Authors note # 1: Okay my first fanfic, yeah!. My grammar isn't very good. So if there are allot a grammar errors sorry. Any way there's one thing that I couldn't remember, is the new hellmouth in Cleveland Ohio or Colorado. So if I got the location wrong sorry. I think it's in Cleveland so that's what I put.

Authors note #2: Okay I know allot of people are going to hate me for not putting Tara back With Willow. And putting her with Giles instead. I'm going to explain myself here. First I like Willow, and I like Kennedy. I really like them together. Second well I really don't think that Tara should have forgiven Willow so easily especially with Tara's past. Third, Giles and Tara have very similar minds. Very different personality's but intellectually there on the same page. I thought it would be interesting to experiment with there relationship a little.

Authors note #3: Rated R for mentions of child abuse, sexual references. And Language.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except any characters that I may have made up. None that are really important to this story.

A Second Chance

By: GoodTwin.

Never Had

Chapter 1

She had been there for about three months now. She was already restless. Cleveland was boring as hell. She was getting the urge to run again. But Buffy needed her there. Giles needed her there. She was training the newbie slayers. She was a counselor of sorts. Teaching the slayers how to take control of there powers and not let there powers take control of them. She liked her job it gave her a sense of purpose. Made her feel needed even wanted. But at night when the nightmares came nightmares of her killing everyone that she cared about everyone that she loved. Killing everyone and every thing that she came across. She wanted to pack a bag and hop on her bike and get the hell out of town before all of her nightmares came true. Every night the urge would get stronger. Every night she would get closer to the closet in Robins and her room to grab all her shit and get the hell out of dodge the only thing that ever stopped her was the man lying in there bed. Robin, the only man that she ever even semi trusted. She wanted to love him. She wanted to let him in. But there was always something inside of her that kept her walls up. She could tell that his patience was wearing thin. He wanted to be with her, all of her and even though he wanted to wait forever for her she knew he couldn't. That one day she would take an argument to far, close up to much, and he would leave, he would find someone else that could give him everything he ever wanted, a family, a life, something simple, something that didn't take constant work on his part. She wouldn't leave him. She wanted to cherish every second with him. She wanted to take everything that he would give her, and then when he realized that she wasn't worth all the crap she put him through he would pack his bags move to another room, our another city, our state. She would sit on her bed an emotionless expression on her face, all the while screaming on the inside trying to get herself to stop him, to tell him that she loved him, to beg him to stay with her forever. But then when had she ever listened to herself.

She didn't know why but she liked being there. She even had a best friend Tara. It was strange really. One day about two weeks after they had arrived she just showed up at the front door. She was confused when everyone freaked out. Buffy thought she was the first but that was before she knocked over a coffee table in the waiting area dumping all the magazines on the ground. That's when Buffy had to explain that Tara was supposed to be dead that she herself had seen her body in Willows room. There had been a moment of silence me restraining Willow from going to Tara, just in case Tara turned out to be evil are something. Tara looked up smiled slightly then told us something that Willow really didn't want to hear.

"I wasn't there that day guys. I left the day we had coffee Willow. I'm sorry. I was scared of being around you afraid that I would give you another chance and then another and then another until I became my mother. So I packed my things and went to Seattle. I just got word About Sunnydale like yesterday. I came to make sure you guys were okay. If I knew I would have came to help." Willows face was grief stricken she was shaking her head in denial like the fact that Tara was alive and had never forgiven her for what she had done was worse than her horrible and tragic death that had apparently never happened.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Giles asked taking of his classes and cleaning them.

"I did, well sort of. I wrote letters to each of you. To Dawn, Buffy, Xander, Anya, to you Giles and Willow. I left them in your mailbox they all said were I was were and how you could reach me. I guess you never got those. I even wrote you all on accession. Guess you never got those either." She looked down. " I'm sorry I guess I should have come earlier."

They of course didn't really believe her. except for maybe Giles. They wanted to. Faith guessed it was because her death had hit everyone harder than any would admit. It wasn't until about two days after she had arrived when she had inquired about Anya, that they accepted that it was her. She had gone ghostly white tears coming to her eyes when they told her of Anya's fate. She looked at Xander who barley spoke those days. He hadn't even cried for her yet and everyone was just waiting for his breakdown. Tara and Anya had shared an unusual bond. The were friends. Not best friends. But being a member of the Scooby gang through there lovers links had drawn them closer together than they thought they ever would have been being completely different and all. That night everyone one heard the crying and breaking of class that was Xanders break down. When Willow and Buffy had gone down to his suit that he lived in they found Tara sitting on they couch Xander lying with his head in her lap his hair being stroked, Tara whispering calming wards into his ear as he sobbed wishing desperately for the memory of his ex girlfriend to stop killing his soul. None of them could deny that it was Tara after that. The way she comforted him they way she gave her energy to him so he could cry it all out that night and start to get better. Start to move on. It was all so Tara. Xander slept for three days after that. In that time Willow had almost destroyed her relationship with Kennedy in a desperate attempt to win Tara's affections back. Tara had told her simply that she was not in love with her anymore. That she would always love her and always care for her but the spark and devotion she felt for Willow had died along with her trust. Eventually Willow backed of. She avoided Tara at all costs. Barely speaking a word to her. Then Kennedy and her fought. It was loud and long and everyone knew about it. They had forgiven each other and were once again a sickly sweat couple within a few days. Giles had done his research magic with Dawns help and had figured out that a shape shifter demon who had most likely been working for the first had taken Tara's place when it saw the opportunity. The first had most likely been feeding the imposter information. The demon had in fact died in Willows room. And everyone had assumed that it was Tara. There was really know way to prove it except a blood test which Tara immediately agreed to, anxious to prove herself. She was in fact the original Tara Maclay.

It had taken a few days but Xander was coming around becoming more like the old him joking, laughing, even chasing Dawn around with a spider that he had been enlisted to defeat. He was all the girls savior for about two minutes. Around the same time Faith had found herself seeking Tara's company. She didn't know why she was drawn to the shy witch. They never really talked only a few words her and there. But words really weren't important to either one of them. Faith found it amusing that they both shared the belief that talking was sometimes overrated. Faith felt a sort of calm in the older girls presence. They could sit for hours not talking just taking comfort in each others presence. About a month later Faith finally took a step towards a real conversation with Tara. They were sitting in the entertainment room watching some bug show on some educational channel. No one was around so Faith turned towards Tara cleared her throat and spoke.

"Uh Tara." Tara looked at her and gave her a crooked smile. "Um, I wanted to say sorry y'know for that one time at the bronze." Tara raised one eyebrow in surprise. "I uh, was a little messed up back then."

"It's all right Faith. Your better know so there's no reason to live in the past." Faith had smiled and then turned back to the T.V.

That day was only the beginning. Faith found it easy to talk to the girl. She could tell her things she had never told anyone. She told her about some of the things that happened during prison. Nothing to traumatic compared to the rest of her life. But the fact that there was never enough food to feed her slayer appetite. The fact that she was always hungry. Are how restless she would get because they only allowed her an hour of yard time a day. Are the time she had come back to her cell after her weakly visit to the shrink and found that her cell mate, an eighteen year old girl who had murdered her step father after he had raped her, had hung herself with her sheet from the bars in their cell. The more she talked the more Tara talked. She told Faith about the bruises that were always on her mothers face and neck and body. How her mother had always taught her to fear her magical ability's. About her mothers death, how her father left her mother in the hospital never coming to see her. Our how she was alone with her mother when she had lost her battle to the cancer. After that how she would sneak out go to bars, how she had been seeing a guy sort of, how she had refused to have sex with him. He had gotten angry hit her hard, forst her to the ground of his living room, and raped her. She had left town two days later. She had been afraid of her demon part that her family had said was in her. She never wanted to hurt anyone but to see this man everyday having flashbacks of what he had done to her, she figured she could go and stay away until she turned twenty, then come back. But then she had met Willow and the rest of the gang and she never wanted to go back to her old life, a life of servitude. Bending to her brothers and fathers every will.

"I thought you were only into chicks." Faith said after awhile. She really didn't know how to comfort the women

"I like women." She nodded and smiled at Faith. "But I also find men attractive, I thought that I couldn't trust men. Every man who was supposed to love me and take care of me have used there superior strength to control me, and hurt me, but I guess certain women can do that to." Faith understood that.

After awhile Faith had started talking about her mother. "She was a prostitute, my dad well he raped her when she was seventeen." She was ashamed of that more than anything. She was from the genes of a drugged addicted drunken prostitute, and a rapist. Tara had rapt her arms around Faith comforting her. "I sometimes wonder why she kept me. She didn't love me. I wonder how she kept me alive, I mean for as long I can remember I took care of myself. Most of the time I dug my food out of trash cans. My mama usually spent her money on buzz and drugs. Barely on food for me. My clothes were all hand me downs that one of my neighbors would give me. And the beatings were horrible. She would throw things at me use her belt her fists anything she could. One day When I was thirteen I came home." She took a deep breath. "A john are one of her dealers had slit her throat and took anything worth a few bucks. Which wasn't much. I ran as fast as I could and I never looked back."

That led to a discussion of her life on the streets of Boston. Nights were the cold would get so unbearable that she would she climb into dumpsters and wrap the garbage around herself just to keep warm. How she would pickpocket so she could by herself some food. She had never gotten caught, but she always felt remorse. Our when a gang had cornered her in an ally after she had beat the crap out of one of there girls. Six men had raped her. She had woken up a weak later in the hospital. The cops took her to a home. There had been allot of kids there. That's where her watcher had found her.

So here she was, three months of living in this office building turned boarding school. She had a best friend which she never had before. A boyfriend who wasn't only interested in her for her body our the sex which she had never had either. But She was still restless the need to run was so instinctive that she couldn't shack it and it was driving her insane. But she couldn't think about that right now. Her and Robin were taking Dawn out for patrol tonight. It was the only way that Buffy would let Dawn go. Plus she had to take her bike in for repairs. One of the newbie slayers had decided to take it for a test drive the kid was lucky Faith didn't kill people anymore otherwise she would have snapped the damned kids neck. Then she had to take her clothes to the dry cleaners she had gotten behind on her laundry and was running low on things to were and since most of her clothes were leather they had to be dry cleaned. She was a busy girl and thinking would only get in the way.