Discl. Josh & Co. own everything related to the O.C.
Since I have received some lovely reviews from you guys, I decided to release the new chapter a little bit earlier than planned, my thanks go to liz, Leentje, J, Kym, The-OC-roxmysox, maddysparkles, kursk, deuce628, Rainygal, malibubarbie253
This is going to be a very emotional chapter. If you need a soundtrack to this one, try "A lack of color" from Death Cab for Cutie. I only listened to this one song when writing this chapter…
Chapter 12
The Newport County Hospital was located in the middle of town, approx. 15 mins away from the beach hotel Ryan and Seth were staying at.
20 minutes after the phone call the two brothers walked into the entrance hall, nervously looking around to find Summer.
"Miss! Can you help us? We're here for Mrs. Atwood?" Ryan breathlessly asked the receptionist.
"Are you family?"
"I'm her husband" Ryan answered irritated.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you Mr. Atwood" the girl replied, glancing at Ryan's casual clothes.
"Mrs. Atwood is in the emergency room, please follow me."
She escorted them to another wing of the building, before pushing open a door, showing them Summer who was solemnly sitting on a chair, holding Benjamin in her arms, rocking forth and back.
"Sum!" Seth exclaimed, running over and pulling her into an embrace, comfortingly stroking her back, whispering: "It's ok, we're here now..."
Ryan thanked the nurse and entered the room as well, nervously pacing up and down, waiting for Summer to tell what was wrong, what had happened.
She only needed a few seconds to recover before she pulled away, sadly looking at her husband, before turning to her brother-in-law.
"Ryan, the doctors are with her right now. We were watching TV when she suddenly got cramps. First we believed that it's just a normal pregnancy side effect, but when it got worse I called the ambulance. They didn't tell me anything yet, but... she... she... was bleeding... so much blood..." she stammered, shutting her eyes at the thought of the ride with the ambulance.
Seth tenderly kissed her forehead, running his hand down her cheek and leading her back to the chair, making her sit down to relax. He then walked up to Ryan, placing his hand on his shoulder, softly saying: "Ryan, let's go looking for a doctor."
When a sob escaped Summer's lips, Seth glanced over to her, feeling slightly torn, as he didn't know who needed him more right now.
He was released by the entering of Kirsten and Sandy, two dozy grandchildren in tow.
Kirsten immediately pulled Ryan into an embrace, kissing his cheek lightly, running her hand through his hair, soothing: "It's gonna be ok honey..."
Sandy meanwhile had placed the kids next to Summer, who was trying to gather herself, getting a grip, now that the children had arrived.
When Ryan pulled out of Kirsten's embrace he flinched at his daughter's voice:
"Daddy? Where is mummy? I'm scared..."
He turned around, facing his little angel, who was sitting next to Cassandra, holding her Teddy bear close to her little body, her eyes wide and scared. It was breaking his heart just to look at her. Ryan walked up to his little girl and lightly picked her up, hugging her tightly, leaning her head onto his shoulder. Giving Seth a glance and a nod, he walked out, looking for a room where he could be alone with Alyssa.
He soon found a little empty office, only a desk and a few chairs in it, in one of which he placed his daughter, kneeling down in front of her.
"Alyssa, angel... I'm so sorry you have to find out like this..." he started, clearing his voice before he continued.
"Mummy is sick Alyssa... very sick... The doctors believe... "
Ryan stopped when his voice broke, his eyes filling with tears, not able to say the inevitable.
"She is going to be ok, right?" finally his little girl pleaded, her face pale and her eyes widened in shock, wanting her Dad to tell her that everything was going to be alright, that this was just a nightmare they were all stuck in.
Shaking his head, Ryan pulled her close, running his hand through her hair, stroking her back softly.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart, so sorry..." he soothed, finally letting the tears stream down his face.
They cried together for a few minutes until Alyssa released herself from her Dad's hug, first wiping away her tears, before directly looking at Ryan, her little hands wiping away his tears, telling him:
"We can do this Daddy... we need to be strong now for Mummy... together we can do this..."
"I love you so much my little angel" Ryan replied, amazed at the strength of his daughter, slowly getting up, holding out his hand. Alyssa jumped off the chair, took Ryan's hand and together they walked over to the waiting room to face the rest of the family.
Everyone looked up when Ryan and his daughter entered, a sad expression on their faces. Alyssa let go of her father's hand and walked over to Cassandra, sitting down next to her. Her best friend tenderly laid an arm around her, leaning her head against Alyssa's.
Sandy meanwhile hugged his son wordlessly, knowing that there was nothing he could say to soothe the pain Ryan felt.
Finally doctor Hanson arrived, his face expressing worry and pity. He walked directly over to Ryan, shaking his hand, waiting for the others to gather around him, staying in the opposite corner of the room so that the kids wouldn't hear what was going on.
"What happened?" Ryan asked calmly.
"Something we didn't expect... In simple words, your wife's body rejected the baby in order to protect itself, to gather all strength required to fight the cancer."
Ryan flinched visibly at the doctors words and Sandy comfortingly placed his arm around him, giving Seth a glance.
Kirsten covered her mouth with her hand, trying very hard to stay calm and suppress the sobs she knew were about to come out. Both women were close to tears, not believing what they heard.
"Are they...?" Ryan finally wanted to know, his voice trembling.
"The baby is ok, but very weak, it's on the ward for premature infants. But we're positive that if he is going to survive this day, he'll make it through..."
"And Bernadette?" Kirsten asked, when she saw that Ryan wasn't able to speak anymore.
"She's on the ICU. She's in no pain now, but I'm afraid... there is nothing left we can do... I'm so sorry..."
Everyone gulped, not able to look at Ryan who was holding his breath, obviously too shocked to control his own body functions. It took a few moments for the adults to recover from what they had heard. Seth finally found his voice back and asked:
"Can we see her?"
"Of course, but max. 2 persons at once..." Dr. Hanson answered, giving them all a sympathetic glance before he left the room.
Sandy turned Ryan around, grabbing his shoulders, shaking him gently.
"Ryan? Do you hear me? You gotta breathe! Come on, slowly in and out" he softly but firmly told his foster son.
Waking up from his trance, Ryan inhaled deeply, stony-faced turning around to look at his daughter who was peacefully sleeping arm in arm with Cassandra. Giving Kirsten and Sandy a glance, Ryan walked over to her, softly shaking her awake.
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry to wake you, but I thought you would like to see Mummy?"
"Ok" Alyssa drowsy answered, yawning silently before standing up and grabbing her Dad's hand, following him out of the waiting room.
As soon as Ryan and Alyssa had left the room, all the adults inhaled deeply, their facade breaking down. Sandy hugged Kirsten tightly while she was crying on his shoulder. Summer and Seth were sitting next to each other, Summer holding Benjamin while Seth had Cassandra on his lap, hugging her. Sobs were escaping Summer's mouth while she held the little boy close to her body, thinking of Bernadette who had just given birth to her own son, whom she probably would never be able to feed.
Nobody was speaking, but everyone was silently thinking about the family that was breaking apart this very moment, neither of them fully able to understand what it meant for the persons involved.
After a few minutes Sandy gently wiped Kirsten's tears away, whispering:
"We gotta be strong for them, honey, please"
"I know! I know... but it's so damn unfair!" Kirsten replied upset, replacing her sadness with rage, rage against God, or who ever was responsible for her son's tragedy.
Taking another deep breath, Kirsten pulled herself together, looking over to Summer and Seth who were in about the same state. Sitting down next to Seth's family, Kirsten and Sandy tried to prepare themselves for the meeting with Bernadette, which they knew would probably be the last.
"Mum, Dad?" suddenly Seth interrupted his parents thoughts, helplessly looking at them.
Sandy glanced over to his son, seeing the pain in his eyes, fully understanding what Seth wanted to ask.
"I don't know son, I really don't know..." he answered the unspoken question.
Seth got up and gently placed the tired Cassandra on Kirsten's lap, pacing up and down the room, until Summer told him:
"Seth, please!"
The adult with the curly, black hair stopped and looked at his wife, nodding absently, mumbling: "Sorry... Anybody hungry, thirsty?
Nobody answered but Seth still needed to do something, so he gently asked Sandy:
"Dad, could you please help me get some coffees?"
The lawyer got up and followed his son outside, looking for a coffee machine. They didn't speak until they had found a little kiosk on which they bought 5 cups of coffee and some candy.
On the way back Seth finally asked:
"Dad? Tell me about the time when the Nana died..."
Sandy just nodded, thinking about Seth's question before he answered:
"It was different. The Nana was already old and she had beaten the cancer, so she died of age. There was no anger, nor helplessness, just family that was sad that she had to go. With Bernadette's it's different... It's unfair and we don't want to believe that it's really happening.. We wanna scream and fume at someone, blaming anybody for taking her away from us, but there is no one to blame. All we can do is accept fate and try to show her, how much we love her..."
"But how will I ever be able to look at Ryan again without feeling guilty for having a happy, intact family?"
"Seth!" turning around to face his son directly, Sandy firmly explained:
"This is not about you! Ryan doesn't need your guilt, and I highly doubt that he will ever envy your luck. What he needs is your support and your understanding."
Walking in silence back to the waiting room, the two Cohen's were in deep thoughts about the future. Both knew that it wasn't going to be easy, but also understanding that Ryan needed them more than ever before.
Only the noises of the life supporting devices greeted Ryan and Alyssa when they, hand in hand, walked into Bernadette's room. Ryan softly picked his daughter up and placed her on the bed next to Bernadette, before walking around the bed and sitting down on chair on the other side.
He reached out for his wife's hand and gently squeezed it, wanting her to know that they were here. Bernadette stirred a little, before slowly opening her eyes.
"Hey darling" Ryan softly whispered, his other hand touching her cheek lightly.
"Hey" Bernadette answered, her voice hoarse.
Alyssa carefully adjusted herself on the bed, laying down close to Bernadette's body, placing her head on her mum's shoulder.
Bernadette weakly raised her hand, gently running it through her daughter's hair, smiling softly.
"Please don't leave us alone..." Alyssa whispered, placing her arm around Bernadette, trying to hold her as close as possible.
"I'm so ... sorry sweetheart..." the woman managed to say, her breathing flat and unstable.
"Dad... Daddy will... take...good care... of you..."
"But I need you" Alyssa pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes, starting to stream down her face.
"Shhh... don't... cry... pumpkin..." Bernadette helplessly replied, softly kissing her forehead, continuing to comfortingly run her hand through her daughter's hair.
"What will I do without you?" Ryan finally said, his eyes also full of unshed tears.
"Don't...mourn... I ...want...you...to...be...happy"
Ryan could see that Bernadette got weaker by the minute and he feared, that the others would have not time to say goodbye. So he turned his head and softly told the nurse:
"Could you please get the rest of the family, they're in the waiting hall..."
"But Dr. Hanson..." the nurse interjected, stopping when she saw Ryan's look, instantly disappearing to the waiting room.
"I love you so much" Ryan softly told his wife, laying down next to her, gently placing his arm around her, so that she could rest her head on his shoulder, watching his gathered family laying peacefully in one bed. Overwhelmed by the sadness he bent down and tenderly kissed his wife, not able to hold his tears back any longer.
"I...love...you...too... you...two...are...my...everything..." suddenly Bernadette seemed to remember her baby and frantically looked at her stomach, asking:
"Our...son?"
Ryan gulped slightly, knowing that he would only upset her by telling her the truth. So he answered tenderly:
"He's ok, don't worry..."
A happy smile appeared on the dying woman's face, her eyes regaining some sparkles.
Silently Seth entered the room with Cassandra on his hand, Summer with Benjamin and Kirsten with Sandy right behind.
"Hey" Seth said for all of them, while they formed a semicircle around the bed.
"Hey..." Bernadette replied tired. Closing her eyes for a while she felt her strength fading, now that she knew that her boy was ok and all the people she loved were gathered around her.
"I... love...you...all...so...much..." she forced herself to say, her voice getting lower.
"Thank...you...for... taking...me...into...your...family..."
"Mummy..." Alyssa whimpered, her eyes wide open and scared, desperately moving closer to her mum's body, trying to hold her as tight as possible.
"I'll... always...watch...over...you" Bernadette started, looking at her daughter, her eyes full of love. Looking up, her eyes met Ryan's eyes, a single tear running down her cheeks.
"Over... all... of...you"
"Please don't go..." Alyssa whispered, expressing what all of them wanted to say.
"Don't...forget...me..." Bernadette pleaded, taking one last breath, her eyes once again meeting the eyes of her husband.
"Never" Ryan replied, bending down and softly kissing her, feeling her dying in his arms.
A/N: I'm no doctor, so I'm sorry if the reason Bernadette died didn't make any sense, but I don't think that's what matters. Anyway, please be kind with me, this chapter was rather personal. I wasn't there when my godmother died, and this chapter was my making up for it, kinda what I hoped it could have been. Writing saves from the shrink I guess…