Line of Fire
Chapter 4
John found himself wandering the corridors of Atlantis. He numbly followed his feet, his brain offering no direction or destination. He knew that he had promised Elizabeth that he would be there while she underwent this surgery, but the reality was, he was unable to sit by quietly and wait for Carson to tell him that she had died.
Elizabeth. Dead. He couldn't get his mind around it; it was too frightening. John was well aware of the debt he owed to this woman. Prior to coming to Atlantis, his life had pretty much been a meaningless routine. Then, Rodney and the other scientists had discovered that John had the rare Ancient gene, making him a part of the Atlantis expedition, whether he wanted to be a member or not. John had had his doubts; sure, he enjoyed adventure, but traveling to another galaxy, perhaps never to return to Earth? Give up pizza and beer and surfing and a gazillion other amenities that the little blue planet provided? For what?
For the chance of a lifetime, John admitted. For meeting Teyla and Ronon Dex. For discovering that Rodney had a brave heart and a fragile soul under all that brain and bluster. For seeing things he had never imagined or dreamed possible. For leaving this ocean city to return to Earth, and missing it, and realizing that Atlantis had become his home. For working with a woman as strong and as brilliant, not to mention beautiful, as Elizabeth Weir.
It was Elizabeth who had brought him here, and it was she who had kept him here. A little digging had revealed that she had flatly put her foot down when the committee had insisted he be replaced with Colonel Caldwell. She had not only kept him here, but managed to get him promoted to Lt. Colonel, a rank he'd thought he'd never see. Then she had given him free reign, allowing him to select his own people, and run the military side of Atlantis pretty much as he wanted.
Of course, they'd had their arguments and disagreements. She could be too cautious, too analytical, when he fully believed a situation required action. She was a stubborn woman, who didn't budge when her mind was decided, no matter how hard he tried to charm or cajole her. The three of them – Elizabeth, Rodney and John – had become a team, each with their own strengths, each with their own flaws. To have one of the team be lost, forever, would shatter whatever delicate balance they had worked so hard to achieve. To have the lost member be Elizabeth was inconceivable.
John slowed to a stop, his eyes widening in disbelief. He had walked far beyond the outer limits of known-Atlantis, traveling corridors that all seemed identical. He reached out, the doors opening automatically to his silent command, and stepped out on to a huge balcony. He and Elizabeth had often shared quiet moments together on her office balcony, but this was so much more.
A light breeze ruffled his hair, the smell of salt and sea surrounding him. The warm blue ocean lay to his right, the gentle lapping of water as it hit the exposed surfaces of the city relaxing him. To his left lay a large portion of the city, aglow with lights in the areas that were being occupied with the visitors from Earth. John looked closer; he could see the shadows of personnel moving back and forth, safe within the city structure. He leaned forward and grasped the railing, peering down at the water below. He was a long way up, perhaps twenty stories or more.
John closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh air. He kept tight hold on the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Guilt raged through him; he should have taken the intruder out before he could fire his weapon. Because John had moved too slowly, Elizabeth had been hurt. John felt his heart grow cold, his hands tremble, and he cursed his helplessness. He had known for months now that Elizabeth Weir was becoming much more a friend to him. He had ignored the situation, waiting for his attraction to the tall brunette to fade back into the friendly working relationship they had established. She certainly wasn't his type; too cautious, too restrained, a workaholic who needed to be persuaded to let things go and have a little fun. No, Liz wasn't his type at all; she was just too uptight.
If truth be told, Teyla Emmagen was more along his lines of girlfriend or lover. John was well-aware of the bets various personnel had placed when he had recruited the beautiful Athosian leader on to his team. The odds were in his favor that he and Teyla would one day become a couple, in every sense of the word. Still, no matter how hard he tried, Teyla felt more like a sister or childhood friend than a potential bedmate. When he had kissed her, passionately, during his change into a Wraith-bug, he had felt something, all right. Guilt. Remorse. Borderline disgust at his actions. Yes, Teyla was extremely attractive, and he knew most men would give all they had for one night alone with the warrior. The woman was a definite ten. But, when he compared actually kissing Teyla to his dreams about kissing Elizabeth, the two just couldn't compete.
John felt pain race through him at the thought of Liz. He had been dreaming about her for months, ever since Kolya tried to drag her through the stargate, and John had been forced to shoot him. His sleep would alternate between terrible visions of Kolya succeeding, yanking Elizabeth through the stargate as she screamed for John to help her. Or worse, he would see Elizabeth fall to the ground, shot and bleeding, as he missed Kolya entirely, and hit Elizabeth instead. After one of these nightmares, he would wake up, gasping for breath, her name on his lips, terror in his eyes. It would take a long while for him to calm down and relax enough to try and sleep again.
Other times, though, his dreams of Liz were sweet and sensual, warm and loving. He would remember what it felt to hold her when she thought he had died, feeling her body tremble, her eyes wet with frightened tears. Or envision the rare times when he had managed to tease her into a smile, or even a laugh. The woman was a challenge, a mystery, enigmatic and enticing. He imagined sleeping with her, holding her close, smelling the soft scent of her hair, seeing her smile at him in the morning. Yes, his dreams were intimate and sexual, but they also contained elements of permanence and commitment. Elements of love. Elements of a future. Together.
John felt the tears form in his eyes, and blinked furiously to drive them away. Yes, he loved Elizabeth, and he had known it for awhile now. He had no idea if she felt likewise, or her concern for him was just that: concern. For a friend. Now, it didn't seem to really matter.
John took another deep breath, his eyes distant and bleak. He knew he needed to get back to her. It would break his heart to lose her, but he knew she would be there, next to him, staying close, if the roles were reversed. Elizabeth would have never left his side if he needed her. John took one last long look at the beautiful scene before him, then turned and started back to the infirmary, trusting his feet to get him where he needed to be. With Elizabeth.
TBC