Discl. You know the drill

Once again thank you to my lovely reviewers Leentje, Kym, liz, Rainygal, JenJenxx, danhyde girl, J and kursk, from the bottom of my heart!

This chapter is quite long and I REALLY hope that you'll like it, cos I don't think it's something you'd expected…. Rated R for language

Chapter 8

It was a quiet Tuesday evening. As it was the middle of summer break, many of the families had already left for their summer vacations.

Ryan directed his car to the beach, looking for a bar he knew. Years ago he had met an old friend from Chino who was now working in Newport. They had agreed to meet in this bar, just to talk about old times. It was located at the beach, near the pier and nobody would recognise him there, as this wasn't the usual place to hang out for his business partners.

After a few minutes he found the house he was looking for, parked his car in front of it and climbed out, deeply inhaling the fresh air.

Ryan knew that it certainly wasn't the right time to get wasted, but his mind was spinning, his emotions running free, now that he was finally alone. He felt like taking all his rage out on some garbage cans, destroying anything that came close to him, but he figured that drinking was a lot better in his age and position than becoming lunatic.

It was only 9 pm but he felt tired and he just didn't have the strength to stay at home and pretend that everything would turn out good, because he knew it wouldn't. His life was once again fucked up and he just didn't see a way out.

He walked over to the entrance of the bar and pushed the door open, but stopped when his cell phone started vibrating in his pocket. After a few moments of silent fighting against himself he flicked it open and answered it:

"Yeah?"

"Daddy?"

"Alyssa?" he replied surprised, immediately feeling guilty.

"I just wanted to say good-night. I called at home but nobody picked up…"

"Mummy is already asleep honey and I'm…. I'm out… Are you ok?"

"Yes, Cassandra and myself are having so much fun" she laughed before she added "I miss you and Mummy so much…."

"We miss you too sweetheart" he replied tenderly.

"Can I call you again tomorrow?"

"You can call me whenever you want, alright?"

"Thanks Daddy… Oh, granny is calling, we gotta got to bed, we're going to the zoo tomorrow and we must get up early, so we need some sleep" his daughter told Ryan all excited.

"That's great pumpkin, have fun then" he answered smiling.

"Good night Daddy, love you"

"Good night sweetie, love you too, bye bye"

He found himself staring at the display for some moments after Alyssa had already hung up. 'You can't do this man, you're not falling back to the Atwood habit, are you?' he kept telling himself over and over again. After a few seconds he made up his mind, went up to the bartender and ordered a bottle of scotch. Ryan paid and left the bar immediately, solitarily wandering down to the beach, nipping on his bottle.

Soon he found an abandoned deck chair on which he placed himself, staring over the ocean, again sipping from his scotch.

Placing the bottle in the sand, Ryan lent back on the chair, closing his eyes, feeling the fresh breeze blowing over his body. Just laying there, he asked himself why life always had to be complicated. He liked things better when there were two sides, like black and white, and he could chose one without regretting not having the other. 'Life is never black or white Ryan, life is what happens in the grey area' Seth's word popped into his mind.

"Don't you fucking understand!" suddenly someone yelled from some distance, disturbing Ryan's thoughts and forcing him to sit up, looking over to where the voices came from. Immediately catching sight of the circle of boys standing around a smaller boy at the pier, his parental instincts kicked in. Ryan got up with a sigh and started walking towards the group of teenagers, trying to eavesdrop as to what was going on.

"Freak! I will only tell you once more, get off your bike NOW!" a black haired guy, obviously the leader of the gang, screamed.

"Fuck off" the dark blonde boy in the middle of them replied in a dangerously low voice.

He slowly dismounted his bike, the look in his eyes expressing that he was ready to fight whoever had the nerve to claim it. A smile crept across Ryan's face, remembering the times he was facing such guys in his past. He had never been the one to avoid a fight until – well, until he actually found a reason to stay alive and out of problems.

"Hey, aren't you guys ashamed of yourselves! Six guys against one? Don't make me come over there" he yelled when he was still a few meters away, making the boys jump, exchanging uncertain glances.

"That's none of your business - Sir" the leader of the gang tried, but backed off immediately, making room for the adult to walk into the circle, facing him directly.

It didn't need any words from Ryan for them to understand that he was serious. Once the black haired boy dropped his gaze and started to walk away the others followed him slowly.

Ryan turned around and asked the boy with the bike: "You ok?"

"Yeah… I didn't need your help though, I could've dealt with them by myself" he replied defiantly, giving Ryan a provocative look.

"Of course" Ryan grinned, patting the young boys shoulder.

"I'm Ryan Atwood, by the way, and hey, try to stay away from them, kid, they're no good news."

"So I figured…. Thanks…. And ….I'm Colin"

"Nice to meet you Colin. It's already late, I think you should be home by now, can I take you somewhere?" the adult asked, glad for the distraction from his problems and feeling slightly responsible for this lost looking kid. The expression on Colin's face changed within an instant. His look became all distant, averting Ryan's eyes.

"I'm fine, I gotta go home... my mother is probably waiting for me" he muttered, re-climbing his bike. One thing Ryan had learned as a parent was to detect when children were lying. Suspecting that the boy was down at the pier without the knowledge of his Mum and judging by the reaction to his question, he figured that this kid was not easy to talk to.

"I haven't seen you around here, but maybe you know my daughter? She's 11 and goes to school in Newport…" he started, trying to find a good topic to talk about without sounding too eager to start a conversation.

"Actually… we've just moved here…"

"Really? Where do you come from?"

"New York…"

"Wow… guess that's a tough place to grow up?"

Colin gave him a strange look, his eyes expressing surprise and uncertainty.

"Guess it is… I really gotta go now Sir" the dark blonde boy repeated, avoiding to look at the adult.

"Come on, get off your bike, I have my car over there, I insist on bringing you home. You're new here and probably won't find the way back to where you live in the dark".

Immediately catching the haunted look in the boy's eyes, Ryan could tell by Colin's reaction that he was pushing too hard.

Out of the blue, Sandy's words crossed his mind:

"Ryan, you had this desperate, 'piss-off' look in your eyes when I first met you, but somehow we connected and - I just couldn't give up on you…."

At this very moment, standing at the pier, talking to this boy, Ryan finally understood what Sandy meant. He had never seen that boy before, but he knew that look in his eyes and it broke his heart, making him realise that he had to do something – even if it was just walking him home without talking.

"Listen Colin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But I can't let you stay here in the middle of the night. So do you live far away from here?"

"No, down there" the boy pointed with his finger down the beach to a new housing estate.

"Ok, I'll walk with you if that's ok"

"Whatever" Colin shrugged, starting to walk north, pushing his bike beside him.

They walked in silence for a few minutes before Colin said:

"Do you often drink?"

Ryan gave the boy a surprised look, feeling the guilt creeping back into his system.

"No… usually I don't… why?

"It doesn't help, you know…." Colin answered, his voice bitter.

"How old are you Colin?"

"12"

"You come across a lot older…." Ryan replied, giving the boy a small smile.

"I know that drinking doesn't help, believe me, but there are times when… well I guess I just… I just wanted to feel numb, to NOT feel anything, do you understand that?"

Colin nodded, his gaze fixed on the sand they were walking on.

"Life's a bitch" he finally muttered.

"I think I'll need to have a word with your Dad, if you're planning on going to school here, I don't want my daughter to talk like this" Ryan grinned, keeping himself from tousling the boy's hair, remembering how he hated to be touched by strange people when he was in Colin's age.

"If you find that fucking bastard, I hope he's…" Colin hissed, his eyes turning dark.

"Watch your language, kid" Ryan harshly interrupted, before any more colourful expressions could follow.

They again walked in silence, neither of them in the mood to really talk about their problems. Soon Colin directed them to a new building close to the beach.

"I live over there, I can go by myself now" he told the adult, pointing at the house.

"I actually wanna see the inside of this building, I remember it from the time when I designed it, but I wonder how it looks furnished" Ryan told Colin, not wanting to give the boy the chance to disappear again.

"You an architect?" Colin asked, his voice not hiding his suppressed disappointment.

"That's what I studied... I'm the head of the Newport Group"

"Really?" the boy answered surprised, giving to the man next to him a head to toe, obviously surprised about his strange dressing habits. When an idea crossed his mind, his face suddenly lit up and his eyes started to sparkle. Eagerly he asked Ryan:

"Do you know Seth Cohen then? The graphic artist? I love everything of him! I got all his novels from my Mum, he's soooo cool and I'd love to meet him once. I even did a presentation about him at school, so I know that his mother owned the Newport Group. Do you know him?" Colin spluttered all excited.

"Wow, I didn't know you could actually talk in whole phrases" Ryan grinned.

"I do know Seth, he's my brother" he continued, still smiling about the fact that Seth's name could lighten up the moods of kids all over the country.

"Seriously?" Colin exclaimed excited, before his face fell and he said:

"You're kidding me, you told me your name is Atwood..."

"Well, Seth is my foster brother, I was adopted by the Cohen's."

"Oh right! Now I remember…. That means…. YOU are Kid Chino!" Colin exclaimed awestruck.

"Ha ha ha! You could say so yes" Ryan laughed, remembering their high school days when they were writing on Seth's first graphic novel.

They had arrived at the building and Colin chained his bike to a stack in the garage, before he pressed the button for the lift to arrive. Climbing in, the boy rattled on, suddenly not so tight-lipped anymore, explaining that Kid Chino is his all time favourite character out of all of Seth's novel, and making clear, that he had read all of them. Finally they reached the top floor.

Before Colin could reach for his keys and open the door to the apartment, Ryan interrupted him:

"Listen Colin, I think you're save now and I trust you not to run away again" the architect started, taking out his wallet and handing the boy his card.

"I really gotta go now, but if you ever need anything or just someone to talk to, call me, ok?"

Colin took the card, nodding wordlessly, then turned around and was just about to unlock the door when he shyly muttered:

"Thanks..."

"No problem kid" Ryan answered, before stepping into the lift, slightly smiling to himself.

When Ryan reached his parked car he knew it was time for him to go home. He couldn't just disappear without telling Bernadette where he was. Of course he still needed time to figure this mess out, but things with Marissa could wait, he needed to think of his wife now.

Climbing into his car, Ryan started the engine and turned on the radio, sighing deeply, driving back to his house. Bernadette didn't react when he slipped into bed, but he couldn't resist taking her into his arms, feeling her body next to him.

So... what do you think? Next update probably Tuesday or Wednesday...