Fourteenth Century Man
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Can we agree that from now on, films have to be made by filmmakers?"
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ACT 17 – The lost scenes
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"It's rare Todd Fan parodies deleted scenes", says Hank, appearing again, "but her casting choices were influenced by them, so..here we go"
The Phoenix Scene
It is after Forge's very first victory, posing as Warren, where he, Freddy and Todd are sitting around a campfire at knight.
"We need a banner", says Forge, "Our emblem"
He looks at the fire in thought.
"I was thinking of a phoenix"
"….That holds some importance to me, I'm sure", frowns Jean, "there's a niggling feeling in the back of my mind"
"Oh, that was me trying to unhook your bra", admits Scott, "sorry"
"Why waste the money?", asks Freddy, "We have Sir Worthington's white stallion"
"Someone may recognise it", says Forge, "We need to be reborn. Like a phoenix, rising form the ashes"
"A lion", says Todd suddenly, "Lying down with his head raised!
"Nah", says Freddy, "Lion walking, right foot upraised"
Freddy makes a hand into a claw shape, adding a 'rarrh' for effect.
"Have it raised up on his hind legs", says Todd, "All of his weight on his left"
"No", says Freddy, "on the right. The weight is always on the right"
"No, everyone uses lions", says Forge, "Can't you see? The phoenix! It's end is it's beginning. Like myself"
"Oh, well if it's all about you", moans Freddy, "pick what you want. You're the knight. We're just humble servants"
"I meant a phoenix like the three of us", says Forge, "not just myself"
"Three phoenixes", says Todd.
Everyone nods in agreement.
"Three it is", smiles Forge
"And then maybe grasping in their talons a lion!", says Todd excitedly, Freddy and Forge rolling their eyes, "…Just think about it.."
"Clearly, they don't", smiles Hank, "as Forge's shield from then on in is three phoenixes"
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Jason Gets Punched
"Later on in the championships, we see Logan getting ready for fighting, blinking over at Forge, where Freddy and Todd are trying to smack his broken armour back into shape around him.
"Kelly", says Logan
"My Lord?", asks Kelly, walking over.
"That knight there..being battered?", Logan nods at Forge.
"Triple phoenixes", says Kelly, looking through his papers, "Forgeich von Lichtenstein. Duke of Gelderland"
"Gelderland?", asks Logan.
"Well east of the..", Kelly pauses, looking at Logan's fist, not getting any close, "Rhine…I believe"
As Jason fits Logan's armour, he pulls a bit too tightly, Logan turns to blink at him, then punches him in the face.
"Oww!", says Jason, "geez, moody!"
Kelly smiles, glad it wasn't him.
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Kurt Has A Wife
After their victory, Forge, Freddy, Todd and Wanda are walking through the camp when they notice a naked Kurt walking bay, tossing an apple in his hands. He looks around sneakily, before stepping into a barn. The team sigh, going after him.
"Kurt!", shouts Forge stepping inside, "I don't believe this! How much did you lose!"
Kurt blinks, confused.
"Lose what?", he asks.
"Gambling!", says Freddy, "Your clothes, even!"
"My clothes are lying there", says Kurt, pointing at them as Wanda walks in, looking down with a smirk, "…stop that"
"I can't even think of anything to say", she says.
"Then why are you running around naked?", asks Todd.
"Because she was hungry", says Kurt weakly.
"Who?", asks Forge
Amanda peeks her head out form a pile of blankets, chewing on an apple, standing next to Kurt, equally naked.
"Yey for nakedness!", she says,
"Amanda, my vife", says Kurt with a shrug.
Wanda quickly covers Todd's eyes, who growls, stalking after Kurt.
"I don't believe this!", he growls as Freddy and Forge hold him back.
"Oh, that must be Todd", grins Amanda, not bothered by her lack of clothing…at all, she smiles, looking around the group, "And you're Wanda, and Freddy, and Forge…I mean, Sir Forgeich von Lichtenstein, who's mother's father was.."
"Shillar von Rep", grins Kurt, nuzzling her.
"Kurt's told me all about you", grins Amanda, then offers her apple, "anyone like a bite?"
"Yeah", grins Todd, walking over, only to be dragged off by Freddy out of the door.
"Ummm..sorry to barge in on you", says Forge, "Mrs. Wagner…We'll leave you be…Night…"
"Night", grins Kurt as they leave, Todd hovering by the door.
"I though you was a prostitute", he says by way of apology to Amanda.
"…….Thanks", blinks Amanda.
"Get out!", shouts Kurt, Todd leaving.
"They seem much more fun than those boring old pilgrims you hung out with last year", says Amanda, blinking at Kurt, "What is it?"
Kurt smiles, giving her a kiss.
"Paradise, my dear", he says, "stands forth in your eyes"
"Oh, Kurt, come to bed", grins Amanda, dragging him down.
"…We'll leave you to it then", blinks Hank.
Outside, the rest of Team Forge are chuckling, stopping when they notice Dani and Storm waiting for them. Dani looks at Freddy's arm, where he's embroidering the phoenix design onto it.
"This is beautiful!", she says, then looks at the empty sleeve.
"Oh..I'm right handed", explains Freddy, "would you like to see some of my other embroidery?"
"Yeha, that's how ta get a date", snorts Todd
"Yes, smiles Dani, dragging him off.
"Oh Boy, yup, another weird pairing there", blinks Hank
"Umm, goodnight Todd, Goodnight Wanda", says Forge, as he and Storm wander off too.
Left alone with Wanda, Todd breaths on his hand, smelling his breath, then smoothes down his hair, giving her his best debonair smile, then offers his hand.
"Oh", Wanda looks in her bag, pulling out a pasty, putting it in his hand, then walks off.
"…NO love for the Toad", sighs Todd, then looks at his pasty, "hello beautiful"
He hops off to spend some time alone with his food.
REALLY THE END THIS TIME
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And there we go. That wasn't all of them, only the ones I liked best. Weee, such fun! Do review. Thanks for reading!