All things considered, he had a strong suspicion that she wasn't here to apologize and ask him to the ball.
"Good morning, Andy," he said cautiously.
"Was that James I saw reading a book about love potions yesterday?" she asked, hands on her perfectly curved hips. Merlin, but she was beautiful... if she hadn't been Sirius' cousin, he might just have been willing to go for some of that mushy stuff if he thought it might give him a chance.
"How am I supposed to know?" asked Sirius. "I wasn't there when you saw him, was I?"
Andy gave him another look that he was grateful couldn't kill. "What exactly is wrong with you guys?" she asked. "First you can't be bothered to actually get off your rear ends and actually ask us to the dance with you, and then when your stupidity catches up with you, you stoop to looking up love potions?"
"That was James' idea, not mine," said Sirius. "Remus and I are trying to talk him out of it."
"Oh, yes?" asked Andy. "Well, you might mention to him that we're well-versed in antidotes."
"You are?" this came as a surprise to Sirius, but it probably shouldn't have. Of course the most beautiful girls at Hogwarts knew all about love potions and their antidotes! There could have been great trouble if they didn't.
"We are," she affirmed. "And as long as you're trying to convince him to get his fat head out of his arse, you might also suggest that if he really wants Narse for his date that badly, he might try actually wooing her. You and Lupin might do the same. The world doesn't exist to hand you stuff on silver platters, you know. Once in a while, you actually have to work for something - imagine that!"
"What do you want us to do?" Sirius asked sarcastically, "get down on our knees and recite poetry?"
Andromeda looked startled for a moment, but then her gorgeous lips curved into a smile. "Okay, sure," she said.
Sirius blinked.
"Yes, I do want you to do that," Andy clarified. "In fact, I want you to do it right now."
He looked around in a panic - breakfast hadn't started yet, and only the early risers were in the Great Hall yet. Not even James and Remus had arrived yet... but those who were present would see, and they'd talk. Dammit, was the world just out to embarrass him this week?
On the other hand... twelve days left, and no sign of a date but this.
"Right here, right now?" he asked.
"Yes," she nodded. "Right here, right now, with everybody watching. You swallow your pride, kneel down, and recite a poem for me, and not only will I go to the ball with you, I'll never even look at Teddy Tonks again. How's that?"
That was a big promise. Ted Tonks had been Andy's best friend at Hogwarts since first year, when she hadn't really been old enough to understand why it was her parents disapproved of him. By the time she had figured it out, their friendship was already cemented, and the idea that she was actually considering marrying this Muggleborn nobody sent shivers up and down the spines of the elder members of the Black family. Quite a few of them would have actually preferred that she persue a relationship with Sirius, her first cousin, rather than date Theodore Tonks.
But to promise never to talk to him again, Andy must really, really think Sirius was not up to doing what she'd just asked him to do.... and frankly, he was not. He'd rather let her marry the oaf and be disowned for it than humiliate himself like that.
However... a chill crept over him as he realized something else: by now this conversation had a large and interested audience, and whatever he did, they would gossip about it. If word reached his parents' or grandparents' ears that Andy had promised never to see Ted Tonks again if Sirius did something, and that he then hadn't done it... not that it was his fault she was being so damn unreasonable, but his family wouldn't see that. All they would see was another excuse to pick on him.
Bloody hell.
"Very well." Sirius decided that if he had to do this, he'd try to pass it off as a bit of a joke. Maybe that way he could escape the brunt of the ridicule. He got up, bowed, and then theatrically kneeled down in front of Andy... all before realizing that he didn't know very many poems. "What would my lady have me recite?" he asked. Something that started with roses are red, violets are blue probably wouldn't cut it.
"What?" she asked, "can my noble knight not choose something on his own?"
"I kinda only know one poem," said Sirius. The horrible thing had somehow burned its way into his head, probably because reading it had made him so angry. And he doubted it was a good one to use here.
"Who's it by?" asked Andy.
"Shakespeare," said Sirius.
She snorted. "You read Shakespeare?"
"A little," he said defensively. One poem, to be exact.
"All right," she said. "Let's hear it."
Sirius took a deep breath. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the Sun," he recited, "coral is far more red than her lips' red..." He kept his eyes down, feeling his cheeks burning, and got as far as the line about no such roses in her cheeks before he dared to look up, and stopped short as he saw the look on Andy's face.
"Are you calling me ugly?" she asked.
"No," said Sirius. "I told you I only knew one poem! You didn't specify it had to be nice poetry."
Andy stared at him in disbelief a moment longer, then shook her head. "You are such an idiot," she said, and turned around and stomped off back to the Slytherin table to join her sisters.
"Sirius?" asked James' voice. "What the hell are you doing?"
While Sirius was reciting the stupid sonnet to Andy, James and Remus had come to take their seats for breakfast. It was impossible to tell how much of the scene they'd witnessed, but however much it might have been, it was too much for Sirius. His face was flaming with indignation as he got up and took his seat again.
"Sirius?" James asked again.
"Andy wanted me to recite poetry for her," Sirius snarled, "and apparently she didn't like the poem I picked. I told her it was the only one I knew, but is that good enough for her? Noooooo."
"Why bother?" asked James. "It's Andy. All you have to do is tattle to your aunt and uncle that she's going with Tonks. They'll forbid it, and then she'll be stuck with you."
Sirius remained silent for a moment, scrutinizing his friend's face for any sign that he was joking, but there was none. Surely James wasn't dumb enough to suggest that seriously? "Are you nuts?" asked Sirius. "She'd never talk to me again. She'd date... she'd dateHagrid before she'd date me." He shook his head and changed the subject. "What happened to you last night, Remus? You wandered off and never came back."
"The staircase changed and I got lost," said Remus in a monotone. He looked Sirius right in the eye as he spoke.
"Ah," said Sirius, nodding. "Find any lost poetry books lying around?"
"None you would have been intersted to read," replied Remus.
James looked at one of his friends, then the other. "Did I miss something?" he asked.
"Possibly," said Remus. "Speaking of which, I'm going to be skipping lunch today. I promised one of the sixth year Ravenclaws I'd help her with a Defense Against the Dark Arts essay."
James considered that for a minute. "Sixth year Defense Against the Dark Arts... let me guess, the werewolf essay?"
"I figure somebody might as well profit from it," said Remus.
Almost everybody was in the hall by now, and breakfast was served a few minutes later. Sirius helped himself to bacon and eggs, and tried to ignore the ever-omnipresent sound of girls giggling; he just knew they were giggling about him. It would not, however, be ignored... and when he foolishly glanced at the Slytherin table, he saw the triplets laughing uproariously about something. And just to rub it in, Andy said something to her sisters while pointing at Sirius. Great. Just great.
His jaw hardened. Fine - Andy wanted poetry, she would get poetry. He probably couldn't embarrass himself any more now, and there would be something terribly satisfying about holding her to her promise never to see Ted Tonks again, even if it would mean she'd hate him forever afterwards. He would damn well find the mushiest stupid poem on earth and recite it for her in front of the whole school. The library didn't carry books of poetry, so he would have to find somebody who owned one and was willing to lend it to him. Or he could try the Room of...
His thoughts screeched to a halt, and he brightened a bit as he realized that it was entirely possible the Room of Requirement hadn't wanted him to date the Hufflepuff girl at all! Maybe he was just supposed to borrow her poetry book to appease Andy... but then his mood went back downhill as he remembered that he had, after all, given the book back to her. Now he was going to have to talk to her again in order to borrow it back!
"What was the name of the girl with the book again?" he asked Remus.
"Rosalie Cranmer," Remus replied.
"Rosalie Cranmer," Sirius repeated, concentrating on remembering it this time.
James looked annoyed. "Do you two want to tell me what you're up to?"
"We're not up to anything," Remus and Sirius replied in unison.
James frowned. "Fine, then." He leaned his elbows on the table, obviously sulking. "Have it your way."
Sirius concentrated on his breakfast and quietly reminded himself of what Regulus always said: that which didn't kill him, made him stronger. By the time the ball arrived, he'd either have died of embarrassment or become totally immune to it. He just wished he knew which he'd prefer.