. looked at the number and was stunned. Since the Looneys couldn't see, they were anxious to know.

"Well, how fastht doesth he go?" Sylvester asked.

"This is unbelievable! Ladies and gentlemen of the Looney Tunes, I am pleased to announce that Tahitii Taylless, the only living legend in the entire planet, can run up to… the same exact speed as light itself!" Wile E. replied in an announcer's voice. This made half of the Looneys faint to the floor, including Daffy and Lola. Bugs and Sylvester were still standing along with the rest of the group in shocked expressions, including Elmer, RoadRunner, and even Sylvester Jr..

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Bugs and Sylvester exclaimed. This made Lola regain conciousness as she slowly stood up and shook her head.

"How the…? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lola studdered. "How the hell can he run THAT fast? He's faster than RoadRunner and Speedy put together!"

"Hey! It can happen!" Wile E. replied as he shrugged his shoulders. Tahitii lifted his head up with courage.

He got that right! Tahitii's thoughts agreed as he sat there with his head up high.

"Uh… shall we get along with the next test?" Wile E. asked, changing the subject.

"Which is…?" Daffy spoke up as he sat up from his coma.

"The test of strength."

Minutes later…

"We'll do a series of four simple strength tests. The more progress he does, the better the results." Wile E. explained.

"At leastht we don't have to sthee him run asth fastht asth hell!" Daffy complained as he held a bag of ice on his noggin. Lola did the same, sitting next to Bugs.

"The first test: How many push-ups he can do in a minute. Ready, Tahitii?" The baby dragon nodded as he was in the push-up position. "Start!"

Wile E. pressed the 'start' button on his stopwatch as he said this. Tahitii began his push-ups. The Looneys watched with tiredness.

59 seconds later…

"Time!" Wile E. called as he stopped the watch. Tahitii stopped his push-ups and looked at him, laying down. The push-up meter read: '52'. "Oh! Once again, Tahitii has broken another record. He did exactly 52 push-ups in one minute!"

"Goddamn! What'sth with thisth dragon? Doesth he have sthpecthial I.Q.'sth or sthomething!" Daffy exclaimed. Bugs chuckled at this question. Sylvester and Lola did the same as for the rest of the Looneys. Wile E. held in his chuckle as he spoke.

"I suppose you could say that!" He said between chuckles.

Later…

"Now, let's test his knowledge." Wile E. started as he was dressed in a professor's clothing. Tahitii was seated in the only desk in the 'classroom'. He had his pencil and paper ready to begin. The Looneys watched from a big window behind Tahitii, who never noticed them.

"Okay. Here's how I'm gonna do it: I'm gonna write 10 questions on this markerboard. The bonus question is on the back of your sheet of notebook paper, but don't turn it over until you have answered the 10 questions first. When you're done, just hand your paper to me and I'll check it during lunch. You'll get your grade afterwards. Understand?"

Tahitii nodded as he got his pencil ready.

"When I ring this bell, I want you to write your name on the top of the paper and begin. Wait one moment as I write the questions." Wile E. turned his back towards Tahitii and the Looneys as he grabbed a black eraseable marker and started writing in the finest print. While he was writing, Daffy shook his head with amazement.

"Thisth dragon isth really sthtarting to impressth me amazthingly." He said randomly. Bugs was eating a carrot while Lola did the same, standing next to him.

"Amazingly is right, doc." Bugs agreed. "I neva knew a baby dragon such as Tahitii here could do such amazin' tings."

"I'll have to agree, I say, I'll have to agree with ya on dat one!" Foghorn remarked. "That drag…, I say, that dragon's got mad skills."

"I must admit, for an earthling with no tail, he sure has a way with being unbelieveably talented." Marvin agreed.

"Maybe he's starting to be as smart as me." Lola said to herself as she took another bite of her carrot.

Back in the classroom…

Wile E. just finished writing the questions on the board. He sat down at his desk and was postured like a perfect professor.

"Alright, Tahitii." He started. "You may pick up your pencil and begin." He tapped the table bell right when he said the last word and Tahitii began writing. The following questions on the board were:

1.) Which Looney Tune came first: Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck?

2.) Which Looney Tune was known as 'prey' to the other: Tweety or Speedy?

3.) In the cartoon, "Wackiki Wabbit", what item was Bugs doing puppetry with to trick the two men?

4.) In "A Corny Concerto", how many ducklings did the mother swan have?

5.) What was Bugs Bunny's first look?

6.) What issue does Bugs and Daffy usually argue about?

7.) In "Baby Looney Tunes", which baby is said to have the biggest imagination?

8.) In the Baby Looney Tunes episode called "Pouting Match", what does Lola keep pouting for the most?

9.) In the episode called "Did not, did too", which two babies are the ones arguing everyday?

10.) In the episode called "Mother's Day Madness", which two babies are on Daffy's side of the table?

Those seemed easy to the Looneys(and possibly you), but they're hoping that Tahitii knows as much as they do. By 10 minutes, Tahitii was done and he held his paper in his mouth as he walked up to Wile E. and he took the paper. Tahitii suddenly realized that he had forgotten the bonus question and quickly snatched the paper back and sat back at his desk. Wile E. was caught off guard for a moment, but he understood and smiled. Tahitii turned the paper over and saw the bonus question:

.) What is the name of the movie where Lola Bunny made her first appearance and what year was it whe it was released?

Tahitii's eyes grew wide for a few seconds, but then came to his senses and wrote his answer down with a sly smile on his face. Then, he flew up to Wile E.'s desk this time and laid the paper down on his desk. Wile E. patted the dragon's head in response.

"It's about time for lunch. You make a very well-behaved student. Maybe when you get older, you could get your real lessons with me right here in this classroom. For now, you're in test mode." Wile E. started. "I'll check this paper right here while you join the others for lunch. I have my own kitchen, you know."

Meanwhile, in the wide open meadows of Kyoto…

Havino and Gina, Tahitii's parents, were told that their only tailless son was taken to a shelter in California. They mourned the loss of their son as they rested in a cave.

"Oh, Havino." Gina whined. "Our poor, beloved son has been captured by poachers. We should've stopped them when we had the chance!"

Havino placed his calming claws around his wife as he spoke.

"Don't worry, dear." He started. "It wasn't your fault. Tahitii probably was meant for something like that to happen to him, knowing that he's the tailless one and all."

"I just hope he's still okay."

To be continued…