Discl.: I own nothing except for the weird ideas in my mind… ;-)

I know I'm late, and I'm terribly sorry, but my life got quite busy and I had some problems with my writing support (see below…). But the good news is, that I'm already about 3 chapters ahead, so you should get another one in one week at the latest – that in case you want to!

Ok people, my beta reader backed out, so this new chapter is not beta-read… I'm still looking for someone who can help me out, as already told, my native language is not English, so I could really need some help here… this lovely person would get to read the chapters earlier "hint" so…. people willing to help, please contact me over email…

Thanks so much for the reviews JenJenxx, liz, J, Leentje, Mads, kursk and BK, you guys are amazing! I really wasn't sure about my story when I started it, but you're the reason I'm still writing!

Chapter 5

"I need a drink, want one too?" Ryan asked after a few moments of awkward silence between himself and Marissa.

"You drink?" Marissa asked startled, remembering their fights during her teenage-drinking days.

"Sometimes..." Ryan answered, strolling to the bar in the living room, pouring himself a whiskey.

Marissa followed him slowly, placing herself on a bar stool. She shook her head no when Ryan gave her a questioning look, pointing at his drink.

"Sober since 10 years" she replied, smiling nervously.

"Good, good..."

An awkward silence followed again, neither of them sure what to say.

Ryan's mind was filled with questions he wanted to ask, things he wanted to know. How had she been? Did she get what she was hoping for when she left him? But overall, one question was bothering him most: Had she ever regretted her decision?

"I do think of you, you know..." Marissa finally broke the silence, searching for eye contact. Ryan held her gaze when he answered:

"I don't..."

The model flinched visibly at his answer, but still noticed that his eyes showed no anger, but pain and hurt.

"Don't get me wrong, I used to spend nights thinking of you, worrying, hoping you would come back... But after all the returned letters... unanswered phone calls... I decided to move on with my life... so I banned you from my mind, forbidding myself to ever think of you again..."

His voice was soft but she could still hear the bitter undertone, making her realise how much he must have been suffering from her departure.

"It was hard... Every time I saw you on TV, overheard Summer and Seth talking about you..."

Ryan broke their eye contact and walked away from the bar, placing himself on the couch. Marissa sighed and got up, following him again, sitting down next to him. He didn't move when she placed her hand on his thigh.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out of my life... but I do not regret taking the offer to work as a model Ryan... I needed to prove myself that I could manage my life without help... Finally feeling responsible for my own life... From the day I was born I was living after the decisions others made for me... I knew you wouldn't understand. You had been responsible for yourself since you were a kid. I felt lost, irresponsible and childish compared to you... So I decided to take matters into my own hands. You have no idea how hard it was leaving you behind, heartbroken, devastated. I missed you day and night, believe me..."

She quickly looked at the silent man next to her, trying to find out whether he was still listening. When she caught his glance she quickly smiled and continued:

"When Summer told me that you were getting married I was devastated to say the least. I pondered one week, trying to decided as to whether I should fly back to see you, to explain everything to you. But then I decided to move on. And believe me, it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I knew there was a chance that you would forgive me... possibly call off the marriage and we could be happy together again...But the chance was slim and since I know you very well I figured that you had moved on, you wouldn't marry a girl without being 150 sure... so fact is...I just couldn't bring myself to ruin your life again..."

Ryan got up and walked over to the bar, pouring himself another whiskey. Then he started pacing through the room, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"But now you're back..." he finally muttered.

"I didn't know the letter was from your wife, you must believe me..." Marissa told him softly but assertive. "But when I realised that Bernadette is your wife I just couldn't leave... I know it must sound stupid, but I really wanted to get in contact with you for such a long time, wanted to know how you have been...I... I just didn't have the self discipline to leave..."

When he didn't respond, Marissa realised that it was too soon for him to talk about his deepest feeling, he first needed time to think about what she had revealed. Nervously she began to check the room for anything interesting to talk about, when she saw the lonely picture of his daughter in the vitrine right in front of her.

"Alyssa is adorable" she told him, desperate to avoid another awkward silence between them.

Appreciating her effort to change the subject, Ryan still noticed the sad undertone in her voice and stopped pacing, intensively looking at her.

"She is adorable... She is my life... I never knew that I could love someone so unconditional, but when I held her in my arms the moment she was born, I knew that I would love her with all my heart for the rest of my life... I guess that's love only a parent experiences..."

Surprised about his own revelation, Ryan turned away from the woman in his living room and walked over to the fireplace, looking at Alyssa's drawings, gathering himself. Usually he only discussed his deep feelings towards his daughter with Bernadette, but it was obvious that there was still a strong connection between Marissa and himself and he wasn't sure whether it was good for him or bad.

With his back to the model he didn't see Marissa wiping off a tear from her face and taking a deep breath.

"Listen, I'm tired and we're not gonna sort out all issues tonight, so maybe we should meet for dinner tomorrow?" the dark blonde man then said while turning around, facing his teenage love.

"Yeah, sure..." Marissa answered, rising from the couch, uncertainly standing in the middle of the room. She then reached for her purse, took out a piece of paper and scribbled down her cell phone number.

Ryan walked over to the door and waited for her to catch up. She gave him the paper and he nodded, smiling slightly. Before he opened the door he lightly kissed her cheek, embracing her tenderly and whispering: "It was good to see you..."

"It was also good to see you" Marissa answered, smiling lightly, softly squeezing his arm. Then she turned around and left, a confused but good feeling in her stomach.

Climbing into her car she started the motor and drove towards the beach where her flat was located. After 10 minutes she arrived at home, parked her car in the garage and stepped into the elevator to reach the top floor. Marissa opened the door silently and placed her keys in the entrance hall on a commode. Turning on the light in the living room she smiled at the magazines laying around carelessly, the messy looking pillows on the couch and the dozen DVD's spread all over the floor. Her flat was rather large, having a living room, a large kitchen, two bathrooms and three bedrooms, one of them used as her office. The view over Newport was fantastic and she enjoyed being back every time she watched the sunset from her couch. Marissa had bought the flat some time ago, not with the intention to live in it, but as an investment and hide-out for hard times.

But when she decided to cut back from work she knew it would be best to move back home, where people didn't only know her as Marissa the supermodel, but as Marissa Cooper, the girl they went to school with.

She bent down and picked up the DVD's, placing them in the shelf right next to the TV. Then she picked up the magazines and stuffed them into the journal holder, before she neatly arranged the pillows on the couch. Turning off the light she silently walked to the room next to her bedroom and opened the door slowly, slipping inside. Walking up to the bed under the window she smiled happily at the sleeping boy and softly run her hand over his dark blonde hair. After a few minutes she sighed and left the room, giving her 12 year old son one last glance before closing the door.

Ok, I'm not really sure about the last part, so please tell me what you think!