Discl. As usual

Thank you guys very much for the always lovely feedback, I'm glad a few of you have decided to stick with me ;-) My thanks go to Leentje, liz, I-believe-in-the-butterflies (J), GalootMaster, Rainygal, The-OC-roxmysox, JenJenxx, MaddySparkles, MalibuBarbie253, kursk and Kym

Chapter 14

Marissa returned on Sunday afternoon, finding Colin in his room, reading comics.

"Hey" she softly greeted him, not sure if he was still mad at her for leaving.

"Hi mum" Colin answered smiling, getting up and hugging her welcome.

"How was your show?"

"Boring… Reminded me of the reasons why I wanted to quit in the first place" she replied tired, letting herself sink onto his bed, carefully inspecting her boys face. Something was different about him, she realised, but what was it?

"How was your weekend?"

Colin's face lit up, remembering his meeting with Ryan and Seth yesterday. Keeping in mind what Seth had told him, he answered:

"It was the best day of my life! Guess who I met yesterday?"

Marissa suspiciously raised one eyebrow, no idea who her son was talking about.

"I don't know honey, who did you meet?"

"Seth Cohen!"

"No you didn't!" Marissa yelled shocked, fear in her eyes, fear of her well protected secret to be blabbed out by an over talkative friend of hers.

"Yes I did! It was so great Mum! He gave me all those signed comics and we talked about his novels for hours! You never told me that you know him…." Colin told her all excited but still a little bit hurt about her keeping this big thing a secret.

Marissa stayed quiet, her mind racing, feeling sweat forming on her hands. Did Seth tell him anything? Did Seth KNOW anything!

"Listen darling, I know you love Seth, but…. you won't meet him again, do you understand?"

"But why!" Colin replied startled.

"Because I'm telling you!"

Tears started welling up in Colin's eyes while listening to his mum, trying to figure out what he had done wrong this time.

"But… have I done anything wrong?"

"No, but he's…. he's bad influence, so I'm telling you once and for all, stay away from him!"

Now the tears were freely streaming down the boy's face, his eyes full of hurt and confusion.

"You don't want me to be happy…." he finally whispered, wiping away his tears, getting up and heading to the kitchen.

"Colin wait! Fucking shit!" Marissa called, trying to catch him when he ran out of the room.

Following him she frantically tried to find a way to explain her boy the reason he couldn't talk to Seth anymore. She knew that Summer had probably told Seth about her son and although he could be self centric and self absorbed in times, she was sure that the graphic artist must have realised who the boy was when he saw him. Even Marissa herself was every day again fascinated about the similarities between Ryan and Colin.

When she reached the kitchen she froze in horror, watching Colin emptying a bottle of champagne she had been hiding for special occasions.

"COLIN!" the model screamed, reaching out and pushing the bottle out of her son's grip, sending it to the floor, shattering into thousand pieces.

"Fuck!" Colin screamed, angrily looking at his mum. Reaching down he wanted to remove the biggest shards from the ground when he suddenly screamed in pain, before carefully removing one shard from his hand, where it had cut right through his skin, resulting in blood streaming down his arm.

"Oh my God Colin, be careful, let me take a look" Marissa said worried, trying to stay calm, but not able to hide the fear in her voice.

"Stay away…." Colin warned, furiously glancing at her.

"But…. Colin, you need help! Why won't you let me help you?" his mum replied startled, trying to find out why he was constantly pushing her away.

"Because I hate you! You always tell me what to do! That's my life, my mistakes! Do you really think I have never tasted alcohol before! I was six when one of your model friends gave me champagne backstage of one of your shows! But I saw what alcohol does to people, that's why you never see me drinking, not because you forbid it or I don't want to! FOR GOD'S SAKE MUM, stop treating me like an adult and let me be a child!"

Marissa remained silent, too shocked to reply anything to the sudden outburst of her son. Was she really overprotective? Was she repeating Julie's mistake all over again? Was she a terrible mother? Sure, she had been spending most of her time with Colin instead of friends or lovers, possibly even seeing him as her best friend, her ally to turn to when she had problems. Had she really forgotten that he was still a child?

"You know what, don't bother to answer, I'm gonna talk to Ryan, he understands me!"

The model flinched, her heart stopping for a beat, when she heard her son mentioning the name of his father.

"Sweetie wait! Who is Ryan?" she managed to ask, her voice weak and desperate.

"He's my friend mum, and he respects me, listens to me!" Colin yelled, walking by his mother, angrily staring at her, grabbing a jacket and disappearing through the front door.

"Colin no! Wait!" Marissa called after him, but he was already gone.

Sinking down to the floor, allowing the sobs she had been holding back to escape her lips, Marissa was sitting in her entrance hall, releasing all her anger, helplessness and sorrow through the tears that were streaming down her face.

Colin managed to unchain his bike with one hand, pushing it out of the garage and riding off to town. His arm hurt like hell and the tears were still streaming down his face, remembering the fight with his mum. Feeling dizzy from the alcohol, he directed his bike to a park near by, not really sure where exactly he wanted to go.

He placed himself on a bench, taking a deep breath. When he realised that he was still bleeding, he reached for a tissue and tried to reasonably dress the wound.

Leaning back on the bench he wiped away his tears with his sleeve, thinking about his next step. Should he call Ryan? Remembering Seth's words, Colin decided against it, not wanting to worry his friend too much. His head still felt dizzy and the loss of blood was only adding to his miserable state. Getting up he tried walking to a near restaurant, when he felt his knees buckling, not able to keep himself upright anymore.

"Hey, you ok kid?" he could hear a voice, the question echoing in his head when he finally fell, feeling the world getting black around him.

When Ryan reached the cliffs his mind was blank, only one thought dominating his brain. Escape… Escape from his loneliness, escape from the bad luck that he knew came with the name Atwood, escape from the images of Alyssa, Bernadette and David, which kept circling in his mind.

He climbed out of the car, not even care to lock it, walking over to the highest point of the cliffs, placing himself on the edge, glancing down to the sea below him.

Ryan's whole world felt black. How could God, or who ever was watching over manhood, could take away his wife and his only son on one day? Knowing, that family was all that mattered, how could Alyssa possibly live on with the traumatic events of today, resulting in the loss of half of her family? He knew that at the moment he couldn't imagine getting re-married, as he didn't knew if he could ever trust a woman again. His first love ran away without any proper reasons and his second one died, leaving him alone again. So the chance of having another son was slim to none. He sure loved Alyssa with all his heart, but the one thing he had always dreamt of was a son. Ryan had been all excited when Bernadette announced that she was pregnant with a boy. She knew that he had always wanted a son to make up for the things he had been missing out on with his Dad. Do all the men stuff Sandy had showed him and simultaneously taught him what it meant to be a father. He wanted a son he could be proud of, attend football games, talk sports and cars. But that dream was beyond reach now, blown off like a bubble…

Remembering Alyssa's words "Cassandra and Benjamin are my siblings, Seth and Summer like parents to me" he knew that she would survive without him. She had people to turn to, people who would take care of her, like the Cohen's took care of him when he was lost. He couldn't bear the thought of looking at his daughter anymore, discovering the feelings of hurt, pain and betrayal in her eyes. Feelings he knew, he was responsible for.

All he had to do now was to wait for sunset, wait for the dark to surround him, allowing him to jump off the cliffs without seeing the end coming.

Seth was preparing dinner, his hands moving without much thinking, as his mind was absent. He hadn't talked to Ryan since they left the hospital and he felt miserable. Summer was still in bed, having Cassandra and Benjamin sleeping with her. The loss of her sister-in-law had deeply affected her, not able to stop crying for hours once they had gotten home.

The adult with the curly hair was interrupted in his thoughts as the phone started ringing. Dropping everything he hurried over, picking up, asking:

"Cohen?"

"Uncle Seth?" he could hear the nervous voice of Alyssa.

"Alyssa sweetie, are you ok?"

"No… has Daddy called you?"

"Uhm… no, why?"

"David is dead…." Alyssa answered, sobs escaping her mouth.

"I'm sorry pumpkin, but who is David?" Seth asked carefully, trying not to upset her, but he was completely lost in confusion about the words of his niece.

"My little brother… His name was David… we had to turn off the devices…" the little girl explained, her voice getting lower, her sobs louder.

"I'm so sorry Alyssa….I… Is Ryan around?"

"No! That's why I'm calling" Alyssa explained, now obviously crying.

"I was in my room for about an hour and when I wanted to get something to eat he was gone… I called his cell phone but he isn't picking up…. I'm scared…"

Seth knew that Alyssa and Ryan had a special bond. They usually understood each other without many words, being able to easily recognise how the other was feeling. The urge in Alyssa made him realise that she was seriously worried. He knew that Ryan would never leave his daughter alone, especially not at the moment with all the tragedy in their life. Except… Could it be true? Had they been right? Had Ryan lost it now that also his son was dead?

"Uncle Seth?" Seth heard the voice of Alyssa asking, realising that he had been quiet for some time.

"I'm sorry honey, we'll come over, don't worry, we're gonna find Ryan" he tried to calm her down, convincing that everything would be ok. But how could it? Seth knew that even he himself would run away if anything happened to Summer and Benjamin…

"See you in a few minutes" he continued, hanging up and hurrying to get Summer.

"Summer! Honey, get up please" he called while running up the stairs. His wife was awake and looked at him with wide open eyes when he rushed into their bedroom.

Seth placed himself on the bed, close to his family, tenderly touching the sleeping Benjamin and Cassandra. He then gestured Summer to follow him outside, in order not to disturb the kids.

"What's wrong?" his wife asked worried once they were standing in the hall.

"The boy… David… he died today…. Alyssa just called, she can't find Ryan and she's worried… do you think…."

Summer gasped, covering her mouth with her hand, trying to follow the words of her husband.

"I… Oh my God… We gotta find him…" was all she stammered, leaning herself against the wall for support.

"I know… but where shall we start?"

"Let's call Kirsten and Sandy, they gotta look after the kids, afterwards we can start looking for him. You go over to Alyssa and try to calm her down while I call your parents to come over. I'll meet you at Chino's" Summer told him forcefully, instantly getting into action.

Seth agreed, grabbing his keys and his wallet and heading for the door, hearing Summer picking up the phone, trying to reach the Cohen's.

When he arrived at Ryan's mansion, his cell phone started ringing.

"Cohen?"

"Seth? It's Marissa"

"Sorry Marissa, but I really don't have time now" Seth answered, trying to cut off the model.

"What did you tell them!" she called and Seth realised that she was crying.

"What did I tell who?" he told her irritated, reaching for his keys and opening the door, finding Alyssa sitting on the couch in the entrance hall, staring at him with a hopeful look in her eyes.

He mouthed sorry, apologising for not being Ryan, before he closed the door behind himself, walking over to his nice.

"What did you tell Colin about Ryan!" Marissa meanwhile wanted to know.

"I did tell neither of them anything" Seth stated, starting to get angry.

"Listen Marissa, I can't talk about this right now, we gotta find Ryan, Bernadette and his son died tonight and he disappeared."

"Oh my God…."

"Yeah, so I'll call you back once things go…."

"Is there anything I can do?" Marissa interrupted him.

"Keep an eye out for Ryan…" Seth sighed, placing himself next to Alyssa, pulling her close, letting her lean her head against his chest. He tenderly ran his hand through her hair while trying to talk to Marissa in a decent tone.

"Look, I'll call you if we need anything, ok? Bye"

"Bye" the model replied, hanging up the phone, not sure what to do now.

Seth could feel Alyssa shaking, so he gently picked her up and carried her upstairs, laying her down to sleep. Knowing that she couldn't stay here all by himself he called Summer, wondering if she had already reached his parents. Her cell phone was turned off, so he started walking around Ryan's house, trying to find a hint as to where Ryan could've taken off to.

10 minutes and no results later the front door opened and Seth heard someone walking in.

"Summer? Is that you?"

"No Seth, it's me" the voice of his father answered.

Seth stepped out of Ryan's office he was rummaging in, silently hugging his Dad, glad for the support.

"Did Summer…."

Sandy nodded sadly, gently padding his son's shoulder.

"Kirsten and Summer will be here in a few minutes with the kids, to look after Alyssa. Did you find anything?"

Seth shook his head, reaching for his cell phone.

"I think we should keep trying to reach him by phone… he will see that we're looking for him and call back… unless he doesn't wanna be found…."

A/N: I know you want to read that the next update will be this week, but I'm sorry I can't promise anything… This weekend drama worth one season of the O.C. happened in my family (a death, a burned down house, an illegitimate pregnancy, a break-up with nervous breakdown and a suicide threat...), therefore my life is quite difficult at the moment and I don't know if I get to write much… please be patient with me…