Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King bitch
It was a nice, peaceful day at the Funbari Onsen. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and it was so quiet, at least until two shaman started shouting at each other.
"You dumbass Ainu, you destroyed my new plasma TV" yelled Ren, pointing to the mess that once a big screen TV.
"My bad Ren, but the TV was in the way of my bed. I told you, if you wont move it, I will" shouted back Horo, who was standing on his bed. "And besides it couldn't get AET anyways."
"What the hell is AET, a STD?" said Ren.
"It's Ainu Entertainment Television." Answered Horo
"I've heard of BET, but I've never heard AET." said Chocolove, as he walked in the room. He turned around, saw the TV was destroyed, and asked "What happened to the TV."
"I told you baka Ainu, there is no AET." blurted Ren even more pissed off.
"Well if they have Black Entertainment Television, why wouldn't they have one for Ainu people."
"What happened to the TV?"
"The dumbass Ainu knocked it over trying to move it."
"I am sick of people calling me a dumb Ainu. Everyday, Anna tells me to do a million exercises, Pilika wants to do her stupid training, Ren and me argue everyday, and I have to put up with Chocolove's stupid jokes."
"Hey!" exclaimed Chocolove, after hearing Horo's remark about his jokes.
"No one here appreciates me, but I have an idea for you guys to show your appreciation for me."
"You want a what?" asked Pilika, after hearing Horo's idea for his appreciation.
"I want a funeral."
"NO! Don't do this to yourself Horo. I love you. Please don't do this."
begged Tamao, who suspected Horo was going to kill himself.
"Tamao, I'm not going nowhere, it's a fake funeral. The idea is to get a casket, have you guys dress up like a real funeral, and say eulogies, your best memories of me and stuff like that. I got the idea from a TV show."
"Oh!" said Tamao, feeling stupid about everything she had just said. "Uhhh… forget everything I just said.
"That is about the dumbest idea I've ever heard." remarked Anna, staring at Horo with her infamous glare.
"Well I think its pure genius. I already have my suit and casket ready, so we're having it tomorrow."
"Whatever" said Anna
"Where did you get a casket from?" asked Pilika
"Who are you, the FBI?" joked Horo, who started laughing. But the joke didn't amuse Pilika.
"For that so called joke, do a thousand laps."
"Yes, Pilika." moaned Horo.
The next day arrived, and surprisingly the gang came to his funeral, or either was forced to.
"Why do I have to go to the jackass Ainu's fake funeral, he's not even dead even though sometimes I wish he was." snarled Ren who was being dragged to the funeral by Jun.
Everyone was at the mock funeral even the ghosts. The shaman were all in black, the boys wearing black suits, the girls wearing black dresses. Even Horo was in funeral attire, as he laid there playing dead, while Tamao powdered his face white to seem even more dead. Before the funeral started Horo turned over and told the gang:
"Make this seem like a real funeral, people. I want crying, sharing good memories, and talking about how good a person I was. Okay?
"Okay" said the gang before this remark by Ren:
"Guess this is going to be a short funeral huh?
"Shut up and get this funeral started. First up Chocolove."
So Chocolove stepped to the podium ready for his speech.
"Horo was a good guy, so I'm starting off with a joke."
"This should be good." said Ren
"Wait a minute, what are you doing?" asked Horo.
"I'm starting off with a joke."
"Who the hell tells jokes at a funeral? Go sit down." snarled Horo.
"Okay. But before I do can I say something?"
"What?"
"That you can go to hell and burn in a million degrees."
"Sit down!" screamed Horo. "Next up, Jun"
So Jun walks up with her speech ready. But before she gets to say anything, Horo interrupts her.
"Don't you wear that everyday?" Horo, referring to her black and green Chinese dress.
"Yes" answers Jun. "But I think this is proper for a funeral."
"I don't think it's proper to wear a dress that makes young boys horny. Go sit down. Next."
As Jun stormed off angrily, Faust and Eliza walked up. But no sooner had they walked up, they gazed into each other's eyes and started kissing each other. Horo looking embarrassed quickly told them to "Sit down."
Immediately, they turned and walked away, still kissing. Horo was getting pissed off.
"C'mon people, this is funeral start acting like it. Next."
So Ryu walked to the podium.
"Horo was a good and intelligent person."
"There we go." remarked Horo, pleased with what he was hearing.
Then, Ryu started chuckling, and said, "Almost couldn't say that with a straight face."
"NEXT!"
Coming to the podium was a man with blue hair, squinty eyes, blue suit with a long jacket, and black boots. He had his speech in his hand saying:
"Maes Hughes was a good man, and a loving father—"
"Who the hell is Maes Hughes, and who the hell are you?" Horo leaped up and asked the man. The man was so startled by Horo, he fell on his ass. The man got up, turned around and looked at the casket.
"Who are you?" asked Yoh, puzzled by the appearance of this man. The man dusted himself off and told them.
"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, of the State Military."
"Uhh… not only are you at the wrong funeral, you're on the wrong show." Manta informed.
"Oh, my bad. Uhh, can I use your restroom; I have to do a number two really bad."
"It's back there, on your left." sighed Anna, pointing him to the restroom.
"You know what, you people have made this my worst funeral ever." snarled Horo.
"I wish this was his only one." said Ren.
"I heard that. See you people don't care about me. To you guys I'm just some dumbass Ainu who only knows how to eat and snowboard."
"It's like he read my mind." smirked Ren, which had everyone in the room laughing. Except Horo who rambled on.
"See that's my point. If I really died you guys would probably throw my body in the woods and let the wolves eat me."
"That was the plan." said Ren. The remark had everyone laughing even harder, but took Horo to his boiling point.
"That's it. You guys can go to hell."
"You know what that's it, Horo. You've been acting like a jerk all day. I don't know what happened to you but you're acting like something crawled up your ass. I don't think you deserve to have a nice, respectful funeral." Yoh said sternly to Horo.
"I agree with Yoh you have been acting like a jerk." said Manta
"You know what I don't know why I'm wasting my time here." Anna said as she was getting up to leave. Soon everyone started leaving Horo alone in the casket.
"Wait you guys. I'm sorry. This time I'll act dead and say nothing. Guys I'm sorry. Not you too, Pilika." Pleaded Horo, trying to bring his friends back, especially his sister. She turned around to tell him.
"Sorry brother, I agree with them."
Now Horo was feeling stupid. He sat there head down looking at the casket.
"Hey! You know what part of this funeral even Horo would like. The reception."
The gang cheered as they went in the kitchen and started eating. Even Roy Mustang was in the kitchen, stuffing his face. But Horo felt too stupid to eat as he got out of the casket and walked of the inn, looking back at his friends eating and enjoying themselves.
First off I want to say I'm sorry to all the Horo lovers out there. Yeah, his behavior was probably more suited for Ren than Horo, but I promise Horo will be back to his normal self next chapter. But I'll only update if I get five reviews for this story and five more for my first story "To Pee or not to Pee".