The Road Goes Ever On And On

Disclaimer: No I don't own.

Chapter Thirteen: Frodo's Funeral

Frodo's funeral was to be a big affair in the city of Gondor. Everyone was invited to attend the funeral and most everyone did. But not everyone really wanted to go or cared about the little twerp…

"NO! I will not go!" yelled Mary, crossing her arms and glaring at Faramir and a cowering Aragorn, who was very much afraid of her.

"Please Mary, I've got to attend it so why don't you just come with me?" asked Faramir, softly.

"What part of 'NO!' do you not understand!"

Aragorn began to whimper in the background and Mary shot him a look that said clearly, 'shut up or die' and he shut up.

"Please? You can wear whatever you want… and say whatever you want…"

"I do that anyway!"

"Please?"

"Stop begging! I'll do it! But I'm not mourning! And I'm wearing black cause the slimy little twerp wants everyone to wear happy and bright colors like pink!" said Mary, finally giving in just a little bit.

"Thank you…" said Faramir.

"Whatever…"

"Nana!" groaned Tithenwen. She may have decided to stay in the city and listen to her parents, but she still had to draw the line somewhere.

"What's wrong this time?" Arwen said.

"It's too bright! And PINK!" said Tithenwen pointing at the dress that Arwen held in her hands.

"So? Everyone will be wearing bright colors!"

"Nana, I agreed to wear a dress, but I didn't mean something like this!"

"Then what were you thinking of?"

"I don't know, something that I used to wear before I left?" she said hopefully, unable to remember what that might have been.

"Like that black and red dress that you always wore? Hell no!"

"But I thought black was a mourning color?"

"It is!"

"So why can't I wear that to a funeral?"

"Argh!" yelled Arwen, throwing her hands up in disgust. "I give up! She's now your problem Aragorn!"

Aragorn sat speechless as Arwen left the Citadel and gulped as he turned to face his daughter.

"Well?" asked the Ranger, arms crossed.

"Wear whatever you want."

"Thank you, and by the way, ada, I've got something to tell you…"

"What?"

"Saruman's got spies in the palace. He has two stationed outside my door. I overheard them talking. They said that they'd kill me if I tried to leave my room. And I saw Nicholas in my dreams. He told me that Saruman is coming after you and that we need to the leave the city."

"Why?" asked Aragorn, confused.

"Saruman is coming to kill you and me and nana."

"Oh…"

"I should have told you earlier, but with that dead gay Hobbit and everything else…"

"It's okay. We'll figure something out after the funeral."

"But what am I going to do about the guards?"

"Hide?"

Tithenwen glared at him and then rolled her eyes.

"What?"

"How am I supposed to do that at the funeral?"

"Blend in?" suggested Aragorn, unsure of what to say.

"Like stand in the crowd?"

"Yeah, that works."

The funeral was held the next day. Frodo had ordered that it be held as soon as it was humanly possible. Aragorn had been put in charge of the plans and he had planned for it to be held outside in the main courtyard, where his coronation had been held.

Tithenwen attended, hidden in the crowd, wearing her black dress with red sleeves under a black cloak that she had snuck from her room by entering and leaving via her balcony. Beside her stood Becca, whose long blonde hair was elegantly braided and looked beautiful against the light purple dress that she wore. Dolly, Emily, Merry, and Pippin had not attended and were not among the crowd. Mary, wearing one of her favorite black dress and her Charlie sweater was standing with Faramir at the front of the ceremony, not too far from were Aragorn and Arwen were. Gandalf the Gay was in charge of the ceremony and next to him (by Frodo's request) stood Sam.

Gandalf couldn't stop crying as he spoke about Frodo, which caused rolling eyes from Sam, Mary, and Tithenwen.

"F-f-frodo took it upon himself to destroy the Ring," began Gandalf. "And t-t-this task got him killed…"

Mary rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently. She hadn't come to the funeral to listen to the gay wizard ramble on and on.

"He was such a sweet little innocent…"

"Twerp!" cried Mary, finally no longer being able to keep it in. "Frodo Baggins-I mean Frodo Faggins-was and still is a little pot smoking gay twerp! He was never innocent! He was gay!"

Everyone in the crowd gasped. Gandalf tried to find something to say, but nothing came out but babbled nonsense.

Mary gave a crooked smile as she realized that she had their attention. "Now, will you shut up, you gay wizard! The little twerp's dead and good riddance to him! No one here really gives a damn!"

"Waaaaaaaaa!" cried Gandalf, realizing that he was being insulted, as he ran off.

Mary stood there with a triumphant smile as everyone quickly left the funeral and Tithenwen quietly slipped away, Becca following her as they were trailed by two shadowy figures in black.

Author's Notes:

Sorry about the delay! I intend to post yesterday but homework took priority so I don't have to do it at my aunt's. I'm leaving tomorrow for a week, but this time I'm taking my laptop with me, so I can write, but I will not be able to update. But look for a pile of updates when I return. Please review!

Reviewers!

(Chapter 8)

Boromir's Curse – School has always been and will always be rotten!

(Chapter 9)

Boromir's Curse – I don't think the wild men were innocent! It's always fun to read about or watch battles! They can be hard to write but also at times fun to write and this was one of the fun ones.

(Chapter 11)

Boromir's Curse – Hopefully Faramir can control you otherwise there will be too many dead people to count!

(Chapter 12)

Mr. Random – Glad you liked it! More updates are on the way soon, I promise!

Boromir's Curse – Frodo's always been more than a little queer. Frodo and Sam are such easy targets!

Dark Lady Arantraneth – Glad you liked it!