Disclaimer: I still don't own anything of the O.C... waves to Josh
Thanks everyone for the reviews, you all made me continue the story ;-) Please keep reading and reviewing!
And finally, thanks and hugs to Chuckie for beta-ing waves to Chuckie
Chapter 1
An awkward silence followed while Ryan placed his daughter on the floor, his mind filled with unspoken questions.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, walking over to his wife, placing a quick kiss on her cheek and tenderly touching her belly.
"Actually Bernadette invited me over..." Marissa answered, her voice trembling slightly.
Ryan was eyeing Marissa up and down, inhaling her beauty as he remembered her. She had changed, sure, but he could still see the teenage girl inside of her which he used to love. Used to?
Marissa watched Ryan closely as he placed himself on a chair next to Bernadette, one hand immediately searching for his wife's hand. He had taken off the jacket and his muscles could be well seen through the shirt. She remembered the days when she used to run her hands through his dark blonde hair, cuddle herself against his muscular body.
Alyssa curiously watched the reactions and expressions on the faces of the adults and decided that something really strange was going on. She was relieved when the front door opened once again and a tiny voice asked:
"Alyssa, are you home?"
She gave her parent's one last glance before she run out of the kitchen, welcoming her best friend with a hug.
"Mum and Dad will be over soon, Benjamin wet himself right when we were about to leave" Cassandra explained, sniffing her nose at the thought of her baby brother.
"My parents are in the kitchen and guess who is here? Marissa Cooper! The famous model!" Alyssa whispered excitingly, waving her hands towards the kitchen.
"Really?" the black haired girl replied astonished. "My mum talks about her a lot, I think they used to be friends, they even grew up together!"
"That's strange, Dad must know her as well, but he never talked about her... Anyway, let's go upstairs, I don't wanna disturb them."
The two girls started running upstairs, loudly talking about the hot boy they had seen on "the valley" the day before.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Bernadette wasn't sure what to do now. She was tired and confused and she needed to get changed for the dinner later.
"Ok, I'm gonna lay down for a few moments, I guess you guys have a lot of catching up to do..." she started and rose, ready to leave when Ryan grabbed her arm, gently holding her back.
"Wait, you can't just leave us here, I want to know what's going on!" he said in a calm voice, his face not showing any emotion.
"Maybe I should come back later..." Marissa started but stopped when she caught a pleading look of Bernadette.
"Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" Bernadette told Ryan, trying to sound as calm as her husband.
"This is all such a mess and the timing is bad... I know that the two of you haven't been talking since your argument 12 years ago..."
Turning to Marissa she continued: "I don't know about you, but Ryan still has feelings for you -"
"Hey! What the hell are you talking about?" Ryan angrily interrupted.
"It's true, isn't it? I know that you love me with all your heart, I really do. But I also know that Marissa will always have an important place in your heart. That's why I wanted to have her here, for your support."
"Support? Tell me what's going on, now!" he demanded in a husky voice, not hiding the anger anymore.
Taking a deep breath she placed herself on the chair again. While staring at her hands she started telling the whole story.
"I went to this appointment with my doctor. Since you were busy at work, Summer accompanied me. One of my blood tests must have been abnormal, so they checked again what could be wrong. Well, a few days later I got a call from Dr. Hanson, telling me to come by as soon as possible. I knew that something was wrong right away, but I didn't wanna scare you, so once again I asked Summer to come with me. To cut a long story short, they told me that I have cancer..."
Bernadette could feel Ryan visibly flinching next to her before he nodded, clenching his fists.
"What can we do?" he asked his wife when he finally looked up, directly looking at Bernadette.
"There isn't much to do... They told me I have one year left... without being pregnant that is. But since I want to keep our boy, I decided not to have an abortion. It there isn't anything they can do for the next 4 months and by then it will be too late..."
Now Ryan couldn't hold himself back anymore. He jumped up and started pacing through the room, his eyes never leaving the floor, his mind racing. How could she do this to him? How could she decide about life and death without even asking him? What about his feelings?
Marissa nervously shifted from one foot to the other, not knowing what she should do. What had Bernadette planned when she invited her over? Searching eye contact with Ryan she immediately noticed the hurt in his eyes and following her intuition she reached out, pulling him close, hugging him tightly while comfortingly stroking his back.
"It's ok Ryan..."
She was surprised when he didn't pull back immediately but returned her hug, burying his head in her shoulder. "Why is this happening to me? Why does everyone keep lying and abandoning me..." he murmured quietly.
Bernadette watched the couple silently, feeling a twitch in her heart. During the 11 years of her marriage she had always known, that there was another woman in her husband's heart. Of course he had never talked about Marissa, but judging from what Seth and Summer had told her and the stories she had heard from Sandy and Kirsten, she was soon to realise, that he was missing her, every time he'd see a picture of her in a magazine or a catch a glimpse of her on TV.
At first she was furious, ready to fight for the love of her life, but there was no way talking about it with Ryan. He went quiet immediately when the name Marissa was mentioned, not able to talk about the lost love with his wife.
Bernadette knew that Ryan loved her. The way he looked at her when she was feeding their daughter, the way they made love, the way they trusted each other completely. Over the years Bernadette forgot about Marissa, trying to focus on her life and her marriage.
But the instant she found out that she was going to die, she remembered. All her thoughts were focused on Ryan that moment. She loved him more than words can describe and she knew, seeing her die, losing the mother of his children, his wife, would bring back all his issues. And that's when she knew what to do. She had to get in contact with the model.
Bernadette talked to Summer about it and asked for her help. Summer was furious in the beginning, not understanding what she was doing. They had talked about the whole situation for hours without agreeing. Of course Summer had told everything to Seth and it took quite some time for Bernadette to convince him not to tell Ryan. But after hours of discussions, they finally agreed to help her and submit Marissa the letter without telling her who it was from.
After a few seconds Ryan released himself from Marissa's embrace and backed off, tugging his hands into his pockets.
"Marissa, could you please give us a minute?" he then asked in a calm voice, all emotions vanished from his face.
"Sure" she replied, before making her way out to the foyer, heading upstairs, looking for the girls.
"How long do you know?" Ryan finally asked, directly looking into his wife's eyes.
"Just a few weeks..." she replied, avoiding his penetrative glance.
"Weeks! You should've told me within hours!" he hissed before realising how much he was hurting her.
"I'm sorry darling... I'm just... I don't know what to say!" he apologised immediately.
"Then don't say anything, just hold me, please..." Bernadette answered, pleadingly looking at him, finally admitting that she was scared to death.
"I.. I don't know... if I can right now... I need some space... time to think about it..."
Sending her one last glance he opened the French window and walked outside, placing himself on a chair in the other end of the garden, overlooking the beach of Newport.